Apr 28, 2011

Prayer Works...

The 3x5 cards you see on this mirror are full of prayers I have been uttering in the morning when I get up, and as I brush my teeth before bed each night. I do not necessarily pray over each one every time because sometimes I just get caught up in a particular plea before my Lord and other days because I get distracted before I make it all the way through my list.. or certain days a particular prayer weighs heavily on my heart and I cannot seem to utter enough before God.

Some of these prayers are for basic things, jobs, grades, etc.. others are so much deeper, begging God to find particular people, seek them out, protect them, keep Satan away from their minds and hearts, and other ones are asking God to supply the right people at the right time in others lives... Sometimes I put people on my list because I know they need comforting and I know God is really the only one who can make that difference... And still other times I have no idea what to pray so the name or initial is on my cards just to remind me to lift them up anyway...

Some of these prayers are crossed off because God answered them... And, I am waiting to cross them all off and continue to add more cards.. while being careful to leave these up to remind me of God's faithfulness. You have no idea some of the things God has answered. It just flat out amazes me. So, please know if I say I will put you on my 3x5 card, I mean it.. and I pray over those people and issues all the time... And to be totally honest, this is the only thing I have found that reminds me to pray over and over and over for people and situations, otherwise life seems to always get in the way.

So, Fact of Life #13: Prayer works.

And, P.S. the bottom 3x5 card leaning between my makeup and mirror is a note a beautiful friend left me just telling me she loves me... It's a good reminder to keep around. And, the reflection of the thing hanging on the wall says "Dista" and was given to me by my eldest nephew Kaedon.. Dista is what they have called me since he could talk.

Don't Force Me...

It is no secret to those who know me that I am not really forced into things... "I do what I want" is my mantra.. In fact "I'm Krista Back, I do what I want" is what I have been uttering to people who push me or try and make me do things I do not want to.

Now, this is not to say that I "love" or even "like" everything I do.. in fact a lot of what I do is because I know I have to. There's responsibility and all those lovely things involved, but the bottom line is they are my choice.Coercing me into things does not work, trying to manipulate me only pisses me off.. and the worst is when someone tries to guilt me into things. It will not work, you will fail, and you will piss me off in the process. Just a friendly FYI for the day.

Don't force me.

Apr 25, 2011

Sustain Me..

Today is shaping up to be just one of those days..

"I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me." - Psalm 3:5

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation. And sustain me with a willing spirit." - Psalm 51:12

"By You I have been sustained from my birth;You are He who took me from my mother's womb; My praise is continually of You." - Psalm 71:6

"Sustain me according to Your word, that I may live;And do not let me be ashamed of my hope." - Psalm 119:116

Apr 24, 2011

Easter 2011

Clearly I have been a poor blogger recently, and certainly have not kept up with my blog like I wanted to at the beginning of the year, however, life happens sometimes, so I really do not feel all that badly about it.

This weekend was what has turned into the annual Corwin/Katie/Krista Easter Weekend. I love these friends of mine. Corwin was one of my best friends in college, especially the last couple years, and Katie is his beautiful wife that has turned into my friend as well.

I am constantly amazed by their friendship.

Katie could not be a more perfect match for Corwin, and vice versa. I am so blessed that not only do I still feel as important, cared for, and loved by Corwin now as I did in college, but even more so since adding Katie to our group.

I cannot help but wonder/hope/pray that the man I marry will be the perfect 4th edition to our group... But, amazingly I never feel like the third wheel with the two of them. We tell stories, we laugh constantly, tell jokes, talk about Christ, and just do things together. I always leave spending time with them feeling built up, encouraged, and loved.

This weekend we spent Good Friday walking around Alexandria and National Harbor (in the rain). And had Thai food for dinner.. which Corwin was in absolute heaven haha!

Saturday we went to Eastern Market, had some amazing donuts, then walked around DC seeing the sites.. And of course being total goofs.


And, thankfully Corwin carried my heavy purse with all of the jackets for a good portion of the day... One of many reasons I appreciate him and his personality! haha :)

Today we went to church, walked to get some food.. then went roller blading for a few hours. We got a little more sun then our just wintered skins can handle, but had an absolute blast.



