Jan 30, 2011

Fun in DC...

This is my little brother and I yesterday on our way into DC. Our whole group went to a Thai place called "Thai Tanic" (haha) then to the International Spy Museum.
And.. In case anyone was wondering.. No, we don't think we look alike... bahaha.. ok just kidding, we are clearly siblings :)

Such a perfect birthday! I love my friends and family!

Jan 29, 2011


I did not get the chance to post yesterday because right after work I headed to the car place to have them assess the damage from the accident a few weeks ago. Apparently in the state of VA if your car has a door that does not open, then the car is "undriveable".. the car guy was upset that I had told the insurance it was driveable. I looked at him and said "Uhm.. I drove it here... if there is lingo involved you need to tell people that!"

Then after figuring all of that out, my roomie and coworker headed to the Kennedy center for a free concert, then to dinner where one of my other roomies met up with us.

Then we all headed home to meet up with one of my best friends who I knew was coming for my birthday weekend.. When I got there I pulled into the garage and went into the house, hugged my best friend.. then realized there were more people in the room then should be.. I mean I have 4 roomies, plus my coworker was there, so it is not unusual for there to be a decent number of people around on a semi-regular basis... but there were just too many. So, I turned around and there sitting on the couch were two other besties who I wanted to come up, but just did not ask due to knowing it was unlikely and I did not want to make them feel bad. I just sorta paused and was like ".... You're here!..." they stood up and hugged me.. I began tearing up just out of the sheer joy that they had come and were going to spend the weekend with me! They all were laughing and commenting on how they had taken bets on my reaction and things.. Then I turned around towards the kitchen and saw one of my other friends creeping across the living-room haha.. I just sorta said "aww... You're here too!!" he hugged me and I continued to cry and laugh a bit.. we were all laughing and they were telling me all about how the plans had progressed. Then, I got tapped on the shoulder and turned around and my little brother was standing in front of me with a dozen roses. It took me like 2-3 seconds for it to register that it was him.. I squealed and was asked "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" .. Of course everyone began to laugh at me, and I just had to hug him forever because I began to really cry and I was trying so hard not to sob lol Then I would pull away from him and ask "How did you get here?!" He laughed and told me he ran lol :) It took me a while to compose myself haha .. but then we all commenced to talking about all the plans that went into accomplishing all the surprised, what I expected (or didn't really) and what I was thinking etc.. I was SO excited. Words do not accurately describe how I felt to have so many people I love go to such lengths to love on me. How humbling!

We spent the rest of the evening talking, laughing, catching up, and pretty much just taking the chance for me to soak it all in :)

How awesome. I love my friends and family!

Jan 27, 2011


How interesting the last 24 hours has been...

Let me just start with, I am blessed. I am blessed when I am dumb, selfish, retarded, and obstinate. I am blessed when I have my most put together selfless days. I. Am. Blessed.

I have amazing friends who never stop showing their love for me.

I have roomies who laugh with me.. and at me constantly... And who make me food while my butt goes numb trying to figure my homework out... and then stay up late helping me with my homework.

I have the worlds cutest family that truly are just awesome people.

I have worked with some amazing people, and work with some awesome ones even still today.

I am blessed.

And yet, I still find myself going.. "hmm.. ok Lord, what are you doing?.."

Work is paying the bills, but not quite the peaches and cream I was hoping for.. Although, I am learning a whole lot and LOVE my supervisor. I am very frustrated with how some things are getting handled.. and just wish I had the authority to handle them... Cause I would.

I wish I was smarter, and my homework came easier. Instead I find myself every day going "Why did God ask me to do this again?!"... Praise the Lord (no seriously) that I only have 2 years left. However, I have always said, some people are just smart (like my parents and older brother and younger sister).. other people (like me and my little brother) really have to work hard to be smart and learn, and this is a great reminder of what I do not know.. Definitely humbling. School does not come naturally to me, and I certainly do not enjoy the process... Especially when it is a topic I don't really care about.. (lame)

Big changes are coming again (do you ever feel like begging God for something you can grasp, understand, and like?... No?.. Me neither.. haha jk), while part of me loves challenges, I am facing a few on the outskirts of my life that are really perplexing. I have absolutely no idea what God is doing or why He has put this person, that situation, and these circumstances in my life.

