What a couple weeks it has been.
This post is sorta a random smattering of things, but it is exactly what is rattling around in my head... I finally had a full day off today, the first in a few weeks. And, I basically did nothing all day, I read, caught up on a few shows I had missed, painted my nails, went to the lighting of the Christmas tree here in Clarkston, got Chinese food, watched MIB3, and played with my puppy... Literally that was my day, and it was glorious.
A little over a week ago my great grandmother passed away. While sad, I knew it was coming and was more thankful that she had gone home. I also knew without any doubts that it was her time due to a few prayers and a dream I had. However, the visitations and funeral made for a ridiculously busy weekend full of LOTS of time spent driving. Not to mention it added a lot of stress merely due to the time I was not able to dedicate to my schoolwork or my laundry list of things I needed to get done for work.
I love my job, honestly, it has been a very long time since I have loved a job this much, and even then the last time the job was not my sweet spot, so it was not as fulfilling. However, I have never really thought before about the random challenges of working at a church. Some people surprise me with how supportive they are, how much they are intentional about investing in me... While others say ridiculous things that really are only said to me because I am paid. I have also discovered that while it is always somewhat difficult to figure out who you can and cannot trust at a new job, it is even more difficult when that job is working for a church. I have discovered that it is a delicate situation that requires a lot of wisdom in making friends, and it is very difficult to distinguish who is your friend because of who you are, and who is your friend because of the job you have. It also is interesting, (and I certainly have not done it flawlessly) to figure out who is trustworthy, who fakes a smile, who will be upfront and honest, and who will be the gossip... And yet, there are people who have totally surprised me by their support. Seriously their unending support and encouragement from some entirely unexpected corners is such an interesting situation to find yourself in.
This week has been crazy, and full of more frustration and tasks than anyone can possibly fit into a schedule and remain sane... I mean really, I accomplished maybe a third of the tasks on my to-do list... But, I did buy my ticket to East Asia, and will be spending two weeks in February there working with other people, seeing an old friend (hopefully), and getting to see the sights (woot woot!)!!
I also got to speak to about 115 ladies on Friday night. I feel as though it went well, and although there are definitely a few things I would do differently if I could, it was a fantastic learning experience for me. Especially since this was the first time I have ever done anything close to preaching (oh man...). I will post more about this later this week.
Tonight, I am so thankful for where I am. I love the things I see God doing, and even on frustrating and annoying days I know God is moving, and I am so thankful to be a part of it. I am exhausted, but I am excited about the things I am learning throughout every thought, emotion, situation, and relationship. Talk about a really weird experience and time in my life. Totally different than any other.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Dec 8, 2012
Nov 14, 2012
Raising A Puppy...
For real, I know I only have a puppy, but having a dog by myself is difficult.. I have NO idea how single parents do it considering I am pretty confident that while similar, having a baby or child would be way more difficult...
Either way, life with a puppy has proven to be tiring, rewarding, and frustrating all at the same time!
First, I feel like I clean out his crate, clean up an accident, or wash things he's had an accident on constantly..
But, really I spend my life at home like this:
He is always on my lap.. regardless of what I have to get done, he wants to be on my lap, or have the ability to be on my lap... All. The. Time.
Or I am taking him for a walk...
Or he is following me around hoping I drop something he can eat..
If I REALLY have something to do, sometimes I can get him to lay NEXT to me.... Sometimes..
Other times he just stretches across my lap..
And then, there are the few times I really have homework to do, but don't want to put him back in his crate... Then he does this:
He runs around like a crazy person getting distracted every 3 seconds by something new haha... Yup, this is my life at home.. I love this stage, and hate it all at the same time!.. Mostly I'll be happy when he stops biting and learns to only ever go to the bathroom outside..
Either way, life with a puppy has proven to be tiring, rewarding, and frustrating all at the same time!
First, I feel like I clean out his crate, clean up an accident, or wash things he's had an accident on constantly..
But, really I spend my life at home like this:
He is always on my lap.. regardless of what I have to get done, he wants to be on my lap, or have the ability to be on my lap... All. The. Time.
May 31, 2012
Blessed by Friends...
Do you ever have those moments where you are in the midst of a relatively normal moment in life, but something about it just strikes you, and you realize how totally blessed you are? I had one of those moments last night. First, let me just say that I love when God whispers in my ear that I should pause internally and take note of where I am, and how blessed I am. I love taking seemingly mundane things in life and remembering to pause and be thankful.
Last night I went to Fort Myer to watch the Twilight Tattoo the Army puts on every Wednesday throughout the summer. It was engaging, fun, and full of an amazing amount of skill and dedication to those skills. Several of my friends are in the Fife and Drum Corps band, and it was a lot of fun to finally get to see them perform.
Afterwards, we all hung out took a few pictures, then made our way to dinner.. There were a several people I had not met before, but mostly it was people who have become friends in the last six months. While we were at dinner, laughing, joke, talking about random things, eating amazing food, it hit me.. I am so blessed. I love these friends of mine as though we have been friends for years, and I am so thankful to know where their hearts are, and to have gotten the chance to grow and watch them grow throughout the course of 2012 so far.
The thing that struck me the most last night was how different we all are, but how much we laugh at each other, and how in just a few months have cultivated true friendships with the only goal to be friends and help one another. This time last year I would not have thought I would be here, with friends like these amazing people, and I never would have guessed at how different life would be because of them. They (along with several more people who were unable to be there) truly have made all the difference in my life here in DC, and I am so thankful and so blessed!
Last night I went to Fort Myer to watch the Twilight Tattoo the Army puts on every Wednesday throughout the summer. It was engaging, fun, and full of an amazing amount of skill and dedication to those skills. Several of my friends are in the Fife and Drum Corps band, and it was a lot of fun to finally get to see them perform.
Afterwards, we all hung out took a few pictures, then made our way to dinner.. There were a several people I had not met before, but mostly it was people who have become friends in the last six months. While we were at dinner, laughing, joke, talking about random things, eating amazing food, it hit me.. I am so blessed. I love these friends of mine as though we have been friends for years, and I am so thankful to know where their hearts are, and to have gotten the chance to grow and watch them grow throughout the course of 2012 so far.
The thing that struck me the most last night was how different we all are, but how much we laugh at each other, and how in just a few months have cultivated true friendships with the only goal to be friends and help one another. This time last year I would not have thought I would be here, with friends like these amazing people, and I never would have guessed at how different life would be because of them. They (along with several more people who were unable to be there) truly have made all the difference in my life here in DC, and I am so thankful and so blessed!
Apr 26, 2012
Career Woman...
A couple weeks ago I was driving back to DC from a weekend of friends and a wedding; one of my favorite things about the drive is A. It is always a beautiful drive, and B. The few hours it takes me to drive gives me plenty of time to do some thinking and processing, and catch up with a few people over the phone.
Last time I made this drive, for whatever reason, I found myself contemplating and realizing for all intents and purposes (at least on the outside) I am a "career woman," the irony is that I have never intended nor wanted to be. I have always wanted to get married, have a family, and then change the world (pretty much in that order). Having a "successful career" seemed exciting, but not really anything I would dream about. One thing is certain though, I have always wanted to change the world.. I just never really envisioned my career being the means by which I took to change the world.
So, what now? I mean, I am in my late 20's, fairly secure in my career, getting a double masters degree, starting my own business, and avidly working to pay off my debt... Success right?.. Sure, I guess. I mean on the outside it is perfect, I am succeeding and "making something of myself" ... What is interesting regarding all of this is, all I could think of on my drive home is "...this was not the type of woman I thought I would be 10 years ago..." I never set out to be a "career woman." I never thought I would be the age I am and still single.
I realized recently that one of the most difficult things for me to acknowledge, as well as figure out how to respond to is, other people's belief that my goal all along has been to be a successful career woman...
To be a successful career woman was never my goal.
To be honest, it is naturally frustrating to field questions about my status as a 20 something single girl... It becomes even more difficult and disheartening with the added assumptions of my intentions, goals, and the direction my life is going being purposefully to be a career woman or attain "success."
So, with this in mind, let me explain a few things:
I have completely accepted that I am not God, and have no control over when or if a man will enter my life and one day become my husband. If that will ever happen I do not know so, simply waiting around and acting as though marriage is the pinnacle of what I am meant to do with my life is not something I can do... Nor do I believe that marriage will be the pinnacle of my journey, if I do get married, I am confident it will dramatically change both of us, and God will use that to continue our journey... But, since tomorrow is not promised, I cannot wait for it to show up, I have to be faithful with the here and now.
I understand that a GREAT deal of effort has and is being put into my career and education, but I avidly said I would never go back to school when I graduated from college... four years after I made that declaration, God told me to go back to school, He and I fought about it until He won. Which leads me to believe I am in school to be obedient (only), not because I enjoy it (just ask my roomies who listen to me complain a lot..). And, I am living and working in DC because God put me here and continues to keep me here. Thankfully I am no longer loathing life in DC, and have in fact found several things that I love about my life here. The goal of being in DC is not for the purpose of being a career woman, being successful or furthering my career. I am here because two years ago when I was getting laid off, I prayed to have just one job open up... Out of 70+ applications I sent out, I had just one job open up, so I took it... Only recently am I beginning to see (possibly) what God is doing and how He is orchestrating all of these things.. But, even still, one thing I am certain of is, I am not aiming to be a career woman or to have a successful career, if those things happen then that is truly fantastic, if they do not, I will not bemoan or regret them. Ultimately I am aiming to fulfill the plans the Lord has for me, regardless of what that looks like.
So, while a husband and family would be wonderful and although a successful career would be great, neither of these things themselves are or have ever been my goal, my goal has always been to be a catalyst and change the world... I just used to think that meant doing it alongside my husband, which may someday be the case, but that day is not today. Today my aim is to serve my Savior the best that I can, and bring Him glory exactly as I am; a single daughter of His, following the career path laid before me.
Last time I made this drive, for whatever reason, I found myself contemplating and realizing for all intents and purposes (at least on the outside) I am a "career woman," the irony is that I have never intended nor wanted to be. I have always wanted to get married, have a family, and then change the world (pretty much in that order). Having a "successful career" seemed exciting, but not really anything I would dream about. One thing is certain though, I have always wanted to change the world.. I just never really envisioned my career being the means by which I took to change the world.
So, what now? I mean, I am in my late 20's, fairly secure in my career, getting a double masters degree, starting my own business, and avidly working to pay off my debt... Success right?.. Sure, I guess. I mean on the outside it is perfect, I am succeeding and "making something of myself" ... What is interesting regarding all of this is, all I could think of on my drive home is "...this was not the type of woman I thought I would be 10 years ago..." I never set out to be a "career woman." I never thought I would be the age I am and still single.
