Over the last three weeks I have had this bubbling up from the deep thought that has crashed into my full consciousness this weekend...
God chose me.
He chose to save me in all my wretchedness.
He chose to rescue my heart.. over and over again through every heartache and turmoil I have put it through.
He chose to bless me in ways that no one could script better.
He chose to give me a passion and a genuine love for those around me.
He chose to send me all over the place to meet spectacular and inspiring people.
He chose me.
He chose to bring me to a church to make a difference and follow Him.
He. Chose. Me.
I am sure from an outside perspective it looks as though this is a slightly dramatic thought. But, I can assure you my very core has been ruminating over this thought for a few weeks now. I am so inadequate. I feel a bit like an imposter. I do not feel ready to take on the task that He is clearly putting before me. I am stoked about this new job... No seriously, I am getting paid to meet people for coffee and talk about Jesus.. And then, I get to inspire them and help them be better servants of our Lord. Best. Job. Ever. But, despite all of that, I look around me and know so many amazing, much more capable, much more educated, much more passionate, much more intuitive people that know what to do and how to lead better..
And yet, God chose me.
I am blown away, and ridiculously humbled by this revelation that has hit me full on over the weekend. I am unable to do this without Christ, yet He chose me. In a period where I finally felt as though He had healed past hurts, and as though He had finally made me new, and helped me step into the who I was created to be, not to mention in the midst of my full glory of brokenness, He decided this would be a good time to uproot me and transplant me somewhere too follow Him. I am stoked, and I am full of a bit of trepidation at realizing how much He has laid before me...
I am resonating with this verse currently: "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) .. This passage goes on to say she replied to Mordecai and told him and other Jews to fast for three days and pray, she would do the same, and then she would break the law and approach the king on behalf of the Jews. I resonate with this whole thing because I fasted for 40 days from sweets and desserts during the entire process of applying and interviewing for this job...
I also know that I will continue to need serious prayer and at times fasting to help me over the next.. well long time. But, I also know without any doubts that the Lord is here, and He is about to rock some worlds.. including, and probably especially mine.
On January 30th of this year, I posted that God Goes Before Me, and I have never been more aware of that then I am right now.
February 2nd of this year I posted that Prayer is a Game Changer; I still firmly believe that, but even more so now that I have experienced some pretty substantial prayer stories since then...
And, on February 8th of this year I said I felt like I was On the Cusp of something... Now I know.
These blog posts are three examples of why I absolutely love blogging. Because, now these three posts share a part of my journey this year with you, and now you can begin to see just how accurately God works in my heart, even when I do not know what He is doing.. He is there, working, and leading me. I love my Lord and King, my Savior, and my Christ more than words can truly express.
God is awesome, and so much more.
Showing posts with label God's Will. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's Will. Show all posts
Oct 8, 2012
Apr 26, 2012
Career Woman...
A couple weeks ago I was driving back to DC from a weekend of friends and a wedding; one of my favorite things about the drive is A. It is always a beautiful drive, and B. The few hours it takes me to drive gives me plenty of time to do some thinking and processing, and catch up with a few people over the phone.
Last time I made this drive, for whatever reason, I found myself contemplating and realizing for all intents and purposes (at least on the outside) I am a "career woman," the irony is that I have never intended nor wanted to be. I have always wanted to get married, have a family, and then change the world (pretty much in that order). Having a "successful career" seemed exciting, but not really anything I would dream about. One thing is certain though, I have always wanted to change the world.. I just never really envisioned my career being the means by which I took to change the world.
So, what now? I mean, I am in my late 20's, fairly secure in my career, getting a double masters degree, starting my own business, and avidly working to pay off my debt... Success right?.. Sure, I guess. I mean on the outside it is perfect, I am succeeding and "making something of myself" ... What is interesting regarding all of this is, all I could think of on my drive home is "...this was not the type of woman I thought I would be 10 years ago..." I never set out to be a "career woman." I never thought I would be the age I am and still single.
I realized recently that one of the most difficult things for me to acknowledge, as well as figure out how to respond to is, other people's belief that my goal all along has been to be a successful career woman...
To be a successful career woman was never my goal.
To be honest, it is naturally frustrating to field questions about my status as a 20 something single girl... It becomes even more difficult and disheartening with the added assumptions of my intentions, goals, and the direction my life is going being purposefully to be a career woman or attain "success."
So, with this in mind, let me explain a few things:
I have completely accepted that I am not God, and have no control over when or if a man will enter my life and one day become my husband. If that will ever happen I do not know so, simply waiting around and acting as though marriage is the pinnacle of what I am meant to do with my life is not something I can do... Nor do I believe that marriage will be the pinnacle of my journey, if I do get married, I am confident it will dramatically change both of us, and God will use that to continue our journey... But, since tomorrow is not promised, I cannot wait for it to show up, I have to be faithful with the here and now.