What is interesting in this whole process... I can feel a battle taking place inside of my heart that I am not even fighting. As in, I can feel the human "old man" trying to rise up and take grip of my heart and mind with fears and what if's.. and I can feel the Holy Spirit taking the battle and fighting it for me replacing it with peace. And, I am thankful.. Seriously, unabashedly thankful for knowing it is taking place, but that I do not have to win the fight, that is God's to do.

I am continuing to read the "New Thru 30" (the entire NT in 30 days).. and it's a challenge.. and I am a solid day behind, but I am loving the read.. I mean down to my core I am loving the reminders that Jesus overcame the world, and my faith can move mountains and uproot trees, and my Love for those around me is the biggest most important thing I can do.. I am loving these reminders.. And, I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about all the small things, like Luke mentions that not everything Jesus did or said was recorded because basically it would fill the entire world with books, and my first thought was "COME ON!...I want to read those books!!!" I am thankful for this ridiculously challenging reading schedule because it's causing me to push towards the one I love so much more... even if I am speed reading sometimes ;)

So, while I have a lot of things to face in the next couple months, work stuff, roomie stuff, doctors stuff, car stuff, school stuff, etc..etc.. I know with absolute certainty that God's got this too, and I will not worry, no matter how much my flesh, mind, human-dumbness side want to. I am blessed and I am thankful.

Jan 26, 2011


Backswanza Day 3!!! Yay!

My friends and roomies are truly the greatest ever!

Thanks guys :) Love yoU! :)

My Questions...

 I read this article on CNN's website, it was talking about 20 questions that women should ask themselves to stimulate thinking and growth.. Some of them were dumb, some were beyond hysterical ("My mind is a two-bit whore.." LOL), and a few were actually thoughtful. So, while you can read the article here if you would like to, I have created a quasi-new list of my own using some of the questions posed in the article and some of my own.. Thoughts or answers?

**The "quotation" marks are so you know what I stole...

"Where am I wrong?"
I do not know about you, but I hate being wrong... And, lets be honest, no one holds to an opinion they do not feel is correct. But, how many times a day am I wrong.. just straight up, slap me in the face wrong.. and I will not take 2 seconds to reevaluate if I am in fact anywhere in the vicinity of correct?.. Shameful.

"What's so funny?"
"Adults tend to put this question to children in a homicidal-sounding snarl, which is probably why as you grew up, your laughter rate dropped from 400 times a day (for toddlers) to the grown-up daily average of 15. Regain your youth by laughing at every possible situation. Then, please, tell us what's funny -- about everyday life, about human nature, even about pain and fear." - I had to include this actual quote from the article because I love laughing.. about most anything, but so many times I forget to laugh... It can be healing and the more I laugh at myself often the better I feel.

"How can I keep myself absolutely safe?"
"Ask this question just to remind yourself of the answer: You can't. Life is inherently uncertain. The way to cope with that reality is not to control and avoid your way into a rigid little demi-life, but to develop courage. Doing what you long to do, despite fear, will accomplish this." - Besides, what is so wonderful about staying safe all the time? It is a false sense anyway. Aka it is a lie we tell ourselves. So, why not embrace the lack of control.. and learn to dance in the uncertainty knowing that ultimately the good guys win, and Jesus not only Loves me, but wants me to unabashedly follow Him... Then He will REALLY open my eyes to new things... Just sayin...

Now what?
Sometimes, I cannot help but feel like I have attained all the good or great things in life.. And, now what? What is left to accomplish, see, attain, move, create etc... But, the reality is this is a HORRIBLE place to linger because it lends itself to laziness, apathy, carelessness, hurt, pain etc.. None of which are pleasant or praiseworthy things. So, Now what?... There is inevitably the one answer in the far recesses of my mind that knows, but that I am not necessarily willing to let loose in my mind or life. Too bad that is often where Jesus starts to clean house again.. Dang it!

