This past weekend, my church did a night of prayer and worship starting at 7:14 pm Saturday the 14th, and ended at 7:14 am Sunday morning. Sounds extreme huh?.. It kinda was, but in the best and potentially coolest of ways. The entire evening was to kick off a 40 day freedom fast, of which I chose to give up sweets (more on this later I am sure).
I did a post about my view of When Men Worship the Lord, but this post is more about the entire experience for me.
My intention heading into the evening was, to be there until I got tired, figuring it would be somewhere in the 2-3am vicinity that I would actually end up leaving. So, when my friend left around 11, I did not think I would be far behind her, especially knowing how much stuff I had to get done on Sunday and because I had been fairly tired all week.
I have never done all night prayer and worship alone or with anyone else, so I had no idea what to expect heading into the night... Which in this case I guess is a good thing.
When I got there, my first overwhelming thought of the evening was that there were too many people, and they were all too close to me... and it was really warm. I mean, do not get me wrong, normally I love being close to people, I enjoy being surrounded by people, giving and getting hugs, most of the time I do not mind being touched by friends and people I know, and I was really excited there were so many people there. However, when I worship my Lord and Savior, it is intensely personal and private to me; almost more than anything else. Not to mention the fact that, I am a swayer when I worship (thanks Dad for that gene), I move, I raise my hands, I sway, I bounce around, all depending on how the music moves me. But, there were so many people that I literally had no room to move, and I did not want to bump into those around me for fear of interrupting their worship time.
Once I settled into realizing it would be a while before I was able to sway and move freely, I began the task of searching my heart to let go of the things that would hinder my communication with Christ. It took me oh, about .001 seconds to identify the burden on my heart. Lovely.
After my friend left at 11, I moved up next to another friend, mostly because I would rather worship next to someone who knows me, just in case the Lord decides to do some real work and I turned into a blabbering fool. Thankfully by the time I moved to join my friend almost half of the people had left already and I was able to worship without worrying about bumping into someone else's worship experience.
Every hour or two they would transition into a new worship leader while one of the pastors talked or shared for a bit about what God was putting on their heart. It was really a neat experience, and while somewhat structured, it was actually organic enough to make sense and flow with the Holy Spirit. The neat thing about having so many different people lead worship throughout the night was how it all ebbed and flowed do to the different leaders. There were periods of time when the worship was powerful and exciting, and other times it was raw and seeking, some ushered into praise, while still others lead us into contemplation and reflection. It was a fantastic experience from just the worship leader's anointing alone!
What amazed me afterwards about the entire thing, and as I began processing through what happened, how in the world did I end up being there the full 12 hours?! The first real thing that struck me was, it took me EIGHT HOURS to deal with the burden on my heart. Eight hours of constantly in the presence of God working through my fears, my anxiety, my desire to control, and finally relenting to letting my Lord deal with it. I spent the first seven hours begging for a clear answer, I just wanted to know for certain what His plan was and where He is leading me. Finally around hour eight I still did not have a specific answer, but an entirely overwhelming sense of "Peace, I'm here." No form of do this or that, no action plan, but an outpouring reminding that the plan is in motion, my job is to let go and let God, and remember He is with me. However, just before I realized I was at peace I began crying and saying over and over "Abba, Father, I need you." It was an interesting moment when I realized I was at peace once more because I was beginning to get tired, and had curled up in the chair to listen to other people talk about the various things God had been laying on their heart to share, and in the midst of someone sharing their heart, they mentioned Abba Father, and instantly I realize I was content, full of peace, and God was going to take care of me. What is even more ridiculous to me is that it took until about hour eleven before I really felt God at my core.
What I also find interesting and fairly ridiculous about the entire thing is how long it took for me to let go and relax in the presence of God, my Savior. EIGHT HOURS before I was finally able to relinquish control and let go of my anxiety. That is a really long time, and kinda stupid that it took me so long. However, the truth of it all is that, it took me four hours for the knot and dread in my stomach to go away, so I suppose it is fitting for it to take another four hours to work itself the rest of the way out of me, and then another three hours for God to wash it all away from my memory enough so that I could only focus on Him, despite my almost delirious state of exhaustion at that point.
I was a little surprised throughout the night at the things that made me tear up or cry. Nothing sparked a fountain or waterfall type of crying, but at several points throughout the night, different things touched me or beckoned me to the feet of Christ enough that I found myself tearing up or in a couple instances crying... It is in those moments that I am thankful my bangs cover my face when my head is bowed, it gives me a semblance of privacy; even though I am fairly certain others can see me wipe my tears away. Like I said earlier, worship between God and I is one of the most personal and private things to me, I really struggle letting others into that area... And, I have also had several people on numerous occasions inform me that I am really bad at letting others know how and what I need prayer over... I am working on it, promise.
The other thing that amazed me about the entire experience was how easily I paid attention the entire 12 hours. I expected to really struggle as the night wore on, but the hours flew by, and my attention span remained... I also was slightly surprised that I did not even come close to falling asleep at any point throughout the night, even when my eyes were closed and I was sitting while praying.
Overall I am so excited to have been able to experience 12 hours of prayer and worship, it was not at all what I was expecting, in the very best of ways, and I am excited to see what God does in the next 36 days of my fast!
Showing posts with label Theaterchurch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Theaterchurch. Show all posts
Jul 17, 2012
Jul 16, 2012
When Men Worship the Lord...
I have grown up in a family full of strong, God fearing, and loving men. I am so proud of them, respect them, and they have a great deal to do with the way I view men, and the way I feel men should treat and take care of women... Regardless of their relationship.
That being said, I am always encouraged to find, see, meet, become friends with, spend time with or talk to men outside of my family that exhibit the same level of character and love for the Lord. It warms my heart in an entirely unique way.
This weekend I spent 12 hours with a fairly large group of people from my church, praying and worshiping throughout the night, from 7:14pm Saturday (the 14th) to 7:14am Sunday (I will do a separate post about that experience later because it definitely needs its own). And, whether any of us like it or not, a lot can be understood about someone when they are singing worship music to their savior. For instance, you can tell when someone is deeply impacted and moved, you can tell when they are passionate, who is typically expressive, energetic, and when the music is taking them to solemn or emotional places. The nervousness some people exhibit while singing is interesting indication as well. All of these characteristics can be observed while someone is singing. Granted, the thing that is causing these behaviors to be exhibited can vary dramatically, so to assume someone is nervous because they are uncomfortable singing out-loud would be an unfair judgement, and that is not at all what I am talking about. I am merely talking about the basic things that are actually getting communicated, not the cause. And, I do believe in a lot of ways you can tell what type of person they are based on how the worship.
However, for just a few minutes, I want to focus specifically on the men I spent the evening worshiping and praying with. Why am I focusing on the men specifically? Because, while a lot of what I am saying can and does apply to women also, as a woman, I think it is actually easier for us to worship openly due to our natural bend towards being in touch with our emotions. Plus, I think there is a lot to be said about the leadership a man exhibits in the way he worships his Lord and King. Also, just a housekeeping note, I am specifically referring to congregational/group singing, and not at all referencing the worship leader's gender or particular style of leading worship.
So, here are a few of the things that struck me from my 12 hours of prayer and worship with the men in attendance.
It just feels right when people of all backgrounds, ages etc.. unabashedly worship God together; however, there really is no amount of words that can accurately describe the comfort and "rightness" that comes from being around men who openly and passionately worship Christ. There is just something different about being around men who are excited to worship and not at all worried about those around them, if they are on key, if the person next to them is raising their hands or closing their eyes.
I have always loved listening to men and women's voices blend when they sing together. When men lend their voices loudly to the group, it adds something that while beautiful, women's voices simply do not have. There is a weight behind the sound when men sing that carries the song in a way that allows the women's voices to add the beauty and change the depth of the song (Right about now is when it becomes clear I have virtually no experience and a seriously basic understanding of music making itself).
So, taking all of these things into consideration. Spending 12 hours around men who exhibited a love and passion for God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), was awesome to say the least. There is power behind men who worship openly. Men were meant to fight, strive, protect, and care for women, families, puppies (haha) etc.. they were made that way. It is an amazing thing to watch and hear men sing songs about needing Christ, humbly saying that God is holy, holy, holy, and declaring that if God is with them, then who and what could possibly stand in their way? Being surrounded for 12 hours by this atmosphere creates an entirely different level of comfort and feeling of safety even though I personally only knew a few of the dozens of men in the room.
Throughout various points in the night I watched and listened to the men around me, not because I wanted to judge them, but because I was trying to understand them... What was God saying to them? What were they saying to God? Were they praising or pleading for something? Were they feeling the weight of bondage or set free? Were they declaring victory or needing forgiveness? Were they at peace or burdened? It was such a unique atmosphere to be a part of for dozens upon dozens of reasons, but throughout the evening, I found myself on numerous occasions just smiling as I saw or heard the men around me. There were some fantastic singers, some really excited and passionate dancing, lots of men bowed down praying, and more than a few sobering and emotional moments, all mixed with a lot of singing from the very core of who they are.
While I could go on and on about all the ways the evening encouraged and changed things in my heart with just this one element of the evening; the biggest ways it impacted me were in feeling so proud of Christian men, and being incredibly encouraged to see so many of them leading the way they are supposed to; by seeking first the Kingdom of God. There is a good chance I will never know the names of the majority of the men I spent 12 hours praying and worshiping with, but the ones I did know now have a special place in my heart because of it all.
When men worship the Lord, it is a game changer because it allows God to change them, and then women cannot help but be effected.
I will likely never know even a small portion of the things the men were praying for, through or praising God for, but, they will also likely never know how it spoke to my heart and how 12 hours of worshiping and praying with them changed me. They will likely never know how that small step of leadership has impacted me, and I am uncertain I could even explain it or articulate it well if given the opportunity.
Bottom line, there is something exactly perfect and right with the world when men worship the Lord.
That being said, I am always encouraged to find, see, meet, become friends with, spend time with or talk to men outside of my family that exhibit the same level of character and love for the Lord. It warms my heart in an entirely unique way.
This weekend I spent 12 hours with a fairly large group of people from my church, praying and worshiping throughout the night, from 7:14pm Saturday (the 14th) to 7:14am Sunday (I will do a separate post about that experience later because it definitely needs its own). And, whether any of us like it or not, a lot can be understood about someone when they are singing worship music to their savior. For instance, you can tell when someone is deeply impacted and moved, you can tell when they are passionate, who is typically expressive, energetic, and when the music is taking them to solemn or emotional places. The nervousness some people exhibit while singing is interesting indication as well. All of these characteristics can be observed while someone is singing. Granted, the thing that is causing these behaviors to be exhibited can vary dramatically, so to assume someone is nervous because they are uncomfortable singing out-loud would be an unfair judgement, and that is not at all what I am talking about. I am merely talking about the basic things that are actually getting communicated, not the cause. And, I do believe in a lot of ways you can tell what type of person they are based on how the worship.
However, for just a few minutes, I want to focus specifically on the men I spent the evening worshiping and praying with. Why am I focusing on the men specifically? Because, while a lot of what I am saying can and does apply to women also, as a woman, I think it is actually easier for us to worship openly due to our natural bend towards being in touch with our emotions. Plus, I think there is a lot to be said about the leadership a man exhibits in the way he worships his Lord and King. Also, just a housekeeping note, I am specifically referring to congregational/group singing, and not at all referencing the worship leader's gender or particular style of leading worship.
So, here are a few of the things that struck me from my 12 hours of prayer and worship with the men in attendance.
It just feels right when people of all backgrounds, ages etc.. unabashedly worship God together; however, there really is no amount of words that can accurately describe the comfort and "rightness" that comes from being around men who openly and passionately worship Christ. There is just something different about being around men who are excited to worship and not at all worried about those around them, if they are on key, if the person next to them is raising their hands or closing their eyes.
I have always loved listening to men and women's voices blend when they sing together. When men lend their voices loudly to the group, it adds something that while beautiful, women's voices simply do not have. There is a weight behind the sound when men sing that carries the song in a way that allows the women's voices to add the beauty and change the depth of the song (Right about now is when it becomes clear I have virtually no experience and a seriously basic understanding of music making itself).
So, taking all of these things into consideration. Spending 12 hours around men who exhibited a love and passion for God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), was awesome to say the least. There is power behind men who worship openly. Men were meant to fight, strive, protect, and care for women, families, puppies (haha) etc.. they were made that way. It is an amazing thing to watch and hear men sing songs about needing Christ, humbly saying that God is holy, holy, holy, and declaring that if God is with them, then who and what could possibly stand in their way? Being surrounded for 12 hours by this atmosphere creates an entirely different level of comfort and feeling of safety even though I personally only knew a few of the dozens of men in the room.
Throughout various points in the night I watched and listened to the men around me, not because I wanted to judge them, but because I was trying to understand them... What was God saying to them? What were they saying to God? Were they praising or pleading for something? Were they feeling the weight of bondage or set free? Were they declaring victory or needing forgiveness? Were they at peace or burdened? It was such a unique atmosphere to be a part of for dozens upon dozens of reasons, but throughout the evening, I found myself on numerous occasions just smiling as I saw or heard the men around me. There were some fantastic singers, some really excited and passionate dancing, lots of men bowed down praying, and more than a few sobering and emotional moments, all mixed with a lot of singing from the very core of who they are.