I realized recently that one of the most difficult things for me to acknowledge, as well as figure out how to respond to is, other people's belief that my goal all along has been to be a successful career woman...
To be a successful career woman was never my goal.
Being a catalyst who changes the world... THAT has been my goal.
To be honest, it is naturally frustrating to field questions about my status as a 20 something single girl... It becomes even more difficult and disheartening with the added assumptions of my intentions, goals, and the direction my life is going being purposefully to be a career woman or attain "success."
So, with this in mind, let me explain a few things:
I have completely accepted that I am not God, and have no control over when or if a man will enter my life and one day become my husband. If that will ever happen I do not know so, simply waiting around and acting as though marriage is the pinnacle of what I am meant to do with my life is not something I can do... Nor do I believe that marriage will be the pinnacle of my journey, if I do get married, I am confident it will dramatically change both of us, and God will use that to continue our journey... But, since tomorrow is not promised, I cannot wait for it to show up, I have to be faithful with the here and now.
I understand that a GREAT deal of effort has and is being put into my career and education, but I avidly said I would never go back to school when I graduated from college... four years after I made that declaration, God told me to go back to school, He and I fought about it until He won. Which leads me to believe I am in school to be obedient (only), not because I enjoy it (just ask my roomies who listen to me complain a lot..). And, I am living and working in DC because God put me here and continues to keep me here. Thankfully I am no longer loathing life in DC, and have in fact found several things that I love about my life here. The goal of being in DC is not for the purpose of being a career woman, being successful or furthering my career. I am here because two years ago when I was getting laid off, I prayed to have just one job open up... Out of 70+ applications I sent out, I had just one job open up, so I took it... Only recently am I beginning to see (possibly) what God is doing and how He is orchestrating all of these things.. But, even still, one thing I am certain of is, I am not aiming to be a career woman or to have a successful career, if those things happen then that is truly fantastic, if they do not, I will not bemoan or regret them. Ultimately I am aiming to fulfill the plans the Lord has for me, regardless of what that looks like.
So, while a husband and family would be wonderful and although a successful career would be great, neither of these things themselves are or have ever been my goal, my goal has always been to be a catalyst and change the world... I just used to think that meant doing it alongside my husband, which may someday be the case, but that day is not today. Today my aim is to serve my Savior the best that I can, and bring Him glory exactly as I am; a single daughter of His, following the career path laid before me.
Feb 9, 2012
Life Recently...
I have started attending a new small group.. although "new" is sort of a misnomer since I have not attended a small group of any kind in almost two years. It was a really bizarre series of events that brought me to this small group, but events that I am very happy about and more than slightly amused by... The group consists of a great blend of guys and girls, which as much as I love my girlfriends, I literally have no guy friends here in DC (I even have very few guys at work!), and I greatly appreciate the chance to add some more Y chromosomes to my life regardless of the capacity to which they will be in my life.
Anyway, the small group is focusing on the book The Circle Maker by our pastor Mark Batterson. If you have not read or heard of this book, I highly recommend it... especially if you are struggling with prayer in any capacity or struggling with feeling stuck and like maybe God is not hearing you... This book does an absolutely wonderful job encouraging, building up, and inspiring you to want to become better at praying.. I never once had the feeling of "another thing to do or another thing I am failing at..." instead, as I read the book (the first time), I really felt inspired to make a much more concerted effort to pray and pray well. So, obviously this group will be doing a lot of reading, a lot of discussing, and a whole lot of praying... which I am really excited about.
It is things like this, people that I meet, and books that I read that keep my life interesting... It is challenges like the 21 days of prayer (which our small group will be doing another one soon), and the teaching of my pastors that really inspire me towards the next goal, the next challenge, and the next step in not only my faith, but also towards the me I was designed for.. I pray often as I lay in bed that I will be more who God wants me to be tomorrow than I was today... It is moments, things, and people like these that inspire and help exactly that to happen. I am constantly amazed at how God orchestrates things in my life that I was completely clueless of the purpose until I am smack dab in the middle... or completely on the other side feeling slightly dazed and confused because of the whirlwind of it all.
On a completely different note, my schedule is representing something that is ridiculously packed and busy once again. What is funny though is that I feel almost like I have returned home with this schedule... I am not entirely sure how or why a completely booked schedule feels familiar, especially when nothing in it is familiar or at all resembling what I used to fill my time with, but there is still something innately comforting in the controlled chaos. I love having to schedule time for people, I love adding to my calendar "Call (or skype) with ____" just so I know to reserve their time and make room for the ones that I love and cherish. I enjoy putting the time on my calendar that is dedicated to exercising. I enjoy marking the times I will be at church, and then fitting school work, food, sleeping, and any errands in between all the things that I value highly.
I love having a busy and packed schedule not because it keeps me busy... but because it causes me to siphon out the things that do not matter to me, like watching TV or going shopping for yet another piece of clothing that I likely do not need at all... or to lazily kill way too much time on facebook. It forces me into a much more defined and productive lifestyle.. The useless and unimportant things are set aside until they require enough time together to be worth putting the info into my calendar as a to-do item. Somehow the ridiculousness that is my packed schedule brings a familiar cadence to my life... which is ironic since any given day includes work, gym time, phone calls with various people catching up on life, homework, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, reviewing other people's business plans/resumes/cover letters/marketing materials etc.., and my slowly progressing business.
I enjoy being productive.. but I enjoy even more using my controlled chaos as a means to get rid or reduce the unnecessary things that clutter my life and focusing on the people and things that truly matter.
Anyway, the small group is focusing on the book The Circle Maker by our pastor Mark Batterson. If you have not read or heard of this book, I highly recommend it... especially if you are struggling with prayer in any capacity or struggling with feeling stuck and like maybe God is not hearing you... This book does an absolutely wonderful job encouraging, building up, and inspiring you to want to become better at praying.. I never once had the feeling of "another thing to do or another thing I am failing at..." instead, as I read the book (the first time), I really felt inspired to make a much more concerted effort to pray and pray well. So, obviously this group will be doing a lot of reading, a lot of discussing, and a whole lot of praying... which I am really excited about.
It is things like this, people that I meet, and books that I read that keep my life interesting... It is challenges like the 21 days of prayer (which our small group will be doing another one soon), and the teaching of my pastors that really inspire me towards the next goal, the next challenge, and the next step in not only my faith, but also towards the me I was designed for.. I pray often as I lay in bed that I will be more who God wants me to be tomorrow than I was today... It is moments, things, and people like these that inspire and help exactly that to happen. I am constantly amazed at how God orchestrates things in my life that I was completely clueless of the purpose until I am smack dab in the middle... or completely on the other side feeling slightly dazed and confused because of the whirlwind of it all.
On a completely different note, my schedule is representing something that is ridiculously packed and busy once again. What is funny though is that I feel almost like I have returned home with this schedule... I am not entirely sure how or why a completely booked schedule feels familiar, especially when nothing in it is familiar or at all resembling what I used to fill my time with, but there is still something innately comforting in the controlled chaos. I love having to schedule time for people, I love adding to my calendar "Call (or skype) with ____" just so I know to reserve their time and make room for the ones that I love and cherish. I enjoy putting the time on my calendar that is dedicated to exercising. I enjoy marking the times I will be at church, and then fitting school work, food, sleeping, and any errands in between all the things that I value highly.
I love having a busy and packed schedule not because it keeps me busy... but because it causes me to siphon out the things that do not matter to me, like watching TV or going shopping for yet another piece of clothing that I likely do not need at all... or to lazily kill way too much time on facebook. It forces me into a much more defined and productive lifestyle.. The useless and unimportant things are set aside until they require enough time together to be worth putting the info into my calendar as a to-do item. Somehow the ridiculousness that is my packed schedule brings a familiar cadence to my life... which is ironic since any given day includes work, gym time, phone calls with various people catching up on life, homework, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, reviewing other people's business plans/resumes/cover letters/marketing materials etc.., and my slowly progressing business.
I enjoy being productive.. but I enjoy even more using my controlled chaos as a means to get rid or reduce the unnecessary things that clutter my life and focusing on the people and things that truly matter.
Jan 27, 2012
Love My Life...
Two save the dates, pictures from my two favorite 3 year olds, and notes from home!
Happy birthday weekend to me!
Oct 27, 2011
Thursday Thoughts...
Thursday thoughts...
Brooke Fraser and Shawn McDonald are my two favorite artists.
We found our 4th and 5th roomies, and the great roomie swap begins this weekend...
As much as I would like to "love" Halloween.. I do not really care all that much for it. I enjoy dressing up (although in reality I've worn the same outfit every year since my dad bought me a BEAUTIFUL blue kimono dress that I love), I enjoy hanging out, and let's be honest.. I love anything that gives a reason to be festive and hang out with people... But, I am not the biggest fan of all the "other stuff" that typically comes with Halloween... So, while I have been invited to various parties, I am planning on avoiding them all.
I am buying my first piece of real furniture this week... a table and chairs. Mainly because ours will be leaving with the roomies moving out. So, I have decided that I might as well buy a set I will love for a very long time.. which means the tall counter-height table and chairs!... Although, one of my friends aptly pointed out that I "probably" should have bought a bed since I am still sleeping on an over-sized air mattress (3 years now..).
I am interested to see what the next year holds...
I am running a 10k on Sunday.. and I am unsure I can even run a 5k currently, should be interesting.
I have yet to decide or figure out what my plans for Thanksgiving are.. I had been hoping all year to be in Africa, God had other plans so, I guess now I will get a chance to see what those were.
The leaves are turning colors again, which is beautiful, but means cold weather is coming... I'm not the biggest fan of that...
I realized last weekend how different several relationships are in my life now than they were a year ago... A couple people I now view as having very prominent place had yet to even enter into my life. Another friend was a part of my group of friends where I used to live, we have known each other for years, but were never really close in a one on one friendship... However, she has become one of the few people who just get me.. I am so incredibly thankful for her, and amazed at how different of a friendship we have than I would have ever guessed before. She amazes me with how wise, thoughtful, funny, and genuine she is.. not to mention she seeks out the friendship just as much as I do, so there is always just this level of comfort when we hang out that I have with very... very few people here in DC... A part of me is sad I had not discovered this about her and the potential for our friendship three years ago when we first met. I am always amazed at how very different we are, but completely thankful that our friendship has become a totally unique thing all on its own, and taken a very welcome place in my life.
