There are days that I am pretty sure my exclusive purpose is to make it through the day as unscathed as possible... Then sometimes there are weeks, months, and years like that... I am somewhere in that mix.
I had a conversation tonight that was among some of the more weird and frustrating than I have had in a while... A "friend" I spent a while chatting with on facebook or text suddenly stopped talking to me. While I was curious, I honestly did not pursue it because it was clear that I was not wanted around. The couple times I reached out I was met with very little response and a very short answers, so I took the hint that my expiration date had worn off, and I was not wanted.
I went somewhere in the vicinity of 6weeks to 2 months without hearing from them. No big deal, and I really did not think of it much.
Out of the blue tonight I got a fb chat from this person. It started out just general chatting, asking me if I would come see them where they are working, and then when I pressed the fact that I had not heard from them in a while... along with the fact that I just assumed they had moved on, it quickly progressed into essentially attacking me for my cockiness in regards to my martial arts. It was an interesting conversation because these decisions about my cockiness were based exclusively off of text conversations, at no time was any of it face to face or even on the phone... (Let me pause here and say, text can be awesome.. but it is not a good way to understand the feelings and reasoning behind a lot of things people say. Too much is missed purely built into the nature of text communication.)
After a while of this, and it being apparent my explanations were not working I just apologized for the misunderstanding, and for the times that I know I am being cocky and just let them go until they were done, and decided they had enough, and then they bid me a good night and left.
..... uhm. Ok.
Not really sure what possessed this... interesting conversation, but it just leaves me with a very bitter taste in my mouth, and feeling beat up for no good reason.
Fantastic way to end a weekend that I worked most of it and begin the next work week.
People never cease to amaze me with their desires to share their thoughts about people and their situations without understanding all of it or even acknowledging there is probably more to the story. It is one thing to share your thoughts about a situation with the intent and heart to be of actual benefit to the person. A "tough love" conversation is always welcome... But, sharing your opinion about someone with really the only intent of walking away feeling you have somehow made your point known is not helpful to either party.
I get that I am a stronger person than most and can "handle" being trashed.. but seriously, I have no desire to be the stronger person when your only point is to hurt me so you feel better and justified.
So, now I walk away with the intent of forgiving and letting it go... regardless of how I feel about the situation.
Thank you.
Showing posts with label Perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Perspective. Show all posts
Aug 21, 2011
May 13, 2010
Suck It Up...
Sometimes I have these days where I just feel like whining about everything.. Whining about how frustrated I am at being tired, waking up late, the tasks I have for the day, the things that are not going my way, the muggy rainy weather, my lack of motivation to do anything... Just pretty much anything I can think of I want to whine about...
On days like this it is like I am suddenly made aware how much of a complainer I can be, how much I need my Savior to help me today, and even when no one else hears me complain because it just goes on inside my head, God hears me and knows... And, in the midst of all of this, I am reminded:
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.
And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." - Romans 5:1-5
"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words..." - Romans 8:24-26
And then in the midst of all of this I am gently reminded of what I truly want beyond my current emotions and feelings:
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer." - Psalm 19:14
On days like this it is like I am suddenly made aware how much of a complainer I can be, how much I need my Savior to help me today, and even when no one else hears me complain because it just goes on inside my head, God hears me and knows... And, in the midst of all of this, I am reminded:
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.
And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." - Romans 5:1-5
"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words..." - Romans 8:24-26
And then in the midst of all of this I am gently reminded of what I truly want beyond my current emotions and feelings:
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer." - Psalm 19:14
So, on days like today where I just want to complain about anything I can think of... or when I have absolutely no motivation, my God is here to remind me that He has my life, and I just have to rely on that knowledge with unwavering certainty that the plan I am living is not haphazard, but a carefully crafted, intimate, and personal plan laid out specifically for me...
Now, if I can only be found faithful.
Aug 28, 2009
Comfortable In My Skin...
So, I was asked today to share my experiences with being a "taller, bigger girl" with a girl who is very young, and taller than those her age ... haha... It sounds way worse than it was meant, I am thin, and getting thinner cause of my working out... But, I am ridiculously muscular for a girl and I am tall.. Which, compounding those also means I weigh more. If you ask anyone around, weight is not an issue I am self-conscious about. I have never had an eating disorder to the amount of starving myself or puking to maintain weight... I always consider calories, but I fight that battle in my head.