And... because an Easter post would not be complete without this... If you do not know, today is a celebration because Jesus died on Friday (2,000 years+ ago) and 3 days later, today (Easter Sunday) He came back from the dead unlike anyone ever had before or since. He took my sins and yours, and marked them paid in full. He is my Savior, God, and Lord, and He wants to be yours.

Apr 20, 2011

Let's Catch Up..

Obviously I have been MIA for a solid week and a half. I wish I could say I was sorry, but let's be honest.. I am not. I spent a solid week feeling like death, then I have spent the rest of the time slowly getting better.. and making up for all the things that did not get done.. You know, like laundry, emails, homework...


However, in the midst of it all I have had a few cool, interesting, stressful, thought provoking, and engaging moments... Ahh a day in the life of me =P

So instead of explaining every little detail I think I'll just bullet my catch up items.
  • I got my hair cut/trimmed and dyed.. I'm really liking it a lot :)
  • While my Financial Principles class isn't as challenging as other classes, the professor is kinda a jerk.
  • Shawn McDonald and Jimmy Needham are currently my jam out music at work.
  • I sent a care package to a friend in Afghan-land.. I'm excited for him to get it :)
  • We have done and still have several roomie interviews to do for the spot opening up.
  • I got my car fixed while I was home in Lynchburg.. I. Love. My. Lynchburg. Mechanic/Friend! He's the only mechanic that doesn't make me want to cry!
  • Making up a missed day at the gym with my trainer has made for a very sore and tiring week!
  • My best friend from college and his wife are coming to visit this weekend. I'm stoked!
  • I was sort of asked out on a date last weekend.
  • I had an absolutely fantastic and refreshing weekend with one of my friends who came to visit last weekend!
  • Sometimes I forget how much I love dancing.
  • Warm weather energizes me.
  • I feel better and more fulfilled when I get the chance to do things for people around me.
  • Sometimes my supervisor and I "claim" weeks.. and thankfully God always helps those weeks go better!
  • Random texts are among some of my favorite things.
  • I am still working hard for Hot Body Whoa Summer.. and I'm excited about my results!
  • It feels like it's already June because of my schedule until then...
  • My mom, dad, and little sister sent me a card with encouraging scriptures and things written in it. My family amazes me!
  • I don't understand how when I tithe 10% of my income I always seem to have more than enough to do everything!..
  • Fake people still grate my nerves.
  • I think I might do a compilation list of my Facts of Life from Facebook.. They are not complete yet, but it's a fun mini project.
  • I am so thankful that things are better now then they were a couple weeks ago.

My God is so good.. If you don't know Him, you should.

Apr 13, 2011

Where Have I Been?...

Crazy sick.

I came home Sunday from a weekend in Lynchburg and fell asleep fairly early, only to wake up the next morning feeling HORRIBLE.. So I called in sick and proceeded to sleep until 4pm.. At which time I forced myself to eat and stay up until 10pm and slept another 9 hours worked a decent days work.. but left early to sleep for a few hours.. do some homework, then back to sleep with me... then this morning I went to work.. only to peeter out around noon, back home to sleep for about 4 hours.. drug myself out of bed to do some homework (of which I am totally lost), then off to the gym to cough and have breathing issues for an hour.. then back to finish some homework.. try to eat something.. and then off to bed.

Mostly I've been sleeping, that is where I have been. I hope this cold goes away quickly!

Apr 8, 2011

Week...

What a day and week it has been... I am getting ready to head south to Lynchburg and could not be more tired.. *sigh*

I went dancing last night and had an absolute blast, I am really glad I made myself go... that is until I left to discover I had parked in one of 3 forbidden spots apparently and had my car towed.. With my cell phone inside. grr... Long ordeal and $115 later I had my car back.. but made it home about an hour later then I planned.

I cannot wait to see everyone in Lynchburg, but man was this week rough! I am oh so ready for the weekend!

The one good thing about driving long distances is it gives me "free time" to call various people I have been wanting to talk to.. which this time includes my little brother, and Sunday includes my bff :)

Praise the Lord for weekends!

Apr 6, 2011

The Space Between Us..

Somehow Shawn McDonald always has songs that echo what I am feeling... Here is today's song.


I love when music gives us the words we are lacking.

I Need Him...

Last night I went to bed totally worn out but feeling completely void inside. Not because of any one thing, but because of every little thing invading my life right now.