I have really become aware in the last few weeks how totally and utterly blessed I am.
I was musing to myself while driving earlier this week at how weird it is to feel contentment in my soul again. It feels like a foreign feeling.. a very welcome foreign feeling though. It is almost like the first warm sunshine on your skin after a particularly treacherous and cold winter... I cannot pinpoint where it has come from, and a part of me has had the (very stupid) feeling that if I dwell on it too much it will disappear again... Yet, I know that is a totally and utterly ridiculous thought (but very human of me still). I am amazed though at how constant it is, even with the continued (and rather awful) situations at work that always threaten my mood.. It has been very carefully protected and shielded from trivial things; and for that I am so thankful! There is a small part of me that does not want to do or try anything new in fear of causing the contentment to disappear again, but, at the very same time.. I feel like it has caused me to re-awaken the dreams and desires I have of life in general... Which means that soon God will be shaking things up again, and I will gladly take His hand and walk where He asks me to.. Only God could create something at your core that causes feelings that seem so polar opposites.
My dad has recently joined Facebook, and I love how easy it is to tell him how much I love him or let him know how frequently he comes to mind... I am so incredibly thankful for Facebook, e-mail, and skype for making the hundreds of miles not feel like anything at all.
Brooke Fraser and Shawn McDonald are my two favorite artists.
We found our 4th and 5th roomies, and the great roomie swap begins this weekend...
As much as I would like to "love" Halloween.. I do not really care all that much for it. I enjoy dressing up (although in reality I've worn the same outfit every year since my dad bought me a BEAUTIFUL blue kimono dress that I love), I enjoy hanging out, and let's be honest.. I love anything that gives a reason to be festive and hang out with people... But, I am not the biggest fan of all the "other stuff" that typically comes with Halloween... So, while I have been invited to various parties, I am planning on avoiding them all.
I am buying my first piece of real furniture this week... a table and chairs. Mainly because ours will be leaving with the roomies moving out. So, I have decided that I might as well buy a set I will love for a very long time.. which means the tall counter-height table and chairs!... Although, one of my friends aptly pointed out that I "probably" should have bought a bed since I am still sleeping on an over-sized air mattress (3 years now..).
I am interested to see what the next year holds...
I am running a 10k on Sunday.. and I am unsure I can even run a 5k currently, should be interesting.
I have yet to decide or figure out what my plans for Thanksgiving are.. I had been hoping all year to be in Africa, God had other plans so, I guess now I will get a chance to see what those were.
The leaves are turning colors again, which is beautiful, but means cold weather is coming... I'm not the biggest fan of that...
I realized last weekend how different several relationships are in my life now than they were a year ago... A couple people I now view as having very prominent place had yet to even enter into my life. Another friend was a part of my group of friends where I used to live, we have known each other for years, but were never really close in a one on one friendship... However, she has become one of the few people who just get me.. I am so incredibly thankful for her, and amazed at how different of a friendship we have than I would have ever guessed before. She amazes me with how wise, thoughtful, funny, and genuine she is.. not to mention she seeks out the friendship just as much as I do, so there is always just this level of comfort when we hang out that I have with very... very few people here in DC... A part of me is sad I had not discovered this about her and the potential for our friendship three years ago when we first met. I am always amazed at how very different we are, but completely thankful that our friendship has become a totally unique thing all on its own, and taken a very welcome place in my life.
I have really become aware in the last few weeks how totally and utterly blessed I am.
I was musing to myself while driving earlier this week at how weird it is to feel contentment in my soul again. It feels like a foreign feeling.. a very welcome foreign feeling though. It is almost like the first warm sunshine on your skin after a particularly treacherous and cold winter... I cannot pinpoint where it has come from, and a part of me has had the (very stupid) feeling that if I dwell on it too much it will disappear again... Yet, I know that is a totally and utterly ridiculous thought (but very human of me still). I am amazed though at how constant it is, even with the continued (and rather awful) situations at work that always threaten my mood.. It has been very carefully protected and shielded from trivial things; and for that I am so thankful! There is a small part of me that does not want to do or try anything new in fear of causing the contentment to disappear again, but, at the very same time.. I feel like it has caused me to re-awaken the dreams and desires I have of life in general... Which means that soon God will be shaking things up again, and I will gladly take His hand and walk where He asks me to.. Only God could create something at your core that causes feelings that seem so polar opposites.
My dad has recently joined Facebook, and I love how easy it is to tell him how much I love him or let him know how frequently he comes to mind... I am so incredibly thankful for Facebook, e-mail, and skype for making the hundreds of miles not feel like anything at all.
Oct 5, 2011
Blogs...
More and more I find myself being drawn to blogs of friends, acquaintances, family, companies, etc.. I love blogs so much more than facebook and twitter. I mean, do not get me wrong, I love me some classic social media, but mostly I stick to facebook for the pictures and chatting.. not to mention the humorous comments my friends and I leave on each others walls and pictures.. but mostly I try and use facebook as a way to connect and remind friends they are loved, remembered, and cared for. However, unless there is a serious intentionality, it is easy to assume that with facebook "what you see is what you get" in someone's life. But, let's be honest, everyone posts the best, the highlights, etc.. of their life. It is not a true glimpse. Twitter is great for thought sharing, news sharing, and funny comments, so it definitely has a quality I enjoy.... But, blogs are an entity all their own. They have the ability to get a glimpse into the reality of someone's world. The struggles, views (sometimes literally with pictures, or figuratively with words), the joys, the processes of _____ (house building, adoptions, having twins, husbands deployed, etc..). I love learning more about people, getting a different perspective, and in reality getting to stay in touch better. Blogs help (me) know what to pray for in a friend's life.. or realize some difficult times have come their way, and allow me the chance to help (usually by getting an idea of something I could do to brighten their day).
Blogs are definitely my favorite social media... I mean look at the almost 500 blog pots I have (no I am no the highest, or most blogging person ever, but I am somewhat consistent in the just over last 3 years). I enjoy sharing my life with family, friends, and random passer-clickers... I enjoy the ability to be real, and be authentically imperfect in a way that facebook does not really allow to be highlighted. I enjoy showing my view of the world.
Blogs are definitely one of my favorite online activities.. So, please feel free to share favorite blogs, I will gladly add them to my list of must reads! :)
Blogs are definitely my favorite social media... I mean look at the almost 500 blog pots I have (no I am no the highest, or most blogging person ever, but I am somewhat consistent in the just over last 3 years). I enjoy sharing my life with family, friends, and random passer-clickers... I enjoy the ability to be real, and be authentically imperfect in a way that facebook does not really allow to be highlighted. I enjoy showing my view of the world.
Blogs are definitely one of my favorite online activities.. So, please feel free to share favorite blogs, I will gladly add them to my list of must reads! :)
Sep 4, 2011
Fitting...
There are times that I just do not feel like I fit. Life has changed and is different than it has been (ever, but that sounds way more dramatic than it actually is). I feel almost as if there is no where that I fit right now, no where that is home, and no where that feels like "my place." I was thinking about it last night, and I am wondering if God is doing this so that He can close the doors and move me forward.. I hope so because I would gladly close these doors and move forward to what God has planned.
There is a part of me that is content to stop looking back and move forward, and a part of me that is frustrated at the same time. I am finding the typical responses that people try to use to "help" or "comfort" me to be trite and shallow, which has been leaving me incredibly frustrated instead. I have spent a decent amount of time praying about it, and feeling like maybe I needed to just change my attitude, but really I think it has more to do with the fact that the things people are using to encourage me are not authentic, they do not spur me forward or towards Christ, and instead tend to be a typical fake response.. or worse, encouragement or advice originating from a selfish place.. like "you should just move here/home" or "I can't wait to see who God has planned for you.." (which at this point seems more like a comment to make them feel better about being my single friend now having a significant other)..
Last weekend I was able to spend some time talking with my bff, and she brought up all the possible responses she could say that essentially "could be" true and authentic, but ultimately are not helpful or appropriate. Sometimes people say them from a perspective aimed at helping and encouraging, but instead they are said from a place of not understanding the heart of the issue is coming from so ultimately not helpful, but make the person feel better. Other times the comments are full of understanding and truth. My bff did an amazing job (as always) of understanding my heart behind what I was saying, and responding to what I meant deep down instead of what I was actually saying (one of many reasons I love and cherish her friendship in my life).
So, right now I am at a place of not really being sure what is up. I have no words to describe, and just find most common place "encouragement" frustrating and annoying because of the lack of understanding... Which, to be fair, how can they if I cannot put into words what I am feeling and what is going on... However, soon, things will be different and better.
There is a part of me that is content to stop looking back and move forward, and a part of me that is frustrated at the same time. I am finding the typical responses that people try to use to "help" or "comfort" me to be trite and shallow, which has been leaving me incredibly frustrated instead. I have spent a decent amount of time praying about it, and feeling like maybe I needed to just change my attitude, but really I think it has more to do with the fact that the things people are using to encourage me are not authentic, they do not spur me forward or towards Christ, and instead tend to be a typical fake response.. or worse, encouragement or advice originating from a selfish place.. like "you should just move here/home" or "I can't wait to see who God has planned for you.." (which at this point seems more like a comment to make them feel better about being my single friend now having a significant other)..
Last weekend I was able to spend some time talking with my bff, and she brought up all the possible responses she could say that essentially "could be" true and authentic, but ultimately are not helpful or appropriate. Sometimes people say them from a perspective aimed at helping and encouraging, but instead they are said from a place of not understanding the heart of the issue is coming from so ultimately not helpful, but make the person feel better. Other times the comments are full of understanding and truth. My bff did an amazing job (as always) of understanding my heart behind what I was saying, and responding to what I meant deep down instead of what I was actually saying (one of many reasons I love and cherish her friendship in my life).
So, right now I am at a place of not really being sure what is up. I have no words to describe, and just find most common place "encouragement" frustrating and annoying because of the lack of understanding... Which, to be fair, how can they if I cannot put into words what I am feeling and what is going on... However, soon, things will be different and better.
Jul 17, 2011
Recent Thoughts...
I have a lot of random thoughts lately.. but I have not thought through them enough to detail them out.. so, here is the snippet list version...
There IS a right and a wrong.
Monogamy, polygamy, and poly-amorous are not even close to the same things.
The beach does amazing things for stress.
Hugs make life better.
One person can honestly make or break a day.
The God Anthology is a kick-butt sermon series.
I know what God is doing in this period of my life.
I might actually like school this next 8 weeks.
