Why Help?...

I have been thinking lately about the idea of why we help others.

Sometimes I think we "help" those "less fortunate" than ourselves for credit or recognition. Not always obviously, but sometimes it is even just wanting credit from the person we are helping... Then there are other times when I think we are told to help, and we obey, but in obeying find ourselves feeling incredibly awkward. I have had several instances lately where I feel like God has told me to step in and do something instantly without question. Ironically I find I get incredibly awkward in those moments because I am purely following the Holy Spirit, yet I want no recognition, so it is almost as though I do not want anyone to notice... Even though the particular situations require lots of people around to notice.

Then, on a totally different side, we help people despite themselves. We fight for what is right on their behalf, even though we often are fighting them instead of someone else...

***Pause*** Let me be explicitly clear here, I am not referring to everyone or even close to everyone... It will be clear in a few moments what I am talking about, just stick with me.

Helping can be frustrating business sometimes. I mean really, I have DOZENS of stories of helping people at my church, some funny, annoying, frustrating, infuriating, and many more emotions... and it has only been a few months! Yet ironically, I spend most of my time helping by actually fighting for change within themselves; usually nicely.. but sometimes bluntly... and still other times I completely ignore their bad behavior in order to get them one step closer. (Yup, I just referred to some Christian adults as having bad behavior...)

I find that I keep having to remind myself is that this is purely a season, this is where the heavy lifting comes in, and quite frankly, no matter how I feel I have been told to go and do, and I have no choice but to be obedient. 

My job, or at least a huge portion of it is to be a catalyst for change... Actually, if I am being honest, my job is a lot of things... But, mostly my job is to teach people HOW to change. Not because we want everyone to look the same, act the same, smell the same (ew), or speak the same.. But because we want everyone to serve as God has made them uniquely and specifically to do. We want everyone to grow in a way that speaks to their own hearts and minds. A Christ follower should be serving and growing constantly, and in order to do that, we have to change... constantly.

Yet, if we have not ever been in a place or position that has forced change, we tend to stay mostly the same. Sometimes staying the same is reflected in our hair (clearly not mine), our manner of speaking or in the case of "the church" it comes in the form of our comfort zones and the places we are terrified to touch or go. So, my job is to create the space and opportunity for people to learn how to change... I work to give them the tools that will make the process one that each person understands how it works on their level. What makes creating space for change difficult is that, it looks as different as each person that attends our church... which means that everything I do to create space and encourage growth becomes a full frontal assault to someone no matter what I do.

Thankfully (not even joking), the Lord has been with me, and in moments where I was about to lose it on some poor afraid of change soul, God intervened and took care of me and the person I was engaged with. In some instances I was able to clearly see the words and actions for what they were, nervousness. In other cases I was able to respond to what they meant instead of what they were saying. While still other instances, I was given the gift of silence.. No really, for me that does not come easily or often...

I have also been thinking about all of the minor little things I do every. single. day. to help institute change in the hearts of the hundreds of people who attend my church, and subsequently the hundreds of people they have then contact with on a regular basis outside of "the church"... Cause let's be honest here, it only will mean something if the people who currently go to my church learn to grow and change, and then in turn reach out to those they have contact with who do not currently go to church or know Christ.

What I have also been thinking of is how no matter what I do, someone doesn't like it, while at the very same time it is an answer to someone else's prayers. How bizarre... And, talk about having to know where you are going, why you are headed in that direction, and then on-top of it all pray.. lots.

So, if it is so difficult sometimes, why do I help? Because I care. Genuinely. Deep down in my very core, in every fiber of who I am, I care. I was made to care, I was broken to have compassion, I care what happens in your eternal destination. I care what happens to the eternal destinations of the hundreds of people in your sphere of influence. It matters to me that each person be pushed to in turn learn why it matters that they help.

And, no matter what people think or say, I can, and will change the world.

Not me as in Krista by herself, in her own strength; but, "me" as in God created me uniquely and specifically, and He is going to use me to make His kingdom come here on earth as it is in heaven unlike anyone else. Just like He will use each one of us to do the exact same thing, especially if we intentionally bow and bend our hearts towards Him.