While I could go on and on about all the ways the evening encouraged and changed things in my heart with just this one element of the evening; the biggest ways it impacted me were in feeling so proud of Christian men, and being incredibly encouraged to see so many of them leading the way they are supposed to; by seeking first the Kingdom of God. There is a good chance I will never know the names of the majority of the men I spent 12 hours praying and worshiping with, but the ones I did know now have a special place in my heart because of it all.
When men worship the Lord, it is a game changer because it allows God to change them, and then women cannot help but be effected.
I will likely never know even a small portion of the things the men were praying for, through or praising God for, but, they will also likely never know how it spoke to my heart and how 12 hours of worshiping and praying with them changed me. They will likely never know how that small step of leadership has impacted me, and I am uncertain I could even explain it or articulate it well if given the opportunity.
Bottom line, there is something exactly perfect and right with the world when men worship the Lord.
Jul 2, 2012
Fasting Sweets...
I say this about every Sunday, but I certainly feel it more often than I express it.
I. Love. My. Church.
There is just something about it, the mission, the vision, the Christ centered everything, the community, the uniqueness, everything. While not perfect because it is run by imperfect people. I love it, and the Lord speaks to me through it.
My pastor Mark Batterson has a way of connecting with the Holy Spirit, and obeying. I love it because he does it often, and he shares it with us just as often. The amount of miracles God is/has done at my church is just inspiring.
Last weekend he talked about waging war on our sinful nature, and part of that will start this summer starting on 7/14 as a church we are doing a 40 day fast. Mark has chosen to fast media saying that he feels too distracted by it, and as though it has a hold on him that it should not have. He gave us as a congregation two weeks notice so we can think, pray, and decide on what we are fasting for 40 days. I have decided to fast sweets because as much as I like to think and claim I try to be healthy, lately my self control seems to have exploded and been demolished. So, no sweets/candy/dessert/etc.. for me for 40 days, and I could not be more excited to have this encouragement behind me pushing me closer to the cross.
What makes me even happier is one of my closest friends here in DC without either of us talking felt the same pull to fast sweets. Whew! Talk about easier knowing we are on the same page with that too!
To end the 40 days of fasting on August 24th will be an all church celebration/concert of the God Anthology CD that the worship leaders/musicians put out last summer that another group has asked us to come and have a concert/worship jam session there. I am so excited, and love how much involvement my church has in the DC community!
I. Love. My. Church.
There is just something about it, the mission, the vision, the Christ centered everything, the community, the uniqueness, everything. While not perfect because it is run by imperfect people. I love it, and the Lord speaks to me through it.
My pastor Mark Batterson has a way of connecting with the Holy Spirit, and obeying. I love it because he does it often, and he shares it with us just as often. The amount of miracles God is/has done at my church is just inspiring.
Last weekend he talked about waging war on our sinful nature, and part of that will start this summer starting on 7/14 as a church we are doing a 40 day fast. Mark has chosen to fast media saying that he feels too distracted by it, and as though it has a hold on him that it should not have. He gave us as a congregation two weeks notice so we can think, pray, and decide on what we are fasting for 40 days. I have decided to fast sweets because as much as I like to think and claim I try to be healthy, lately my self control seems to have exploded and been demolished. So, no sweets/candy/dessert/etc.. for me for 40 days, and I could not be more excited to have this encouragement behind me pushing me closer to the cross.
What makes me even happier is one of my closest friends here in DC without either of us talking felt the same pull to fast sweets. Whew! Talk about easier knowing we are on the same page with that too!
To end the 40 days of fasting on August 24th will be an all church celebration/concert of the God Anthology CD that the worship leaders/musicians put out last summer that another group has asked us to come and have a concert/worship jam session there. I am so excited, and love how much involvement my church has in the DC community!
Apr 23, 2012
If and If Not...
Yesterday church was CRAZY!... Well, not really, just the production/set-up/running sermon/tear down was among the most hectic and hysterical I have experienced yet. The best line of the morning that still has me laughing is "we're like a bunch of 5th graders.." which was then followed by my response of "yeah, 5th graders in a museum!.. 'wow, what does THIS do?!...'" Haha, we really were struggling and had several curve balls thrown at us in a very short amount of time, and due to the wonderful natures of the people on the team with me we were able to laugh through the stress. Thankfully I do not think anyone in the service really noticed... But, we sure did!
All that being said, the sermon itself was amazing and really gave me a whole lot to think about... The sermon was another in our current "IF" series, talking about the various passages in the bible that are huge if passages. This week they focused on Daniel 3:16-18:
"Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego replied to the king, 'O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.'”
First.. can I point out that until this weekend I thought his name was pronounced A-ben-dego, not A-bed-nego.. How do we so often/prominently reverse the n and d?!
Ok, so on to the actual portions of the passage and message that jumped out to me, I love how they say that IF it is so, God is ABLE to deliver... then they go on to say EVEN IF NOT.. they will still not bow and worship.
One of the interesting things pointed out is that they did not justify a way in which they could possibly comply outwardly without inwardly complying. Meaning, none of them said "well, we can bow down, but inwardly worship our own God..." or "it doesn't really mean anything cause he's crazy anyway..." or my personal favorite, "I should choose my battles carefully so I can have a greater impact later..." Nope. None of these excuses were made, they stood their ground, and faced some pretty serious consequences for it... The thing I love the most about this is that they tell the crack-head (I do not know if he really was, but her certainly was crazy) that they refuse to bow and worship anyone but the God of the universe, that he is perfectly able to save them from the flames... But, my favorite part is the faith that is unmovable when they say "...even if He does not..." they will still not worship the idol.
Heather went on to explain that so often we only want to proclaim the good things, and focus on our "if He does" faith. But, it is the "if He does not" faith that is more difficult. Because God is able, but he may not... She pointed to Hebrews 11, and explained that we all love the first 35(a) verses, but do not really want to focus on the last few verses in the chapter that explain how some people suffered and died terrible deaths on behalf of Christ, but even still they worshiped. They lived in the "if not" faith believing that the ultimate purpose of God is good, even if he does not deliver them from their troubles. Sometimes God delivers us through our problems instead of from them..
What a powerful thought... While God is able, if He does not choose to deliver us from our problems, do we have the faith to believe His ultimate purpose is good, and He will deliver us through (even if that means into death)?
One of the points she made was that often we want to tell others it's "going to be ok" when in reality we have no idea if it is going to be ok... The last few verses of Hebrews 11 list several instances where it was not ok for some people who followed Christ. Although it might seem a little backwards, I find it totally refreshing to hear that sometimes it is not ok because God's plan is not always to keep us or remove us from pain, but to walk us through the entire thing... There are a few areas in my life that I am praying the "if" prayer, but also praying through the "if not," then I will still worship my Lord and Savior.. Near the end of her sermon she talked about how we have to continue to pray until God has answered our prayer, said no or until we feel a peace about it that indicates He has answered the prayer, but that it has not happened yet; at which point we need to transition into praising Him.
How powerful. How difficult.
All that being said, the sermon itself was amazing and really gave me a whole lot to think about... The sermon was another in our current "IF" series, talking about the various passages in the bible that are huge if passages. This week they focused on Daniel 3:16-18:
"Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego replied to the king, 'O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.'”
First.. can I point out that until this weekend I thought his name was pronounced A-ben-dego, not A-bed-nego.. How do we so often/prominently reverse the n and d?!
Ok, so on to the actual portions of the passage and message that jumped out to me, I love how they say that IF it is so, God is ABLE to deliver... then they go on to say EVEN IF NOT.. they will still not bow and worship.
One of the interesting things pointed out is that they did not justify a way in which they could possibly comply outwardly without inwardly complying. Meaning, none of them said "well, we can bow down, but inwardly worship our own God..." or "it doesn't really mean anything cause he's crazy anyway..." or my personal favorite, "I should choose my battles carefully so I can have a greater impact later..." Nope. None of these excuses were made, they stood their ground, and faced some pretty serious consequences for it... The thing I love the most about this is that they tell the crack-head (I do not know if he really was, but her certainly was crazy) that they refuse to bow and worship anyone but the God of the universe, that he is perfectly able to save them from the flames... But, my favorite part is the faith that is unmovable when they say "...even if He does not..." they will still not worship the idol.
Heather went on to explain that so often we only want to proclaim the good things, and focus on our "if He does" faith. But, it is the "if He does not" faith that is more difficult. Because God is able, but he may not... She pointed to Hebrews 11, and explained that we all love the first 35(a) verses, but do not really want to focus on the last few verses in the chapter that explain how some people suffered and died terrible deaths on behalf of Christ, but even still they worshiped. They lived in the "if not" faith believing that the ultimate purpose of God is good, even if he does not deliver them from their troubles. Sometimes God delivers us through our problems instead of from them..
What a powerful thought... While God is able, if He does not choose to deliver us from our problems, do we have the faith to believe His ultimate purpose is good, and He will deliver us through (even if that means into death)?
One of the points she made was that often we want to tell others it's "going to be ok" when in reality we have no idea if it is going to be ok... The last few verses of Hebrews 11 list several instances where it was not ok for some people who followed Christ. Although it might seem a little backwards, I find it totally refreshing to hear that sometimes it is not ok because God's plan is not always to keep us or remove us from pain, but to walk us through the entire thing... There are a few areas in my life that I am praying the "if" prayer, but also praying through the "if not," then I will still worship my Lord and Savior.. Near the end of her sermon she talked about how we have to continue to pray until God has answered our prayer, said no or until we feel a peace about it that indicates He has answered the prayer, but that it has not happened yet; at which point we need to transition into praising Him.
How powerful. How difficult.
Jan 23, 2012
Running for Life...
Tonight I ran once again, but this time it was different.
I have been working towards running a half marathon the first weekend in April (oye). Mind you, I am not a runner.. I do not particularly like running (ok, I actually kinda hate it), and I definitely would not choose it as my favored workout...
However, running IS a fantastic workout.. It works the appropriate stomach muscles to help me flatten my stomach (my most disliked area of my body), and while I have a lot of issues with my joints, if I wear a knee strap and work on strengthening my muscles with other workouts, I have found I CAN actually run... (Even if I do typically walk like an 85 year old man for a day or two afterwards!)
This time the run was different though, I typically listen to random music for the first couple miles, then begin praying and pray through the last mile of my run (I get that 3 miles is not that far, but it is for me), however tonight I listened to techno music without words and prayed the entire time.
I prayed for the things I am seeking, the things I desire for my life, I spilled out my desires and gave them up, the things I want more than other (insert list here) things in my life.. I prayed for salvation for a few friends, I prayed for struggles, I prayed for God to reveal Himself to various people in new ways, I prayed for the hearts and pains of others, I prayed for health, and jobs, and exhaustion for all different people I love in my life.. I prayed for wisdom, peace, patience, compassion, love, joy, understanding, knowledge, Truth.. I prayed for the various things on my 3x5 bathroom mirror cards... Basically, I prayed. For the longest, most focused and most sincere period of time than I have in quite a while...
*Pause and insert additional background information*
At my church we are mid 21 days of prayer. I love it. I love my church, I love what Jesus is doing, and I am loving this series. It is speaking to me, beckoning me to a deeper relationship and communication with my Lord and my Savior. I have been somewhat surprised that I do not feel at all like this is something else I "have" to do.. this is something that I must do because my very core is calling out for it. My favorite part is my pastor (Mark Batterson) keeps stressing that even if we have no idea what to say, it is perfect to ask the Lord to "teach me to pray." I have been uttering that phrase so many times over the last couple weeks.. I could go on and on (and will likely do so another time) about the things I am learning about prayer these last few weeks, however this last Sunday we heard a story about a woman who made a deal with God that if He would bless her husband's ministry, she would meet him at 9am every morning (she had several other things that were part of her deal with God as well, but this was the one that struck me).
So, I have been mulling over the idea of "making a deal" or committing to something with God. Not because I want to test Him, not because I want Him to prove something, and not because I am doubting Him or His ability to do certain things in my life... I wanted to make this commitment because I want to learn to pray through.. I want to experience my sweet savior in a new way. I want to experience a relationship and a solid faith unlike anything I have experienced before. I want to see God's faithfulness explode.
*Un-pause*
So, while I was running, I decided, this was perfect for me. I prayed and told God that I would run as long as I am able (meaning for my entire life), if He would meet me there. Meet me while I ran, and would create space for me to meet Him. Running is not my favorite thing ever, I (really) do not particularly care for it... But, it is good for me physically, and now it will be good for me mentally and spiritually as well. So, I will run for the rest of my life... until I am unable to run, and then I will walk... And, I will begin to make that a priority so my Lord can meet me there to speak to me and hear me.
I am full of a little trepidation, but mostly I am excited to see what He does with this time, this period committed to Him. I am excited to see how this changes my life purely by encountering Him new.
I am circling this prayer.
I have been working towards running a half marathon the first weekend in April (oye). Mind you, I am not a runner.. I do not particularly like running (ok, I actually kinda hate it), and I definitely would not choose it as my favored workout...
However, running IS a fantastic workout.. It works the appropriate stomach muscles to help me flatten my stomach (my most disliked area of my body), and while I have a lot of issues with my joints, if I wear a knee strap and work on strengthening my muscles with other workouts, I have found I CAN actually run... (Even if I do typically walk like an 85 year old man for a day or two afterwards!)
This time the run was different though, I typically listen to random music for the first couple miles, then begin praying and pray through the last mile of my run (I get that 3 miles is not that far, but it is for me), however tonight I listened to techno music without words and prayed the entire time.