My brother and Sister in law will be home from Africa in less than 24 hours.
I go home in 3 weeks.
God surprises me with opportunities sometimes.
I love watching friends' life changing stories.
I miss some of my friends a whole heck of a lot.
I hate how little I have traveled outside of the country lately.
Preparing for the future sucks most of the time.
I will choose singlehood over mediocrity every time.
Despite it all I see God working.
The sun does amazing things.
I am never lonely enough to settle.
Putting my big girl panties on is essential on a daily basis.
I know that some of my problems are really just childish.
I have amazing friends.
I am blessed even in the bitterness of night... And know it.
I will love you even if you are wrong.
I have to choose to love someone else and their needs over my preferences.
Everything has a time... This too will pass.
I never take for granted those who understand me.
God makes everything beautiful in it's time.
Someday it will all make perfect beautiful sense.
There IS a right and a wrong.
Monogamy, polygamy, and poly-amorous are not even close to the same things.
The beach does amazing things for stress.
Hugs make life better.
One person can honestly make or break a day.
The God Anthology is a kick-butt sermon series.
I know what God is doing in this period of my life.
I might actually like school this next 8 weeks.
My brother and Sister in law will be home from Africa in less than 24 hours.
I go home in 3 weeks.
God surprises me with opportunities sometimes.
I love watching friends' life changing stories.
I miss some of my friends a whole heck of a lot.
I hate how little I have traveled outside of the country lately.
Preparing for the future sucks most of the time.
I will choose singlehood over mediocrity every time.
Despite it all I see God working.
The sun does amazing things.
I am never lonely enough to settle.
Putting my big girl panties on is essential on a daily basis.
I know that some of my problems are really just childish.
I have amazing friends.
I am blessed even in the bitterness of night... And know it.
I will love you even if you are wrong.
I have to choose to love someone else and their needs over my preferences.
Everything has a time... This too will pass.
I never take for granted those who understand me.
God makes everything beautiful in it's time.
Someday it will all make perfect beautiful sense.
Jun 28, 2011
Nothing Serious...
There are days and people that just remind me how much fun life can be..
Even though nothing outwardly changed throughout the majority of my weekend or my day yesterday, there were little things that reminded me of the fact that life is meant to be enjoyed, not ever to be drudgery. Praise the Lord.
Over the weekend I was finally able to NOT travel... Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, but every weekend for a month, plus some week days is a lot... I was in multiple states, on a incredibly high number of airplanes, and I spent more hours in my car than I have logged in a very long time.. I acquired laugh lines (I'm sure), a cough (thank you dry airplanes and sick people), a ton of great memories, a severe lack of sleep, and a whole lot of time to think and pray (which I was really in need of). But, there is also nothing like being able to stay home and do whatever I want or need to for a weekend..
I was able to try a Krav Maga class (not real impressed) and go salsa dancing for the first time in a month (yess!).. I had a chance to lay in our hammock with my roomie and catch up on life over the course of the last month. Talk through thoughts and feelings about various things going on in each of our worlds, and laugh over random things.
I also was informed this weekend throughout the course of a conversation with a couple of friends while out dancing I that, apparently have the very muscular/athletic build, and that is a good and attractive thing. My friend told me that the girl we were all watching dance (and amazed by) reminded him of me, and which was interesting since she looked nothing like me, and was a way better dancer, but he went through the process of explaining that it was the muscular/athletic build... (I maintain that I never know how to respond to the "you look like/remind me of/sound like etc.." comments that I get all the time.) However, it caused a fairly amusing conversation to ensue about the differences between "cute, tiny, and petite" and what I would describe myself as "large, muscular, and athletic." (not in a bad way, but also not in an attractive way) It was interesting to talk about the differences between what guys and girls see as attractive, but my other friend who was there with us is the classic small, pretty mexican girl, and her perspective was that she is average and normal, but that I was more attractive one of the two of us... when my view was that she (who I happen to think is just stunningly beautiful) is the more attractive one.. and then our guy friend who thought we were both crazy haha
Last night I was reminded how much I love certain aspects of my life, mostly because of the people in it... my sister was gchatting with me while I did homework, she just updated me on life, telling me one hilarious story after another about things going on at home, and we just laughed while we talked and shared perspectives.. then, I was able to have dinner with my roomies (4 out of 5 of us is a win with our schedules!) for the first time in a month or more, and we also laughed, made fun of each other (which really was mostly them all harassing me), swapped random stories, talked about things we were wondering or thinking about, and were typical girls for the first time in a very long time. It was really nice to hang out and just laugh...
I appreciate when life is interesting, when I have no idea what to expect or how to anticipate what is coming next.
Even though nothing outwardly changed throughout the majority of my weekend or my day yesterday, there were little things that reminded me of the fact that life is meant to be enjoyed, not ever to be drudgery. Praise the Lord.
Over the weekend I was finally able to NOT travel... Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, but every weekend for a month, plus some week days is a lot... I was in multiple states, on a incredibly high number of airplanes, and I spent more hours in my car than I have logged in a very long time.. I acquired laugh lines (I'm sure), a cough (thank you dry airplanes and sick people), a ton of great memories, a severe lack of sleep, and a whole lot of time to think and pray (which I was really in need of). But, there is also nothing like being able to stay home and do whatever I want or need to for a weekend..
I was able to try a Krav Maga class (not real impressed) and go salsa dancing for the first time in a month (yess!).. I had a chance to lay in our hammock with my roomie and catch up on life over the course of the last month. Talk through thoughts and feelings about various things going on in each of our worlds, and laugh over random things.
I also was informed this weekend throughout the course of a conversation with a couple of friends while out dancing I that, apparently have the very muscular/athletic build, and that is a good and attractive thing. My friend told me that the girl we were all watching dance (and amazed by) reminded him of me, and which was interesting since she looked nothing like me, and was a way better dancer, but he went through the process of explaining that it was the muscular/athletic build... (I maintain that I never know how to respond to the "you look like/remind me of/sound like etc.." comments that I get all the time.) However, it caused a fairly amusing conversation to ensue about the differences between "cute, tiny, and petite" and what I would describe myself as "large, muscular, and athletic." (not in a bad way, but also not in an attractive way) It was interesting to talk about the differences between what guys and girls see as attractive, but my other friend who was there with us is the classic small, pretty mexican girl, and her perspective was that she is average and normal, but that I was more attractive one of the two of us... when my view was that she (who I happen to think is just stunningly beautiful) is the more attractive one.. and then our guy friend who thought we were both crazy haha
Last night I was reminded how much I love certain aspects of my life, mostly because of the people in it... my sister was gchatting with me while I did homework, she just updated me on life, telling me one hilarious story after another about things going on at home, and we just laughed while we talked and shared perspectives.. then, I was able to have dinner with my roomies (4 out of 5 of us is a win with our schedules!) for the first time in a month or more, and we also laughed, made fun of each other (which really was mostly them all harassing me), swapped random stories, talked about things we were wondering or thinking about, and were typical girls for the first time in a very long time. It was really nice to hang out and just laugh...
I appreciate when life is interesting, when I have no idea what to expect or how to anticipate what is coming next.
Jun 21, 2011
You Have GOT to be Kidding...
Sometimes I look at my life and cannot help but say "You have GOT to be kidding..." sometimes because of big things, and other times it is the smallest of things, or merely the possibilities set before me. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding...
I know I am young at 26, and I still do not feel a day past 22 (ok maybe 23..). I am no where close to the place I thought I would be when I was growing up.. and I am no where in the vicinity of who I thought I would be even a couple years ago. Seriously. What blows my mind about all of this is how even in the midst of everything craptastic about the last year in a half (I was really hopeful 2011 would be less stressful and painful than 2010), I am content.. not always happy, and not always thankful.. but content because I can see where my road has taken me and where I have encountered major forks in my life that have dramatically altered who I am. I am not at all who I thought I would be, and not even close to doing what I thought I would be doing.. But, I like it.
You see, when I was 14 or 15 my uncle talked passionately about being in Communications and Public Relations.. and how awesome it would be to do that job.. I was totally sold. In part because my uncle was my hero even though I knew he was broken and flawed. He talked me into all kinds of things because I would just get swept into his excitement, passion, and stories about what could be... So at 15 I thought I would be in a high falooting (is that actually a word?) PR job, I would be "somebody" and I would be successful. Little did I know that my idea of that would change dramatically throughout the course of my life.
Then at 18 I had my first boyfriend and I was convinced I would get married by sophomore year of college and move to GA with him after college to pursue his career choices.. I would be a mother by 24, and life would be grand.. Then we broke up, and nothing I had planned went accordingly. Instead I took summer camp jobs and found jobs in my field which helped me to land a couple key positions after college.. I dated a couple guys for short periods of time, had my heart broken a couple times.. and learned so much more than I ever anticipated about the woman and wife I actually want to be. All the while, I was crying deep down about how unfair it was that I was still single when other girls were getting married...
Then I began to travel, I took jobs elsewhere and began to see the world differently. I realized that more than getting married or being a mom, I wanted and desired to change the world.. to live a life totally sold out for Christ full of passion and excitement, and I would gladly include whoever wanted to take part in that goal and dream. Since that moment a couple years ago I have finally settled into the fact that I am actually already complete, AND that includes the fact that I am single. I still would like to get married some day, I would like to be a mom, but no longer do I HAVE to have these things in order to feel complete and whole as a woman. In fact, I have watched friends so desperate for "the one" that will surely complete them, that now they are finding themselves even more broken than they ever could have imagined. My heart hurts for them more than I have words to express... I have worked to learn from them, to gain wisdom where I can, and to pray all the time for them and for wisdom for myself in the future when I am placed in a situation with a potential guy.
Even still, there are days that I look at my life and things going on and have a conversation with the Lord that consists of "God.. you have GOT to be kidding me.. seriously?.. This is what you're asking me to walk through?!? What the Hell?!" (no joke I've had that conversation with God haha)... Then eventually after a LOT of prayer and thinking I come around to "Ok, fine, but I NEED you to be here with me the whole way!" I find myself dealing with issues and problems I never would have even comprehended several years ago. I am making choices and learning things I have never desired to make or learn. I am living places I could have cared less about, but I am excited that I have no idea what is to come if my history is any indication. I struggling with new things every day, and am dramatically different than I was even a year ago, but, God and I are talking more now than ever before. I would not trade any of my past for any of the plans I had before.