Attitude is a choice.. What am I choosing?
"Your situation may endanger your life and limbs, but only your thoughts can endanger your happiness. Telling yourself a miserable mental story about your circumstances creates suffering. Telling yourself a more positive and grateful story, studies show, increases happiness. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, choose thoughts that knit your heart together, rather than tear it apart." - I sing this mantra a lot.. But, really.. it might be the only thing I can truly choose. I mean look at Job in the Bible, he really had it "bad" and yet he chose his attitude well... I love the idea that God can honor and bless me because I choose a better perspective. Feelings do not always lead us in the right direction.

How do I change the world by being in it?
I have always wanted to change the world.. and I definitely have a fun bucket list... My goal is to be the old woman (if I live to be old) that has a ridiculous number of stories of places I have been, things I have done, the lives and circumstances that have changed my life and those around me, and all the times and places God has answered my prayers and proved to be faithful yet again. I am excited for that.. I want to change the world!

So, there are a few questions.. I plan on adding to them..

Jan 25, 2011


This is what I spent my evening doing... Accounting.

Thank you to my roomie who literally sat next to me for 2 hours or more and walked me through how to figure this stuff out.

What did I learn?... I need a notebook, chocolate, water, and lots of time... I do not think I will get all of this done in time to turn it in. But, thankfully, so far my professor has been incredibly helpful and patient while I try to figure this out.

What I have begun to learn is that Accounting truly is like learning a new language!.. Gah!

However, thanks to my roomie, I FINALLY feel like I am not drowning in these skribbles of notes.

Ps. Thanks to my other roomie for the dark chocolate covered almonds!.. Life savers.. that's who I live with.

Pss. Thanks to my other roomie, and my other other roomie for making dinner!

Love you guys!

On a totally different note, my dad is the cutest thing ever, he makes me giggle and smile! His excitement and sense of humor just gets me going for no real reason at all other than it tickles me. I love being a Daddy's girl :)

And, as you can tell, I changed my blog.. It was time for something new. We shall see how long this one lasts :)

Jan 24, 2011

Birthday Flowers..

From I suspect a few of my best friends kicking off birthday week.. Aka Backswanza!.. I love flowers and these are beautiful and smell amazing!
Thanks guys :)

Jan 23, 2011


Rachel is one of my younger cousins... She and I proudly hold the "tallest women in the family" station together.. but, she's way prettier and cuter!
Easter of '07 I think..

I Love this girl...

The one on the left is November '09, the right one is a few years ago doing surprise family pics for parents and grandparents.
She is beautiful in so many ways, witty, charming, loving, passionate, intelligent, caring, funny, and loves the Lord like crazy. I am so proud to be related to her!... And, praise the Lord for skype.. and skype dates! :)

Jan 22, 2011

25 to 26...

This is officially my birthday week!

YESS! I love birthdays :)

This week I plan on posting some of my favorite birthday memories... I have lots and lots of them :)

I will be not recounting all the horrible birthday memories because sadly I have had quite a few..  Of no real fault of anyone or the plans various people have made, just life gets in the way sometimes.

Hurray for birthday week!!

The transition of 25 to 26 has begun!

Jan 21, 2011


Thank goodness this week is over, and ended on a great note!

One of my new friends here in DC invited me to go to a birthday party with her.. and the theme was "Newsies" So, we all dressed up..

This is my outfit I put together with a new pair of shoes and a hat :)

And, this is my beautiful new friend and I circa 1899 New York style...

So much fun!.. Glad the week is over!

Jan 20, 2011


When the first thought you have in the morning is "Why isn't this Friday!?!??!?!?!?!" ... you KNOW it is not going to be a good day... And, it wasn't.

Still reeling a bit from the news of last night, I woke up, not in a bad mood, but just tired.. in almost every sense of the word, and certainly physically tired. But, mostly I was just worn out emotionally and mentally. So, because my mind was not totally coherent this am, it took me a bit longer to pick out an outfit (which I usually do mentally while laying in bed as I fall asleep the night before), my hair took a while to fix.. I missed my long "pull up in a pony tail and go" style this morning.

Thankfully I "accidentally" made the coffee a little strong.. Thank you Jesus!

I am learning a lot. I know, I keep reminding myself of this. I am purposefully learning in school, and dragging my feet learning at work, but even still I will praise Him. Work was not pleasant today, and I still am working through how to change my attitude and perspective because it is not good nor anything resembling it.

I left work thinking "what am I doing?!?! I. Am. Stupid...."