I prayed for the things I am seeking, the things I desire for my life, I spilled out my desires and gave them up, the things I want more than other (insert list here) things in my life.. I prayed for salvation for a few friends, I prayed for struggles, I prayed for God to reveal Himself to various people in new ways, I prayed for the hearts and pains of others, I prayed for health, and jobs, and exhaustion for all different people I love in my life.. I prayed for wisdom, peace, patience, compassion, love, joy, understanding, knowledge, Truth.. I prayed for the various things on my 3x5 bathroom mirror cards... Basically, I prayed. For the longest, most focused and most sincere period of time than I have in quite a while...
*Pause and insert additional background information*
At my church we are mid 21 days of prayer. I love it. I love my church, I love what Jesus is doing, and I am loving this series. It is speaking to me, beckoning me to a deeper relationship and communication with my Lord and my Savior. I have been somewhat surprised that I do not feel at all like this is something else I "have" to do.. this is something that I must do because my very core is calling out for it. My favorite part is my pastor (Mark Batterson) keeps stressing that even if we have no idea what to say, it is perfect to ask the Lord to "teach me to pray." I have been uttering that phrase so many times over the last couple weeks.. I could go on and on (and will likely do so another time) about the things I am learning about prayer these last few weeks, however this last Sunday we heard a story about a woman who made a deal with God that if He would bless her husband's ministry, she would meet him at 9am every morning (she had several other things that were part of her deal with God as well, but this was the one that struck me).
So, I have been mulling over the idea of "making a deal" or committing to something with God. Not because I want to test Him, not because I want Him to prove something, and not because I am doubting Him or His ability to do certain things in my life... I wanted to make this commitment because I want to learn to pray through.. I want to experience my sweet savior in a new way. I want to experience a relationship and a solid faith unlike anything I have experienced before. I want to see God's faithfulness explode.
*Un-pause*
So, while I was running, I decided, this was perfect for me. I prayed and told God that I would run as long as I am able (meaning for my entire life), if He would meet me there. Meet me while I ran, and would create space for me to meet Him. Running is not my favorite thing ever, I (really) do not particularly care for it... But, it is good for me physically, and now it will be good for me mentally and spiritually as well. So, I will run for the rest of my life... until I am unable to run, and then I will walk... And, I will begin to make that a priority so my Lord can meet me there to speak to me and hear me.
I am full of a little trepidation, but mostly I am excited to see what He does with this time, this period committed to Him. I am excited to see how this changes my life purely by encountering Him new.
I am circling this prayer.
Jan 22, 2012
DC Weekend...
I feel like this weekend was the epitome of a weekend in DC.. Or maybe, a classic weekend for me in DC.
I went out Friday night with a couple girlfriends to a new place we had never been to, which really is one of the best things about living in DC, there is always a place you have never been to that is great for trying new foods and drinks. We chatted, laughed.. at one point I even shushed the loud room cause I was having a difficult time talking over the crowd haha Then I went with my friend to see the new Underworld (good movie!)... Only to walk outside after the movie was over and discover snow.. and lots of it.
Now, I realize at this point it is three weeks into January, and we have had an incredibly mild winter so far (thank you Jesus.. really!), but regardless, I really hate snow. I hate driving in it (although I do now that I am an adult), I hate walking in it (it snows down your neck or gets your feet cold and wet)... although it is REALLY pretty while it is falling, I still hate the coldness of it. However, I am extremely thankful that I grew up in Michigan where snow and winter go together like peanut butter and jelly because I know how to drive in it. Which, Friday night was what made the difference between me making it up the hill or me having to push my car or get stuck... Thankfully I know how to drive in snow, and slid, slipped, and INCHED my way up a 40 foot hill (while FLOORING it and fishtailing).
Saturday I was able to sleep in (YESS!!), then have lunch with a friend that I have not been able to see in a while, catch up on life, and just enjoy each other's friendship... I then made my way into the city, parked my butt in a Starbucks (classic city passtime), read my bible and texted with my little sister killing time before my hair appointment...
Got my "hair did" haha and loove it :)
Then went BACK to Starbucks to meet up with and hang out with a friend. Once we both split from there, I met up with a couple friends and we went out dancing (not salsa sadly)... And, we ended up leaving with several very funny stories of guys trying to dance with us (sometimes repeatedly), and very sore feet (not from kicking anyone either haha).
Sundays are always my favorite though... Mainly because I love my church (I say it every week), but also because it is when I fill my randomness in.. work, school, laundry, napping, gym time, cooking, it's the day that I find easiest to actually let my mind process and work through things.
Tomorrow starts Backswanza!.. Aka my 27th birthday week, I am pretty excited (cause I love birthdays) and this year I am doing something different for my birthday... Please help me raise money for my Charity:Water campaign! I am trying to raise $2,727 to bring 27 families (137 people) clean drinking water!
I went out Friday night with a couple girlfriends to a new place we had never been to, which really is one of the best things about living in DC, there is always a place you have never been to that is great for trying new foods and drinks. We chatted, laughed.. at one point I even shushed the loud room cause I was having a difficult time talking over the crowd haha Then I went with my friend to see the new Underworld (good movie!)... Only to walk outside after the movie was over and discover snow.. and lots of it.
Now, I realize at this point it is three weeks into January, and we have had an incredibly mild winter so far (thank you Jesus.. really!), but regardless, I really hate snow. I hate driving in it (although I do now that I am an adult), I hate walking in it (it snows down your neck or gets your feet cold and wet)... although it is REALLY pretty while it is falling, I still hate the coldness of it. However, I am extremely thankful that I grew up in Michigan where snow and winter go together like peanut butter and jelly because I know how to drive in it. Which, Friday night was what made the difference between me making it up the hill or me having to push my car or get stuck... Thankfully I know how to drive in snow, and slid, slipped, and INCHED my way up a 40 foot hill (while FLOORING it and fishtailing).
Saturday I was able to sleep in (YESS!!), then have lunch with a friend that I have not been able to see in a while, catch up on life, and just enjoy each other's friendship... I then made my way into the city, parked my butt in a Starbucks (classic city passtime), read my bible and texted with my little sister killing time before my hair appointment...
Got my "hair did" haha and loove it :)
Then went BACK to Starbucks to meet up with and hang out with a friend. Once we both split from there, I met up with a couple friends and we went out dancing (not salsa sadly)... And, we ended up leaving with several very funny stories of guys trying to dance with us (sometimes repeatedly), and very sore feet (not from kicking anyone either haha).
Sundays are always my favorite though... Mainly because I love my church (I say it every week), but also because it is when I fill my randomness in.. work, school, laundry, napping, gym time, cooking, it's the day that I find easiest to actually let my mind process and work through things.
Tomorrow starts Backswanza!.. Aka my 27th birthday week, I am pretty excited (cause I love birthdays) and this year I am doing something different for my birthday... Please help me raise money for my Charity:Water campaign! I am trying to raise $2,727 to bring 27 families (137 people) clean drinking water!
Jan 12, 2012
Prayer Over Me...
Today is day 3 of the 21 days of prayer that my church is doing as part of the Circle Maker series.. which is also a book that my head pastor Mark Batterson wrote.
I fasted on Tuesday.
Wednesday I avoided music while I drove.
Today, it dawned on me how many people have told me recently that they are praying for me.. Either because they felt compelled for no reason at all, read something I wrote on my blog, saw something I said on Facebook or Twitter or because of a conversation I had with them personally.
What amazes me, and really truly humbles me to my very core is HOW MANY of them there are..
I am so incredibly thankful for each prayer.
I am so humbled by the pure love expressed in each prayer.
I am so amazed at the sheer number of people sending petitions to my savior without any idea why.
I am so undeserving of the amount of time people are spending on my behalf.
I am so completely blind, but completely excited to see what God is doing through all of this.
I am so grateful for the true friends and family that have taken me before the Lord.
I am so loved.
Last Sunday while my pastor was talking about the 21 days of prayer, he mentioned that so many times we just have no idea what to pray, but that sometimes we just need to start with “Lord, teach us to pray..." (Luke 11:1b).. Somewhere in there I realized this year is going to be a lot of me praying. I have no idea why or what for yet, but what I do know is there will be a whole heck of a lot of talking to my sweet savior this year...
The idea that this year is going to be a lot about prayer was solidified when three separate friends e-mailed me last night and today, and each of them said they had been praying for me. One because she felt compelled, another because we had a conversation, and still another because she said she loves me.
That is when it dawned on me that something is up this year.
"Lord, teach me to pray..."
I fasted on Tuesday.
Wednesday I avoided music while I drove.
Today, it dawned on me how many people have told me recently that they are praying for me.. Either because they felt compelled for no reason at all, read something I wrote on my blog, saw something I said on Facebook or Twitter or because of a conversation I had with them personally.
What amazes me, and really truly humbles me to my very core is HOW MANY of them there are..
I am so incredibly thankful for each prayer.
I am so humbled by the pure love expressed in each prayer.
I am so amazed at the sheer number of people sending petitions to my savior without any idea why.
I am so undeserving of the amount of time people are spending on my behalf.
I am so completely blind, but completely excited to see what God is doing through all of this.
I am so grateful for the true friends and family that have taken me before the Lord.
I am so loved.
Last Sunday while my pastor was talking about the 21 days of prayer, he mentioned that so many times we just have no idea what to pray, but that sometimes we just need to start with “Lord, teach us to pray..." (Luke 11:1b).. Somewhere in there I realized this year is going to be a lot of me praying. I have no idea why or what for yet, but what I do know is there will be a whole heck of a lot of talking to my sweet savior this year...
The idea that this year is going to be a lot about prayer was solidified when three separate friends e-mailed me last night and today, and each of them said they had been praying for me. One because she felt compelled, another because we had a conversation, and still another because she said she loves me.
That is when it dawned on me that something is up this year.
"Lord, teach me to pray..."
Jan 10, 2012
21 Days of Prayer...
Today my church is starting 21 Days of Prayer. I am so excited and whole heartedly jumping into this because I feel compelled to be a part of this. I feel as though this is a game changer for me, and I feel like I am starting something new with these next 21 days.
Here is a small excerpt from my pastor's blog (Mark Batterson),
"David set the standard in Psalm 5:3:
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
One of the reasons why many people don’t feel intimacy with God is because they don’t have a daily rhythm with God. They have a weekly rhythm. If all you have with God is a weekly touchpoint called church, you’ll lose touch
with God. Would that work with your spouse or your kids? It doesn’t
work in God’s family either. We need to establish a daily rhythm in
order to have a daily relationship with God. The best way to do that is
to begin the day in prayer.
Is it always easy? No. That’s why I love the determination in David’s voice: In the morning, O Lord, you will hear my voice. That’s what it takes doesn’t it? It’s hard to get up early, but that is what makes praying hard so hard. Setting your alarm is a stewardship issue! David was determined to circle his day in prayer. I don’t know if he prayed through his calendar or wrote down his requests in a prayer journal. But I know that he prayed with specificity and consistency. And that is what drawing prayer circles is all about.
This is the day the Lord has made! Circle it.
To sign up for the 21-Day Prayer Challenge, go here.
You can purchase individual copies of The Circle Maker on amazon.com. For free resources and bulk discounts, go to www.thecirclemaker.com."
Today, I start the 21 Days of Prayer with fasting and just asking God what His plans are, where my focus should be, and to burden my heart with the things that burden His. I want Him to teach me His ways, to show me where He is guiding me, and where He is asking me to rest and wait on Him.
Should be an interesting and way exciting 21 days.
Jan 8, 2012
The Circle Maker...
I say this pretty much every Sunday, I love my church. This week we started The Circle Maker series, and I am so pumped!
While there is nothing particularly special about the building(s) and nothing different about the people, what is special is that God moves because the leaders are humble, seek His face, and because the followers seek, listen, and learn. I have said on several occasions that the thing that speaks to me the most is the humility people exhibit.. But, this Sunday, the thing that spoke to me the most was the boldness.. Not to be confused with arrogance, dictation or any sort of demanding... But, pure boldness.
Mark Batterson's latest book is called The Circle Maker. To sum up the book in way too little amount of detail, the book is about prayer. But, it is the fact that it is not just about prayer that excites me, motivates me, encourages me, it is because it does it in a way that does not make me feel burdened or like I am being obligated to yet another thing that I should be doing but am currently failing at. The book is about inspiring.. not coercing.
My roomie and I began reading The Circle Maker while we were driving back to DC after Christmas (really she read to me while I drove).. And, there is always something that flares inside of me when I read about the boldness of others and the way they live their lives for Christ. Even if the story I am hearing is hundreds (or possibly thousands) of years old, I cannot help but feel inspired. I love these stories because I do not posses the strength, boldness or faith to do the same things, and I know it... But, I always love the feeling I get inside of me when I hear about someone else choosing to be bold, and then God ANSWERING their boldness! I am always amazed at how some people have the ability to speak things into existence with their prayers, and I am always inspired because they posses the most humility of anyone I have ever met (or heard of etc..). I want to be like them.
It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am naturally fairly bold and direct in the way I operate or communicate. Although, sometimes my boldness or the directness of my approach is just way too much, and other times it is the completely wrong choice of words or timing, but either way, I prefer straight forward. I admire people who can tote the line of direct, bold, and maintain the understanding that it is all out of genuine love and humility. I hope and pray all the time that God gives me the wisdom and understanding to be proficient at this as I get older.