As I laid in bed last night I was really struggling to focus and pray. It is a little odd because I can pray for quite a while for those I love, the people on my 3x5 bathroom prayer card, but as soon as I went through that.. or really the last several additions mostly consisting of prayers for safety and for God to draw near or take care of various people in my life... Once I was done there I felt suddenly stuck like words no longer would come to mind for myself. So, my mind just wandered. I thought about my day, various conversations, articles I had read in the news, things from last weekend, and to do's for the rest of the week... Somehow my mind kept going back to bizarre things, like the bitterness or pessimism of most of my friends here in DC. I thought about the frustration I feel towards random people and their approach to various things in their life. I thought about my dream from the night before... Long dream short, I moved home, but not in with my parents because I had quit my job that I just could not handle anymore, but did not want to move home because I had no plan for what to do next and did not want to tell my family..

Here are a few things I know now. I do not want to quit my job, but I do not want to stay here either. One of my co-workers put it best I have not "bought in" to the mission of what we are doing. I am unconvinced we are doing a good job, especially knowing the people and practices behind some of the things we do. I recognize we COULD be doing a good job, but I do not think we are right now. And, I certainly do not think we are doing a good job facilitating and moving forward with projects that could have a high impact.

I also realize that even still through it all I desperately miss the people who know my heart and build me up and push me towards Christ. Even the people who "know" me best here have no idea how to encourage me, help me, or be there for me. So, it ends up just coming across in a weak half attempt at making small talk with me, which does not help my current mood lately of just wanting to be alone. How ironic that the person I look forward to seeing the most every week is my personal trainer because he is helping me attain a huge goal I have had for a long time, we talk about martial arts all the time (and I have not been able to do that in a LONG time), and he is always pleasant and encouraging... I could not figure out last night if that is pathetic or a good thing that he is one of my favorite people here in DC... I am fine either way, just a thought.

I also realized I miss every day conversations about God.. I miss having belief as a basis of understanding. The mediocrity of most people's faith who say they believe and go to church is exhausting. Not because of anything big, but because their lives simply do not match, and it is as obvious as a neon sign that they are hypocritical in their life. There really is no wonder that non-Christians dislike us, I cannot blame them at all... I get tired, frustrated, and fed up by it too. Call a spade a spade, either believe and live like you believe, or acknowledge you do not believe.. but in between pretending (lukewarm) is just aggravating... It all comes down to honesty. I cherish honesty... Anyone who knows me is intimately acquainted with my affinity for truth and honesty.

Praise the Lord with my whole heart that this class I am in with school is not as time consuming or difficult to understand as the last two... Maybe, just maybe I am actually learning, and will make it through this double masters degree!

Bringing it all back around, as I lay in my bed last night lost in thoughts, unable to sleep for who knows how long, I was totally overwhelmed with the feeling that I. Need. Him. I need my Savior so so SO much right now. But, aggravating my thoughts is the fact that I cannot make things better, I cannot bring myself closer to Him. All I can do is be here, open and waiting for Him to come get me, and thankfully I know He will because He always does. Like the sunrise and the coming of spring, my savior will come for me. Somehow, someway God will make all of this worth it, I will learn, I will grow, I will become a better more beautiful person through all of this. I have no doubts that God will redeem every bit of my journey and make the purpose make sense.

But, my reality is in this moment, right now, I just feel discouraged and frustrated. God knows exactly what I need, He sees me, of this there are no doubts... My biggest question is (and usually always is) "when?"... God will make this all ok again, I know looking back I will be thankful for this time and so glad I learned everything I am learning right now, but in the moment I am just left frustrated.. and worse, I am frustrated with things I cannot change, which leaves me feeling totally depleted and like I am just functioning to function.. which is an entirely different conversation, but goes back to my disdain for mediocrity.

However, I also recognize that in my frustration God will make Himself known, He always does. So, here I am, sitting and waiting for my Jesus that I so desperately need in every moment.

"Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed" 
- Psalm 119:116

Apr 4, 2011

Fresh Air...

What is this you ask?... My bedroom window open and letting WARM fresh air in!.. Oooh yeah!

Apr 3, 2011

Rules of the Red Rubber Ball...