Thankfully my coworker/friend and I made plans to go out for dinner.. and we did.. and laughed at random things and the ridiculousness that is our life, and the things that make us "that girl." Then, I returned my mom's phone call because she somehow always knows when I am not ok, and had left me a voice mail saying "I was thinking of you, wondering how you are doing, and hoping you are having a good day..." I. Love. Her. We chatted for a while, swapped frustrations from work, and were reminded how much life can suck, but how much that ultimately does not change things.. I love her, she loves me, God loves us both.. and in the end, at the end of the day.. God makes the stupidity that is us ok again.

Life is crazy, but God will get me through this, and whatever is coming around the corner. I have NO idea what His plan is for this seemingly never ending plight of either stupidity or insanity on my part.

Thankfully I was able to then come home and laugh with a couple of my roomies, about I am not even sure what.. But, regardless, we laughed for a while.

Life is hard, God is good.

Jan 19, 2011

There Will Be Days...

There will be days like this...

I found out the man who ran into my car on New Years Eve does not have insurance because of "lapse of payment" ... Which means now I have to work with my insurance to take care of it. *sigh* Not the end of the world, just obnoxious.

My Finance Principles classes is ridiculously hard... But, I feel better after my instructor said it is like learning a new language.

After getting my butt kicked at the gym I finally settled into homework, and while taking a mental break I started reading odd comments on facebook by my kids where I used to work... After tracing them back, then double checking with an old co-worker I found out one of my boys who used to live there hung himself yesterday.

Then one of my old boys began talking to me, we talked randomness for a bit, then talked about the boy who committed suicide.. which lead to talking about Jesus.. which lead to him telling me he's Atheist, and his friend's call him a devil worshiper. Which lead to a great and very interesting, but mentally tiring conversation.. while I was trying to finish homework I was struggling to understand.

I so glad today is over, and the Lord gives me a new tomorrow.

Jan 18, 2011


Today I arrived on time for work.. only to discover half an hour later we had a 2 hour delay. Dang it.

However, thankfully my morning went by very quickly, with I am not even sure what, there was hardly anyone at work, but I seemed to keep myself fairly occupied with random things I guess.

I got off work a little early, went and swam for a while at the gym.. I was really happy with the 800 I swam, although I was incredibly sore from my Monday work out.. And am a little dreading tomorrow's work out... and Thursdays haha.

I came home to find out that the car accident was "reviewed" and they have decided I do not have an appropriate claim.. And, of course the place was closed for the day when I called to find out exactly what their review process was to determine if they will pay for a new door on my car.. Ps... I really dislike not being able to open the door most of the time, and the loud road noises it no longer blocks out. So, I shall call tomorrow.. Hopefully with a good composure and not take out my frustration with the person I talk to.

Then, I spent all night doing homework. I am beginning to fear that maybe this REALLY was a stupid idea, and that I might just not be cut out for a double masters program.. Or at least not this finance/economics crap classes that just do not seem to make any sense in my brain. Hopefully the professor has pitty on me and helps me understand, cause reading the textsbooks do not seem to be cutting it.. I hate not being able to ask questions when they come to me like in class. GAH!

Overall my day was fine, but I still find myself annoyed at the end of the day. I really dislike that. Lord, please help tomorrow to either be better.. or my attitude to be better.

Jan 17, 2011

You're Beautiful...

I heard this song tonight on the radio, and I just really love it, it says all the things I need to hear, and that every girl or woman I know should hear every day.

So, to my girl friends: You're Beautiful, you are treasured, you are sacred, and you are His. You were meant for so much more than all of this, you're beautiful.

Love you :)

Jan 16, 2011

Love Them...

I was thinking today as I was talking to a couple of my friends.. I love and am drawn to the broken... And kids.. But anyone that is broken I find myself drawn to them. Which is possibly why Africa and missions appeal to me so much.

I love the fact that I am cultivating.. and That God is sending, making, and pushing me in a manner that works to love the broken. I mean to be honest there are times I KNOW I am being told to reach out to someone and my response is less than loving, flattering or graceful. But, thankfully in the end the Lord prods until I listen, and His grace covers my lack of immediate obedience.