All this to say, I am really excited about this new series, and finishing reading this book :)
While there is nothing particularly special about the building(s) and nothing different about the people, what is special is that God moves because the leaders are humble, seek His face, and because the followers seek, listen, and learn. I have said on several occasions that the thing that speaks to me the most is the humility people exhibit.. But, this Sunday, the thing that spoke to me the most was the boldness.. Not to be confused with arrogance, dictation or any sort of demanding... But, pure boldness.
Mark Batterson's latest book is called The Circle Maker. To sum up the book in way too little amount of detail, the book is about prayer. But, it is the fact that it is not just about prayer that excites me, motivates me, encourages me, it is because it does it in a way that does not make me feel burdened or like I am being obligated to yet another thing that I should be doing but am currently failing at. The book is about inspiring.. not coercing.
My roomie and I began reading The Circle Maker while we were driving back to DC after Christmas (really she read to me while I drove).. And, there is always something that flares inside of me when I read about the boldness of others and the way they live their lives for Christ. Even if the story I am hearing is hundreds (or possibly thousands) of years old, I cannot help but feel inspired. I love these stories because I do not posses the strength, boldness or faith to do the same things, and I know it... But, I always love the feeling I get inside of me when I hear about someone else choosing to be bold, and then God ANSWERING their boldness! I am always amazed at how some people have the ability to speak things into existence with their prayers, and I am always inspired because they posses the most humility of anyone I have ever met (or heard of etc..). I want to be like them.
It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am naturally fairly bold and direct in the way I operate or communicate. Although, sometimes my boldness or the directness of my approach is just way too much, and other times it is the completely wrong choice of words or timing, but either way, I prefer straight forward. I admire people who can tote the line of direct, bold, and maintain the understanding that it is all out of genuine love and humility. I hope and pray all the time that God gives me the wisdom and understanding to be proficient at this as I get older.
All this to say, I am really excited about this new series, and finishing reading this book :)
Dec 22, 2011
Hello, Good-Bye 2011...
I really love keeping a blog, I enjoy the outlet it gives me to speak my mind, the comfort it offers in getting out the thoughts that are both dear to my heart or frivolously in my head. I made a serious concerted effort this year to blog 4-6 days a week, and for the most part, I am surprised to say I have kept that up.. Not perfectly, and sometimes only because I almost always have my phone in tow and shared pictures of my travels throughout the summer.
However, I have two favorite posts that I have posted annually, the first one looks back on the year and the second one looks forward at the next year. In preparation to write this year's 2011 review I went back and looked at the 2010 look back, and the 2011 look forward. These two blogs really serve as a perfect little reminder of where I am and where I want to be going... Plus, it allows me the chance to update on the goals I had for this year. Christmas just always proves to be one of the best and most memorable times to review and take an internal check so that I can then move forward next year.
So, as always, this year in review will likely be a fairly long post, and while I almost never review the year the same as I have in the past, it remains my favorite post to make each year.
We got our fifth and final roomie (for a while), and we welcomed into our lives a wonderful and incredibly broken person. Another roomie and I began having serious issues, and as much as I tried, I could not seem to communicate in a manner that helped either one of us... And, eventually the relationship sadly dwindled into co-existence at best.
I began another difficult class in my double masters program, and proceeded to sit on the couch for hours every night having near melt downs trying to understand finance...
My very best friend in the whole world got married in Georgia, and I was so thrilled and honored to stand up in her wedding with eight other beautiful girls and nine great guys. It was a fantastic trip down, and a great celebration!
I joined a gym, and ended up signing up for what turned into five months of personal training sessions twice a week. I looked forward to and loved these couple hours a week because the trainer was a great match to my skill, passion for martial arts, humor, and he improved my body in ways I was unsure could happen... Well worth the money for the time period I was in and how I was feeling.
My birthday... dun. dun. dun. Was actually amazing this year. (whew!) I have had so many issues with my birthday over the years that this year I was just too scared to hope for anything good, and just decided I wanted one thing. For one of my best friends to come and stay the weekend with me. She surprised me (by showing up late.. haha) with two more girl friends that I love to death sitting on my couch when I got home from dinner.. Which, because of the stress level I was under, I began to tear up just seeing and hugging them.. I then turned around to another friend creeping across the living room, which of course sent me into more tears being just so excited that he too was there... THEN, I was tapped on the shoulder, turned around to find my little brother holding a dozen roses (hands down my favorite birthday gift every year are these roses from my brothers). I just stood there dumbfounded and silent, then finally blurted out "Why are you here?!" then proceeded to hug the life out of him.. and SOB. As in, I could not breathe, I could not talk, I could not see.. I just sobbed and hugged my brother while everyone laughed at my reaction. THEN, the next day my friend/sister/old roomie showed up with cake and two more of my good friends.. and we proceeded to have a perfect weekend around DC exploring the Spy museum and getting Thai food. It was perfect, and I was reminded I am loved.
The day after my birthday we had 30 (or so) people laid-off from my workplace...
I also really remember struggling with my job situation and being totally and completely unhappy.
But, the most overwhelming thing I remember from February are the feelings of total despair, being stuck, miserable, and totally feeling forgotten and unimportant. I literally remember feeling like I was not myself, but having no idea how to FIND myself again.
I spent a great deal of March trying to figure out how I fit in the DC area. I did not like DC, I did not like my life here, and I really did not like that I felt stuck here. I had little to no friends, and had even fewer people who understood me.
I continued to hate my online class and felt more and more belittled and frustrated at work.
The biggest feelings I have from March are that of feeling unsafe and like the best I had to offer was to "keep it together."
April also brought with it an acute understanding that I was missing my Savior at my very core. I knew something was missing, I knew I felt lost, and I also knew I had no idea what to do. I felt empty and broken, and felt like I was completely directionless.
What I do remember though on a positive note is how pretty DC is in the spring. The flowers, trees, warm breeze.. it was truly beautiful and I finally found something I enjoyed about living here!
April also kick-started my insanely hectic always busy weekend summer schedule.
I realized in May that I truly was beginning to hate my job because of a couple particularly challenging individuals, and I really was struggling with the Lord on my attitude towards my job and the people causing the issues. I also began seriously searching for a new job...
I spent most of May exhausted. I had almost every moment of every day for the entire month planned out, down to how long it took me to get places. It was all rather ridiculous really... But, the busyness allowed me to fake ok. It is easier for me to fake that I am ok because I was so busy every "not ok" moment can be blamed on exhaustion and not getting enough sleep, and then anything that did not fall under that category could be lumped in with the stress of school and being incredibly busy at work...
I hid my heart and refused to acknowledge the pain going on at my core to anyone else for the entire month.
I went home for the first time since Christmas to surprise my brother for his birthday, loved being home and seeing everyone, and it gave me a good reprieve from not feeling like I belonged or fit anywhere.
I left from MI back to DC for a night, then down to FL for a week-long annual convention for work. I spent the better part of the entire month traveling, I acquired a cough I could not get rid of, and spent the majority of my time doing homework in the hammock we had set up in our backyard... I am pretty sure that hammock saved my life this summer haha :)
I had more wedding showers and more traveling back down to Lynchburg, and I honestly have no idea how I found the time to do my homework.. much less understand and pass the class...
I spent a great deal of June trying to do an internal check and figure out what I needed to do to make my life "ok" again. At this point I really realized how much I disliked my life, and I knew I needed to make a change, and I knew a lot of it was that I was not willing to humble myself enough to talk to my Savior about the things really bothering me.. So, God and I began having some pretty serious "what the hell" conversations.. It was actually quite liberating to know He was listening to me spout off like a little child, and that He still cared and loved me..
Also, while this is my first mention of it in this post, I L.O.V.E. my church, and throughout the whole year they really were the one lighthouse that I had. Over the summer, they did a series called the God Anthology, they picked and talked about nine attributes of God. While I was crazy busy, my church remained the one thing about DC I loved and was (and still am) unsure I ever wanted to give up...
The one thing that began to offer some genuine reprieve that I did not even know I needed was having a friend from Lynchburg move to DC. While we were in the same group of friends there, we were not super close.. But she has become such a God send to me. Her friendship, loyalty, humor, adventurous spirit, and level headedness... as well as her love for fun and doing things has been exactly what I did not even know I needed.
It was about this point in the year that I finally began realizing I (while crazy busy) was finding my place in DC. I did not particularly like most of the things going on, and it was not my ideal, but I was able to say that I had friends and that maybe I was making a life here after all... With the exception of the fact that I was still job hunting... and still really wanting to move to Atlanta...
I also realized in July exactly how stressed out I was... So, I took a couple day trips or mornings to relax.. I really thought a couple times I was going to lose it on some poor unsuspecting soul...
I had a period of time in July where it seemed that my virginity came up over and over in almost any situation. I found the conversation empowering and very intriguing as well. I was quite surprised by the interest others had in my choice to remain a virgin until I get married... the reactions were.. priceless and pretty much spanned the gambit. Some were not surprised in the slightest, some thought it was purely accidental, others were completely blown away because apparently I do not seem "the type." However, it really caused me to begin looking at those areas of my life and realize that not only am I not ashamed or embarrassed by them in the slightest, I am very thankful and proud that God and I have this story together.. and that I have the boldness to talk about it with others, and explain eloquently why I am still a virgin.
I also went with one of my friends to the Bachata congress here in DC, and we had SO much fun. We were so sore, tired, and our poor feet suffered greatly, but overall it was a fantastic experience, and one that helped me learn so much more about dancing, and helped renew my love for it.
In August we also had an Earthquake in DC (which you can see the destruction my place suffered here), and a hurricane... although I left to visit my best friend and her husband during the hurricane, and helped them move.. It was a long and tiring weekend, but I loved every minute of it because I was with them!
I could tell by the end of August I was really getting antsy for life to FEEL normal. I wanted to feel like I belonged, like God and I were close again, like I was important, like I had value to offer, and I longed to enjoy my job once again...
Thankfully I had a free airplane ticket to use and some extra time off, so I peaced out to California to see my cousin. We spent four days in southern California doing whatever we pleased to celebrate her 3rd anniversary (even though her husband was deployed at the time). We laid on the beach, played in the VERY cold water, got pedicures, ate amazing food, walked down the beach, took paddle boarding lessons, made amazing homemade food, and watched movies.. not to mention talked and laughed for all four days. It was during that break that I FINALLY felt something break. It was like God had released the pressure valve on my stress level and I could finally think, feel, and process clearly. I felt content inside my soul once again... I had almost forgotten what that felt like.
We also celebrated the 10th anniversary (has it REALLY been that long?!) of the 9/11 terrorist attacks...
I was reminded during September how much I am loved, and for whatever reason I was finally able to start understanding it deep down.. I am surrounded by friends who love me and send flowers just because they knew I was having a rough week..
I became debt free except for my student loans in October, and the new found freedom is awesome!
The biggest thing I remember from October is feeling like I finally found my groove. I finally felt like I was BUILDING a life.. and while I was not too thrilled with certain situations with work or school still, I had peace once more, and knew I was going to be ok.
I made the decision to sign the lease at the end of the month, which essentially meant I was committing to another year here in DC... I was a little worried I was making a mistake, but knew I needed to make a choice regardless and let God do his thing and figure out what was going to happen.
I also ran my first 10k.. and I RAN the whole thing.. the furthest I have ever run.. in my ENTIRE life.. I was pretty stoked.. then I walked like an 85 year old man for several days haha!
I think the most unique thing about November for me was all of the things that felt like they began settling into place. For starters, it went down in record as the longest I had lived in one place for the last nine years (whoa!). I had not realized how transient my life was, and how almost bizarre it felt to live in the SAME place not having to pack up or move anywhere... Such a unique feeling.
I was able to reconnect with an old friend from Freshman year of college, and it has become such a welcome surprise and rekindling of a friendship.
I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner with the help of a friend... and it wasn't easy, but we had fun and only had a few minor mishaps..
I began reading and finished reading Start Something That Matters by Blake Mycoskie (the founder of TOMS Shoes) and was incredibly inspired...
Work became suddenly significantly easier and less stress filled due to staffing changes, it was almost a visible change in my stress level and it could not have come at a more perfect time. This made it easier to decide that I can stay where I am until God really moves me elsewhere...
Overall it was a good month, not void of frustrations or annoyances, but definitely one of the best months I have had in around a year in a half...
I also met a guy through a mutual friend that I have been on a few dates with, he has proven to be much nicer than I am used to in the men I typically date. I have absolutely no idea where it is going, but after a few (somewhat minor) freak outs I have settled into trusting that God knows what He is doing and walking through this door and seeing what happens.
This month I have spent a great deal of time feeling like life is normal.. Well normal aside from trying to figure out if I like this guy while at the same time understanding that the emotions do not accurately reflect reality and just enjoying it is really the key.
What I do know is that the Lord and I are reconnecting.. Prayer comes easier again, and just sitting and being with my Savior is something I am enjoying again.
While this is a gross exaggeration of what has happened this year, I feel like Job at the end of his book in the Bible, an overwhelming sense of peace and an acute awareness of the blessings in my life.
Please Lord, do not ever make me repeat this year, but thank you for all the times you carried me and comforted me while I struggled. Thank you for proving once again you are faithful and that no matter where I am, what I am going through or who I am dealing with you not only care, but you hear me when I talk to you. Thank you for giving me the chance to learn and for putting the people in my life I needed to survive. Thank you for teaching me another thing or two about humility and compassion, and for growing my heart for the lost and broken.