So, here's a bit of my story about being comfortable in my own skin...
I have struggled with self image (like every other girl I have ever met), especially through high school, and the beginning of college. It took me a long time to find "my style." All I recognized during that period of time, was my abnormally tall and large boned body compared to those of my friends who were all ridiculously tiny beautiful girls. I noted it, and tried to ignore it, but it effected the way I viewed myself. For a while, I attributed my issues with the fact that they had boyfriends and I did not.. "if only.. then I would feel comfortable in my own skin." If I could find just ONE person to find me more beautiful and cherish me more than anyone else... I look back and that feeling makes my heart hurt. Knowing that I was so focused, and cause myself so much inner turmoil and pain.. That instead of focusing on my sweet Savior I was focused on how badly I wish I was created different.
In my mind, clearly God messed up. I was not pretty enough, skinny enough, short enough, tall enough, my hips were too big, my legs were too muscular, my shoulders too broad, my athletic build wasn't right, my hands were too big, my hair too thick, too curly, my eyes squinted too much when I smiled, my laugh was too loud, my feet too big, my stomach not flat enough, my butt not big enough, I wasn't dainty enough.... How terribly sad to have my world view through those eyes...
To this day, I still compare myself to the girls around me, on bad days especially I struggle to control my thoughts... However, I have begun to be able to separate the thoughts in my mind (Praise Jesus)... The biggest difference is now it does not grip my mind like it used to. When I was younger, I could not look at a beautiful girl and not compare myself, I was unable to view her beauty apart from my own. Somehow somewhere I got a scale.. and her beauty was a direct reflection on me and mine... Now, after a lot of self inflicted pain, I can look at a girl and think "wow, she's really pretty.." and it does not automatically diminish my view of myself. Most times now the scale is not her vs me.. it is her, and it is me, they are separate. Her scale is her own, my scale is my own, they do not overlap.
In total honesty.. There are parts of myself I seriously dislike.. The things I do not like have nothing to do with the girls around me. These things are simply things I dislike. I do not like my stomach, so, I decided one of my big goals once I moved down here is to change that.. to actually do something about my dislike. I have decided I am tired of disliking something and not doing what I can to change it.. in a healthy manner. So, in an effort to change my view, I now work out every morning before work. I hate running, but since I am seeing results, I am content to make myself get up insanely early to run or do a core work out. I do not like my feet, they are ok, but I seriously dislike when people touch my feet. If I have socks on it's ok, and if I am close to them or know them well it is more ok.. but overall I am not a fan of others touching my feet (adding to it, they are extremely ticklish). I do not hide them like I used to, but I also do not focus on them.
Because I do not want to be ruled by my dislikes, I know that I have to be vigilant in where I allow my mind to go when I am struggling with the way I look. The thing that makes it hard, is even if I do not have any interest in a guy, I still desire to be found beautiful to him... Not saying I want him to pursue me or fawn all over me (that gets awkward quickly), but to know I am at least attractive... It is a bigger desire than guys realize. I have been and am still working on re-orienting my thought process on this.. and as cliche as it sounds, finding my beauty in my Savior makes a difference.. I am not even sure where I would start though in explaining HOW to do that to another girl.. it is a slow arduous process..
The biggest breakthrough I have ever had in this area, was when I realized how few times I tell others I think they are beautiful, attractive, hansom, etc..etc.. In fact, I rarely was doing that, even people I think are absolutely stunningly beautiful and attractive I was not telling them. My reasoning? Surely they must know it, hear it all the time, don't need to hear it, or just simply don't care to hear it... Then, it dawned on me that they need to or at the very least appreciate hearing it just as much as I do. This revelation is one of the big reasons it does not bother me for people to know I find them attractive.. guy or girl. Now I go out of my way to compliment the physical attributes of those around me. Which, lets be honest, sounds funny, especially since we are told that "beauty is fleeting," but the bottom line is, since we find value there regardless, being reminded that someone else also finds us valuable in that area... it allows me to hopefully at some point get the chance to help them realize their value is truly elsewhere.
So.. through all this... currently I am comfortable in my skin, I like who I am, and to be totally honest, my focus is just elsewhere right now. God has done great things and has changed the way I process through this.. not just my views. My looks are not really on the forefront of my mind.. I mean I think about it enough to put makeup on, do my hair, and wear clothes that work for my body type. However, if I do not have time.. I no longer feel self conscious that I do not have my makeup or hair done. I have decided that if I need to, other things need to be truly priority. However, once I have done all the typical "getting ready" things.. I am done thinking about it for the day, it no longer is in my mind.