What do you do when looking at things going on as a whole, life is just frustrating?...

While I can point to all sorts of little things that are good or fantastic, I am just frustrated with this current phase of life right now. And, lets be honest, I have been since getting into it. I know God can and does change things so quickly, I know that I am supposed to be here, and I am well aware of the fact that this too shall pass... But, even still I find myself frustrated from the inside out.

I really dislike my job, I leave frustrated virtually every day. Mostly because of one person, and because that person not only does a poor job in their role, but they do an even worse job letting those around excel at what we are good at and know how to do. Instead we are talked to like we are stupid or ignorant, and given menial stupid tasks that the person either does not know how to do or has adopted a too good attitude. And, jobs well done are never appreciated, unless in a fake way to impress someone else. I honestly have no idea what to do with this.. Some days I realize it might be a pride thing on my part, and I probably really need to learn how to humble myself and do what needs to get done... But, it quickly becomes nails on a chalkboard when I know how to fix, solve, or do something but instead am talked to like I am an intern. Seriously, daily struggle.. I have no idea what to do.

Then, there is this school thing. I am on "academic probation" because I have less than a 3.0. Part of me could really careless because I am passing my classes and that is what really matters.. plus, I can easily look at the surrounding circumstances and give all these reasons and excuses for why I have performed in the way I have. Some would be legitimate reasons.. in fact, most probably would.. But, the reality to me is this serves as one more example of my lack of ability to succeed. The current class I am in is not easy, but not as a pure aggravation as the last two. Yet, even still this is serving as my constant reminder that I really just cannot get my act together and that I dislike school, I honestly hate math/accounting/finance/economic type things. Even at 26 I struggle to care that these could have any applicable things for my life, instead of my natural "this is stupid" attitude for things I cannot easily apply.

By the way, I have not been sleeping well.. As in ever. I really do not ever sleep through the night anymore, and wake up every time I roll over (I always have), but more so the last 6 months or so.

Then there is church, which was awesome... But, what is ironic is that while the message was good, (continuing the All In series) I was really having a hard time focusing throughout the entire message. Not because the pastor did a bad job communicating by any means, but because I just could not get myself to hone in. However, at the end when he prayed I was hooked... Then we were told to basically take a moment and connect with God, talk about what it means or would take to be All In...

And there I was, alone in my seat aware that God wanted to talk.

So, we talked...

I told God all about how I have been feeling, that I know this stage of things will only last for a short while, but I do not like it here. Not because of "here" at all, but because I have nothing grounding me, uplifting me, there is no affirmation except at the gym, and I do not really trust anyone here (why do I still struggle with this?!). I hate my job, hate school, and have nothing here to redeem the struggles. I do not see what the purpose of all of this is... I mean, I have been around long enough to know I will get it like a light bulb on the other side.. and I will do it all over in the snap of a finger to gain the skills all over again, but right now, sitting in the darkened theater, all I know is I don't like it here.

Then God played me our song.
I began bawling knowing I am not living the words of this song, and I definitely need to. This is mine and God's song, this is the song, and Ghana was the place He touched me.. Solidifying He and I as unique and set apart from Him and anyone else. That He loves me, and His purpose is specific with me. I mean He has told me numerous times, but this was the time when I realized I was not just another person to Him, but that I was set apart and known.

Then God reminded me of Kevin Carroll and his book Rules of The Red Rubber Ball and how one time YEARS ago my dad told me this man was the closest person he had ever heard that had the gifts and strengths that I do... And then, my dad pointed out that it took him more than 10 years to prepare and gain the skills he needs to do what he does.... If you count my training as starting when I started college, I have about 8 years under my belt...

Can I make 2 more years? Of course. Will I like them? Sometimes, but if it is anything like the last while.. probably not completely. Will it be worth it? It always is when God is behind it.

Lord I am weak, I can't and currently don't really want to do this... Come do your thing, change me.

Apr 1, 2011

They Are Coming...

Three of my besties are on their way here right now!... And should be here within the next hour or so!

I cannot wait to spend the weekend with them! :)

This picture is a really funny one to me even though it is not a good one at all.. but we were all in different places and chatting via ichat. None of us look thrilled but I promise we love each other!... Or at least we hope Patrick loves Katy since they're getting married in a few months! =P