I have no idea what to expect for the next year, I would love for it to be a fantastic year, but I have no sense of what is to come at all. But, what I do know is, if the last couple years are any indication, it is going to be a very... interesting year!
However, I have two favorite posts that I have posted annually, the first one looks back on the year and the second one looks forward at the next year. In preparation to write this year's 2011 review I went back and looked at the 2010 look back, and the 2011 look forward. These two blogs really serve as a perfect little reminder of where I am and where I want to be going... Plus, it allows me the chance to update on the goals I had for this year. Christmas just always proves to be one of the best and most memorable times to review and take an internal check so that I can then move forward next year.
So, as always, this year in review will likely be a fairly long post, and while I almost never review the year the same as I have in the past, it remains my favorite post to make each year.
January
The year started off surrounded by so many wonderful people in my fairly new house. Two of my best friends got engaged (to each other) seconds after the 2011 ball dropped, which commenced all of us into seven months of wedding planning and excitement (more on their wedding later).We got our fifth and final roomie (for a while), and we welcomed into our lives a wonderful and incredibly broken person. Another roomie and I began having serious issues, and as much as I tried, I could not seem to communicate in a manner that helped either one of us... And, eventually the relationship sadly dwindled into co-existence at best.
I began another difficult class in my double masters program, and proceeded to sit on the couch for hours every night having near melt downs trying to understand finance...
My very best friend in the whole world got married in Georgia, and I was so thrilled and honored to stand up in her wedding with eight other beautiful girls and nine great guys. It was a fantastic trip down, and a great celebration!
I joined a gym, and ended up signing up for what turned into five months of personal training sessions twice a week. I looked forward to and loved these couple hours a week because the trainer was a great match to my skill, passion for martial arts, humor, and he improved my body in ways I was unsure could happen... Well worth the money for the time period I was in and how I was feeling.
My birthday... dun. dun. dun. Was actually amazing this year. (whew!) I have had so many issues with my birthday over the years that this year I was just too scared to hope for anything good, and just decided I wanted one thing. For one of my best friends to come and stay the weekend with me. She surprised me (by showing up late.. haha) with two more girl friends that I love to death sitting on my couch when I got home from dinner.. Which, because of the stress level I was under, I began to tear up just seeing and hugging them.. I then turned around to another friend creeping across the living room, which of course sent me into more tears being just so excited that he too was there... THEN, I was tapped on the shoulder, turned around to find my little brother holding a dozen roses (hands down my favorite birthday gift every year are these roses from my brothers). I just stood there dumbfounded and silent, then finally blurted out "Why are you here?!" then proceeded to hug the life out of him.. and SOB. As in, I could not breathe, I could not talk, I could not see.. I just sobbed and hugged my brother while everyone laughed at my reaction. THEN, the next day my friend/sister/old roomie showed up with cake and two more of my good friends.. and we proceeded to have a perfect weekend around DC exploring the Spy museum and getting Thai food. It was perfect, and I was reminded I am loved.
The day after my birthday we had 30 (or so) people laid-off from my workplace...
February
February is a bit of a blur, I mostly just remember hating life, arguing with one of my roomies a lot, sitting on the couch under blankets, and trying to understand my homework.I also really remember struggling with my job situation and being totally and completely unhappy.
But, the most overwhelming thing I remember from February are the feelings of total despair, being stuck, miserable, and totally feeling forgotten and unimportant. I literally remember feeling like I was not myself, but having no idea how to FIND myself again.
March
The most significant thing that happened in March was an out of the blue friend was made from reading my blog. I have no idea why or how she found me, but we began e-mailing several times a week about life, Jesus, pain, hurt, brokenness, Christianity, Christians, etc.. I was totally unsure how to handle the situations she presented me with, but what did end up coming from it was a lot of prayer on my part for her. I was amazed at the honesty she had when talking to me about her life and situations she has been in. I was humbled by the trust she had in me and broken for her and her situation. (I have not heard from her much in the last several months, but I still pray for her, her salvation, and that Jesus would do, what Jesus does in her life.)I spent a great deal of March trying to figure out how I fit in the DC area. I did not like DC, I did not like my life here, and I really did not like that I felt stuck here. I had little to no friends, and had even fewer people who understood me.
I continued to hate my online class and felt more and more belittled and frustrated at work.
The biggest feelings I have from March are that of feeling unsafe and like the best I had to offer was to "keep it together."
April
April brought my best friend and his wife to visit for our annual Easter weekend together. I needed them more than I think they will ever understand. They understand me, they laugh with and at me, and more than anything, their friendship is solid no matter where we are in life. We had a great weekend in DC, we even went roller blading (old school I know, but it is our thing!).April also brought with it an acute understanding that I was missing my Savior at my very core. I knew something was missing, I knew I felt lost, and I also knew I had no idea what to do. I felt empty and broken, and felt like I was completely directionless.
What I do remember though on a positive note is how pretty DC is in the spring. The flowers, trees, warm breeze.. it was truly beautiful and I finally found something I enjoyed about living here!
April also kick-started my insanely hectic always busy weekend summer schedule.
May
May brought a lot of wedding showers.. Several friends were getting married, so I traveled to and from Lynchburg a lot in order to feel like I was much more a part of something than I actually was.I realized in May that I truly was beginning to hate my job because of a couple particularly challenging individuals, and I really was struggling with the Lord on my attitude towards my job and the people causing the issues. I also began seriously searching for a new job...
I spent most of May exhausted. I had almost every moment of every day for the entire month planned out, down to how long it took me to get places. It was all rather ridiculous really... But, the busyness allowed me to fake ok. It is easier for me to fake that I am ok because I was so busy every "not ok" moment can be blamed on exhaustion and not getting enough sleep, and then anything that did not fall under that category could be lumped in with the stress of school and being incredibly busy at work...
I hid my heart and refused to acknowledge the pain going on at my core to anyone else for the entire month.
June
One of our roomies moved out, and another one replaced her. It was both sad and exciting at the same time. I went home for the first time since Christmas to surprise my brother for his birthday, loved being home and seeing everyone, and it gave me a good reprieve from not feeling like I belonged or fit anywhere.
I left from MI back to DC for a night, then down to FL for a week-long annual convention for work. I spent the better part of the entire month traveling, I acquired a cough I could not get rid of, and spent the majority of my time doing homework in the hammock we had set up in our backyard... I am pretty sure that hammock saved my life this summer haha :)
I had more wedding showers and more traveling back down to Lynchburg, and I honestly have no idea how I found the time to do my homework.. much less understand and pass the class...
I spent a great deal of June trying to do an internal check and figure out what I needed to do to make my life "ok" again. At this point I really realized how much I disliked my life, and I knew I needed to make a change, and I knew a lot of it was that I was not willing to humble myself enough to talk to my Savior about the things really bothering me.. So, God and I began having some pretty serious "what the hell" conversations.. It was actually quite liberating to know He was listening to me spout off like a little child, and that He still cared and loved me..
Also, while this is my first mention of it in this post, I L.O.V.E. my church, and throughout the whole year they really were the one lighthouse that I had. Over the summer, they did a series called the God Anthology, they picked and talked about nine attributes of God. While I was crazy busy, my church remained the one thing about DC I loved and was (and still am) unsure I ever wanted to give up...
The one thing that began to offer some genuine reprieve that I did not even know I needed was having a friend from Lynchburg move to DC. While we were in the same group of friends there, we were not super close.. But she has become such a God send to me. Her friendship, loyalty, humor, adventurous spirit, and level headedness... as well as her love for fun and doing things has been exactly what I did not even know I needed.
July
The two best friends that got engaged on New Years got married over the 4th of July weekend. It was a pretty epic weekend.. One that included a lake day, 11 other bridesmaids, 12 groomsmen, several flower girls and ring bearers, three pastors, and a sneak attack surprise of chucks shoes for the dance off at the reception... I got to see so many old friends, meet new ones, and party like crazy celebrating the union of two of my best friends! It was a pretty epic and fantastic wedding weekend :)It was about this point in the year that I finally began realizing I (while crazy busy) was finding my place in DC. I did not particularly like most of the things going on, and it was not my ideal, but I was able to say that I had friends and that maybe I was making a life here after all... With the exception of the fact that I was still job hunting... and still really wanting to move to Atlanta...
I also realized in July exactly how stressed out I was... So, I took a couple day trips or mornings to relax.. I really thought a couple times I was going to lose it on some poor unsuspecting soul...
I had a period of time in July where it seemed that my virginity came up over and over in almost any situation. I found the conversation empowering and very intriguing as well. I was quite surprised by the interest others had in my choice to remain a virgin until I get married... the reactions were.. priceless and pretty much spanned the gambit. Some were not surprised in the slightest, some thought it was purely accidental, others were completely blown away because apparently I do not seem "the type." However, it really caused me to begin looking at those areas of my life and realize that not only am I not ashamed or embarrassed by them in the slightest, I am very thankful and proud that God and I have this story together.. and that I have the boldness to talk about it with others, and explain eloquently why I am still a virgin.
August
I went home in the beginning of August to help plan and celebrate my parent's 30th wedding anniversary, and it was awesome. We had a blast, and I was reminded once again how absolutely amazing my family is. I am always amazed at how close we are and how much we all genuinely LOVE to be around each other, joking, laughing, reading, talking, watching movies.. whatever.. we love it.I also went with one of my friends to the Bachata congress here in DC, and we had SO much fun. We were so sore, tired, and our poor feet suffered greatly, but overall it was a fantastic experience, and one that helped me learn so much more about dancing, and helped renew my love for it.
In August we also had an Earthquake in DC (which you can see the destruction my place suffered here), and a hurricane... although I left to visit my best friend and her husband during the hurricane, and helped them move.. It was a long and tiring weekend, but I loved every minute of it because I was with them!
I could tell by the end of August I was really getting antsy for life to FEEL normal. I wanted to feel like I belonged, like God and I were close again, like I was important, like I had value to offer, and I longed to enjoy my job once again...
September
I spent the first half of September really evaluating where I was, and really ready inside to take a moment and breathe. I felt like I was drowning and like nothing anyone said was relieving my stress.Thankfully I had a free airplane ticket to use and some extra time off, so I peaced out to California to see my cousin. We spent four days in southern California doing whatever we pleased to celebrate her 3rd anniversary (even though her husband was deployed at the time). We laid on the beach, played in the VERY cold water, got pedicures, ate amazing food, walked down the beach, took paddle boarding lessons, made amazing homemade food, and watched movies.. not to mention talked and laughed for all four days. It was during that break that I FINALLY felt something break. It was like God had released the pressure valve on my stress level and I could finally think, feel, and process clearly. I felt content inside my soul once again... I had almost forgotten what that felt like.
We also celebrated the 10th anniversary (has it REALLY been that long?!) of the 9/11 terrorist attacks...
I was reminded during September how much I am loved, and for whatever reason I was finally able to start understanding it deep down.. I am surrounded by friends who love me and send flowers just because they knew I was having a rough week..
October
I finally knew what contentment felt like, and it was like a dew kissed morning.I became debt free except for my student loans in October, and the new found freedom is awesome!
The biggest thing I remember from October is feeling like I finally found my groove. I finally felt like I was BUILDING a life.. and while I was not too thrilled with certain situations with work or school still, I had peace once more, and knew I was going to be ok.
I made the decision to sign the lease at the end of the month, which essentially meant I was committing to another year here in DC... I was a little worried I was making a mistake, but knew I needed to make a choice regardless and let God do his thing and figure out what was going to happen.
I also ran my first 10k.. and I RAN the whole thing.. the furthest I have ever run.. in my ENTIRE life.. I was pretty stoked.. then I walked like an 85 year old man for several days haha!
November
November seemed like it FLEW by to me. I am not entirely sure where the month went..I think the most unique thing about November for me was all of the things that felt like they began settling into place. For starters, it went down in record as the longest I had lived in one place for the last nine years (whoa!). I had not realized how transient my life was, and how almost bizarre it felt to live in the SAME place not having to pack up or move anywhere... Such a unique feeling.
I was able to reconnect with an old friend from Freshman year of college, and it has become such a welcome surprise and rekindling of a friendship.
I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner with the help of a friend... and it wasn't easy, but we had fun and only had a few minor mishaps..
I began reading and finished reading Start Something That Matters by Blake Mycoskie (the founder of TOMS Shoes) and was incredibly inspired...
Work became suddenly significantly easier and less stress filled due to staffing changes, it was almost a visible change in my stress level and it could not have come at a more perfect time. This made it easier to decide that I can stay where I am until God really moves me elsewhere...
Overall it was a good month, not void of frustrations or annoyances, but definitely one of the best months I have had in around a year in a half...
I also met a guy through a mutual friend that I have been on a few dates with, he has proven to be much nicer than I am used to in the men I typically date. I have absolutely no idea where it is going, but after a few (somewhat minor) freak outs I have settled into trusting that God knows what He is doing and walking through this door and seeing what happens.
December
I cannot believe December is almost over... Where did this year go? The most challenging thing about this year is there were so many reoccurring feelings and frustrations that it makes the entire year blend into itself...This month I have spent a great deal of time feeling like life is normal.. Well normal aside from trying to figure out if I like this guy while at the same time understanding that the emotions do not accurately reflect reality and just enjoying it is really the key.