I love my Savior, and I am content in who He has made me, and what He made me to look like. There are aspects of myself that are not perfect, but no longer does it effect the way my mind goes into self doubt and loathing. I can appreciate the looks and personalities of those around me without it causing self doubt or contempt of myself. I realize I am not, nor will I ever be size 2.. my bones simply are not made to be that small.. or anywhere close to that small. I am ok knowing this, and I am content with the way I look.
I praise Jesus for this shift in my perspective... I just hope He can use it to rub off on a couple other girls too..
So, here's a bit of my story about being comfortable in my own skin...
I have struggled with self image (like every other girl I have ever met), especially through high school, and the beginning of college. It took me a long time to find "my style." All I recognized during that period of time, was my abnormally tall and large boned body compared to those of my friends who were all ridiculously tiny beautiful girls. I noted it, and tried to ignore it, but it effected the way I viewed myself. For a while, I attributed my issues with the fact that they had boyfriends and I did not.. "if only.. then I would feel comfortable in my own skin." If I could find just ONE person to find me more beautiful and cherish me more than anyone else... I look back and that feeling makes my heart hurt. Knowing that I was so focused, and cause myself so much inner turmoil and pain.. That instead of focusing on my sweet Savior I was focused on how badly I wish I was created different.
In my mind, clearly God messed up. I was not pretty enough, skinny enough, short enough, tall enough, my hips were too big, my legs were too muscular, my shoulders too broad, my athletic build wasn't right, my hands were too big, my hair too thick, too curly, my eyes squinted too much when I smiled, my laugh was too loud, my feet too big, my stomach not flat enough, my butt not big enough, I wasn't dainty enough.... How terribly sad to have my world view through those eyes...
To this day, I still compare myself to the girls around me, on bad days especially I struggle to control my thoughts... However, I have begun to be able to separate the thoughts in my mind (Praise Jesus)... The biggest difference is now it does not grip my mind like it used to. When I was younger, I could not look at a beautiful girl and not compare myself, I was unable to view her beauty apart from my own. Somehow somewhere I got a scale.. and her beauty was a direct reflection on me and mine... Now, after a lot of self inflicted pain, I can look at a girl and think "wow, she's really pretty.." and it does not automatically diminish my view of myself. Most times now the scale is not her vs me.. it is her, and it is me, they are separate. Her scale is her own, my scale is my own, they do not overlap.
In total honesty.. There are parts of myself I seriously dislike.. The things I do not like have nothing to do with the girls around me. These things are simply things I dislike. I do not like my stomach, so, I decided one of my big goals once I moved down here is to change that.. to actually do something about my dislike. I have decided I am tired of disliking something and not doing what I can to change it.. in a healthy manner. So, in an effort to change my view, I now work out every morning before work. I hate running, but since I am seeing results, I am content to make myself get up insanely early to run or do a core work out. I do not like my feet, they are ok, but I seriously dislike when people touch my feet. If I have socks on it's ok, and if I am close to them or know them well it is more ok.. but overall I am not a fan of others touching my feet (adding to it, they are extremely ticklish). I do not hide them like I used to, but I also do not focus on them.
Because I do not want to be ruled by my dislikes, I know that I have to be vigilant in where I allow my mind to go when I am struggling with the way I look. The thing that makes it hard, is even if I do not have any interest in a guy, I still desire to be found beautiful to him... Not saying I want him to pursue me or fawn all over me (that gets awkward quickly), but to know I am at least attractive... It is a bigger desire than guys realize. I have been and am still working on re-orienting my thought process on this.. and as cliche as it sounds, finding my beauty in my Savior makes a difference.. I am not even sure where I would start though in explaining HOW to do that to another girl.. it is a slow arduous process..
The biggest breakthrough I have ever had in this area, was when I realized how few times I tell others I think they are beautiful, attractive, hansom, etc..etc.. In fact, I rarely was doing that, even people I think are absolutely stunningly beautiful and attractive I was not telling them. My reasoning? Surely they must know it, hear it all the time, don't need to hear it, or just simply don't care to hear it... Then, it dawned on me that they need to or at the very least appreciate hearing it just as much as I do. This revelation is one of the big reasons it does not bother me for people to know I find them attractive.. guy or girl. Now I go out of my way to compliment the physical attributes of those around me. Which, lets be honest, sounds funny, especially since we are told that "beauty is fleeting," but the bottom line is, since we find value there regardless, being reminded that someone else also finds us valuable in that area... it allows me to hopefully at some point get the chance to help them realize their value is truly elsewhere.