To be completely honest, I could not be more content "in" my singleness. I have spent so much time thanking God for the closed doors and for protecting my heart and mind in this area.. Recently I have begun working very hard to keep the murmurs of "when you're content is when God brings the guy into your life" comments from well meaning people from influencing my heart because I am content to not have any idea one way or another about a guy in my life at any point in the future. I have finally reached contentment enough to not assume every guy who enters my life "might be...." and instead I am so incredibly thankful for the relationship and the unique spot it fills in my life for that moment, regardless of what that means. To bring it all down to one thing, I am content to let God figure His plan out, and let me know at the appropriate time... But, man what a ride so far...
I know I am young at 26, and I still do not feel a day past 22 (ok maybe 23..). I am no where close to the place I thought I would be when I was growing up.. and I am no where in the vicinity of who I thought I would be even a couple years ago. Seriously. What blows my mind about all of this is how even in the midst of everything craptastic about the last year in a half (I was really hopeful 2011 would be less stressful and painful than 2010), I am content.. not always happy, and not always thankful.. but content because I can see where my road has taken me and where I have encountered major forks in my life that have dramatically altered who I am. I am not at all who I thought I would be, and not even close to doing what I thought I would be doing.. But, I like it.
You see, when I was 14 or 15 my uncle talked passionately about being in Communications and Public Relations.. and how awesome it would be to do that job.. I was totally sold. In part because my uncle was my hero even though I knew he was broken and flawed. He talked me into all kinds of things because I would just get swept into his excitement, passion, and stories about what could be... So at 15 I thought I would be in a high falooting (is that actually a word?) PR job, I would be "somebody" and I would be successful. Little did I know that my idea of that would change dramatically throughout the course of my life.
Then at 18 I had my first boyfriend and I was convinced I would get married by sophomore year of college and move to GA with him after college to pursue his career choices.. I would be a mother by 24, and life would be grand.. Then we broke up, and nothing I had planned went accordingly. Instead I took summer camp jobs and found jobs in my field which helped me to land a couple key positions after college.. I dated a couple guys for short periods of time, had my heart broken a couple times.. and learned so much more than I ever anticipated about the woman and wife I actually want to be. All the while, I was crying deep down about how unfair it was that I was still single when other girls were getting married...
Then I began to travel, I took jobs elsewhere and began to see the world differently. I realized that more than getting married or being a mom, I wanted and desired to change the world.. to live a life totally sold out for Christ full of passion and excitement, and I would gladly include whoever wanted to take part in that goal and dream. Since that moment a couple years ago I have finally settled into the fact that I am actually already complete, AND that includes the fact that I am single. I still would like to get married some day, I would like to be a mom, but no longer do I HAVE to have these things in order to feel complete and whole as a woman. In fact, I have watched friends so desperate for "the one" that will surely complete them, that now they are finding themselves even more broken than they ever could have imagined. My heart hurts for them more than I have words to express... I have worked to learn from them, to gain wisdom where I can, and to pray all the time for them and for wisdom for myself in the future when I am placed in a situation with a potential guy.
Even still, there are days that I look at my life and things going on and have a conversation with the Lord that consists of "God.. you have GOT to be kidding me.. seriously?.. This is what you're asking me to walk through?!? What the Hell?!" (no joke I've had that conversation with God haha)... Then eventually after a LOT of prayer and thinking I come around to "Ok, fine, but I NEED you to be here with me the whole way!" I find myself dealing with issues and problems I never would have even comprehended several years ago. I am making choices and learning things I have never desired to make or learn. I am living places I could have cared less about, but I am excited that I have no idea what is to come if my history is any indication. I struggling with new things every day, and am dramatically different than I was even a year ago, but, God and I are talking more now than ever before. I would not trade any of my past for any of the plans I had before.
To be completely honest, I could not be more content "in" my singleness. I have spent so much time thanking God for the closed doors and for protecting my heart and mind in this area.. Recently I have begun working very hard to keep the murmurs of "when you're content is when God brings the guy into your life" comments from well meaning people from influencing my heart because I am content to not have any idea one way or another about a guy in my life at any point in the future. I have finally reached contentment enough to not assume every guy who enters my life "might be...." and instead I am so incredibly thankful for the relationship and the unique spot it fills in my life for that moment, regardless of what that means. To bring it all down to one thing, I am content to let God figure His plan out, and let me know at the appropriate time... But, man what a ride so far...
Jun 20, 2011
Lost in Thought...
I don't know if anyone else ever gets like this, but there are days.. sometimes weeks where I am constantly lost in my thoughts. Lately I have been here.. just totally absorbed in whatever I am thinking.. which usually takes place when I drive, and since I have been doing a lot of driving, I have also been doing a lot of thinking. But, what is cool in the whole thing is how much processing is getting done, how much praying I have been doing, and how much I have finally had the chance to realize why I have been responding the way I have to certain things going on in my life and the lives of those around me...
This weekend I drove down to Lynchburg again (I think I have bought stock in the roads I take..) to help throw one of my besties her bridal shower (she's getting married in 2 weeks to one of my other best friends... SO EXCITED!). And, the drive down was by far the fastest drive I think I have ever made.. only it took the typical 4 hours after work, but I was so engrossed in thought and prayer that I apparently was not really focused on driving.. although I remember the entire drive...
I am so thankful for a couple things and have been really praying about a few other things...
Mostly I am thankful that I currently do not loath my job... Just that weight alone has made a HUGE difference in the amount of laughter that has returned to my life. Thank you Jesus!
While my class is not my favorite, it is also the one that I have understood the most (sadly it's statistic too!).. and the one the professor is really working with me, offering me extra credit problems (which let's be honest, that's a win-win for everyone.. but mostly for my education!).
I am unbelievably thankful for the nice weather, and the warm temperatures. I know most people hate the heat, but I literally HATE cold.. I hate being cold.. I hate being in the cold.. It just makes me kinda grumpy... So, the extended daylight hours and warmer temperatures have done wonders for my body feeling alive again!
Sleep is not exactly my friend recently.. especially with this newly acquired cough from all the airplane rides lately.. But, somehow I have not turned into a grump with the severe lack of sleep.
I miss my church here in DC... but, I am really thankful for getting to visit my other churches from the various other places I have lived. Yesterday I was brought to tears by all the men/dads who went forward after the service... I did not realize how much I have been starved of solid Christian men recently who earnestly seek the Lord and want to be the men/dads etc.. they were created to be until I burst into tears yesterday. I mean, let's be honest, I have amazing men in my life... My dad, brothers, friends etc.. but none of them are here in the Metro DC area for me to interact with on a regular bases. There is just something about those Christ following, Y chromosome carrying beings that moves my heart... Which leads me to another thought and prayer...
I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately.. partially due to the high number of weddings, but also partially due to the nature of girl conversations.. A guy texts, fb, e-mails etc.. and it becomes the source of girly talk for a while... Needing all the details, thoughts, etc.. regardless of what the contents that were included actually were. But, in the midst of it all, I find myself totally content to be exactly where I am... Life is crazy right now, and I know that. Trying to ask a man to come and get me right now would be a horrible thing to task him with... However, even still I know that I still desire to get married and have a family, but more than that I need to serve my savior.. regardless of what that looks like. I would love for a man to come "sweep me off my feet" and for everything that goes with that.. But, my reality is, my life is not conducive for that right now.. and I am ok with that. I also chatted with a couple friends about what would I do IF a guy decided to willingly enter into my chaos.. (because we're girls and we like these types of talks).. And, I had to explain that my perspective is not due to me being against a relationship or lacking a desire for one.. but merely because I recognize the ridiculousness in asking someone to pursue me right now. I would without hesitation create time for him (which would likely mean less sleep), but that I do not have time to create opportunity for him to pursue, wait for him to pursue, then make time for him... That is just too much. However, if he (this figment of girls imagination guy) chose to pursue me anyway, knowing what is going on in my life, then I would gladly make room for him if I thought there was a chance... But until then, I will assume that every man who enters my life is there to fill a friend role.
So, all in all life is finally feeling less oppressed. A friend even commented "you laughed and giggled a lot.. is everything ok?" and it helped me to realize just how much life can become drudgery when so many factors are playing into our stress... I like when my first reaction is to laugh instead of merely fake a smile.
Thank you God that things are looking up finally!
This weekend I drove down to Lynchburg again (I think I have bought stock in the roads I take..) to help throw one of my besties her bridal shower (she's getting married in 2 weeks to one of my other best friends... SO EXCITED!). And, the drive down was by far the fastest drive I think I have ever made.. only it took the typical 4 hours after work, but I was so engrossed in thought and prayer that I apparently was not really focused on driving.. although I remember the entire drive...
I am so thankful for a couple things and have been really praying about a few other things...
Mostly I am thankful that I currently do not loath my job... Just that weight alone has made a HUGE difference in the amount of laughter that has returned to my life. Thank you Jesus!
While my class is not my favorite, it is also the one that I have understood the most (sadly it's statistic too!).. and the one the professor is really working with me, offering me extra credit problems (which let's be honest, that's a win-win for everyone.. but mostly for my education!).
I am unbelievably thankful for the nice weather, and the warm temperatures. I know most people hate the heat, but I literally HATE cold.. I hate being cold.. I hate being in the cold.. It just makes me kinda grumpy... So, the extended daylight hours and warmer temperatures have done wonders for my body feeling alive again!
Sleep is not exactly my friend recently.. especially with this newly acquired cough from all the airplane rides lately.. But, somehow I have not turned into a grump with the severe lack of sleep.
I miss my church here in DC... but, I am really thankful for getting to visit my other churches from the various other places I have lived. Yesterday I was brought to tears by all the men/dads who went forward after the service... I did not realize how much I have been starved of solid Christian men recently who earnestly seek the Lord and want to be the men/dads etc.. they were created to be until I burst into tears yesterday. I mean, let's be honest, I have amazing men in my life... My dad, brothers, friends etc.. but none of them are here in the Metro DC area for me to interact with on a regular bases. There is just something about those Christ following, Y chromosome carrying beings that moves my heart... Which leads me to another thought and prayer...