Why do I help others in the joy, fun, exciting, frustrating, awkward, infuriating, and uncertain things? Because God has told me to. There is no other reason.

Expecting 2013...

So, much like my Wrap-up of 2012, this is my annual post introduction into the next year.

For whatever reason I never do these posts the same.. or even similar. So, if you would like to check out previous year's looking forwards, here are the years:
2009
2010
2011
2012

For 2013, I have no real idea what to expect from this year, although I do know a few things I have planned...

I have my 10 year high school reunion. Whoa.

I graduate with a double masters degree in May! Two classes to go, and I simply could not be more excited!.. Then I have to decide if I want to pursue an M. Div... Oye!

I get to travel to East Asia in February, as well as India in the fall. I. Am. Stoked. -- Seriously I get paid to travel!?

My baby brother -- who is not so baby and huge is getting married to the most amazing and wonderful woman that is not only a perfect partner for him, but she fits into the family like the missing link we never knew we were in need of.

My older brother is going to have a 4th little one. I am SO excited about another niece or nephew!... Even if the child is due in June.

My bff and her husband are having their first baby! My little cousin and her husband are having their first baby!! A couple other friends are having babies as well!... I am so excited about all the babies!

My beautiful baby sister turns sweet 16. Seriously, when did that happen?!

Because of my job, which I love, even if it is stressful sometimes and is pushing me more than I expected will provide lots of first experiences. I am stoked about what God is doing in my church. I am praying and expecting God to not only provide, but to supply more than enough of Himself to make it through. I am confident that He will change the hearts of those that need changing, and I know without any doubts that He will blow us away when we look back next December at all the things He has done. I am humbled and amazed at how He is choosing to use me, and I have a laundry list of prayers that compliment those feelings.

My little baby puppy will become a full grown beast haha

I fully expect to add at least 4-5 more 3x5 cards to my bathroom mirror!.. Which means I expect God to also do amazing things and answer my crazy prayers.

My 2013 Goals:
(In no particular order)

1. I want to continue to try and post 3-4 times a week. -- I also want to continue to use this platform to reach and encourage others.
2. I want to put a substantial down payment on my 90k student loans in the fall when I have to start paying them back... My goal is 12k.
3. I want to continue to live off of 74% of my income. -- (Tithing 10%, saving 9%, gifting 7%)
4. I want to cross 5 things off of my Before I Die list, and add 5 new things to the list.
5. I want to get back to a regular workout schedule... which means healing my hip completely.
6. I want to read through the Bible.. I've gotten half way through one year, and while I've read the whole Bible in random chunks, I'd like to read through the whole thing!
7. I want to experience God this year unlike I have in any other time in my life. -- I have every expectation that I will be shocked at all the things God has done and revealed to me a year from today.
8. I want to read 40 books this year (not counting school books or the Bible).
9. Like last year, I want to pray my way through this year.
10. I want to learn and understand love, compassion, and grace this year unlike any year before.

2012 Wrap-Up...

Virginia Beach at night

Every year I do a year end wrap up.. I tend to do each year differently for some reason... And, this year is no different... in that it will be different than the others haha :)

I have been blogging since I was 18... Basically since blogging began "back in the day" haha.. However, I switched from my Xanga (what?!) to this one in 2008 when I moved to Central VA. Here are the previous year's in review posts:

2008 - Who Were YOU a Year Ago?
2009 - The Year I Was 24
2010 - 2010... Never Again...
2011 - Hello, Good-Bye 2011...

DC

(This gives a great view of how much my writing and views have changes and grown due to experiences, trials, friends, etc..) What a crazy thing to look back and read the year end reviews.

In the early part of 2013 I will post my goals for the year and some of my thoughts on where I feel like God is or is not leading me.

Power of Propaganda - Holocaust Museum

I love these two posts more than any other I do because it helps me wrap up and finish a year, and then look forward. I love that I can look back and remember what God is and has been doing in my life for so many years, and have a physical representation of the journey He is taking my life on... Plus, it is just sorta fun to see how accurate or totally off I was!