So.. through all this... currently I am comfortable in my skin, I like who I am, and to be totally honest, my focus is just elsewhere right now. God has done great things and has changed the way I process through this.. not just my views. My looks are not really on the forefront of my mind.. I mean I think about it enough to put makeup on, do my hair, and wear clothes that work for my body type. However, if I do not have time.. I no longer feel self conscious that I do not have my makeup or hair done. I have decided that if I need to, other things need to be truly priority. However, once I have done all the typical "getting ready" things.. I am done thinking about it for the day, it no longer is in my mind.
I love my Savior, and I am content in who He has made me, and what He made me to look like. There are aspects of myself that are not perfect, but no longer does it effect the way my mind goes into self doubt and loathing. I can appreciate the looks and personalities of those around me without it causing self doubt or contempt of myself. I realize I am not, nor will I ever be size 2.. my bones simply are not made to be that small.. or anywhere close to that small. I am ok knowing this, and I am content with the way I look.
I praise Jesus for this shift in my perspective... I just hope He can use it to rub off on a couple other girls too..
Aug 19, 2009
Choosing Contentment...
So, I was sitting with a couple of my friends and I realized something... Even when I am unhappy about certain things and aspects of my life, I tend towards contentment. Not because it's easy, not because I like it more, not even because God says anywhere to be content... Just simply because of a faith I have in my God.. and maybe a little predisposition in my creation that makes me naturally this way.
But, here's my thoughts on it... It is totally understandable to not feel content in a certain aspect of your life.. usually I take that to mean God is pushing me to either move on, grow, or He is challenging me to do something I am probably not the biggest fan of naturally. That makes sense to me.. Either I have moved.. or God is moving.. one of the two.
However, I do not understand those who say "God told me to come here/do this/be that..." and the very next thing out of their mouth is "I hate this/hate that/hate being here..." That's a lot different than feeling like God's moving you and not being sure you like it yet. I am not even sure you can claim you are being faithful and obedient with an attitude of hatefulness towards what you feel God's asking you to do. Uncertainty I get, feeling like you're supposed to be somewhere else, having a passion for something other than what you are currently doing, knowing eventually something else is what God has called you to.. all those things I totally understand not being content with the current standings.. I have been there ridiculously more than I care to admit.. But, each time I have never hated where I was.. I have hated certain aspects, and each time I have felt convicted that I was not choosing to follow anything that was asked of me..
For example.. summer '07- summer '08.. hated a whole bunch of aspects of my life.. for example, I felt like I was simply getting a paycheck and that my job meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Oh sure I could point to all the good my company did, all the family groups (in my OWN family) that were positively effected by my job and diligent work... but ultimately at the end of the day... I was just pulling in a paycheck. Part of my disdain for my job had to do with the hundreds upon hundreds of times I heard "You're just too young.. you don't understand." ... I wanted to respond "You're too old.. you will never understand." .. and sometimes I did (oops). However, my saving grace was that I worked my butt off so I had money for gas.. so I could be insanely involved in my youthgroup.. and by insanely, I mean I was at every function we had... I loved being a youth leader. Loved the involvement.. every bit of it, even the leaders meetings, the pizza 3 or 4 days a week, the lack of love and acceptance my kids showed me and each other.. I loved loving them and laughing with them... So, I worked so I could then have money to do what I loved. But, even still.. I felt like my life had somehow hit the pause button. I no longer felt like I was moving, growing, walking the path God had set in my life... I just felt.. stagnant. No other way to describe it.. So, yeah I was not content with a lot of aspect of my life at that point...
And then, a boy broke my heart... seriously.
And then, I got an entire year of living at home, loving my family, and letting them love me.
And then, I went to Africa for the first time.
And then, I was able to "commiserate" with 2 other friends who felt the same way I did.
And then, I learned what it meant to not see my path, not feel like I am moving, and yet see God in dozens of areas of my life.
And then, I was able to spend a year connecting with, learning, and loving extended family that I will probably never get the chance to do that again...