I want to be sent to the broken, the ones who have been hurt and left.. and the ones who have the chance to be out of this world amazing.. and are just unable to make themselves realize the potential.. The ones that God is seeking after.

Here I am, send me. Give me the words, the discernment, the compassion, and heart to see them and love them regardless of my own personal failings and shortcomings. Do not let me get in the way. Love them through me.

Jan 15, 2011

The Plan...

So, this week I have done a first for me.. one thing I never thought I would do...

I got a personal trainer.

His name is Lionell, he's fun, spunky, has done years of boxing or martial arts, and is very interested in doing work outs that mix my martial arts with my fitness goals. He is also very careful about my shoulders and knees and my lack of wonderful joints, so he slowly is working on stabilizing muscles to help them.

I never thought I would get my own personal trainer.. I mean, lets me honest, they are expensive.. I lived with an athletic trainer for a year in a half, and while I am no stranger to gyms or working out, anything I did not know she did or was able to help me with (like wrapping my knee... and telling me what my issues probably were... even if I would soon forget she'd told me..whoopsie!)... But, mostly I was just not a fan of the cost of personal trainers...

However, as a complimentary thing (that's how they ALWAYS sucker you in!) I got an hour free with one of the personal trainers. He spent some time talking with me the day before to discuss my injuries and things, my goals etc..etc.. When I showed up, he commenced to working me so hard (mind you this is the first time really in 6 months I have done any serious working out) that a couple times I thought I might throw up, but then he would begin talking to me about martial arts related things... UFC fighting, favorite movies, sparring, the various styles we have both trained in... etc.. I was amazed at how quickly he passed the time, and how well he managed the hour.. and kicked my butt (I am so sore). He changed my diet just slightly, and we discussed the frequency of meeting, what I could afford, and that he wanted me to work out twice before we met again on Monday (this was Thursday).. Lovely. Did I mention sitting down and getting up from the toilet hurts?!

My plan: Meet with him twice a week for a month, then once a week for another month.. then I will be well on my way to exactly how I want to look and feel. Expensive, but since I really do feel awful and not thrilled, I figure this is a good jump-start to the entire process.

I am excited to finally look and feel great once again!

Jan 14, 2011

So It Will Be...

So it will be at the end of the age; the angels will come forth and take out the wicked from among the righteous,
and will throw them into the furnace of fire; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Have you understood all these things?” They said to Him, “Yes.” - Matthew 13:49-51

This is a verse that touches almost ever sense I have. I can hear what is happening, see it take place, feel the total and utter sorrow and confusion as it takes place, and I can smell it... So much so, that I can almost taste the sulfur. I do not know why this verse is so vivid to me, but it is... And, it is why I have no qualms about believing what I believe. I cannot make anyone believe, that is not my job but the Holy Spirit's, but that does not mean I have to pretend it is not the total and complete truth. If I say I believe, if I do actually believe, and even in my crappily imperfect self can never stop trying to push forward... How can I say I believe if I do not act as though it is truth?

When someone else does not believe, it has no bearing on the reality of the truth or not. Jesus Christ died and resurrected for me, He took my sins and made them His because I fail every other breath. That is the Love I know and live for. Whether you believe it or not does not actually change the verses above. The people that today know they are living unglorifying lives WILL weep and gnash their teeth.. And, I cannot express how much I hurt for their ignorance and how much they have allowed Satan to blind them... And then, how much they make excuses for the way they live their lives, and get offended when told they are living wrong.. Oh how blindly broken they are. It hurts.

Jan 13, 2011

Opposing Promises...

I am doing the "New Thru 30" plan from YouVersion.com.. and while I started later than January 1st, I do plan on following it and reading it anyway... (there's a lot of daily reading.. but I need a Bible reading routine again).

Today (Day 3) the first 11 chapters are due, but I have actually cheated a bit, and read the last couple days to lighten the reading load today.. haha.. is that ok?.. Anyway, last night after I read some of one of the books I got for Christmas, I read a few chapters in Matthew. 

In chapter 6:30 it says this: "“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!" So, here's my thought.. How much MORE will God clothe me? Take care of me? Love me?... Obviously if He pays such close attention to the small details (I mean really.. look into Laminin), then why would He not pay close attention to my every detail? No matter how mundane they might seem to me...