Favorite Memorial

I went into 2012 feeling like God was asking me to just take things as He brought them to me.
I had a few goals or "resolutions" going into 2012:
I wanted to exercise more compassion, grace, mercy, and love than I have in years past.
I wanted to diligently complete the next year of my double masters program.
I want to work better at controlling my mouth.
I wanted  to draw closer to my sweet Jesus Christ,  I want to learn more about who He is, and subsequently who I am supposed to be...
I wanted to learn how to love people on behalf of him better this year...

And then, I ended with saying "Now to pray them into existence" ... Boy did I have little idea at the time how much of this year would revolve around prayer...

New Years Eve

In January I started my own business.. which I dabble in still, but it is not my main focus.
A relationship I was "seeing where it goes" ended.. lamely, but it was definitely for the best, even if the reason given was over text message, and late came out to not actually be the real reason. I am thankful that even though it hurt, I learned so much about dating. -- This also was the start to just being satisfied with my single path that God has me on currently.
My bff came to visit, along with my best friend from Lynchburg, and then we toodled around DC with my best friend from DC and celebrated my 27th birthday.

My first "work" friend in DC

In February I felt like I was on the cusp of something.. Like I was running towards a cliff, getting ready to throw myself off of it, but I was unable to see what was over the edge.. Little did I know it was the start of changing things to bring me back to MI.
I wrote the single most visited blog post that I have ever written: Gay, Lesbian, Laws, and Christ... -- And, I am have gotten some really great feedback from people from all different backgrounds and viewpoints.. Including a dear friend who I have never seen face to face but is on my 3x5 cards ;)

Meg came!!

March really sunk home the year of prayer I felt like 2012 was turning into. I loved it, but it was definitely challenging, and at times almost physically painful.
March was a very humbling month...
I also was faced with some very difficult relationship situations...

Easter Weekend with best friends

In April it dawned on me how many prayers God is answering in my life!.. It also left me feeling mentally blank when I would try to blog... Which lead to a lot of randomness...
I realized how much I loved my church, how much I enjoyed being a part of it.. and even still how much I feel connected through it.
I was reminded that I will serve and praise the Lord during the good and the bad.
I realized I never meant to be a career woman, and my heart ached.. Ironically I vocalized my desire to be a catalyst...

Memorial Weekend on the Capital lawn..
Before we got stormed out

Unannounced to me May started months upon months of adjustments and pain that really is due to a chronic problem I have...
My mom and I talked multiple times a week on our drives home, and had lots of interesting conversations...
I updated my life goals...
I also decided to be bold over the summer.. Pretty funny considering all the changes summer brought me..
God and I continued our never ending learning curve about leadership and marriage.. One day maybe it'll be put to good use!

Small group friends

Meeting Vera!

June. Was. Crazy. Seriously, I have no idea how I fit so much into it.
I met a longtime friend FINALLY.

4th of July

DC Fireworks

Then there was July... Oh the infamous July... In the beginning of the month I prepared to start a fast that would kick off in the middle of the month.
I had my fill of "single" comments.. and my need to share my sentiments spilled out into a mostly sarcastic and humor infused post..
I struggled with relationships, and conflicts.. Which is good.... and usually feel terrible.
And then.. I naively posted about despising parts of change. God and I did battle as I kicked off the 40 day freedom fast.

"The Pencil" - Washington Monument

Prayer and Change, that is what this year felt consumed with.


 

Bachata Congress!

August was C.R.A.Z.Y. - I interviewed for a new job.. danced.. seriously injured myself.. accepted a new job.. and prepared to move.

Ice Cream eating competition - with our Ref.

September was a blur of packing and painting, saying good-bye, crying for all sorts of reasons, and a hard to explain mix of emotions. I am not even kidding when I say, no matter how shallow it may seem, choosing to leave DC and move back to MI was one of the hardest things I have done. Not because it was actually hard, and not because I struggled with whether God was leading me, but because I loved my friends and church there, and it felt safe, like home.

The murals I painted in my office

Then, what felt like the culmination of the first 9 months of 2012 finally exploded into crystal clear depiction of what it was pointing to... And, as always, God took care of me.

Vormund!

Oh man did I begin to get overwhelmed and totally humbled by the task before me... I set to the task of doing my job, and doing it well... and then I never slept. Literally.

Change.. oh October was about change.. in every sense of the word.. Life, Work, Puppy.. change change everywhere..

