Over the last three weeks I have had this bubbling up from the deep thought that has crashed into my full consciousness this weekend...
God chose me.
He chose to save me in all my wretchedness.
He chose to rescue my heart.. over and over again through every heartache and turmoil I have put it through.
He chose to bless me in ways that no one could script better.
He chose to give me a passion and a genuine love for those around me.
He chose to send me all over the place to meet spectacular and inspiring people.
He chose me.
He chose to bring me to a church to make a difference and follow Him.
He. Chose. Me.
I am sure from an outside perspective it looks as though this is a slightly dramatic thought. But, I can assure you my very core has been ruminating over this thought for a few weeks now. I am so inadequate. I feel a bit like an imposter. I do not feel ready to take on the task that He is clearly putting before me. I am stoked about this new job... No seriously, I am getting paid to meet people for coffee and talk about Jesus.. And then, I get to inspire them and help them be better servants of our Lord. Best. Job. Ever. But, despite all of that, I look around me and know so many amazing, much more capable, much more educated, much more passionate, much more intuitive people that know what to do and how to lead better..
And yet, God chose me.
I am blown away, and ridiculously humbled by this revelation that has hit me full on over the weekend. I am unable to do this without Christ, yet He chose me. In a period where I finally felt as though He had healed past hurts, and as though He had finally made me new, and helped me step into the who I was created to be, not to mention in the midst of my full glory of brokenness, He decided this would be a good time to uproot me and transplant me somewhere too follow Him. I am stoked, and I am full of a bit of trepidation at realizing how much He has laid before me...
I am resonating with this verse currently: "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) .. This passage goes on to say she replied to Mordecai and told him and other Jews to fast for three days and pray, she would do the same, and then she would break the law and approach the king on behalf of the Jews. I resonate with this whole thing because I fasted for 40 days from sweets and desserts during the entire process of applying and interviewing for this job...
I also know that I will continue to need serious prayer and at times fasting to help me over the next.. well long time. But, I also know without any doubts that the Lord is here, and He is about to rock some worlds.. including, and probably especially mine.
On January 30th of this year, I posted that God Goes Before Me, and I have never been more aware of that then I am right now.
February 2nd of this year I posted that Prayer is a Game Changer; I still firmly believe that, but even more so now that I have experienced some pretty substantial prayer stories since then...
And, on February 8th of this year I said I felt like I was On the Cusp of something... Now I know.
These blog posts are three examples of why I absolutely love blogging. Because, now these three posts share a part of my journey this year with you, and now you can begin to see just how accurately God works in my heart, even when I do not know what He is doing.. He is there, working, and leading me. I love my Lord and King, my Savior, and my Christ more than words can truly express.
God is awesome, and so much more.