What I find interesting in regards to this as well.. I somehow forget to mix the idea that He honestly and truly cares... with the fact that I am promised hard times, troubles, and a generally difficult life when I follow Him. As though they are somehow opposing promises? Without realizing it, sometimes I become such a whiner about life, the troubles and toils I go through.. and lets be honest, they are not even a matchstick next to some other people's problems and issues... And yet, I find that even still God cares.. but that does not change the reality that crappy things will come my way regardless.

God's care and love for me do not change the fact that life still comes and brings awful things with it, depressing times, and hurting.. But, even still God's care does ensure that He carries me until the end.

Jan 12, 2011

Hot Body Whoa..

I keep joking with a couple of my girl friends from various places that this will be "Hot Body Whoa" summer.. Mostly because I need humor to get me through the soon to be never ending soreness I will be enduring for months!.. However, as nerdy as it sounds..

I am SO EXCITED! I love being sore. I love feeling like my butt is going to fall off.. and sadly, I miss the brothers around to freak out and pummel every time they punch me where I am intensely sore.

I signed up for the gym.. and pay HALF what I paid to use the Y.. plus, this place is aesthetically way more pleasing (although the pool is only 3 lanes wide). I was a little unsure of the whole thing when I first walked in because they have a smoothie/drink bar.. like Tropical Smoothie Cafe.. and then all the basics, but the entire place is underneath the building. Kinda cool.

I also was not sure (although I knew I would sign up anyway because it is basically across the street) because part of signing up is to have a "free" hour lesson with a trainer (makes sense.. but I have been doing the gym thing on and off since I was 14..). However, the trainer came and introduced himself to me, and was real easy going and easy to talk to. He asked my fitness goals, what I tend to eat (which I confessed depends on how much time I have.. which has not been much lately), he then asked if I have any injuries.. Which initially I told him no.. but quickly remembered while I do not consider  my joint issues injuries.. others would.. Mostly due to the number of dislocations I have had to my shoulders and things. I was pleasantly surprised when in the midst of conversation we began to talk martial arts, so he understands my shoulder issues (because he's has the same ones).. and immediately began writing down notes to himself that I need stabilizing work outs, and that I need core work outs... I did forget to get my membership card and things.. but I will get those tomorrow.

I was surprised how excited I was walking out of the gym... between all the new active things I have going on.. I will certainly have the hot body whoa I am looking for this summer.. Just in time for my friends several weddings!.. Yesss! :)

Jan 11, 2011

Martial Arts & Dancing...

Endorphins change things... Or, at least we are told they do. And, I can certainly attest to the fact that when I am more active I feel better, my joints do not hurt as much, my body holds itself together better (part of the disorder thing I have). But, mostly I just enjoy the way my body looks more, I like when my muscles have just that little extra touch of toneness then they do when I am not working out. I find I am more confident in what I wear, and I like the way my body looks in general when I am more active.. Maybe yet another reason I LOVE summer...

So, I have gotten a gym membership again (well a free week pass until my paycheck comes and I can afford the real membership), and I have been invited to audition for a dance group this weekend. I figure I would probably REALLY enjoy the dance group, which is 12 weeks of 2 hour dance classes on Saturdays. PLUS, the gym I am going to has a cardio kickboxing class.. Yahtzee!.. Also, I think it might have a pool as well.. Double Yahtzee! With all of these things working with me, I will be in fantastic shape in no time, and I will be happier in general, partially because I will no longer just be going home to do homework.

I am excited to be tone again.. and to get to punch things.. swim away my stress.. and dance.. which means laughing a LOT. Martial arts and dancing!?.. Yess Please!

Jan 10, 2011


Today work was.. fine, but interesting because I can tell God is moving inside of me, I felt different, and my reactions were less.. obnoxious (at least to me). I felt myself reasoning through into patience.. (YES!!.. Thank you Jesus!).

I continue to think about and mull over what God is doing and how the Holy Spirit is moving inside of me.. Because He is, and I can feel Him slowly loosening my grip on things wiping away the grime off my windows and shining Himself into my dustiness.