I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately.. partially due to the high number of weddings, but also partially due to the nature of girl conversations.. A guy texts, fb, e-mails etc.. and it becomes the source of girly talk for a while... Needing all the details, thoughts, etc.. regardless of what the contents that were included actually were. But, in the midst of it all, I find myself totally content to be exactly where I am... Life is crazy right now, and I know that. Trying to ask a man to come and get me right now would be a horrible thing to task him with... However, even still I know that I still desire to get married and have a family, but more than that I need to serve my savior.. regardless of what that looks like. I would love for a man to come "sweep me off my feet" and for everything that goes with that.. But, my reality is, my life is not conducive for that right now.. and I am ok with that. I also chatted with a couple friends about what would I do IF a guy decided to willingly enter into my chaos.. (because we're girls and we like these types of talks).. And, I had to explain that my perspective is not due to me being against a relationship or lacking a desire for one.. but merely because I recognize the ridiculousness in asking someone to pursue me right now. I would without hesitation create time for him (which would likely mean less sleep), but that I do not have time to create opportunity for him to pursue, wait for him to pursue, then make time for him... That is just too much. However, if he (this figment of girls imagination guy) chose to pursue me anyway, knowing what is going on in my life, then I would gladly make room for him if I thought there was a chance... But until then, I will assume that every man who enters my life is there to fill a friend role.
So, all in all life is finally feeling less oppressed. A friend even commented "you laughed and giggled a lot.. is everything ok?" and it helped me to realize just how much life can become drudgery when so many factors are playing into our stress... I like when my first reaction is to laugh instead of merely fake a smile.
Thank you God that things are looking up finally!
Apr 20, 2011
Let's Catch Up..
Obviously I have been MIA for a solid week and a half. I wish I could say I was sorry, but let's be honest.. I am not. I spent a solid week feeling like death, then I have spent the rest of the time slowly getting better.. and making up for all the things that did not get done.. You know, like laundry, emails, homework...
However, in the midst of it all I have had a few cool, interesting, stressful, thought provoking, and engaging moments... Ahh a day in the life of me =P
So instead of explaining every little detail I think I'll just bullet my catch up items.
My God is so good.. If you don't know Him, you should.
However, in the midst of it all I have had a few cool, interesting, stressful, thought provoking, and engaging moments... Ahh a day in the life of me =P
So instead of explaining every little detail I think I'll just bullet my catch up items.
- I got my hair cut/trimmed and dyed.. I'm really liking it a lot :)
- While my Financial Principles class isn't as challenging as other classes, the professor is kinda a jerk.
- Shawn McDonald and Jimmy Needham are currently my jam out music at work.
- I sent a care package to a friend in Afghan-land.. I'm excited for him to get it :)
- We have done and still have several roomie interviews to do for the spot opening up.
- I got my car fixed while I was home in Lynchburg.. I. Love. My. Lynchburg. Mechanic/Friend! He's the only mechanic that doesn't make me want to cry!
- Making up a missed day at the gym with my trainer has made for a very sore and tiring week!
- My best friend from college and his wife are coming to visit this weekend. I'm stoked!
- I was sort of asked out on a date last weekend.
- I had an absolutely fantastic and refreshing weekend with one of my friends who came to visit last weekend!
- Sometimes I forget how much I love dancing.
- Warm weather energizes me.
- I feel better and more fulfilled when I get the chance to do things for people around me.
- Sometimes my supervisor and I "claim" weeks.. and thankfully God always helps those weeks go better!
- Random texts are among some of my favorite things.
- I am still working hard for Hot Body Whoa Summer.. and I'm excited about my results!
- It feels like it's already June because of my schedule until then...
- My mom, dad, and little sister sent me a card with encouraging scriptures and things written in it. My family amazes me!
- I don't understand how when I tithe 10% of my income I always seem to have more than enough to do everything!..
- Fake people still grate my nerves.
- I think I might do a compilation list of my Facts of Life from Facebook.. They are not complete yet, but it's a fun mini project.
- I am so thankful that things are better now then they were a couple weeks ago.
My God is so good.. If you don't know Him, you should.
Mar 28, 2011
We Never Know...
Have you thought how many people impact your day, either for good or bad... but impact it none the less. I mean today alone I did almost nothing.. but was impacted by hundreds of people..
The drive to work caused me to encounter LOTS of people.. Some rude, others generous etc..
Talked on the phone with a friend while I drove to the gym, and not only did I encounter a ridiculous number of people driving there.. but a 4 car pile-up significantly changed my evening (and theirs dramatically more then my inconvenience).. which caused me to be late to my after work appointment.
Went to the gym, and encountered several more people. One in which made me sweat and work my body hard... but somehow always improves my moods and makes me laugh while my muscles as quivering.
Then I came home and encountered my roomies... our landlords came over to fix some things.. and I "encountered" people online.
Think about it.. I did 3 things today. Went to work. Went to the gym. Came home. And yet, hundreds of people came across my path... some in insignificant ways and others in very significant ways.
How many more times do we impact those around us.. How do you impact people on purpose?.. In a positive way?.. Smile, say thank you, hold a door open for someone, drop them a note, write on their facebook wall, call or text, hug, laugh.... anything. Do you try to do it on purpose?
Would you do it on purpose if you knew it meant something to them?... I try.
I sometimes operate under the understanding that I will go until I am A. exhausted or B. God has told me to chill. Because I never know when some small thing (or big) makes THE difference in someone's day, week, month... life. What if my minor inconvenience today changes someone's life... Is it worth it?.. I think so.
The drive to work caused me to encounter LOTS of people.. Some rude, others generous etc..
Talked on the phone with a friend while I drove to the gym, and not only did I encounter a ridiculous number of people driving there.. but a 4 car pile-up significantly changed my evening (and theirs dramatically more then my inconvenience).. which caused me to be late to my after work appointment.
Went to the gym, and encountered several more people. One in which made me sweat and work my body hard... but somehow always improves my moods and makes me laugh while my muscles as quivering.
Then I came home and encountered my roomies... our landlords came over to fix some things.. and I "encountered" people online.
Think about it.. I did 3 things today. Went to work. Went to the gym. Came home. And yet, hundreds of people came across my path... some in insignificant ways and others in very significant ways.
How many more times do we impact those around us.. How do you impact people on purpose?.. In a positive way?.. Smile, say thank you, hold a door open for someone, drop them a note, write on their facebook wall, call or text, hug, laugh.... anything. Do you try to do it on purpose?
Would you do it on purpose if you knew it meant something to them?... I try.
I sometimes operate under the understanding that I will go until I am A. exhausted or B. God has told me to chill. Because I never know when some small thing (or big) makes THE difference in someone's day, week, month... life. What if my minor inconvenience today changes someone's life... Is it worth it?.. I think so.
Feb 6, 2011
Weekend Ramblings..
This was such a great weekend.
I went to coffee, live music, and Good Stuff burgers with my roomie Friday night.
On Saturday I slept, did homework, filed taxes, paid bills, did a little laundry, and went to Bdubs to watch the fights. Made a new couple "friends" aka, sat next to a couple people that made it lots of fun, even though I went alone. Texting with my brothers the entire time, also fun.
Today I went to church, out to lunch with a group from my church as a "welcome" for the new members.. it was fun to meet some new people and just talk... we pretty much talked travel the whole time, it was awesome :) Church was good.. I am really loving my church more and more every week. Took a nap, went to a superbowl party after a church service with one of my friends.. had a blast..
I am finally feeling like I am starting to get/create/find/etc.. my niche here. I am so grateful.
I also decided I am done worrying, fretting, and getting frustrated over people getting engaged and married "before me." I mean really.. it is a useless, pointless, waste of time, and I am done with it. I figure I will give myself another 10 years before I begin to really even toy with the idea of worrying that I will not find "the one." But, what that does is in the mean time it gives me the chance to tell and show people to knock it off.. I will find my lover when it is God's timing.. And, until then all my focus is going to be in living the way God is directing me to. There is a lot less stress involved when I am not worried about guys. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have seen some fairly attractive men. But, none that seem to pursue me or my God or both.. so I feel compelled to forget them as possibilities.
I would rather live a whole life never knowing marriage or sex then live my life miserable and broken. So, please.. Stop pittying me, feeling sorry for me, hurting for me, etc.. I am fine, and will continue to be.
The sun was shining today and it was fairly nice out.. FINALLY it feels like maybe winter will slowly begin to release it's fangs and let spring take over!!! I can't wait.
I am so incredibly grateful for the ways in which God has begun weaving hope and excitement back into my life. I am so thankful.
I went to coffee, live music, and Good Stuff burgers with my roomie Friday night.
On Saturday I slept, did homework, filed taxes, paid bills, did a little laundry, and went to Bdubs to watch the fights. Made a new couple "friends" aka, sat next to a couple people that made it lots of fun, even though I went alone. Texting with my brothers the entire time, also fun.
Today I went to church, out to lunch with a group from my church as a "welcome" for the new members.. it was fun to meet some new people and just talk... we pretty much talked travel the whole time, it was awesome :) Church was good.. I am really loving my church more and more every week. Took a nap, went to a superbowl party after a church service with one of my friends.. had a blast..
I am finally feeling like I am starting to get/create/find/etc.. my niche here. I am so grateful.
I also decided I am done worrying, fretting, and getting frustrated over people getting engaged and married "before me." I mean really.. it is a useless, pointless, waste of time, and I am done with it. I figure I will give myself another 10 years before I begin to really even toy with the idea of worrying that I will not find "the one." But, what that does is in the mean time it gives me the chance to tell and show people to knock it off.. I will find my lover when it is God's timing.. And, until then all my focus is going to be in living the way God is directing me to. There is a lot less stress involved when I am not worried about guys. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have seen some fairly attractive men. But, none that seem to pursue me or my God or both.. so I feel compelled to forget them as possibilities.
I would rather live a whole life never knowing marriage or sex then live my life miserable and broken. So, please.. Stop pittying me, feeling sorry for me, hurting for me, etc.. I am fine, and will continue to be.
The sun was shining today and it was fairly nice out.. FINALLY it feels like maybe winter will slowly begin to release it's fangs and let spring take over!!! I can't wait.
I am so incredibly grateful for the ways in which God has begun weaving hope and excitement back into my life. I am so thankful.
Nov 14, 2010
Glimpses of Life...
Here are a few pictures from this weekend.. One of my best friends came up to visit and we celebrated her birthday with randomness all weekend long.. plus lots and lots of pictures :) We had fun.
This is the place that is now my life... (didn't take all of these.. half of them were taken by my friend :)
One of many cool memorials:
A fantastic sunset... and an official national building of some sort...
Same sunset.
The White House... aka my house...... JK! ;)
The Metro... A transportation that is unpredictable but often cheaper..
Walking... Lots of walking, LOVE IT! (I'm the all dark one haha)
My friend took this.. I really like this picture for some reason.. :)
Every time I turned around during our exploring she was taking more pictures! haha
Us visiting the Einstein memorial, it was pretty cool!
Albert Einstein's memorial... you can't tell in this picture, but there are metal buttons on the ground... They represent constellations! It was awesome.