I understand that a GREAT deal of effort has and is being put into my career and education, but I avidly said I would never go back to school when I graduated from college... four years after I made that declaration, God told me to go back to school, He and I fought about it until He won. Which leads me to believe I am in school to be obedient (only), not because I enjoy it (just ask my roomies who listen to me complain a lot..). And, I am living and working in DC because God put me here and continues to keep me here. Thankfully I am no longer loathing life in DC, and have in fact found several things that I love about my life here. The goal of being in DC is not for the purpose of being a career woman, being successful or furthering my career. I am here because two years ago when I was getting laid off, I prayed to have just one job open up... Out of 70+ applications I sent out, I had just one job open up, so I took it... Only recently am I beginning to see (possibly) what God is doing and how He is orchestrating all of these things.. But, even still, one thing I am certain of is, I am not aiming to be a career woman or to have a successful career, if those things happen then that is truly fantastic, if they do not, I will not bemoan or regret them. Ultimately I am aiming to fulfill the plans the Lord has for me, regardless of what that looks like.
So, while a husband and family would be wonderful and although a successful career would be great, neither of these things themselves are or have ever been my goal, my goal has always been to be a catalyst and change the world... I just used to think that meant doing it alongside my husband, which may someday be the case, but that day is not today. Today my aim is to serve my Savior the best that I can, and bring Him glory exactly as I am; a single daughter of His, following the career path laid before me.
Last time I made this drive, for whatever reason, I found myself contemplating and realizing for all intents and purposes (at least on the outside) I am a "career woman," the irony is that I have never intended nor wanted to be. I have always wanted to get married, have a family, and then change the world (pretty much in that order). Having a "successful career" seemed exciting, but not really anything I would dream about. One thing is certain though, I have always wanted to change the world.. I just never really envisioned my career being the means by which I took to change the world.
So, what now? I mean, I am in my late 20's, fairly secure in my career, getting a double masters degree, starting my own business, and avidly working to pay off my debt... Success right?.. Sure, I guess. I mean on the outside it is perfect, I am succeeding and "making something of myself" ... What is interesting regarding all of this is, all I could think of on my drive home is "...this was not the type of woman I thought I would be 10 years ago..." I never set out to be a "career woman." I never thought I would be the age I am and still single.
I realized recently that one of the most difficult things for me to acknowledge, as well as figure out how to respond to is, other people's belief that my goal all along has been to be a successful career woman...
To be a successful career woman was never my goal.
Being a catalyst who changes the world... THAT has been my goal.
To be honest, it is naturally frustrating to field questions about my status as a 20 something single girl... It becomes even more difficult and disheartening with the added assumptions of my intentions, goals, and the direction my life is going being purposefully to be a career woman or attain "success."
So, with this in mind, let me explain a few things:
I have completely accepted that I am not God, and have no control over when or if a man will enter my life and one day become my husband. If that will ever happen I do not know so, simply waiting around and acting as though marriage is the pinnacle of what I am meant to do with my life is not something I can do... Nor do I believe that marriage will be the pinnacle of my journey, if I do get married, I am confident it will dramatically change both of us, and God will use that to continue our journey... But, since tomorrow is not promised, I cannot wait for it to show up, I have to be faithful with the here and now.
I understand that a GREAT deal of effort has and is being put into my career and education, but I avidly said I would never go back to school when I graduated from college... four years after I made that declaration, God told me to go back to school, He and I fought about it until He won. Which leads me to believe I am in school to be obedient (only), not because I enjoy it (just ask my roomies who listen to me complain a lot..). And, I am living and working in DC because God put me here and continues to keep me here. Thankfully I am no longer loathing life in DC, and have in fact found several things that I love about my life here. The goal of being in DC is not for the purpose of being a career woman, being successful or furthering my career. I am here because two years ago when I was getting laid off, I prayed to have just one job open up... Out of 70+ applications I sent out, I had just one job open up, so I took it... Only recently am I beginning to see (possibly) what God is doing and how He is orchestrating all of these things.. But, even still, one thing I am certain of is, I am not aiming to be a career woman or to have a successful career, if those things happen then that is truly fantastic, if they do not, I will not bemoan or regret them. Ultimately I am aiming to fulfill the plans the Lord has for me, regardless of what that looks like.