What I do know is that the Lord and I are reconnecting.. Prayer comes easier again, and just sitting and being with my Savior is something I am enjoying again.
2011
Hands down of the most stressful and pressure filled years I have ever had... While I would NEVER.. ever choose to re-live this year, I can honestly say I am so thankful to have been through this year and survived. I learned so many things about prayer, stress, pressure, friends, and know without any shadow of a doubt that patience was created and increased ten fold in my life this year. While this is a gross exaggeration of what has happened this year, I feel like Job at the end of his book in the Bible, an overwhelming sense of peace and an acute awareness of the blessings in my life.
Please Lord, do not ever make me repeat this year, but thank you for all the times you carried me and comforted me while I struggled. Thank you for proving once again you are faithful and that no matter where I am, what I am going through or who I am dealing with you not only care, but you hear me when I talk to you. Thank you for giving me the chance to learn and for putting the people in my life I needed to survive. Thank you for teaching me another thing or two about humility and compassion, and for growing my heart for the lost and broken.
I have no idea what to expect for the next year, I would love for it to be a fantastic year, but I have no sense of what is to come at all. But, what I do know is, if the last couple years are any indication, it is going to be a very... interesting year!
Dec 18, 2011
Not My Own...
Several weeks ago, Dick Foth spoke at my church for a two part series "Hallowed" which roughly means "Holy." He talked about the Lords prayer and just what exactly are we asking for when we say the Lords prayer. In case you have never heard it or just want a refresher:
"Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom Come,
Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And, lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For thine is the Kingdom,
The power,
and the Glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen."
Even though this is old English, I still like this version the best.
There is a different cadence to it that I enjoy, which is ironic since I do not really like any other verses in old English.
One of the things that was pointed out was "Thy will be done.." and how even in the Garden of gesthemany where Jesus was crying, praying, and basically asking God to find another way to save us He essentially said "Thy will be done.."...
"...he fell with his face to the ground. He prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. But let what you want be done, not what I want.'" -Matthew 26:39b
This has really been sticking with me lately after Dick Foth made mention of, how different would our lives and the lives of those around us look if more people said more often "... not my will, but yours..."
So, what if?.. What if I said that more times a day than I can count? How different would my life look if every prayer, everything ended with "but, not my own will, but yours be done here."? Would my life dramatically change?
I dunno, maybe.
Maybe I would stop stressing so much,
Maybe I would be less afraid of getting hurt again,
Maybe I would stop trying to keep everything together perfectly,
Maybe I would stop paying attention to the wrongs against me,
Maybe I would stop trying to control everything,
Maybe I would be more patient,
Maybe I would be more compassionate,
Maybe I would see someone else's hurt before my own,
Maybe I would be less selfish,
Maybe I would begin to be more fulfilled in every situation,
Maybe I would have more peace and contentment in my life,
Maybe I would hurt more because I was seeking God's will more,
Maybe my life would get harder,
Maybe I would cry more,
Maybe my heart would be broken more for what breaks God's,
Maybe I would get hurt more,
Maybe I would get my heart broken again,
Maybe I would love unabashedly,
Maybe more people would come to know Christ,
Maybe God would change the world with my life.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about this concept, and just working through the idea that I want to walk through any door and any path the Lord has put before me regardless of what is going on or the result.
This was aided by today's sermon by Mark Batterson about how sometimes God's plan does not make sense for 55-1500 years... He listed several stories in the Bible that the individuals would likely have said "thanks but no thanks" and would have chosen to write it differently, but that later, and sometimes 1500 years (and however many generations that is) later it all makes perfect beautiful sense as to why something happened the way it did. He also pointed out that when God does miracles, they never are convenient, and often really get in the way of life and our plans. Such an interesting thought.
Am I open to be inconvenienced for God?.. Gosh I hope so.
I guess I just feel like I am at this place right now where I know that some crazy things are coming around the corner, some probably scary, others exciting, likely some stressful things, and everything in between, but what I know above and beyond that is I desire God's will over my own. With Him directing and taking the lead I have no reason to fear...
Not my own, but yours my King.
"Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom Come,
Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And, lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For thine is the Kingdom,
The power,
and the Glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen."
Even though this is old English, I still like this version the best.
There is a different cadence to it that I enjoy, which is ironic since I do not really like any other verses in old English.
One of the things that was pointed out was "Thy will be done.." and how even in the Garden of gesthemany where Jesus was crying, praying, and basically asking God to find another way to save us He essentially said "Thy will be done.."...
"...he fell with his face to the ground. He prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. But let what you want be done, not what I want.'" -Matthew 26:39b
This has really been sticking with me lately after Dick Foth made mention of, how different would our lives and the lives of those around us look if more people said more often "... not my will, but yours..."
So, what if?.. What if I said that more times a day than I can count? How different would my life look if every prayer, everything ended with "but, not my own will, but yours be done here."? Would my life dramatically change?
I dunno, maybe.
Maybe I would stop stressing so much,
Maybe I would be less afraid of getting hurt again,
Maybe I would stop trying to keep everything together perfectly,
Maybe I would stop paying attention to the wrongs against me,
Maybe I would stop trying to control everything,
Maybe I would be more patient,
Maybe I would be more compassionate,
Maybe I would see someone else's hurt before my own,
Maybe I would be less selfish,
Maybe I would begin to be more fulfilled in every situation,
Maybe I would have more peace and contentment in my life,
Maybe I would hurt more because I was seeking God's will more,
Maybe my life would get harder,
Maybe I would cry more,
Maybe my heart would be broken more for what breaks God's,
Maybe I would get hurt more,
Maybe I would get my heart broken again,
Maybe I would love unabashedly,
Maybe more people would come to know Christ,
Maybe God would change the world with my life.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about this concept, and just working through the idea that I want to walk through any door and any path the Lord has put before me regardless of what is going on or the result.
This was aided by today's sermon by Mark Batterson about how sometimes God's plan does not make sense for 55-1500 years... He listed several stories in the Bible that the individuals would likely have said "thanks but no thanks" and would have chosen to write it differently, but that later, and sometimes 1500 years (and however many generations that is) later it all makes perfect beautiful sense as to why something happened the way it did. He also pointed out that when God does miracles, they never are convenient, and often really get in the way of life and our plans. Such an interesting thought.
Am I open to be inconvenienced for God?.. Gosh I hope so.
I guess I just feel like I am at this place right now where I know that some crazy things are coming around the corner, some probably scary, others exciting, likely some stressful things, and everything in between, but what I know above and beyond that is I desire God's will over my own. With Him directing and taking the lead I have no reason to fear...
Not my own, but yours my King.
Oct 18, 2011
Sola Scriptura...
Last Sunday at church (I love my church), Mark Batterson talked about Sola Scriptura for our new series Sola. I loved the entire message, it had this feeling of being a foundation building, crack sealing, re-centering type message that really just built up with information that made sense and was thought provoking. I have been sifting through the information for a couple days now, letting my spirit dwell and let it linger.. Now, I think it is time to share some of my thoughts...
The verse we looked at was Psalm 119:1-8,
1 Blessed are those whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.
2 Blessed are those who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart—
3 they do no wrong
but follow his ways.
4 You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.
5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!
6 Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.
7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.
8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.
The sermon went through the importance of the Bible to us as believers, but in a very unique way. So, highlighting some of the things, Mark Batterson pointed out that there were 40 writers over 1600 years, on 3 continents, and in 3 languages, and it is all equally inspired, but depending on our situation not all scripture is equally applicable.
He went through the thoughts that Scripture is useful and does not return void (Is. 55). The voice behind scripture is both all powerful and all knowing. It is an authority, and when I have a problem with something it says, regardless of how I feel, I am wrong. Which, let's be honest, that is a really hard concept to swallow...
Much to my amusement he pointed out that no one likes authority... but, today the dominant authority is "they" ... But, the problem is, WHO IS "THEY"?.. I dunno.. but they said so....
Sola Scriptura is the final authority, and whether we like it or not, the Bible interprets us to ourselves... Whoa. I have never thought about that before, but the more I read the Bible and dig in, the more I understand who I am, good, bad, ugly, and beautiful.
He also jokingly pointed out that we are really just "inspired dirt" lol love it!
Several other points worth mentioning.. When we first read the scripture, it is merely theory. Until we experience something that is applicable, then it becomes our reality. He also pointed out that often times we go to the Bible to correct it instead of letting it correct us.
He pointed out 3 things I am not sure I have ever thought about before.. The bible was not meant to merely be read through, it was meant to be prayed through, to be meditated through, to be done.
He thankfully pointed out that no one reads the Bible "too much" and none of us read even as much as we should, so the idea of this being a sermon to lay on the guilt is not even applicable here, it is merely to bring to light things we need to know, educate us, and help us to understand and grow.
He ended with this thought "You might be the only Bible some people read. How good of a translation are you?" ... Whoa.
The thing that I loved about this sermon is that it was a solid building up of the foundation of what I believe. There were parts that made me feel guilty, excited, solemn, confused, awestruck.. but mostly just completely grateful that I am able to understand and grow, and truly have a chance to let the scriptures rebuke me and grow me. How totally and utterly blessed am I.
The verse we looked at was Psalm 119:1-8,
1 Blessed are those whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.
2 Blessed are those who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart—
3 they do no wrong
but follow his ways.
4 You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.
5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!
6 Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.
7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.
8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.
The sermon went through the importance of the Bible to us as believers, but in a very unique way. So, highlighting some of the things, Mark Batterson pointed out that there were 40 writers over 1600 years, on 3 continents, and in 3 languages, and it is all equally inspired, but depending on our situation not all scripture is equally applicable.
He went through the thoughts that Scripture is useful and does not return void (Is. 55). The voice behind scripture is both all powerful and all knowing. It is an authority, and when I have a problem with something it says, regardless of how I feel, I am wrong. Which, let's be honest, that is a really hard concept to swallow...
Much to my amusement he pointed out that no one likes authority... but, today the dominant authority is "they" ... But, the problem is, WHO IS "THEY"?.. I dunno.. but they said so....
Sola Scriptura is the final authority, and whether we like it or not, the Bible interprets us to ourselves... Whoa. I have never thought about that before, but the more I read the Bible and dig in, the more I understand who I am, good, bad, ugly, and beautiful.
He also jokingly pointed out that we are really just "inspired dirt" lol love it!
Several other points worth mentioning.. When we first read the scripture, it is merely theory. Until we experience something that is applicable, then it becomes our reality. He also pointed out that often times we go to the Bible to correct it instead of letting it correct us.
He pointed out 3 things I am not sure I have ever thought about before.. The bible was not meant to merely be read through, it was meant to be prayed through, to be meditated through, to be done.
He thankfully pointed out that no one reads the Bible "too much" and none of us read even as much as we should, so the idea of this being a sermon to lay on the guilt is not even applicable here, it is merely to bring to light things we need to know, educate us, and help us to understand and grow.
He ended with this thought "You might be the only Bible some people read. How good of a translation are you?" ... Whoa.
The thing that I loved about this sermon is that it was a solid building up of the foundation of what I believe. There were parts that made me feel guilty, excited, solemn, confused, awestruck.. but mostly just completely grateful that I am able to understand and grow, and truly have a chance to let the scriptures rebuke me and grow me. How totally and utterly blessed am I.
Sep 10, 2011
Perfect Saturday...
Today has been a perfect Saturday.. It has been so long since I have had one, that I almost forgot what they even felt like... looked like.. and more importantly how precious they are. I woke up gloriously late (11am) and was greeted by a text inviting me to join my friend for a run.. Not exactly my favorite, but since it was beautiful outside for the first time in a solid week, and I really have to begin training for my 10k in less than two months, I agreed, and even was ok glad to work off the energy and stress. Although, to be fair, I am terribly out of shape, but glad to get back into it. Then I took my time showering and getting ready for my day, including making myself an amazing omelet. Afterwards I took off to the Metro to take a ridiculously long ride into the city, although it was faster than trying to drive once I passed the expressway!... Slowly I made my way to Ebenezers coffee shop (The coffee shop owned by my church) to spend hours upon hours reading and doing homework. I typically have very little drive to accomplish any of it on the weekend, but since I had a gift card from my roomie (thank you!) I decided it was the perfect excuse to head in, get a change of scenery, and get some things accomplished since I am once again in a class I do not understand much about (Stats AGAIN?!). It feels awesome to be in a familiar setting of coffee and people wafting in and out while I people watch and read incredibly boring articles... It is a nice familiar welcome change of pace.
Later the plan is to meet up with some friends to show them a tri-level jazz club here in the city.. Doing whatever I want, at whatever pace I choose... This is like an old friend I forgot how enjoyable their company is!...
Plus the sun has been out all day!
Later the plan is to meet up with some friends to show them a tri-level jazz club here in the city.. Doing whatever I want, at whatever pace I choose... This is like an old friend I forgot how enjoyable their company is!...
Plus the sun has been out all day!
Aug 4, 2011
August Rush...
I cannot believe August is already well underway.. Summer has completely flown by, and shows no signs of slowing down until white water falls from the sky again!
Last night was my church's live recording of the God Anthology album. The music was written by the worship pastors for the 9 week series exploring attributes of God.. Mystery, Holiness, Faithfulness, Wrath, Sovereignty, Mercy, Beauty, Jealousy, and Love. It was an amazing night of worship, and the more I hear the songs, the more I love them!
Tomorrow I catch a plane home to see my family for the weekend and celebrate my parent's 30th wedding anniversary. I am really excited about this weekend!