Three of my siblings - They make me laugh a lot

Oh sweet November... I don't really remember you because I was busy.
Busy raising a puppy and loving people for Jesus.. That is until I got sick, then I still had to raise a puppy and love people for Jesus, but felt like I was going to die.. or cough up a lung.. or never ever get enough sleep again. (dramatic much?)
After a much needed trip to DC to see people I love, I became consumed with work.. I loved every bit of it, despite the 80 hours a week I was putting in.
My great grandma passed away.

My first "for real I'm an adult" Christmas tree!

December brought with it crazy amount of hours of work, but I began seeing things happening and started seeing the work I was doing having an impact! But, in the midst of seeing the impact, I also began to see difficult things, and started realizing I have no "outlet" and will quickly burn out at the pace I was keeping.

Getting to be a fun aunt

I wrote my first guest post: Don't Be Afraid to Date...
And, my puppy is growing.. a lot.. and is sick..

Teaching munchkins how to make funny faces

What is crazy to me is that I tagged a LOT of the blog posts I wrote throughout this year.. but, I only chose a few from each month.. which means, this is merely a glossary overview of the year, the trials, the struggles, the joy, the friends, the trips, the meltdowns.. it amazes me at the sheer amount of things God has done and the prayers He has answered this year. Blows my mind. I am somewhere between totally overwhelmed and really stoked to see what He uses this building block of a year for in the future...

I have grown so much this year, and as difficult and at times painful as it was, I would never give it back nor change it. I am so beyond humbled at the task before me, but also at the friends and family that support me...

Who am I that God should use me?

2012 was a year unlike any other.
2012 was a year of prayer.
2012 was a year of change.

Power of Empowering...

I love my job.

Seriously. I mean, I have rough days, long days, hysterical days, unproductive days, stressful days, and everything else that can be associated with a job.. But, there is a purpose that I was made to fulfill at this point in my life, and I love it.

One of my favorite things about my job is that I get to empower people to find where Christ is leading them.

I love watching it dawn on people that they can do what God is laying on their heart...

I love walking people through the process of frustration or uncertainty and fear to confidence in their calling.. How cool is that?

There is a freedom experienced in being empowered to do what you were called to do. The amount of things that can happen, the people that can have their lives changed forever because others were empowered, it is truly amazing and inspiring.

When church does what church is supposed to do, nothing, absolutely nothing can get in our way because God is working and moving through dozens if not hundreds of people. The ripple affect of that is astronomical. The tidal wave is ridiculously large, and nothing can stop it. When the Holy Spirit moves, and hundreds of people follow, you cannot help but be swept up and moved too.

I am beginning to see the positive effects of empowering people. I can feel it in my own life, I now work at a place, and for a boss that tells me to "go and do" without partaking in the planning or details. I am experiencing what it means to be trusted and encouraged to stand up and follow where Christ is leading.. And because of it, I can feel the shift inside of me... And soon, others will begin to feel the shift inside of them... God is moving, and when we are empowered, we too will move mountains and bring glory to God.

It is awesome.

I love what cannot help but come by empowering others.

Gone Home...

A few weeks ago in the midst of lots of medication I was having lots of weird dreams. Many of the dreams involved zombies (thank you Walking Dead), friends, family, my puppy.. they all melded together in weird blends and often woke me up anxious.

One of these dreams, right smack in the middle of it was the only grandma I had. My Great Grandma Grace, in all of her worried spirit, and I was begging her to forgive.. Forgive sins of adultery that my Great Grandpa Shelby had committed while they were still married during the war, before he was saved so long ago. What is weird about the dream is she was crying and I was sobbing trying to explain to her the urgency in her needing to forgive, that God asked it of her...

I attributed this insurgence into my dreams to the fact that she had been in and out of the hospital lately... and I was doped up on medication.

Then, a couple days ago I was praying through a few things on my 3x5 cards, and randomly I thought about her, so I prayed,

"Lord, if she is right with you, and her work is done, please take her home..."

... and then, I moved on to other prayers..

Last night the Lord took her home.

This is a picture of my older brother and I with her a few years ago at one of my nephew's birthday parties. Oh the stories I have from childhood of this woman watching us.. haha never a dull moment.