Taking a break mid 45-mile walk.. lol
Resting in one of the parks... I love parks in the middle of a busy city.
My life is markedly different then I would have expected a year ago... even a couple months ago. But, I am loving the adventure that is coming my way, the unknown excites me more than it scares me at this point, and since I am totally blind to what is coming, it is forcing me to take everything in stride and open my eyes to the beauty and challenges that are around me. I am learning to delight in the challenges. I am learning to take in differences and recognize them as exactly that, a difference that has more to do with preference, and less to do with right or wrong. I am learning all over again and in new ways how to grow gracefully. I am learning about new cultures, and loving it. I am looking around me and seeing a Savior God lacking in so many people's lives, and it hurts my heart all over again. I am being reminded daily it is not my job to take offenses that are meant towards God, it is my job to love in a very real way. I am learning that in new places with new people, there are different battles to choose... and they are markedly different then other places and with other people... I am welcoming it.
Lord, my love, be here. Guide me.
This is the place that is now my life... (didn't take all of these.. half of them were taken by my friend :)
One of many cool memorials:
A fantastic sunset... and an official national building of some sort...
Same sunset.
The White House... aka my house...... JK! ;)
The Metro... A transportation that is unpredictable but often cheaper..
Walking... Lots of walking, LOVE IT! (I'm the all dark one haha)
My friend took this.. I really like this picture for some reason.. :)
Every time I turned around during our exploring she was taking more pictures! haha
Us visiting the Einstein memorial, it was pretty cool!
Albert Einstein's memorial... you can't tell in this picture, but there are metal buttons on the ground... They represent constellations! It was awesome.
Taking a break mid 45-mile walk.. lol
Resting in one of the parks... I love parks in the middle of a busy city.
My life is markedly different then I would have expected a year ago... even a couple months ago. But, I am loving the adventure that is coming my way, the unknown excites me more than it scares me at this point, and since I am totally blind to what is coming, it is forcing me to take everything in stride and open my eyes to the beauty and challenges that are around me. I am learning to delight in the challenges. I am learning to take in differences and recognize them as exactly that, a difference that has more to do with preference, and less to do with right or wrong. I am learning all over again and in new ways how to grow gracefully. I am learning about new cultures, and loving it. I am looking around me and seeing a Savior God lacking in so many people's lives, and it hurts my heart all over again. I am being reminded daily it is not my job to take offenses that are meant towards God, it is my job to love in a very real way. I am learning that in new places with new people, there are different battles to choose... and they are markedly different then other places and with other people... I am welcoming it.
Lord, my love, be here. Guide me.
Nov 6, 2010
Edgingly Different...
I was thinking about this yesterday as I drove to work. How "out of control" of my life I am. I mean I never planned to end up working on the 4th floor of a National organization in Old Town Alexandria. I never would have chosen to move to DC and become a part of the life and culture here. I never would have guessed that I would have spent two years in central VA, and I certainly never would have guessed I would have all the physical things I have. How is it that I own a car, am renting a HUGE house, own a Mac computer, an ipod nano, a slew of fantastic clothes, shoes, and jewelry, and the finances that allow me to essentially plan to buy whatever I want at some point in the relatively near future if I budget correctly. How have I become that person?.. I have no idea. I did not set out after college to get or be this type of person, all I wanted to do was love people for Jesus. So, in fact, my goal after college was to spend 27 months in Africa with the Peace Corps. Instead I have spend the last 3 1/2 years building a resume that is so much more fantastic then I feel I am. How have I found myself placed in a job that is so well paying that I am going to knock out substantial amounts of debt very quickly? I have no idea. I have not set out for riches or fame, in fact, I could careless about ever owning a home of my own... And yet, here I am feeling totally overwhelmed with the things I am blessed with in my life. How have I become this person? So insanely blessed that I do not know what to do with it?.. I do not know. All I know is that I am constantly praying that the Lord does not let me get swept away with the tides of the fickle people that surround me and do no turn to Him. I do not want to become this person without Him. I am not drawn to it, and I certainly do not need it, so then I must have a purpose, a mission, an adventure, and it would be impossible without His guidance.. or rather it would be pointless and have about the value of a vapor on a windy day.
I want to gallivant around this town being edgingly different. I want people who meet me to be perplexed by the dynamics that make up who I am. I do not care if they look at me and decide based on my looks that I must be different or the same, what I want is for them to walk away from an encounter with me knowing I am real, loving, and that my life is being driven by Christ. I want to be different because normal is overrated. I have discovered safe is boring and not at all what we are called to surround ourselves with, and I have never desired for the "comfortable" so why would I start now? I want the ones who are scorned by other Christians to be drawn to me, to my life, to my laughter, to my joking, to my love, and to my Savior God.
I am so much further from perfect and put together then I would like to be at this point in my life... But, it is who I am, and where I am at, so Lord use it. I am going to grow like whoa here in the metropolis that is DC, but I am also excited to push to be even more passionate, excited, and in love with my sweet Jesus. How exciting that I have been put here. God is good.
Now, for those of you that keep asking, here is a bit about my actual life and first week here... I finally feel like I am at this point of no longer being overly stimulated or overwhelmed at the sheer magnitude of the things I am now having to adjust to and call home. I caught up on homework which was a huge help, and was able to do some familiar things, even though it was in a totally new place.
So, to explain the random assortment of things that have happened my first week here:
From a work perspective:
Day 1 - Sunny
Day 2 - Partly cloudy
Day 3 - Mostly cloudy
Day 4 - Rainy...
Day 5 - I was amusingly expecting a monsoon or snow.. thankfully it was partly sunny haha
From a life perspective:
Thursday I decided staying home and doing homework was not at all enticing since I had spent the previous three evenings doing exactly that, so I peaced out and went salsa dancing. I enlisted the help of my wonderful friend who exposed me to the Latin dance world to begin with and we found a place not too far away that would be good and allow me to "just dance" haha I only stayed for a couple hours, but was able to partake in an intermediate class, learn some new things, and then dance. Surprisingly, I was asked to dance a decent amount, and quickly realized that I have a long way to go until I can consider myself a good dancer... but, I am really excited to be around such a large number of good dancers on a regular basis to help me improve!
I also discovered this week that my church has a martial arts bible study that meets on Sundays, trains some, then goes through some Bible passages.. I'm stoked!.. Especially since there's Arnis involved as one of the styles!! :) Between these two activities, it has helped curb my (I'm sure false) feelings of becoming "fat and lazy." I am excited to know that I don't HAVE to go running if I don't want to, I can dance and do martial arts for very little money or travel.. and I don't have to worry about or get aggravated by ancient mysticism working its way into my martial arts!
Friday night, I met up with a friend from Lynchburg and a local friend of hers, and we went to Old Town and had a great night just hanging out... and maybe laughing at the incredibly unaware white men really feeling and trying to "channel" Kesha on the dance-floor... poor guys.
Today, I went with those same friends to explore Georgetown. We had some fantastic coffee... Who's employees were incredibly amused by my typical "Americano with Flavor." "What flavor?" "Surprise me." :) We walked around, I got some GREAT ideas for Christmas, and realized how cheap and practical I am yet again... and then got a FANTASTIC Chai cupcake. This is also about when I realized that I even though cheap and buy pretty much NOTHING unless it is on-sale.. I enjoy great food, and am ok spending money on good food.... Weird?.. Maybe a bit haha
Tonight, I plan on heading to a friend of a friends house... by myself to partake in a game night! Haha, good thing I do not scare easily huh? Showing up to a random persons house where I know no one to play games.. I must be crazy right?... Or maybe I just have a Savior, a blackbelt, and a severe lack of fear of social situations lol Besides, how else am I supposed to meet people? Everyone has fears, insecurities, goals, ambitions, stories, and a past... No one is totally unique and normal. I just assume that we have an equal amount of good stories and bad stories from our past, and that they look at me and recognize that I am just as "normal" as they are.. so why not be friends? :) The idea of strangers has always been a foreign concept to me... They're only strangers until you can introduce them to someone else right?... And that, takes a grand total of knowing someone for 30 seconds...
I am really excited to make the trek to Church tomorrow... To once again have church in the basement of a coffee shop, and slowly begin to feel more at home. I am excited to meet God there once again, only this time hopefully less ADD and more focused.
I know I have said this, but I am really looking forward to the things to come. The new friendships I make, the people I get to love, the opportunities I will get, and all the times God is going to have teachable moments!
I want to gallivant around this town being edgingly different. I want people who meet me to be perplexed by the dynamics that make up who I am. I do not care if they look at me and decide based on my looks that I must be different or the same, what I want is for them to walk away from an encounter with me knowing I am real, loving, and that my life is being driven by Christ. I want to be different because normal is overrated. I have discovered safe is boring and not at all what we are called to surround ourselves with, and I have never desired for the "comfortable" so why would I start now? I want the ones who are scorned by other Christians to be drawn to me, to my life, to my laughter, to my joking, to my love, and to my Savior God.
I am so much further from perfect and put together then I would like to be at this point in my life... But, it is who I am, and where I am at, so Lord use it. I am going to grow like whoa here in the metropolis that is DC, but I am also excited to push to be even more passionate, excited, and in love with my sweet Jesus. How exciting that I have been put here. God is good.
Now, for those of you that keep asking, here is a bit about my actual life and first week here... I finally feel like I am at this point of no longer being overly stimulated or overwhelmed at the sheer magnitude of the things I am now having to adjust to and call home. I caught up on homework which was a huge help, and was able to do some familiar things, even though it was in a totally new place.
So, to explain the random assortment of things that have happened my first week here:
From a work perspective:
Day 1 - Sunny
Day 2 - Partly cloudy
Day 3 - Mostly cloudy
Day 4 - Rainy...
Day 5 - I was amusingly expecting a monsoon or snow.. thankfully it was partly sunny haha
From a life perspective:
Thursday I decided staying home and doing homework was not at all enticing since I had spent the previous three evenings doing exactly that, so I peaced out and went salsa dancing. I enlisted the help of my wonderful friend who exposed me to the Latin dance world to begin with and we found a place not too far away that would be good and allow me to "just dance" haha I only stayed for a couple hours, but was able to partake in an intermediate class, learn some new things, and then dance. Surprisingly, I was asked to dance a decent amount, and quickly realized that I have a long way to go until I can consider myself a good dancer... but, I am really excited to be around such a large number of good dancers on a regular basis to help me improve!