Next weekend, starting Thursday after work I am full fledged dancing.. Back in January I bought a fairly cheap ticket to the Bachata Congress here in DC. Which means Thursday evening, Friday ALL DAY, Saturday ALL DAY, and Sunday ALL DAY I will be taking classes and dancing literally until my feet fall off... I am super excited and cannot wait for all the dancing, and time with my friend who introduced me to dancing!
Then sadly I have to work the following weekend as a committee Staff Liaison. Which, is not my first choice of things to do, but it will be great additional experience for me.
Then, thanks to the alternative work schedule we are doing for the month of August, I have/will spend every day at work 50 minutes early, to get 2 days off work.. plus with the collapse day for working over the weekend, I will have a 4 day weekend that will be spent in Atlanta with my bff and her husband. I cannot wait! It has been almost 9 months at that point since I will have seen her.. and that is just a really long time for us to go without seeing each other (while Skype certainly helps.. it does not solve the whole thing).
And then we are into September... whoa. August is rushing by!
Last night was my church's live recording of the God Anthology album. The music was written by the worship pastors for the 9 week series exploring attributes of God.. Mystery, Holiness, Faithfulness, Wrath, Sovereignty, Mercy, Beauty, Jealousy, and Love. It was an amazing night of worship, and the more I hear the songs, the more I love them!
Tomorrow I catch a plane home to see my family for the weekend and celebrate my parent's 30th wedding anniversary. I am really excited about this weekend!
Next weekend, starting Thursday after work I am full fledged dancing.. Back in January I bought a fairly cheap ticket to the Bachata Congress here in DC. Which means Thursday evening, Friday ALL DAY, Saturday ALL DAY, and Sunday ALL DAY I will be taking classes and dancing literally until my feet fall off... I am super excited and cannot wait for all the dancing, and time with my friend who introduced me to dancing!
Then sadly I have to work the following weekend as a committee Staff Liaison. Which, is not my first choice of things to do, but it will be great additional experience for me.
Then, thanks to the alternative work schedule we are doing for the month of August, I have/will spend every day at work 50 minutes early, to get 2 days off work.. plus with the collapse day for working over the weekend, I will have a 4 day weekend that will be spent in Atlanta with my bff and her husband. I cannot wait! It has been almost 9 months at that point since I will have seen her.. and that is just a really long time for us to go without seeing each other (while Skype certainly helps.. it does not solve the whole thing).
And then we are into September... whoa. August is rushing by!
Jul 31, 2011
God is Love...
Today we concluded our God Anthology series at my church... Again.. as if on cue, "I LOVE MY CHURCH" seriously. This Wednesday is our live recording of the original music that was written for this series. I am SO excited about it, and cannot wait to go!
Today Heather talked about God is Love. She pointed out that this is the favorite topic of Christians.. and also the most misunderstood. She talked about how complicated love is, and how when we site 1 Corinthians 13:
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."
We tend to say these at weddings and in a moment when we need to be "reminded" of what love "is" but that we often don't think about the context in which this was said. This was said to a culture that in order to worship Aphrodite in the temples, the men would sleep with the priestess's that were essentially slaves of the temple. It was very selfish, controlling, degrading, and common. So, to actually say or recite ANY part of the "love" chapter in the Bible, it only makes sense to say it within the context of who it was being said to and why.. and to point out just how counter culture and different from the "norm" it was.
I could not help but think about how often Christians are so quick to judge, forgetting that we will be judged according to how we judged. Meaning, the same standards will be held to us as we held to others...
“But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’
“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” - Matthew 25:31-46
It really is all about love.. even in the most obscure little ways.. Love matters.
Today Heather talked about God is Love. She pointed out that this is the favorite topic of Christians.. and also the most misunderstood. She talked about how complicated love is, and how when we site 1 Corinthians 13:
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."
We tend to say these at weddings and in a moment when we need to be "reminded" of what love "is" but that we often don't think about the context in which this was said. This was said to a culture that in order to worship Aphrodite in the temples, the men would sleep with the priestess's that were essentially slaves of the temple. It was very selfish, controlling, degrading, and common. So, to actually say or recite ANY part of the "love" chapter in the Bible, it only makes sense to say it within the context of who it was being said to and why.. and to point out just how counter culture and different from the "norm" it was.
I could not help but think about how often Christians are so quick to judge, forgetting that we will be judged according to how we judged. Meaning, the same standards will be held to us as we held to others...
“But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’
“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” - Matthew 25:31-46
It really is all about love.. even in the most obscure little ways.. Love matters.
Jul 24, 2011
Emotional Release...
I had a fantastic weekend.. literally jam packed with girlfriends starting on Thursday evening. I really love my girls, they are just so much fun. Lots of character, personality, humor, intelligence, wit, etc..etc.. They are never ending entertainment.. and people that I can sit next to silently for hours. They are wonderful... And always bring out the best in me or help me remember the things about life I love the most.. I am pretty sure I laughed more this weekend than I have in a long time, and I am so grateful for the times we had....
But, (maybe I am the only one..) I always feel a slight depressing let down when weekends like this come to an end. Maybe because they are leaving and life must resume as normal.. maybe because I am just plain tired, or maybe because it is easier to forget and be distracted while they are around rather than be an adult and deal with things that are challenging... Or.. D) all of the above.
This morning at church we talked about the Jealousy of God... I am pretty sure I say this every week... But, not to be forgetful, I love my church. The leadership is just amazing, they have purposeful vision, and they are intentional about the messages they teach. I mean intentional in the way of they want to grow the congregation, beyond where they were last week, month, message series, year etc.. They are purposeful about their dreams, visions, prayer, and understanding.. yet so incredibly humble and earnestly seeking Christ in the midst of all of it. I am so blessed. When I move from DC (whenever that will be) I will mourn leaving the community, church, body of Christ that is National Community Church... I am unbelievably thankful that this has been my light in the midst of the hard and craptastic year that I have had. Ironically this is also the LEAST involved I have been in my church in.... more then 10 years. Which I find ironic that I have these emotions and connection considering everything.. I will take it though!
I am finding that the more I think about it, the more I get slightly anxious, yet totally calm and content about the prospects of the next few months, and the chances of life changing dramatically as is. Not just in my life, but the lives of several of my friends... I have a very strong feeling that life will not even look the same in a year... or even 6 months. I am anxious and excited all at the same time.
Lord, bring it on, and be my strength walking me through it please!
But, (maybe I am the only one..) I always feel a slight depressing let down when weekends like this come to an end. Maybe because they are leaving and life must resume as normal.. maybe because I am just plain tired, or maybe because it is easier to forget and be distracted while they are around rather than be an adult and deal with things that are challenging... Or.. D) all of the above.
This morning at church we talked about the Jealousy of God... I am pretty sure I say this every week... But, not to be forgetful, I love my church. The leadership is just amazing, they have purposeful vision, and they are intentional about the messages they teach. I mean intentional in the way of they want to grow the congregation, beyond where they were last week, month, message series, year etc.. They are purposeful about their dreams, visions, prayer, and understanding.. yet so incredibly humble and earnestly seeking Christ in the midst of all of it. I am so blessed. When I move from DC (whenever that will be) I will mourn leaving the community, church, body of Christ that is National Community Church... I am unbelievably thankful that this has been my light in the midst of the hard and craptastic year that I have had. Ironically this is also the LEAST involved I have been in my church in.... more then 10 years. Which I find ironic that I have these emotions and connection considering everything.. I will take it though!
I am finding that the more I think about it, the more I get slightly anxious, yet totally calm and content about the prospects of the next few months, and the chances of life changing dramatically as is. Not just in my life, but the lives of several of my friends... I have a very strong feeling that life will not even look the same in a year... or even 6 months. I am anxious and excited all at the same time.
Lord, bring it on, and be my strength walking me through it please!
Jun 26, 2011
God is Wrath...
Today I was able to go to my church here in DC that I love so much (theaterchurch.com) for the first time in a month.. and the first time since Easter with my roomie (we have both been pretty busy and traveling quite a bit..).. Plus a friend who recently moved to the area joined us.
This summer they are in "The God Anthology" and going through 9 attributes of God.
Mystery
Holiness
Faithfulness
Wrath
Sovereignty
Mercy
Beauty
Jealousy
and Love
Along with the series the worship teams from the different campuses got together and wrote music to accompany the series which also touching on these 9 attributes of God, then later in the summer it has been set up to be recorded live with an all sites combined service.
Anyway, today Heather Zempel the Discipleship pastor spoke on God is Wrath. First, let me say she is one of my favorite speakers. She does a wonderful job blending humor, facts, explanation, and story telling to communicate her message. She blew me away today speaking on God is Wrath, even touching on the nervousness felt when describing the attributes of God we are not comfortable with, and the way in which we try to understand how the hundreds of attributes He has fit into our frame of mind. She eloquently pointed out that "The God of the Old Testament just seems angry, and a lot of Christians have this view that somewhere between Malachi and Matthew God got saved..." I, along with the entire crowd roared with laughter, but, the reality is.. that's kinda how it seems. Somewhere along the way God went from being a wrath-filled God to a loving God...
And then, she bridged the gap between the two seemingly opposing positions. She pointed out that we EXPECT God to have wrath when a child is abused, when a woman is sold into sex slavery, when people are wiped out due to the color of their skin or the region in which they were born.. That a wrath like reaction to a situation like that would only be fair. That the only thing that would be loving towards those innocents is to wreak havoc and wrath upon the ones doing the harming.. And in fact, if we do not see that wrath from God we feel almost immediately compelled to ask "How can a loving God LET THIS HAPPEN!?"......
At this point, she began unpacking the correlation between love and wrath. In order to have love, there has got to be wrath too. Wrath is the means by which love and grace are extended.
To further explain this point, she explained that in Genesis when Adam and Eve sinned, in order to extend grace and love to humans, God's wrath was first taken out on an innocent animal, but that Eve was given a name appropriate for her potential, not based on her mistakes...
"Now the man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all the living. The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them." Genesis 3:20-21
This truth about wrath and love makes sense to me.. but I have never thought about it in this manner before... I am so intrigued.
She also pointed out that with almost every major natural disaster some person goes on national television and makes a statement similar to "this is God's wrath being poured out on these people because of their sin..." and then the rest of the Christian realm rebuttals with "No it's not!" To which she points out, God certainly DOES do that in the Bible.. so, it is possible. BUT.. We do not KNOW that to be the case. There is no way to say for sure what God was or was not doing in the midst of the disasters... What we DO know is that, God will use everything to be an avenue for redemption, grace, and love... And, in the end He will be glorified.
While I have never really contemplated the wrath of God, and how it plays perfectly into His love, grace, and mercy for us His children... I am very intrigued by this thought, because the wrath of God is all over the Bible... but so is love.. and grace.. and mercy.. and redemption... They swirl together in harmony in a way that I do not really understand completely, but am glad to have and be made aware of...
This summer they are in "The God Anthology" and going through 9 attributes of God.
Mystery
Holiness
Faithfulness
Wrath
Sovereignty
Mercy
Beauty
Jealousy
and Love
Along with the series the worship teams from the different campuses got together and wrote music to accompany the series which also touching on these 9 attributes of God, then later in the summer it has been set up to be recorded live with an all sites combined service.
Anyway, today Heather Zempel the Discipleship pastor spoke on God is Wrath. First, let me say she is one of my favorite speakers. She does a wonderful job blending humor, facts, explanation, and story telling to communicate her message. She blew me away today speaking on God is Wrath, even touching on the nervousness felt when describing the attributes of God we are not comfortable with, and the way in which we try to understand how the hundreds of attributes He has fit into our frame of mind. She eloquently pointed out that "The God of the Old Testament just seems angry, and a lot of Christians have this view that somewhere between Malachi and Matthew God got saved..." I, along with the entire crowd roared with laughter, but, the reality is.. that's kinda how it seems. Somewhere along the way God went from being a wrath-filled God to a loving God...
And then, she bridged the gap between the two seemingly opposing positions. She pointed out that we EXPECT God to have wrath when a child is abused, when a woman is sold into sex slavery, when people are wiped out due to the color of their skin or the region in which they were born.. That a wrath like reaction to a situation like that would only be fair. That the only thing that would be loving towards those innocents is to wreak havoc and wrath upon the ones doing the harming.. And in fact, if we do not see that wrath from God we feel almost immediately compelled to ask "How can a loving God LET THIS HAPPEN!?"......
At this point, she began unpacking the correlation between love and wrath. In order to have love, there has got to be wrath too. Wrath is the means by which love and grace are extended.
To further explain this point, she explained that in Genesis when Adam and Eve sinned, in order to extend grace and love to humans, God's wrath was first taken out on an innocent animal, but that Eve was given a name appropriate for her potential, not based on her mistakes...
"Now the man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all the living. The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them." Genesis 3:20-21
This truth about wrath and love makes sense to me.. but I have never thought about it in this manner before... I am so intrigued.
She also pointed out that with almost every major natural disaster some person goes on national television and makes a statement similar to "this is God's wrath being poured out on these people because of their sin..." and then the rest of the Christian realm rebuttals with "No it's not!" To which she points out, God certainly DOES do that in the Bible.. so, it is possible. BUT.. We do not KNOW that to be the case. There is no way to say for sure what God was or was not doing in the midst of the disasters... What we DO know is that, God will use everything to be an avenue for redemption, grace, and love... And, in the end He will be glorified.