So, while a husband and family would be wonderful and although a successful career would be great, neither of these things themselves are or have ever been my goal, my goal has always been to be a catalyst and change the world... I just used to think that meant doing it alongside my husband, which may someday be the case, but that day is not today. Today my aim is to serve my Savior the best that I can, and bring Him glory exactly as I am; a single daughter of His, following the career path laid before me.
Jan 16, 2012
Great Weekend...
I am so amazed sometimes at how God works.. and even more so the people he chooses.
I had an absolutely fantastic weekend, I got to catch up with old college friends that I have not seen in years, and we played the "remember when... remember who..." game for hours about various things from college. It was so much fun, and hysterical just remembering things that we did or went through. Plus, I got babyfied. They have an adorable 3 year old little girl and twin 6 month old baby girl and boy. I got to hold, kiss, hug, feed, cuddle, get spit and slobbered on, and laugh at them all.. It was wonderful :)
I had a lot of great conversation throughout the weekend, and I was absolutely exhausted when I climbed into bed last night.. which lead to the FIRST good night sleep (even though it was only 8 1/2-9 hours) that I have had in about two months. I finally woke up rested.. Thank you Jesus.
I also was able to have a couple conversations about where things are, where they are going, and really begin to figure things out. No real answers were reached yet, however things are further along, and I have a real peace about where things are, no matter where they go in the future. My God can do anything, and I know that He will (and I have been praying for Him to) work things out to glorify Himself and that His will be done, not my own. Thankfully the more I pray about it the more content and at peace I am... Although, there is always the Krista side that inclines me to want to know the end instantly, but as it stands right now I am content to let things play out however they need to, and my prayer is that God helps me to see what He is doing, and that I am able to walk in a manner that is worthy of the Lord (Col. 1:10).
What a great weekend.
I had an absolutely fantastic weekend, I got to catch up with old college friends that I have not seen in years, and we played the "remember when... remember who..." game for hours about various things from college. It was so much fun, and hysterical just remembering things that we did or went through. Plus, I got babyfied. They have an adorable 3 year old little girl and twin 6 month old baby girl and boy. I got to hold, kiss, hug, feed, cuddle, get spit and slobbered on, and laugh at them all.. It was wonderful :)
I had a lot of great conversation throughout the weekend, and I was absolutely exhausted when I climbed into bed last night.. which lead to the FIRST good night sleep (even though it was only 8 1/2-9 hours) that I have had in about two months. I finally woke up rested.. Thank you Jesus.
I also was able to have a couple conversations about where things are, where they are going, and really begin to figure things out. No real answers were reached yet, however things are further along, and I have a real peace about where things are, no matter where they go in the future. My God can do anything, and I know that He will (and I have been praying for Him to) work things out to glorify Himself and that His will be done, not my own. Thankfully the more I pray about it the more content and at peace I am... Although, there is always the Krista side that inclines me to want to know the end instantly, but as it stands right now I am content to let things play out however they need to, and my prayer is that God helps me to see what He is doing, and that I am able to walk in a manner that is worthy of the Lord (Col. 1:10).
What a great weekend.
Dec 18, 2011
Not My Own...
Several weeks ago, Dick Foth spoke at my church for a two part series "Hallowed" which roughly means "Holy." He talked about the Lords prayer and just what exactly are we asking for when we say the Lords prayer. In case you have never heard it or just want a refresher:
"Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom Come,
Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And, lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For thine is the Kingdom,
The power,
and the Glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen."
Even though this is old English, I still like this version the best.
There is a different cadence to it that I enjoy, which is ironic since I do not really like any other verses in old English.
One of the things that was pointed out was "Thy will be done.." and how even in the Garden of gesthemany where Jesus was crying, praying, and basically asking God to find another way to save us He essentially said "Thy will be done.."...
"...he fell with his face to the ground. He prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. But let what you want be done, not what I want.'" -Matthew 26:39b
This has really been sticking with me lately after Dick Foth made mention of, how different would our lives and the lives of those around us look if more people said more often "... not my will, but yours..."
So, what if?.. What if I said that more times a day than I can count? How different would my life look if every prayer, everything ended with "but, not my own will, but yours be done here."? Would my life dramatically change?
I dunno, maybe.
Maybe I would stop stressing so much,
Maybe I would be less afraid of getting hurt again,
Maybe I would stop trying to keep everything together perfectly,
Maybe I would stop paying attention to the wrongs against me,
Maybe I would stop trying to control everything,
Maybe I would be more patient,
Maybe I would be more compassionate,
Maybe I would see someone else's hurt before my own,
Maybe I would be less selfish,
Maybe I would begin to be more fulfilled in every situation,
Maybe I would have more peace and contentment in my life,
Maybe I would hurt more because I was seeking God's will more,
Maybe my life would get harder,
Maybe I would cry more,
Maybe my heart would be broken more for what breaks God's,
Maybe I would get hurt more,
Maybe I would get my heart broken again,
Maybe I would love unabashedly,
Maybe more people would come to know Christ,
Maybe God would change the world with my life.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about this concept, and just working through the idea that I want to walk through any door and any path the Lord has put before me regardless of what is going on or the result.