There is no way to truly explain the peace I feel at knowing that she went home because she was right with the Lord, and her time here was finished.

Catching Fire...

While the transition from DC to MI has been an emotional one, today when a friend asked me if anything exciting was happening here in MI, I realized that it is, and I feel it coming..

We (the staff at the church) are planning, praying, preparing, praying, meeting, praying, strategizing, praying.. and working towards the goal and direction that we feel the Lord is leading us in.

I am at a little bit of a loss for words in regards to what I feel stirring inside of me, but it feels like a spark; the type of spark that you know is going to roar to life the wildfire.

As I talk to various people, convey my excitement, my plans, my passion, the direction our church is moving, and the ways we feel God calling and moving us as a community, I see the small sparks in the eyes of some of the people. Not everyone, but some... soon blazing infernos will have erupted within enough people that an unstoppable wildfire will consume the land.

God is moving, and His plan is catching fire, and it is starting with small sparks.

Planning Change...

I have always tended towards liking change. I really enjoy surprises, but like most, I like change on my terms, and in ways I can grasp or get a handle on. However, minor changes do not typically phase me, I enjoy the challenge of seeing if I can pull an audible in the middle of something and go with it.. Other times I plan change, and that is my favorite, such as changing my hair color or buying a puppy (I am so tired haha)...

What is by far the most difficult change for me (and likely everyone else) is when I have to help someone else change or plan change. Partially because to some extent, even if you like change... you don't like change. And, let's call a spade a spade here, change is hard.

What I love about my new job is, I am totally in my sweet spot of helping others be better, more effective, more passionate, more excited, and more challenged to dive deeper into our Lord, sorta like swimming in the ocean. I love that whether for good, bad or exhausting, my job is to help others grow in Christ.

Couple reminders based on things I have noticed lately:

Change is difficult and stressful. 
            "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

Taking time to rest and recharge is difficult, but essential.
             "On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God." - Psalm 62:7

There is a time and a season for everything.

             "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven— A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace... He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11

At times we are supposed to support someone else's vision, even if it seems crazy.

              "Then Jonathan said to the young man who was carrying his armor, 'Come and let us cross over to the garrison of these uncircumcised; perhaps the Lord will work for us, for the Lord is not restrained to save by many or by few.' His armor bearer said to him, 'Do all that is in your heart; turn yourself, and here I am with you according to your desire.'” - 1 Samuel 14:6-7            
             "So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set." - Exodus 17:11-12

In all, above all, through all, and despite any emotion, love.
               "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13

He Chose Me...

Over the last three weeks I have had this bubbling up from the deep thought that has crashed into my full consciousness this weekend...

God chose me.

He chose to save me in all my wretchedness.

He chose to rescue my heart.. over and over again through every heartache and turmoil I have put it through.

He chose to bless me in ways that no one could script better.

He chose to give me a passion and a genuine love for those around me.

He chose to send me all over the place to meet spectacular and inspiring people.

He chose me.

He chose to bring me to a church to make a difference and follow Him.

He. Chose. Me.

I am sure from an outside perspective it looks as though this is a slightly dramatic thought. But, I can assure you my very core has been ruminating over this thought for a few weeks now. I am so inadequate. I feel a bit like an imposter. I do not feel ready to take on the task that He is clearly putting before me. I am stoked about this new job... No seriously, I am getting paid to meet people for coffee and talk about Jesus.. And then, I get to inspire them and help them be better servants of our Lord. Best. Job. Ever. But, despite all of that, I look around me and know so many amazing, much more capable, much more educated, much more passionate, much more intuitive people that know what to do and how to lead better..

And yet, God chose me.

I am blown away, and ridiculously humbled by this revelation that has hit me full on over the weekend. I am unable to do this without Christ, yet He chose me. In a period where I finally felt as though He had healed past hurts, and as though He had finally made me new, and helped me step into the who I was created to be, not to mention in the midst of my full glory of brokenness, He decided this would be a good time to uproot me and transplant me somewhere too follow Him. I am stoked, and I am full of a bit of trepidation at realizing how much He has laid before me...