And then, I was able to encourage youth leaders who didn't know how to continue.
And then, I was able to connect with and love kids who pushed me and every other leader away....
God worked. God moved. I knew it, and I saw it.. and then at the end, a year later I realized I had no choice but to experience that because it sucked and I needed to persevere even when I was blind and my heart was hurting because a boy chose to be dumb.
I realized it was not that God has paused my life.. or put anything on hold... He took a year and made me be still and know he is God.. He fortified my walls, strengthened my communication with Him.. and then sent me to a place to recover and remember how precious and loved I am by Him. I spent the summer of '08 at a camp where I was begged to come back.. under any circumstances, and I told them no 4 times before I agreed.. I spent the summer being told every day how much I was loved and cherished.. I was reminded how important I am to my sweet Savior... I never once heard I was too young, didn't understand, or wasn't mature enough to grasp something... I simply was Krista.. joyful.. loved.. and God refreshed my weary soul..
And then, He sent me to Virginia to be around the most amazing community of people.. who truly love Jesus.. and He somehow uses them to heal me and others. There are aspects of things I know are not my favorite.. I will not be here forever, in fact I have an idea of how long I will be here based on some talks with Jesus... But, the bottom line is I am here.. and I am learning, growing, moving, refreshing, and changing to become who I need to be for a task later in life.. whatever that is.. and, I LOVE that. I love knowing I am preparing for something later. I feel it even when I become bogged down with the monotonous daily tasks...
So, looking at the last two years.. That is why I seriously get frustrated when people not only become discontent with an area of their life.. but with EVERYTHING in it.. and then claim they are there simply cause "God told them." Baloney.. You either are following or you are not.. and if you are so incredibly unhappy.. you're probably missing God's point anyway... and it will take Him LONGER to get you to listen... *sigh*
Even when I do not understand... I choose to be content. Not always right away.. but usually once the emotion of the situation is gone I have come out on the other side choosing contentment regardless... It is a choice, a chosen perspective, a point of view you will have to fight for. Just... just choose to be content and you will see totally differently.
But, here's my thoughts on it... It is totally understandable to not feel content in a certain aspect of your life.. usually I take that to mean God is pushing me to either move on, grow, or He is challenging me to do something I am probably not the biggest fan of naturally. That makes sense to me.. Either I have moved.. or God is moving.. one of the two.
However, I do not understand those who say "God told me to come here/do this/be that..." and the very next thing out of their mouth is "I hate this/hate that/hate being here..." That's a lot different than feeling like God's moving you and not being sure you like it yet. I am not even sure you can claim you are being faithful and obedient with an attitude of hatefulness towards what you feel God's asking you to do. Uncertainty I get, feeling like you're supposed to be somewhere else, having a passion for something other than what you are currently doing, knowing eventually something else is what God has called you to.. all those things I totally understand not being content with the current standings.. I have been there ridiculously more than I care to admit.. But, each time I have never hated where I was.. I have hated certain aspects, and each time I have felt convicted that I was not choosing to follow anything that was asked of me..
For example.. summer '07- summer '08.. hated a whole bunch of aspects of my life.. for example, I felt like I was simply getting a paycheck and that my job meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Oh sure I could point to all the good my company did, all the family groups (in my OWN family) that were positively effected by my job and diligent work... but ultimately at the end of the day... I was just pulling in a paycheck. Part of my disdain for my job had to do with the hundreds upon hundreds of times I heard "You're just too young.. you don't understand." ... I wanted to respond "You're too old.. you will never understand." .. and sometimes I did (oops). However, my saving grace was that I worked my butt off so I had money for gas.. so I could be insanely involved in my youthgroup.. and by insanely, I mean I was at every function we had... I loved being a youth leader. Loved the involvement.. every bit of it, even the leaders meetings, the pizza 3 or 4 days a week, the lack of love and acceptance my kids showed me and each other.. I loved loving them and laughing with them... So, I worked so I could then have money to do what I loved. But, even still.. I felt like my life had somehow hit the pause button. I no longer felt like I was moving, growing, walking the path God had set in my life... I just felt.. stagnant. No other way to describe it.. So, yeah I was not content with a lot of aspect of my life at that point...
And then, a boy broke my heart... seriously.
And then, I got an entire year of living at home, loving my family, and letting them love me.
And then, I went to Africa for the first time.
And then, I was able to "commiserate" with 2 other friends who felt the same way I did.