This was aided by today's sermon by Mark Batterson about how sometimes God's plan does not make sense for 55-1500 years... He listed several stories in the Bible that the individuals would likely have said "thanks but no thanks" and would have chosen to write it differently, but that later, and sometimes 1500 years (and however many generations that is) later it all makes perfect beautiful sense as to why something happened the way it did. He also pointed out that when God does miracles, they never are convenient, and often really get in the way of life and our plans. Such an interesting thought.
Am I open to be inconvenienced for God?.. Gosh I hope so.
I guess I just feel like I am at this place right now where I know that some crazy things are coming around the corner, some probably scary, others exciting, likely some stressful things, and everything in between, but what I know above and beyond that is I desire God's will over my own. With Him directing and taking the lead I have no reason to fear...
Not my own, but yours my King.
"Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom Come,
Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And, lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For thine is the Kingdom,
The power,
and the Glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen."
Even though this is old English, I still like this version the best.
There is a different cadence to it that I enjoy, which is ironic since I do not really like any other verses in old English.
One of the things that was pointed out was "Thy will be done.." and how even in the Garden of gesthemany where Jesus was crying, praying, and basically asking God to find another way to save us He essentially said "Thy will be done.."...
"...he fell with his face to the ground. He prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. But let what you want be done, not what I want.'" -Matthew 26:39b
This has really been sticking with me lately after Dick Foth made mention of, how different would our lives and the lives of those around us look if more people said more often "... not my will, but yours..."
So, what if?.. What if I said that more times a day than I can count? How different would my life look if every prayer, everything ended with "but, not my own will, but yours be done here."? Would my life dramatically change?
I dunno, maybe.
Maybe I would stop stressing so much,
Maybe I would be less afraid of getting hurt again,
Maybe I would stop trying to keep everything together perfectly,
Maybe I would stop paying attention to the wrongs against me,
Maybe I would stop trying to control everything,
Maybe I would be more patient,
Maybe I would be more compassionate,
Maybe I would see someone else's hurt before my own,
Maybe I would be less selfish,
Maybe I would begin to be more fulfilled in every situation,
Maybe I would have more peace and contentment in my life,
Maybe I would hurt more because I was seeking God's will more,
Maybe my life would get harder,
Maybe I would cry more,
Maybe my heart would be broken more for what breaks God's,
Maybe I would get hurt more,
Maybe I would get my heart broken again,
Maybe I would love unabashedly,
Maybe more people would come to know Christ,
Maybe God would change the world with my life.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about this concept, and just working through the idea that I want to walk through any door and any path the Lord has put before me regardless of what is going on or the result.
This was aided by today's sermon by Mark Batterson about how sometimes God's plan does not make sense for 55-1500 years... He listed several stories in the Bible that the individuals would likely have said "thanks but no thanks" and would have chosen to write it differently, but that later, and sometimes 1500 years (and however many generations that is) later it all makes perfect beautiful sense as to why something happened the way it did. He also pointed out that when God does miracles, they never are convenient, and often really get in the way of life and our plans. Such an interesting thought.
Am I open to be inconvenienced for God?.. Gosh I hope so.
I guess I just feel like I am at this place right now where I know that some crazy things are coming around the corner, some probably scary, others exciting, likely some stressful things, and everything in between, but what I know above and beyond that is I desire God's will over my own. With Him directing and taking the lead I have no reason to fear...
Not my own, but yours my King.
Jan 3, 2010
If.. Then..
So, I have such a swirl of emotions going through my head and heart right now. Not really bad things, just a mixture of things. A few days ago a couple friends and I sat together in NYC and shared thoughts about each other, funny observations, strengths and weaknesses, and a whole bunch of other things.. But, the thing that stuck with me the most was how totally and completely different each of our perspectives are from each other's. For example, the things that I saw as strength or some of their most endearing qualities, things that are attractive, first thoughts and impressions.. not at all what they would have expected or ever thought of themselves. And, it was definitely a vice-versa type thing. It was interesting because we also shared what we thought was one of the things the others thought we could work on.. and mine was.. not what I was expecting, but I can see how it fits, and it has added an interesting dynamic to my prayers.