I am resonating with this verse currently: "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) .. This passage goes on to say she replied to Mordecai and told him and other Jews to fast for three days and pray, she would do the same, and then she would break the law and approach the king on behalf of the Jews. I resonate with this whole thing because I fasted for 40 days from sweets and desserts during the entire process of applying and interviewing for this job...

I also know that I will continue to need serious prayer and at times fasting to help me over the next.. well long time. But, I also know without any doubts that the Lord is here, and He is about to rock some worlds.. including, and probably especially mine.

On January 30th of this year, I posted that God Goes Before Me, and I have never been more aware of that then I am right now.
February 2nd of this year I posted that Prayer is a Game Changer; I still firmly believe that, but even more so now that I have experienced some pretty substantial prayer stories since then...

And, on February 8th of this year I said I felt like I was On the Cusp of something... Now I know.

These blog posts are three examples of why I absolutely love blogging. Because, now these three posts share a part of my journey this year with you, and now you can begin to see just how accurately God works in my heart, even when I do not know what He is doing.. He is there, working, and leading me. I love my Lord and King, my Savior, and my Christ more than words can truly express.

God is awesome, and so much more.

Cared For...

This morning as I sit here in my new apartment with a cup of coffee in hand, I realize yet again that I am so ridiculously blessed...

I am beginning to like my new apartment, and after finally locating and posting my 3x5 prayer cards on my bathroom mirror it has begun to feel like home... Slowly, but surely I am finding places for everything and establishing a routine here in MI.

I am beginning to get really excited to see what God does in my life and the lives of those around me. I started getting glimpses of what He is directing me towards this week, and I love that my life is now my job.. Meaning, I am actually getting paid to do what I love.. truly. I am enjoying watching and actively pursuing this new job as it begins to shape up. Although, I was called both a minister and a pastor this week.. which both feel totally inaccurate and really weird to hear myself described that way.. But regardless, I am pumped to watch God unveil His plan.

The number of people that have helped me in some form or fashion over the last couple months is truly humbling, and as I sit here, I am totally amazed at how many people have totally selflessly taken care of me.

This week I have been incredibly touched by the friends that have helped me or checked on me to make sure I was ok, safety checks that reminded me I am cared for (even from so far away), late night text conversations that reminded me that my perspective and friendship is sought after, a couple hour phone call with a friend reminding me how big and amazing our God is, and skyping dates set up... It has been a full week, and I love ever bit of it.

I do not think there is a way to adequately explain how much such little things have meant to me this week, but I can say without any exaggeration that my family and friends (new and old) are amazing people and I do not deserve them.. but am so thankful and love them so very much.

This morning as I sit here in my new apartment, coffee in hand, I am blessed and feel totally cared for by so many people. God is truly amazing how He works everything out.

Nefarious Merchant of Souls...

Nefarious: "extremely wicked or villainous; iniquitous: a nefarious plot."

Tonight I watched a movie at church titled "Nefarious Merchant of Souls" It is a documentary (the first in a three part series) about modern slavery and sex trafficking. It takes you to several places around the world and gives you a glimpse into the reasons and people causing the problem as well as a perspective from the women in each situation. The movie takes you to Moldova, Amsterdam, Thailand, Cambodia, Switzerland and Las Vegas. Each place has a culture that plays a role into the reasons behind prostitution and sex trafficking. 


From the very beginning of the movie it is clear that the whole thing will be hard hitting and a very real picture into the entire world of sex trafficking. They interview women who have gotten out, women who have gotten out only to go back to it after the interview, men who pimped out women, men who bought the women, men who own the stores in the red light district they work in, and men and women who are working against the sex trafficking around the world in different capacities. 

At the beginning I was saddened but "fine" as they were explaining methodically the various aspects of sex trafficking... Until they got to the portion talking about children in the industry in Thailand and Cambodia.. At that point I began to cry, and continued to cry as they moved through the various countries and finished in Las Vegas. Then, near the end of the movie a few of the women that have gotten out of prostitution and sex trafficking began to explain their encounter with Christ, how they almost died or what caused them to meet Him and know that He has forgiven them, He loves them unconditionally, and that they are forgiven for everything... And that they are valuable to Him. I cried for their pain, but also for their joy in meeting the one Savior who can restore it all. I cried with both pain and joy because no one should ever know their experience, but also because our God is bigger.