I called one of my best friends tonight as I drove.. I. Love. Her. I just called mostly because I really missed her and did not have anything particular to say, but wanted to ramble away about nothingness. But, true to form she always figures out something is off, and not necessarily wrong, just there is something ticking away inside my head... So, we chatted about the things I have begun to realize. Here are a few...

No, I am not actually happy in DC... But, I will be.
I have been incredibly stressed, and feeling like "I just need to survive"
I have had worse than no patience.
The last two months have been about making it, not actually enjoying it.
I do not feel like people understand me here.
I can FEEL my defensive walls, and I loath them.
I have to stop looking at DC as temporary and take every moment I have.
I stopped looking for the reasons God brought me here and planted me.
I cannot re-create Lynchburg, I was asked to make something new.
I miss my group of friends who totally understood me and brought out the best in me.
While I can love on the Saved.. I can never forget the Lost.

I am Loved, and I will pass that on.

God will help me. Slowly I will begin to unclench my fists. Little by little I will relax and actually be myself, instead of just reflexive reactions. One day at a time I will begin to see like blazing suns the purpose God has for me, the promises He's made to me, and the revelations along my journey... I will be obedient.. But first, I have to actually start listening to His whispers.

Jan 9, 2011


Today one of the girls I live with and I tried another location of the church we have been attending.. I really loved this location, it felt more "me" and the music was perfect.. I think I forget how much I like this church in between Sunday's.. but, to be fair, I have been here for just over 2 months, and have been gone on Sunday for at least half that time. However, today I just felt like "I love this church." Partially because the worship was great, partially because the people felt like I could relate to them better, and partially because the sermon was on point... again.

Pastor Joel talked about God's promise to Abram in Genesis 12:1-? He explained that we have to be obedient before we get the blessing promised us, and we have to GO before we can understand what the promise means.. But, even beyond all of that we have to be diligent and walk the road set before us usually without knowing what multitude of blessings is about to come our way. God WANTS to bless us, He WANTS to make covenants and fulfill them.. all because these things glorify Himself. He does these things to us, for us, with us, in us, etc..etc.. because they bring Him glory.. But, we are not often given all of the details. Then, it was pointed out that God cannot reveal things to us until we have been obedient and had genuine faith... God cannot count our faith as riotousness until we actually respond in a manner consistent with the faith we would like to say and sometimes DO say we have.

Lots of times throughout the sermon Pastor Joel talked about the fact that Abram WENT.. He did not know where, but knew God would show him when the time was right... And then I realized.. I went, but stopped looking for all that God has set before me. As though all the plan consisted of was my job, place to live, and school work... How sad that I have forgotten to keep looking for each next step and each next blessing to this journey God has me on.

I will post more on this as the week progresses and I begin to formulate what I think God is beginning to create and grow in me.

I will grow where I am planted.. I am not supposed to re-create what I had elsewhere. I am supposed to explore and figure out what has been made new and set before me... I need to figure this out... And, I am sure God will help me this week!

Jan 8, 2011

Love and Laughter...

My "bff" got married yesterday. It was absolutely amazing, and I can honestly say I was just overjoyed with excitement and love and wonder at how awesome God's plan and path are for each one of us!

A year ago Sarah and I had just survived a massive argument that at the end neither of us really could remember why we had started arguing, except that we knew we were each safe.. and were mad the other had not been calling as much as normal.. Without realizing we were both needing the mind-reading support of the other... We were both really struggling and life was just hard.. not necessarily for any reason at all.. Satan's just a jerk.

Now, a year later.. Her life has changed forever.. and years of my prayers were answered in a few simple words and exchanging of rings.. It was truly awesome, and she was thrilled, but totally at peace and calm about it all.. I love her so dearly, and am forever thankful for God bringing us together.. I have needed her friendship so many more times then I like to admit, and that she would ever know!

On to other things from this weekend...

I tend to write in a bit of a cryptic way so that those aware of situations and things going on get all sorts of insight and information, and those unaware get pretty much a basic overview of what is going on. Both people get pictures and glimpses of my heart and an authentic view of who I am, but the reality is sometimes carefully chosen words protect not only the private people in my life who do not like their life blasted across the internet (as if my blog had that much influence), but it also is an exercise for me personally to communicate well...