Last Sunday one of my friends spoke in our Sunday school class, and I was so excited because he spoke on something I have been thinking about a lot.. and had JUST been thinking about it literally minutes before he began speaking. He spoke about Jacob, and all the characteristics of Jacob, and how he stole Esau's identity essentially.. and how when he saw God in a dream his response was "if you do these things.. then I will do this.." and we began fleshing out our instinct to pull "if... then.." statements on God. Which really got me thinking.. "Do I do this?" So, in an attempt to figure this out.. later in the shower I got down on my knees, and I laid it all out before God and just told Him it is all for Him anyway. That regardless of what He asks, tells, directs, anything... Here I am, send me. I know this brings pain, and heartache, and trials, and rough times. And, I am ok with that. I am ok knowing that I am struggling when it comes from Jesus.
Let me just explain that I am... apprehensive about what God will ask of me this next year, but I also do not care what it is. I just want to know I am doing what He has asked me to. I will follow His lead.
Our conversation was interesting, because the things that were said about me, specifically in the compliments realm were things I have never heard when someone was describing me.. ever. I had never heard them as qualities I have, traits, or characteristics I posses. It was interesting, and definitely has caused me to think and smile knowing and accepting something new that I never had entered into my realm before. I cannot express how much I cherish honesty, even when it is hard to accept, I appreciate knowing those around me are serious and not telling me fluff or just telling me what I want to hear. That simple fact allows me to accept their compliments as well as their objective feedback that I might not like... But is true.
I do not want to live my life as an "if you do this, then I will do this.." whether that is directed at God, my friends, my future bf/husband.. I do not want to have a 50/50 perspective on relationships. I want to give everything I have to everyone I can.
Here I am Jesus, send me. Take away my selfish desires, take away my thoughts of myself first, give me more of you in my mind and heart, give me the thoughts I should have, help me to see when you are moving and speaking to me. Help me follow without fear for anything. You alone.
Last Sunday one of my friends spoke in our Sunday school class, and I was so excited because he spoke on something I have been thinking about a lot.. and had JUST been thinking about it literally minutes before he began speaking. He spoke about Jacob, and all the characteristics of Jacob, and how he stole Esau's identity essentially.. and how when he saw God in a dream his response was "if you do these things.. then I will do this.." and we began fleshing out our instinct to pull "if... then.." statements on God. Which really got me thinking.. "Do I do this?" So, in an attempt to figure this out.. later in the shower I got down on my knees, and I laid it all out before God and just told Him it is all for Him anyway. That regardless of what He asks, tells, directs, anything... Here I am, send me. I know this brings pain, and heartache, and trials, and rough times. And, I am ok with that. I am ok knowing that I am struggling when it comes from Jesus.
Let me just explain that I am... apprehensive about what God will ask of me this next year, but I also do not care what it is. I just want to know I am doing what He has asked me to. I will follow His lead.
Our conversation was interesting, because the things that were said about me, specifically in the compliments realm were things I have never heard when someone was describing me.. ever. I had never heard them as qualities I have, traits, or characteristics I posses. It was interesting, and definitely has caused me to think and smile knowing and accepting something new that I never had entered into my realm before. I cannot express how much I cherish honesty, even when it is hard to accept, I appreciate knowing those around me are serious and not telling me fluff or just telling me what I want to hear. That simple fact allows me to accept their compliments as well as their objective feedback that I might not like... But is true.
I do not want to live my life as an "if you do this, then I will do this.." whether that is directed at God, my friends, my future bf/husband.. I do not want to have a 50/50 perspective on relationships. I want to give everything I have to everyone I can.
Here I am Jesus, send me. Take away my selfish desires, take away my thoughts of myself first, give me more of you in my mind and heart, give me the thoughts I should have, help me to see when you are moving and speaking to me. Help me follow without fear for anything. You alone.
Aug 19, 2009
Choosing Contentment...
So, I was sitting with a couple of my friends and I realized something... Even when I am unhappy about certain things and aspects of my life, I tend towards contentment. Not because it's easy, not because I like it more, not even because God says anywhere to be content... Just simply because of a faith I have in my God.. and maybe a little predisposition in my creation that makes me naturally this way.
But, here's my thoughts on it... It is totally understandable to not feel content in a certain aspect of your life.. usually I take that to mean God is pushing me to either move on, grow, or He is challenging me to do something I am probably not the biggest fan of naturally. That makes sense to me.. Either I have moved.. or God is moving.. one of the two.