I appreciate that a huge part of this movement and organization is prayer, and that they are able to give lots of examples of things they have prayed for and ways God has shown up... As well as they are able to point to the women's success rates in getting out of prostitution and sex trafficking for good because of the therapists reliance and use of prayer. 

I plan on getting the movie so I can show it to others. I also plan on looking into the organizations and movement more.. and I plan on increasing my donations to Wellspring International, and encourage you to donate to them as well. I will also look into if I want to support another organization doing great work as well...

I think the thing that still has my emotions reeling.. and grasping at straws for how to deal with is the realization that so much evil is in the world... So much pain, dispair, hopelessness, fear, and senseless hurting of others.. We were not meant to live like this or ever understand these things. My heart hurts for the little girls who believe they have no value, and for the women who have spent years in situations that are dangerous and have caused them to become jaded and hurting.

I am so thankful for the men especially that are doing things to end sex trafficking, because it is also men causing the problem, and there is just something comforting about men who stand up for what is wrong.

I am thankful for the women involved either due to them having gotten out of it themselves, or due to it being laid on their heart, because it is mothers that are putting their daughters into this lifestyle.

I am so thankful that Christ forgives, changes, restores, makes new, and never leaves us. I am even more thankful of the stories in the movie of how Christ met each person and changed their life.

Small World...

My family has joked for years that I either know everyone or know someone who knows someone type deal, and that soon it will be the seven degrees of Krista instead of Kevin Bacon. (Ha!)

Sometimes I think they may be on to something...

Yesterday, I went to the beach to see my roomie and her boyfriend (I know, you would think we would see each other in the house we both live in.. but instead, due to our schedules, we choose to meet elsewhere). It was a great time seeing them and hanging out on the beach.. (oh the beach.. always the beach... I seriously love the ocean.)

To give some real quick background information that makes the story a little crazier... My roomie came to live with me and several other girls a year in a half ago via an online posting for Christian roommates. A couple months ago she started dating her now boyfriend who lives near the beach, and around that same time he moved in with another guy who owns the house they now both live in, although the other guy recently deployed, so he was not around for my visit.

A fairly long, pretty humorous, and much more detailed story incredibly short, my roomie's boyfriend lives with a guy I worked with six years ago, and the only reason I realized who he was is because I saw his name printed on his Bible... And then, I was able to locate a picture of him and confirm it was the same guy.

What is even crazier is, I remember a specific moment in time six years ago praying that this guy would not be changed by the career he wanted to go (and is now) into. The reason I remember the prayer is because it was the last day of work, and as I left I remember randomly thinking about a bunch of the people I worked with, and praying small little things for each one of them. This particular guy I always thought was incredibly nice (in a good way) and kind all the time; it was clear he had a strong faith, and part of me was worried his career would change him. I know everyone grows and changes, but I did not want his faith to dwindle or his career to cause his kindness to dissipate. After I realized who the roommate was, and that I was hanging out at his place, I asked what he was like... and what an amazing and unexpected answer to prayer SIX YEARS LATER to find out that this guy is doing what he has wanted to do for years, is still following Christ, and he is still just as kind.

I love when God randomly answers my prayers... and blows my mind with how small the world can be sometimes! Weirdest small world experience ever!

For safety purposes names and specific information have been left out because I do not want to post it online due to him being deployed...

Friends, Moving, and Life Lessons...

So, I am officially unemployed for a few weeks and it is awesome... Except for the packing, homework, torn ligament in my hip, and dozens of goodbyes I have to go through over the next few weeks.

I mean the homework is just a normal part of life, and thankfully the class I am in currently (Power, Politics, and Influence) is actually fairly interesting. However, the packing is obnoxious, but made down right infuriating by the fact that I cannot lift anything heavy. Or more specifically, I have been instructed not to lift anything that requires my legs to pick up because my torn ligament in my hip needs time to heal... Great, good thing I am not moving in the next month... Seriously, the most aggravating thing ever. I can feel the unsteadiness of the torn ligament throughout the day, so thankfully I do not every forget about it, and there are times when I move a certain way that I am reminded with an electrifying shot to my hip that I have done or moved something incorrectly... Definitely keeps me in check. But, I am also not one to handle needing help well... Yet, here I am, in desperate need of those around me to help me move. Oye. Thankfully, I have awesome friends that can be bought with a decent dinner... However, the amazingness of my friends does not negate the fact that not being able to do it on my own is both aggravating and humbling at the same time. It is a really big struggle for me not to be able to do it on my own. *sigh* Yet another way the Lord is working on me to bring glory to Himself I guess...