And then, I learned what it meant to not see my path, not feel like I am moving, and yet see God in dozens of areas of my life.
And then, I was able to spend a year connecting with, learning, and loving extended family that I will probably never get the chance to do that again...
And then, I was able to encourage youth leaders who didn't know how to continue.
And then, I was able to connect with and love kids who pushed me and every other leader away....
God worked. God moved. I knew it, and I saw it.. and then at the end, a year later I realized I had no choice but to experience that because it sucked and I needed to persevere even when I was blind and my heart was hurting because a boy chose to be dumb.
I realized it was not that God has paused my life.. or put anything on hold... He took a year and made me be still and know he is God.. He fortified my walls, strengthened my communication with Him.. and then sent me to a place to recover and remember how precious and loved I am by Him. I spent the summer of '08 at a camp where I was begged to come back.. under any circumstances, and I told them no 4 times before I agreed.. I spent the summer being told every day how much I was loved and cherished.. I was reminded how important I am to my sweet Savior... I never once heard I was too young, didn't understand, or wasn't mature enough to grasp something... I simply was Krista.. joyful.. loved.. and God refreshed my weary soul..
And then, He sent me to Virginia to be around the most amazing community of people.. who truly love Jesus.. and He somehow uses them to heal me and others. There are aspects of things I know are not my favorite.. I will not be here forever, in fact I have an idea of how long I will be here based on some talks with Jesus... But, the bottom line is I am here.. and I am learning, growing, moving, refreshing, and changing to become who I need to be for a task later in life.. whatever that is.. and, I LOVE that. I love knowing I am preparing for something later. I feel it even when I become bogged down with the monotonous daily tasks...
So, looking at the last two years.. That is why I seriously get frustrated when people not only become discontent with an area of their life.. but with EVERYTHING in it.. and then claim they are there simply cause "God told them." Baloney.. You either are following or you are not.. and if you are so incredibly unhappy.. you're probably missing God's point anyway... and it will take Him LONGER to get you to listen... *sigh*
Even when I do not understand... I choose to be content. Not always right away.. but usually once the emotion of the situation is gone I have come out on the other side choosing contentment regardless... It is a choice, a chosen perspective, a point of view you will have to fight for. Just... just choose to be content and you will see totally differently.
Mar 25, 2009
Black and White Perspective...
Random thought to start my blog with, I've been listening to podcast sermons on my way into work lately.. and it's been absolutely amazing. I pop it on and my driving kicks to autopilot (not literally but I get so focused on what I'm listening to that I tend to just let myself go through the motions of my drive to work). The podcasts are perfectly timed, so I end up with about enough time for 1-3 songs before I arrive to work. I find that I seriously desire and look forward to these drives. :)
Here's my question.. What are you using as your perspective? This is a rather new thought in my head, and I'll do my best to unpack it, but it may come out some in random form instead of linear (sorry).
So often we look at our lives and we compare it to "the Jones" I mean it may not literally be the Jones', but it may be your best friend, a group of people you wish you were a part of, a group you ARE a part of, the news, the world, your family, your city etc..etc.. the list can go on and on. I can think of a whole bunch of things that I use as my perspective on life and myself.
How often do we assume the "lesser of two evils" mentality? How many times a day do I think it's ok just this once, or because no one is around, or because so and so did it it MUST be ok, or at least I didn't do ______... whatever, fill in the blank for yourself. But, the reality is Jesus didn't give us the freedom of gray's, He gave us black and He gave us white. We either are right or we are wrong.
Now, hear me for just a second... the problem with gray is it inherently means you're using the wrong things as a perspective... Gray means it's right for me but not for you. It's ok that I sin because it's not as bad as your sin. It's ok that you're lying as long as you don't... murder... It's ok to not help someone because surely God will help them... The problem assumes that God doesn't want you to do it, or that God isn't asking you to be who he wants you to be.
I'm not a fan of grays in life. I never really have been, I tried for a while to let gray be ok... mainly because several people pointed out my black and white perspective and I got gun shy and it took me a while to figure out if black and white was truly ok. What if gray was right?... Well, the reality is if Jesus is my perspective there is no Gray.