However, I do not understand those who say "God told me to come here/do this/be that..." and the very next thing out of their mouth is "I hate this/hate that/hate being here..." That's a lot different than feeling like God's moving you and not being sure you like it yet. I am not even sure you can claim you are being faithful and obedient with an attitude of hatefulness towards what you feel God's asking you to do. Uncertainty I get, feeling like you're supposed to be somewhere else, having a passion for something other than what you are currently doing, knowing eventually something else is what God has called you to.. all those things I totally understand not being content with the current standings.. I have been there ridiculously more than I care to admit.. But, each time I have never hated where I was.. I have hated certain aspects, and each time I have felt convicted that I was not choosing to follow anything that was asked of me..
For example.. summer '07- summer '08.. hated a whole bunch of aspects of my life.. for example, I felt like I was simply getting a paycheck and that my job meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Oh sure I could point to all the good my company did, all the family groups (in my OWN family) that were positively effected by my job and diligent work... but ultimately at the end of the day... I was just pulling in a paycheck. Part of my disdain for my job had to do with the hundreds upon hundreds of times I heard "You're just too young.. you don't understand." ... I wanted to respond "You're too old.. you will never understand." .. and sometimes I did (oops). However, my saving grace was that I worked my butt off so I had money for gas.. so I could be insanely involved in my youthgroup.. and by insanely, I mean I was at every function we had... I loved being a youth leader. Loved the involvement.. every bit of it, even the leaders meetings, the pizza 3 or 4 days a week, the lack of love and acceptance my kids showed me and each other.. I loved loving them and laughing with them... So, I worked so I could then have money to do what I loved. But, even still.. I felt like my life had somehow hit the pause button. I no longer felt like I was moving, growing, walking the path God had set in my life... I just felt.. stagnant. No other way to describe it.. So, yeah I was not content with a lot of aspect of my life at that point...
And then, a boy broke my heart... seriously.
And then, I got an entire year of living at home, loving my family, and letting them love me.
And then, I went to Africa for the first time.
And then, I was able to "commiserate" with 2 other friends who felt the same way I did.
And then, I learned what it meant to not see my path, not feel like I am moving, and yet see God in dozens of areas of my life.
And then, I was able to spend a year connecting with, learning, and loving extended family that I will probably never get the chance to do that again...
And then, I was able to encourage youth leaders who didn't know how to continue.
And then, I was able to connect with and love kids who pushed me and every other leader away....
God worked. God moved. I knew it, and I saw it.. and then at the end, a year later I realized I had no choice but to experience that because it sucked and I needed to persevere even when I was blind and my heart was hurting because a boy chose to be dumb.
I realized it was not that God has paused my life.. or put anything on hold... He took a year and made me be still and know he is God.. He fortified my walls, strengthened my communication with Him.. and then sent me to a place to recover and remember how precious and loved I am by Him. I spent the summer of '08 at a camp where I was begged to come back.. under any circumstances, and I told them no 4 times before I agreed.. I spent the summer being told every day how much I was loved and cherished.. I was reminded how important I am to my sweet Savior... I never once heard I was too young, didn't understand, or wasn't mature enough to grasp something... I simply was Krista.. joyful.. loved.. and God refreshed my weary soul..
And then, He sent me to Virginia to be around the most amazing community of people.. who truly love Jesus.. and He somehow uses them to heal me and others. There are aspects of things I know are not my favorite.. I will not be here forever, in fact I have an idea of how long I will be here based on some talks with Jesus... But, the bottom line is I am here.. and I am learning, growing, moving, refreshing, and changing to become who I need to be for a task later in life.. whatever that is.. and, I LOVE that. I love knowing I am preparing for something later. I feel it even when I become bogged down with the monotonous daily tasks...
So, looking at the last two years.. That is why I seriously get frustrated when people not only become discontent with an area of their life.. but with EVERYTHING in it.. and then claim they are there simply cause "God told them." Baloney.. You either are following or you are not.. and if you are so incredibly unhappy.. you're probably missing God's point anyway... and it will take Him LONGER to get you to listen... *sigh*
Even when I do not understand... I choose to be content. Not always right away.. but usually once the emotion of the situation is gone I have come out on the other side choosing contentment regardless... It is a choice, a chosen perspective, a point of view you will have to fight for. Just... just choose to be content and you will see totally differently.
But, here's my thoughts on it... It is totally understandable to not feel content in a certain aspect of your life.. usually I take that to mean God is pushing me to either move on, grow, or He is challenging me to do something I am probably not the biggest fan of naturally. That makes sense to me.. Either I have moved.. or God is moving.. one of the two.