While I have never really contemplated the wrath of God, and how it plays perfectly into His love, grace, and mercy for us His children... I am very intrigued by this thought, because the wrath of God is all over the Bible... but so is love.. and grace.. and mercy.. and redemption... They swirl together in harmony in a way that I do not really understand completely, but am glad to have and be made aware of...
May 15, 2011
Die to Self...
Today's message at church (I went to the new Barracks Row location today!) was about dying to self, but also what happens when we reach the end of our "event horizon"
Event Horizon - In general relativity, an event horizon is a boundary in spacetime beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer. (wikipedia.com)
So, it started out explaining that there comes a point in each of our lives that we will forever be doing what we have been doing and be who we have always been. That we have reached the end (so to speak) of ourselves and it takes something outside of ourselves (God) to move us past our limits.
Then Pastor Mark (Batterson) went on to explain that in order for God to move us we have to die to ourselves DAILY.
"saying, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed and be raised up on the third day."
23And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.
24"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.
25"For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself" - Luke 9:22-25
He went into details and explanations about how as humans we want to overcome things.. without actually having to overcome anything. And used the example of a man who sent him an email about being inspired by one of his books and how God used it to really motivate the man to get his health in order... which subsequently he lost 242lbs (that's more than an entire person!). But in order to do that he would have to essentially die to self (torture) himself at the gym daily, with the food he ate.. and he would not be able to do that without the help of the Lord to keep it going.
He also said that while the saying is "no pain, no gain" we in all honesty really just want "no pain.. no pain." We have this adverse reaction to avoiding pain.. regardless of what it would mean in the long run.
The message went on and on.. and was absolutely amazing.. but I really just want to focus on this part of the message...
Dying to myself daily. What would that look like in my own personal life?.. Oh gosh it could mean any number of things.. I think for each person it is something different. Some people it's food, alcohol, TV, etc..etc.. Really anything that needs to be given up, then gone to Christ in prayer asking Him to take it and do whatever He wants with it... Sometimes He will give it back.. and other times He will literally just want it to die out of your life. But, whatever it is will look different and be a different thing for each of us.
I don't know what mine is today.. or tomorrow. But, I really needed the reminder that it's time I begin focusing on dying to self again. I needed the kick in the gut to re-focus on God.. Which might sound funny since I pray and talk about God all the time.. But it is SO easy to have that always on my mind, but never really actually focus on the reality of what those actions would look like in my life.
Lord, help me die to self and learn what that looks like for me now. Give me the strength to follow through and follow YOU.
Event Horizon - In general relativity, an event horizon is a boundary in spacetime beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer. (wikipedia.com)
So, it started out explaining that there comes a point in each of our lives that we will forever be doing what we have been doing and be who we have always been. That we have reached the end (so to speak) of ourselves and it takes something outside of ourselves (God) to move us past our limits.
Then Pastor Mark (Batterson) went on to explain that in order for God to move us we have to die to ourselves DAILY.
"saying, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed and be raised up on the third day."
23And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.
24"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.
25"For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself" - Luke 9:22-25
He went into details and explanations about how as humans we want to overcome things.. without actually having to overcome anything. And used the example of a man who sent him an email about being inspired by one of his books and how God used it to really motivate the man to get his health in order... which subsequently he lost 242lbs (that's more than an entire person!). But in order to do that he would have to essentially die to self (torture) himself at the gym daily, with the food he ate.. and he would not be able to do that without the help of the Lord to keep it going.
He also said that while the saying is "no pain, no gain" we in all honesty really just want "no pain.. no pain." We have this adverse reaction to avoiding pain.. regardless of what it would mean in the long run.
The message went on and on.. and was absolutely amazing.. but I really just want to focus on this part of the message...
Dying to myself daily. What would that look like in my own personal life?.. Oh gosh it could mean any number of things.. I think for each person it is something different. Some people it's food, alcohol, TV, etc..etc.. Really anything that needs to be given up, then gone to Christ in prayer asking Him to take it and do whatever He wants with it... Sometimes He will give it back.. and other times He will literally just want it to die out of your life. But, whatever it is will look different and be a different thing for each of us.
I don't know what mine is today.. or tomorrow. But, I really needed the reminder that it's time I begin focusing on dying to self again. I needed the kick in the gut to re-focus on God.. Which might sound funny since I pray and talk about God all the time.. But it is SO easy to have that always on my mind, but never really actually focus on the reality of what those actions would look like in my life.
Lord, help me die to self and learn what that looks like for me now. Give me the strength to follow through and follow YOU.
May 14, 2011
Saturday Serve...
Today I joined a friend of mine and we joined my church's Second Saturday Serve project opportunity. I have been wanting to do these since I moved here, however in the 6 or so months that I have been here I have only been in town for 1 of those and a friend was in town which caused the scheduling to be conflicting. I showed up a little early with Starbucks in hand, and talked to Matt another NCC attender, but to a different location. Then my friend and others slowly started trickling in.
Eventually they began explaining the service opportunities and the need at each location, along with the number of people needed. I needed to physically do work today, not sure why, but I needed to be productive. So, I volunteered to not only go to one of the more physical locations, but take the lead on it. We went to Christ's House, a place that supplies food to the community at large.. but ALSO supplies a whole slew of other food pantries in and around the city. They move thousands of pounds of food a year. It was really rather amazing. So, we followed Nicole down to the cramped basement with a low ceiling to get the instructions... We packed boxes full of food that will be sent to other food pantries. Each box could be no more than 40lbs, so we packed, weighed, wrote the poundage on each box and stuck a sticker of the organization on each box... All while ducking, bending, and slouching to avoid hitting our heads on heating ducts, water piping, and lights. I am not sure anyone realizes the challenges tall people have when carrying a 40lb box while having to duck or limbo under things. Whew! Afterwards the three of us (packing 30 boxes) headed to lunch to just hang out and chat, laughing and enjoying getting to know new people.
I loved the chance to physically get to show love to people who will never know what I have done. The mothers who feed their children with the food I packed today will never know how sore my back is or the time I spent in a damp basement to help her feed her family. That is awesome to me, I love that.. and it could not have been a more perfect project for me today.
Afterwards I stopped by the store to pick up a whole lot of Ramen Noodles to ship to my friend in Afghan-land.. And could not help but giggle at the store when a lady stopped me saying "I am so sorry.. but I am short, and you are very tall, can you reach up there and grab that for me?" She was so sweet about it, and let's be honest, it took no effort at all...
When I got home I for some reason had energy to spare.. So, I went for a 2 mile run in the misting rain... came home to do homework, laundry, and relax...
Now I'm getting ready to head out dancing (my body is really gonna hate me tomorrow!)...
I am so beyond content today. It amazes me how God works. All it takes is a little time actively getting outside my selfishness and putting some actions behind my words that speak more to my heart than so many other things I could have chosen to spend my time doing today.
Eventually they began explaining the service opportunities and the need at each location, along with the number of people needed. I needed to physically do work today, not sure why, but I needed to be productive. So, I volunteered to not only go to one of the more physical locations, but take the lead on it. We went to Christ's House, a place that supplies food to the community at large.. but ALSO supplies a whole slew of other food pantries in and around the city. They move thousands of pounds of food a year. It was really rather amazing. So, we followed Nicole down to the cramped basement with a low ceiling to get the instructions... We packed boxes full of food that will be sent to other food pantries. Each box could be no more than 40lbs, so we packed, weighed, wrote the poundage on each box and stuck a sticker of the organization on each box... All while ducking, bending, and slouching to avoid hitting our heads on heating ducts, water piping, and lights. I am not sure anyone realizes the challenges tall people have when carrying a 40lb box while having to duck or limbo under things. Whew! Afterwards the three of us (packing 30 boxes) headed to lunch to just hang out and chat, laughing and enjoying getting to know new people.
I loved the chance to physically get to show love to people who will never know what I have done. The mothers who feed their children with the food I packed today will never know how sore my back is or the time I spent in a damp basement to help her feed her family. That is awesome to me, I love that.. and it could not have been a more perfect project for me today.
Afterwards I stopped by the store to pick up a whole lot of Ramen Noodles to ship to my friend in Afghan-land.. And could not help but giggle at the store when a lady stopped me saying "I am so sorry.. but I am short, and you are very tall, can you reach up there and grab that for me?" She was so sweet about it, and let's be honest, it took no effort at all...
When I got home I for some reason had energy to spare.. So, I went for a 2 mile run in the misting rain... came home to do homework, laundry, and relax...
Now I'm getting ready to head out dancing (my body is really gonna hate me tomorrow!)...
I am so beyond content today. It amazes me how God works. All it takes is a little time actively getting outside my selfishness and putting some actions behind my words that speak more to my heart than so many other things I could have chosen to spend my time doing today.
May 1, 2011
Give Up Anything...
I have been thinking a lot lately about what God is/has been calling me to do, or what He is calling me to... Sounds like two very similar things, but they are distinctly different in my head, let me explain.
God calling me to do is more of the life vision, goal for me. I have said over and over my total goal is to "love people for Jesus" leaving it ambiguous because I do not believe it is any specific people... Christian or not, guy or girl, white or black or any color inbetween, republican or democrat, American or not, straight or gay, every single person. Sounds like such a cute and fluffy little statement for "cute Krista" to make. Especially when I make the statement with a smile and a giggle... And then the rubber meets the road and it is so ridiculously challenging it evokes no smiles, just hard work and dedication every morning to start new. And, I am really bad at it actually... Now, I know some of you would argue that I am better then I give myself credit for.. but that is because you fall in the category of people that are actually easy for me to love... There are certain people who just grate my nerves, annoy the snot out of me, that I just want to slap every time I see their face or hear their voice, or those that I mistakenly think I am better than, or just the people that are so different from me that I just don't care to try and love them... *sigh* Every day I need Jesus.
So, while I have this basic compass of what God is "calling me to do".. I also am working on understanding what that means specifically. Is He calling me to stay here? Finish school, stick it out in my job, etc.. Or can I pick up and peace out from any or all of the above? What does He want me to spend my minutes and hours working towards?.. What in my life gives Him the greatest glory?.. I dunno, but I sure would like to.
Then there is this slowly boiling thought "What is God calling me to?" Sounds so similar to the previous one that it could be mistaken as the same thing or weird rambling of mine once again... Yet, to me they are very different. You see, God calling me to do something is a bigger life journey type thing.. what He is calling me to is smaller, right now. I have been thinking extensively about this for a while.. ok ok, for about the length of time I have lived in DC (6 months), but more recently, and today's message at church got me thinking about what really is it.. I mean the "rich young ruler" was told to give his riches to the poor, then he can inherent the kingdom of God... Well, while I make a good wage, I don't even own a bed.. haha.. So, clearly my riches are lacking a bit. I do what I can to help people, family.. and am trying to pay off bills.. so what is God calling me to?... I do not know yet, but I am thinking about it because I am sure it is something substantial. I think sometimes we get caught up in the idea that all we have to give up is money.. But, one of the comments today really made me think, it was "God does not call you to give up everything, He calls you to give up anything." Meaning it will be dramatically different for each one of us what we give up for Christ. Hmm...
I will keep you posted as the thoughts formulate.
God calling me to do is more of the life vision, goal for me. I have said over and over my total goal is to "love people for Jesus" leaving it ambiguous because I do not believe it is any specific people... Christian or not, guy or girl, white or black or any color inbetween, republican or democrat, American or not, straight or gay, every single person. Sounds like such a cute and fluffy little statement for "cute Krista" to make. Especially when I make the statement with a smile and a giggle... And then the rubber meets the road and it is so ridiculously challenging it evokes no smiles, just hard work and dedication every morning to start new. And, I am really bad at it actually... Now, I know some of you would argue that I am better then I give myself credit for.. but that is because you fall in the category of people that are actually easy for me to love... There are certain people who just grate my nerves, annoy the snot out of me, that I just want to slap every time I see their face or hear their voice, or those that I mistakenly think I am better than, or just the people that are so different from me that I just don't care to try and love them... *sigh* Every day I need Jesus.
So, while I have this basic compass of what God is "calling me to do".. I also am working on understanding what that means specifically. Is He calling me to stay here? Finish school, stick it out in my job, etc.. Or can I pick up and peace out from any or all of the above? What does He want me to spend my minutes and hours working towards?.. What in my life gives Him the greatest glory?.. I dunno, but I sure would like to.
Then there is this slowly boiling thought "What is God calling me to?" Sounds so similar to the previous one that it could be mistaken as the same thing or weird rambling of mine once again... Yet, to me they are very different. You see, God calling me to do something is a bigger life journey type thing.. what He is calling me to is smaller, right now. I have been thinking extensively about this for a while.. ok ok, for about the length of time I have lived in DC (6 months), but more recently, and today's message at church got me thinking about what really is it.. I mean the "rich young ruler" was told to give his riches to the poor, then he can inherent the kingdom of God... Well, while I make a good wage, I don't even own a bed.. haha.. So, clearly my riches are lacking a bit. I do what I can to help people, family.. and am trying to pay off bills.. so what is God calling me to?... I do not know yet, but I am thinking about it because I am sure it is something substantial. I think sometimes we get caught up in the idea that all we have to give up is money.. But, one of the comments today really made me think, it was "God does not call you to give up everything, He calls you to give up anything." Meaning it will be dramatically different for each one of us what we give up for Christ. Hmm...
I will keep you posted as the thoughts formulate.
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