Now, I'm NOT talking about "I don't drink so you shouldn't" or "You can eat ham, but I don't" nothing like that.. All of that is explained in the Bible. I'm talking about moral issues, choices of right and wrong, not personal preferences. I'm not talking about the body of Christ having different strengths and choosing not to do something they aren't good at. God gave us variety in "us" in our community so that we can all have strengths and weaknesses. It's ok if I choose not to do things I'm not good at, and instead focus on the things I am good at... none of those are inherently a sin... unless God tells me to and I say no... that's when it becomes a sin.
What I AM talking about is when I (or people) choose to not say anything... When I choose to not listen when God speaks to me.. When I allow fear to get in the way... When I don't say "Jesus Loves You" because I know the person isn't a Christian... When I choose to do something because it's not NEARLY as bad as so and so... When It's ok for me to listen to THIS song because it isn't as bad as THAT song.. As soon as I rationalize what I'm doing, it becomes a sin, I've missed the mark.. Chance are I missed a moment with my Savior. The idea that I missed a moment with my Savior makes my heart hurt. To think of all the times I chose not to look at Jesus and spend a moment with Him... Uhg, I can't explain how much that hurts.
What I do know is that I hate the idea of gray. I hate that someone feels it's ok for me to not say something and CHOOSE to ignore the love I could lavish on someone else... How can I say I love my Jesus, my Sweet King, my Savior, my Daddy.. How can I say those things and then tell someone else "I'm sorry, I won't show you what He's shown me." That's not Love, that's ignorance and selfishness.
If you believe in Jesus, then it's black and white, no gray.
Here's my question.. What are you using as your perspective? This is a rather new thought in my head, and I'll do my best to unpack it, but it may come out some in random form instead of linear (sorry).
So often we look at our lives and we compare it to "the Jones" I mean it may not literally be the Jones', but it may be your best friend, a group of people you wish you were a part of, a group you ARE a part of, the news, the world, your family, your city etc..etc.. the list can go on and on. I can think of a whole bunch of things that I use as my perspective on life and myself.
How often do we assume the "lesser of two evils" mentality? How many times a day do I think it's ok just this once, or because no one is around, or because so and so did it it MUST be ok, or at least I didn't do ______... whatever, fill in the blank for yourself. But, the reality is Jesus didn't give us the freedom of gray's, He gave us black and He gave us white. We either are right or we are wrong.
Now, hear me for just a second... the problem with gray is it inherently means you're using the wrong things as a perspective... Gray means it's right for me but not for you. It's ok that I sin because it's not as bad as your sin. It's ok that you're lying as long as you don't... murder... It's ok to not help someone because surely God will help them... The problem assumes that God doesn't want you to do it, or that God isn't asking you to be who he wants you to be.
I'm not a fan of grays in life. I never really have been, I tried for a while to let gray be ok... mainly because several people pointed out my black and white perspective and I got gun shy and it took me a while to figure out if black and white was truly ok. What if gray was right?... Well, the reality is if Jesus is my perspective there is no Gray.
Now, I'm NOT talking about "I don't drink so you shouldn't" or "You can eat ham, but I don't" nothing like that.. All of that is explained in the Bible. I'm talking about moral issues, choices of right and wrong, not personal preferences. I'm not talking about the body of Christ having different strengths and choosing not to do something they aren't good at. God gave us variety in "us" in our community so that we can all have strengths and weaknesses. It's ok if I choose not to do things I'm not good at, and instead focus on the things I am good at... none of those are inherently a sin... unless God tells me to and I say no... that's when it becomes a sin.
What I AM talking about is when I (or people) choose to not say anything... When I choose to not listen when God speaks to me.. When I allow fear to get in the way... When I don't say "Jesus Loves You" because I know the person isn't a Christian... When I choose to do something because it's not NEARLY as bad as so and so... When It's ok for me to listen to THIS song because it isn't as bad as THAT song.. As soon as I rationalize what I'm doing, it becomes a sin, I've missed the mark.. Chance are I missed a moment with my Savior. The idea that I missed a moment with my Savior makes my heart hurt. To think of all the times I chose not to look at Jesus and spend a moment with Him... Uhg, I can't explain how much that hurts.
What I do know is that I hate the idea of gray. I hate that someone feels it's ok for me to not say something and CHOOSE to ignore the love I could lavish on someone else... How can I say I love my Jesus, my Sweet King, my Savior, my Daddy.. How can I say those things and then tell someone else "I'm sorry, I won't show you what He's shown me." That's not Love, that's ignorance and selfishness.
If you believe in Jesus, then it's black and white, no gray.
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