However, I do not understand those who say "God told me to come here/do this/be that..." and the very next thing out of their mouth is "I hate this/hate that/hate being here..." That's a lot different than feeling like God's moving you and not being sure you like it yet. I am not even sure you can claim you are being faithful and obedient with an attitude of hatefulness towards what you feel God's asking you to do. Uncertainty I get, feeling like you're supposed to be somewhere else, having a passion for something other than what you are currently doing, knowing eventually something else is what God has called you to.. all those things I totally understand not being content with the current standings.. I have been there ridiculously more than I care to admit.. But, each time I have never hated where I was.. I have hated certain aspects, and each time I have felt convicted that I was not choosing to follow anything that was asked of me..
For example.. summer '07- summer '08.. hated a whole bunch of aspects of my life.. for example, I felt like I was simply getting a paycheck and that my job meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Oh sure I could point to all the good my company did, all the family groups (in my OWN family) that were positively effected by my job and diligent work... but ultimately at the end of the day... I was just pulling in a paycheck. Part of my disdain for my job had to do with the hundreds upon hundreds of times I heard "You're just too young.. you don't understand." ... I wanted to respond "You're too old.. you will never understand." .. and sometimes I did (oops). However, my saving grace was that I worked my butt off so I had money for gas.. so I could be insanely involved in my youthgroup.. and by insanely, I mean I was at every function we had... I loved being a youth leader. Loved the involvement.. every bit of it, even the leaders meetings, the pizza 3 or 4 days a week, the lack of love and acceptance my kids showed me and each other.. I loved loving them and laughing with them... So, I worked so I could then have money to do what I loved. But, even still.. I felt like my life had somehow hit the pause button. I no longer felt like I was moving, growing, walking the path God had set in my life... I just felt.. stagnant. No other way to describe it.. So, yeah I was not content with a lot of aspect of my life at that point...
And then, a boy broke my heart... seriously.
And then, I got an entire year of living at home, loving my family, and letting them love me.
And then, I went to Africa for the first time.
And then, I was able to "commiserate" with 2 other friends who felt the same way I did.
And then, I learned what it meant to not see my path, not feel like I am moving, and yet see God in dozens of areas of my life.
And then, I was able to spend a year connecting with, learning, and loving extended family that I will probably never get the chance to do that again...
And then, I was able to encourage youth leaders who didn't know how to continue.
And then, I was able to connect with and love kids who pushed me and every other leader away....
God worked. God moved. I knew it, and I saw it.. and then at the end, a year later I realized I had no choice but to experience that because it sucked and I needed to persevere even when I was blind and my heart was hurting because a boy chose to be dumb.
I realized it was not that God has paused my life.. or put anything on hold... He took a year and made me be still and know he is God.. He fortified my walls, strengthened my communication with Him.. and then sent me to a place to recover and remember how precious and loved I am by Him. I spent the summer of '08 at a camp where I was begged to come back.. under any circumstances, and I told them no 4 times before I agreed.. I spent the summer being told every day how much I was loved and cherished.. I was reminded how important I am to my sweet Savior... I never once heard I was too young, didn't understand, or wasn't mature enough to grasp something... I simply was Krista.. joyful.. loved.. and God refreshed my weary soul..
And then, He sent me to Virginia to be around the most amazing community of people.. who truly love Jesus.. and He somehow uses them to heal me and others. There are aspects of things I know are not my favorite.. I will not be here forever, in fact I have an idea of how long I will be here based on some talks with Jesus... But, the bottom line is I am here.. and I am learning, growing, moving, refreshing, and changing to become who I need to be for a task later in life.. whatever that is.. and, I LOVE that. I love knowing I am preparing for something later. I feel it even when I become bogged down with the monotonous daily tasks...
So, looking at the last two years.. That is why I seriously get frustrated when people not only become discontent with an area of their life.. but with EVERYTHING in it.. and then claim they are there simply cause "God told them." Baloney.. You either are following or you are not.. and if you are so incredibly unhappy.. you're probably missing God's point anyway... and it will take Him LONGER to get you to listen... *sigh*
Even when I do not understand... I choose to be content. Not always right away.. but usually once the emotion of the situation is gone I have come out on the other side choosing contentment regardless... It is a choice, a chosen perspective, a point of view you will have to fight for. Just... just choose to be content and you will see totally differently.
Jun 1, 2009
Best He Has To Offer...
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it is that God is offering me... I mean we have all these typical answers.. "He wants to prosper you.." "He loves you.." .. I don't mean those things really at all. I've been thinking about the way I view Him, and the things He has out on the table for me... Just waiting for me to choose it (Him)...
I think so often we (girls).. and sorry guys, but I can't speak for you.. I have a severe lack of credibility in speaking for guys... So, I won't. :) But, girls tend to view ourselves as not good enough to get something, be with someone, do something.. basically anything we can think of we come up with a reason why we are not good enough for it.