This instance is no different.. Sorry. :)

Several months ago my friend commenced into this incredibly intricately woven.. funny plan to.. you guessed it.. Hook me up.  (Story of my life haha) This story has been going on for about 5 months at this point, but the comical part is I have done little to actually be apart of "my story".. I did not initiate it, did not encourage it, did not bring it up, and certainly did not ask for it... in fact, I have done so little that I have been told what is going on as an innocent bystander. But, what makes the story so incredibly funny is the fact that I am supposed to be a key player.. since you know.. she's trying to set ME up with this guy.

I am normally a little leery with the whole being set up thing.. I have had a few doosey experiences, but given the right friend who knows me well, I will give it a chance. Since this friend knows me well, I decided not to shut down the idea right away.. 5 months ago.. So, I have spent the last several months being an innocent bystander in this whole thing, and have not actually had anything substantial take place.. except for a few incredibly awkward but funny moments, that ironically did not involve this guy and I.. just the people around us TALKING about us... without both of us present.. it has always just been one of us... How could this be?.. Well we had not met.. Amusing beyond all amusings.. and it has all felt like a sitcom/arranged marriage type situation. The type where you know someone has GOT to be filming this whole thing because there is no way these types of situations actually happen to people right?!..

Nope, they happen in the sitcom that is my life!

Well, this weekend 5 months of build up and this guy and I met... And, he earned some major kudos for how he initiated and lead.. I was pleasantly surprised. He also handled the awkwardness imposed by our mutual friend with incredible grace and style. The interaction was normal, no super incredible story, nothing too forward or assuming, just casual, enjoyable, with a touch of curiosity... It helped that he was surprisingly tall and attractive. I am not expecting anything to come of this, except for the absolutely amazing and funny story I have already. But, I am open to seeing where God leads next.. 2010 was an awful year, but I am so glad to have been there.. I have no idea what to expect from 2011... And, I like it that way!

Jan 7, 2011

I love weddings.. Even with how many I go to.. I still love the culmination process of God bringing together two people! So excited for my bff! :)

Jan 6, 2011

My bff is getting married tomorrow.. Years of prayers are getting answered, how absolutely amazing :) let the chaos begin!

Jan 3, 2011

Be Made New...

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.  
18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 
19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed. 
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned  
21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus
22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;  
23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds
24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. 
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  
26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  
27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

Jan 2, 2011

My Girls...

These girls are my favorites... Below is only a few pictures of a large series of pictures we took at our 007 James Bond party.

For some reason I was the only one that found my sudden midgetness amusing ;)

I have no idea what was going on here.. but the faces by all of us are really funny to me :)

This was our last good shot of all of us single... The one on the far left go engaged about an hour later!

She was happy... we weren't because "Then there was 3..." hahah ;)

We are goobers, and know it.. and love it!

You can do nothing bu laugh at this picture...

We are all so different, but so close at the same time :)
I love these girls more then I can accurately describe. They make me feel at home, put up with my crap, laugh at my ridiculousness, and are never afraid to call me out on things.. or join in my antics :) Thank you Jesus for them!

Jan 1, 2011

New Years 2011...

So, the year ended with my car getting backed into, and banging up my passenger door pretty badly, and 2 dishes getting broken... Figures the year would end that way! Haha...

The new year started with 2 of my best friends getting engaged.. literally 6 seconds after the ball dropped, it was awesome!

And, I am not one for "New Years Resolutions" ... In fact I honestly do not ever make them because I figure if you need to make a change, make it now, and do not make it something that can be easily forgotten or quit.

But, I have decided to attempt a couple New Years Resolutions, and while they are not typical, I have a couple things I think would be cool to try.

First, while it is not actually a New Years Resolution, I am thankfully headed back to the gym next week (there's no way I have time to this week with my bff's wedding this coming weekend!!!!).

And, my only real goal for something I would like to do this year is post on my blog something, a picture, comments, thoughts, quotes, something every day. Now, I recognize there are going to be days that it just does not happen, and some of those reasons will be because I will be working, traveling or out of the country!.. And, I have decided to already forgive myself for those haha... But, if I cannot post every day, my goal is 3-4 times those weeks.

So, here's to new fun things!.. I may add a few to the list in the coming weeks, we shall see!