I also discovered this week that my church has a martial arts bible study that meets on Sundays, trains some, then goes through some Bible passages.. I'm stoked!.. Especially since there's Arnis involved as one of the styles!! :) Between these two activities, it has helped curb my (I'm sure false) feelings of becoming "fat and lazy." I am excited to know that I don't HAVE to go running if I don't want to, I can dance and do martial arts for very little money or travel.. and I don't have to worry about or get aggravated by ancient mysticism working its way into my martial arts!
Friday night, I met up with a friend from Lynchburg and a local friend of hers, and we went to Old Town and had a great night just hanging out... and maybe laughing at the incredibly unaware white men really feeling and trying to "channel" Kesha on the dance-floor... poor guys.
Today, I went with those same friends to explore Georgetown. We had some fantastic coffee... Who's employees were incredibly amused by my typical "Americano with Flavor." "What flavor?" "Surprise me." :) We walked around, I got some GREAT ideas for Christmas, and realized how cheap and practical I am yet again... and then got a FANTASTIC Chai cupcake. This is also about when I realized that I even though cheap and buy pretty much NOTHING unless it is on-sale.. I enjoy great food, and am ok spending money on good food.... Weird?.. Maybe a bit haha
Tonight, I plan on heading to a friend of a friends house... by myself to partake in a game night! Haha, good thing I do not scare easily huh? Showing up to a random persons house where I know no one to play games.. I must be crazy right?... Or maybe I just have a Savior, a blackbelt, and a severe lack of fear of social situations lol Besides, how else am I supposed to meet people? Everyone has fears, insecurities, goals, ambitions, stories, and a past... No one is totally unique and normal. I just assume that we have an equal amount of good stories and bad stories from our past, and that they look at me and recognize that I am just as "normal" as they are.. so why not be friends? :) The idea of strangers has always been a foreign concept to me... They're only strangers until you can introduce them to someone else right?... And that, takes a grand total of knowing someone for 30 seconds...
I am really excited to make the trek to Church tomorrow... To once again have church in the basement of a coffee shop, and slowly begin to feel more at home. I am excited to meet God there once again, only this time hopefully less ADD and more focused.
I know I have said this, but I am really looking forward to the things to come. The new friendships I make, the people I get to love, the opportunities I will get, and all the times God is going to have teachable moments!
Jun 3, 2010
Flashes of Life...
My beautiful baby sister turned 13 yesterday. Gosh she is getting so big! Let me just take a moment to explain that, my sister is pretty much the most amazing person ever :) She is brilliant, witty, obviously beautiful, and just so naturally charming and graceful. Yes, we are aware we look alike, although we do not think we look as similar as people claim :) But, as with all of my siblings, we are CLEARLY related haha. However, my sister is just amazing haha She sends me letters and emails sometimes just to tell me that I am treasured, and Jesus loves me, and I have no idea how much I mean to those around me... I mean really?!... I know adults that do not even think about saying those kind of things :) She is very deliberate and thought out in everything she does, and she is so founded in her principles that one time she had to tell me all about when a few adults were saying sometimes it is ok to lie as long as there is a "greater good" haha she spouted about that for a long time! :) She has none of the "childish" or annoying "girlie" traits that most 13 year old girls have, and when you sit and talk with her you always end up carrying on conversations as though she was your own age.. She just amazes me, and I am so incredibly blessed that she is MY sister. I am so ridiculously excited to see who she grows up to be, and all the different ways God is going to use her.. because lets be honest, He is already doing some pretty amazing and precious things through her at 13 :)
Yesterday was mass chaos day at work. We had meetings galore and an awards ceremony that lasts roughly 3-4 hours. Plus, we hired our new Executive Director who officially started today... And, praise Jesus it was the one I liked because when he came for his in-person interview he talked TO me instead of at me. So, while life is still chaotic and uncertain in regards to work... Jesus has put a man in place to lead us that I can respect and know that regardless of what happens he has the best in mind and will work hard to do what is right. I appreciate knowing that... even if I have no idea what that means in a practical sense.
Life has begun to take a turn for hinting that the dust and chaos of the last 6 months will begin to settle. Recently I have had to schedule time with various friends a couple weeks out knowing that I would be insanely busy or too tired to be much fun.. But, while life never really slows down for me, I am discovering my need... AND desire for relaxing "do nothing" time. haha Does this mean I have become an actual adult now?! So, in an attempt to make everyone happy I have been thinking a lot recently about what it looks like for ME to take time to relax, because lets be honest, I do not need alone time like other people... and usually being in the same room not talking counts as alone time for me haha Yet, at the same time I do not want to become lax in caring for those around me... for pouring into their lives in whatever way that I can. I have just begun to realize how there truly is a time for everything... and sometimes it is not convenient nor easy, but it is always essential.
This past week it has become so crystal clear to me how blessed I am to have my friends. I would not have made it through the last couple weeks without these amazing people.. some of them just texting to say they were thinking of me and they love me. I am blown away by how selfless their love for me is.. and how much they stick by me even when I am being a spaz about stupid things or when I have been so stressed out that I just pulled away and shut down to function... The ways several of my friends reached out to me was just wonderful and such a wonderful reminder of how much I am truly loved and cared for. Not to mention all the practical things my friends have done for me... And, I do not know how much I convey this.. but I am a huge fan of practical... I love when things make sense and avoid any needlessness. Haha.. which I realize can sometimes shoot me in the foot when someone is trying to do something so incredibly nice for me and I cannot see the purpose because of its lack of practicality. (whoopsie!) But, I also am a huge fan of hugs.. of which I have been getting a lot lately, and lets be honest, it just makes life better :)
Another friend told me today they had overheard a conversation about me where the people talking were commenting on how pretty much everything I do is for those around me.. whether driving an insane amount or going out of my way to do something or spend time with someone. When my friend told me that, I had to fight my instinctive reaction to explain away all my reasonings and thoughts behind my actions. Then I realized, none of that mattered. What did matter was that the very thing God laid on my heart YEARS ago, to truly, honestly, practically (and impractically) love people for His glory, this is an example of me having done it right for once!.... How awesome is that?... *big sigh of relief!*
My God is awesome. If you do not know Jesus, you should.. it is a crazy roller coaster, but totally worth it all, and unlike anything else you will ever experience. I promise.
Feb 25, 2010
No Prayers to Say...
What do you say to the Creator of everything when you hurt so deep down in your core that you don't have words that express the feelings?... I dunno, but that's how I have been feeling.
I keep looking back at the last few months and I remember lots of pain and frustration involved. No one thing has caused any of it, and no one person caused the problems.. It, like always, is a mixture of one thing on top of another. I think I have finally come to the point of realizing I have just had enough, I am not happy with most anything right now.. Or, maybe a better way to describe it is, whether caused by some stupid blunder on my part or someone else, there is nothing in my life that isn't being effected and causing me to cry out to my Savior.
I feel like a crazy person.
I cannot explain the pain or frustration I feel. And, I cannot put into words all the little ways God is molding and adjusting me.. In part because it is incredibly intimate, and then because it is incredibly hard and painful. I have definitely had the "when is enough?" thought more than a few times... And, I do not mean this flippantly, or because I feel so persecuted or anything like that.. Just because my life seems to be filled to overflowing of "just one more thing" I have to deal with, work through, let go of.. Something virtually every single day comes into my view that threatens to just take over.. my emotions go spastic, and it takes me a while and a lot of praying and thinking through the logical reality in order for my emotions not to run away with me.. So that I do not say things I want to.. Or react the way I soo would love to..
I do not feel like responding to people well. I do not feel like letting everything I say and do bring Honor and Glory to my Savior. I do not want to think about the fact that I could have said or handled something better. I do not want to do anything but be selfish and focused on me...
And then, I cry... I have cried more in the last week then I did in ALL of 2009... haha awesome. I love how Jesus speaks to my heart though. To just come and sit with Him. To be still and know He has it all together if I would just take a moment and breathe, and let Him hold me. If I would just allow Him the chance to help me it would be better, I would feel better. Just give Him the chance to speak to my heart and do what He needs inside me... Life would just get easier, not become perfectly wrapped up in a 30 minute episode, but I would not be so stressed, aggravated, frustrated, overwhelmed, annoyed, or so close to giving up and cutting ties.
I have no words to pray. I have no way of telling Him what I am feeling or needing, so most of my prayers have been me just sorta presenting my feelings and heart to Him and telling Jesus I need Him to do something about it. I have no idea if that is how He works.. but it's all I have right now.
I love my Savior, there is no doubt... But, life is just hard right now.
I keep looking back at the last few months and I remember lots of pain and frustration involved. No one thing has caused any of it, and no one person caused the problems.. It, like always, is a mixture of one thing on top of another. I think I have finally come to the point of realizing I have just had enough, I am not happy with most anything right now.. Or, maybe a better way to describe it is, whether caused by some stupid blunder on my part or someone else, there is nothing in my life that isn't being effected and causing me to cry out to my Savior.
I feel like a crazy person.
I cannot explain the pain or frustration I feel. And, I cannot put into words all the little ways God is molding and adjusting me.. In part because it is incredibly intimate, and then because it is incredibly hard and painful. I have definitely had the "when is enough?" thought more than a few times... And, I do not mean this flippantly, or because I feel so persecuted or anything like that.. Just because my life seems to be filled to overflowing of "just one more thing" I have to deal with, work through, let go of.. Something virtually every single day comes into my view that threatens to just take over.. my emotions go spastic, and it takes me a while and a lot of praying and thinking through the logical reality in order for my emotions not to run away with me.. So that I do not say things I want to.. Or react the way I soo would love to..
I do not feel like responding to people well. I do not feel like letting everything I say and do bring Honor and Glory to my Savior. I do not want to think about the fact that I could have said or handled something better. I do not want to do anything but be selfish and focused on me...
And then, I cry... I have cried more in the last week then I did in ALL of 2009... haha awesome. I love how Jesus speaks to my heart though. To just come and sit with Him. To be still and know He has it all together if I would just take a moment and breathe, and let Him hold me. If I would just allow Him the chance to help me it would be better, I would feel better. Just give Him the chance to speak to my heart and do what He needs inside me... Life would just get easier, not become perfectly wrapped up in a 30 minute episode, but I would not be so stressed, aggravated, frustrated, overwhelmed, annoyed, or so close to giving up and cutting ties.
I have no words to pray. I have no way of telling Him what I am feeling or needing, so most of my prayers have been me just sorta presenting my feelings and heart to Him and telling Jesus I need Him to do something about it. I have no idea if that is how He works.. but it's all I have right now.
I love my Savior, there is no doubt... But, life is just hard right now.
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