Recently however, I have been thinking about the idea that God wants whats best for me.. and I forget who mentioned it to me first, but it's the idea that "God WANTS to give us the BEST"... The simplicity of this idea makes me laugh because so often I view things as I'm either not good enough or I need to do x, y, and z in order for God to be ok with giving me what I can deal with, things I can make work. Which is clearly works based.. and I don't believe that. Instead I need to work on allowing His grace and mercy, and the fact that he's already covered me flow into that part of my thinking.
I mean think about it for a bit... If I've already been paid for.. Why would I then only get mediocre? Why would I have to go through life just dealing with things, instead of being in awe of my Savior all the tune? PLUS, if I constantly am getting the best that God has to give me... doesn't that continue to blow my mind? I mean, I can think of a whole bunch of instances where I was just amazed at my Savior and the things He's done for me... Those things remind me of how small I am, how much I can't do things on my own, and how seriously I need Him all the time.
Now, I'm not talking about the materialistic side of things.. I don't mean to say that "if I believe, I'll get a million dollars... or someone will magically buy me this new shirt I want.." No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the idea that God wants whats BEST for me.. not the idea that He will grant me everything I want.
Often times, I look at a relationship with a guy and think "I could make that work." Instead of with the attitude of "can we together better serve God? Will he be what I need and can I be what he needs?" ... So far, the answer has been no. I have not found someone I know is the best for me, instead I tend towards "I can work with this" as though it's an old dress I need to spruce up. I've begun trying to get out of the habit of saying "I can make this work" in my head, because, lets be honest.. my "making it work" is so much less glorifying to my Lord, than it would be if I allowed Him to gift me with whatever or whoever it is that will help me serve my Jesus more... I do this in SOOO many areas of my life and my relationships with others it's really pathetic...
I mean, there's a certain part of me that believes there comes a time when God's thought is "you know my heart... now just go and do already!"... And, that's where a lot of my "just act" mentality comes in.. Instead, I need to be viewing it less as something I myself can work with and make better, and viewing it as it will be the best because God's involved...
Hmm.. just a couple thoughts about God's desire for my life and my new revelation about it :)
I think so often we (girls).. and sorry guys, but I can't speak for you.. I have a severe lack of credibility in speaking for guys... So, I won't. :) But, girls tend to view ourselves as not good enough to get something, be with someone, do something.. basically anything we can think of we come up with a reason why we are not good enough for it.
Recently however, I have been thinking about the idea that God wants whats best for me.. and I forget who mentioned it to me first, but it's the idea that "God WANTS to give us the BEST"... The simplicity of this idea makes me laugh because so often I view things as I'm either not good enough or I need to do x, y, and z in order for God to be ok with giving me what I can deal with, things I can make work. Which is clearly works based.. and I don't believe that. Instead I need to work on allowing His grace and mercy, and the fact that he's already covered me flow into that part of my thinking.
I mean think about it for a bit... If I've already been paid for.. Why would I then only get mediocre? Why would I have to go through life just dealing with things, instead of being in awe of my Savior all the tune? PLUS, if I constantly am getting the best that God has to give me... doesn't that continue to blow my mind? I mean, I can think of a whole bunch of instances where I was just amazed at my Savior and the things He's done for me... Those things remind me of how small I am, how much I can't do things on my own, and how seriously I need Him all the time.
Now, I'm not talking about the materialistic side of things.. I don't mean to say that "if I believe, I'll get a million dollars... or someone will magically buy me this new shirt I want.." No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the idea that God wants whats BEST for me.. not the idea that He will grant me everything I want.
Often times, I look at a relationship with a guy and think "I could make that work." Instead of with the attitude of "can we together better serve God? Will he be what I need and can I be what he needs?" ... So far, the answer has been no. I have not found someone I know is the best for me, instead I tend towards "I can work with this" as though it's an old dress I need to spruce up. I've begun trying to get out of the habit of saying "I can make this work" in my head, because, lets be honest.. my "making it work" is so much less glorifying to my Lord, than it would be if I allowed Him to gift me with whatever or whoever it is that will help me serve my Jesus more... I do this in SOOO many areas of my life and my relationships with others it's really pathetic...
I mean, there's a certain part of me that believes there comes a time when God's thought is "you know my heart... now just go and do already!"... And, that's where a lot of my "just act" mentality comes in.. Instead, I need to be viewing it less as something I myself can work with and make better, and viewing it as it will be the best because God's involved...
Hmm.. just a couple thoughts about God's desire for my life and my new revelation about it :)
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