It is such a surreal thing to move away from so many people you love. I mean, I have done it numerous times, but never on this scale before. This whole moving to MI thing is a bit overwhelming in general, but the reactions of those around me only makes it all the more overwhelming. However, the reality is, I am blown away by the sheer number of people I have in my life who genuinely love me and care about me... And, I do not say that lightly or flippantly.

I am amazed, and seriously touched by my friends.

I will say though, moving away serves as the best motivation for people to give great hugs!.. Such a win for a touch person! haha I love how many friends have genuinely hugged me, held on longer than normal or just beyond what I expected, and made a point of telling me they loved me and will miss me. Never can I adequately express how much those words and actions have soaked into my heart and found a permanent spot. I have also been humbled by the way several of my friends have gone out of their way to see me, spend extra time with me, or just swing by for a quick hello and hug. I am so blessed... So. so. so. Blessed.

I have gotten the impression from several people that they think I should just "know" how much those around me love and care for me. And, maybe I should; but, apparently I do not... I am not feigning ignorance, nor am I trying to deny anything...

I mean, let's flip the scenario around for a second, can you point to every person in your life and accurately explain how much they care about you, love you, or how far they would go to let you know?.. Can you adequately explain just how much they will go out of their way to help you or show you how important you are to them?

Do not get me wrong, I can easily point to a lot of people and explain the relationship we have, but that does not mean I know exactly how far they will go for me, how inconvenienced they will choose to be, or how much I mean to them. I mean truly, I can very easily tell you how much that person means to me, how much I love them, care about them, and would do for them in a heartbeat... But, there are not many friends I would find myself able to articulate well their side of our friendship.. Not because I do not think they care about me, but just because I would be unsure of the accuracy of my description. Not to mention, because I am my own worst enemy, I know full well how much of a jerk I can be sometimes. I know the intimate thoughts and feelings that are really unsightly and should not be shared with others. Ultimately, I know my flaws, sins, and the things that make me a really frustrating, irritating, or obnoxious person to be around. So, from my own worst enemy perspective, it is hard to imagine how someone else could love me so much... Honestly, this whole thing is really bringing into full view how amazing it is that God does not only love me unconditionally despite myself, but how crazy it is that he puts other people around me who love me regardless of myself.

Seriously, I am so blessed. Stressed out about the next month of my life, and working to keep the emotions at bay and in check.. But, really I am feeling so blessed.

**But, not even kidding, I am working to keep these crazy emotions in check, and if you make me cry, I will likely high-five you to the face. Don't do it! (kidding, sorta.. I won't high-five you to the face... but seriously, don't say or do anything to make me to cry.)

Breathing in the Beach...

I am about an hour away from heading to the beach with one of my best friends...

I have said it before, and I will probably say it dozens more times, I love the beach. There is just something about the smell of ocean water that propels my heart towards Christ. I do not know why, but I know that every time I am near the ocean I find my heart decompressing and becoming still. Not to mention, I love watching the sun set and rise over the ocean.. Talk about an amazing thing to observe.. You see, no two are the same, the colors are always different, the clouds create new elements, and each time it is as though the sky screams "His mercies are new every morning."

I love it.

So, here is to getting a break from packing, planning, working, and stressing to submerge my feet in sand, and breathe deeply the smell of salt water!

Pause to be Thankful...

In the midst of the chaos and flying emotions that are my life right now, I wanted to pause and list a few things that I am so thankful for, and mention a few things that have reminded me of how awesome God is.

I have amazing friends. I know I say this all the time, but seriously, they make me a better person, and keep me sane.

I passed my Managerial Finance class with a C!.. Ok, not exactly something to be gleeful about, but trust me, I am beyond excited about the grade and being done. Stupid class I will never have to take again! (If I ever am called by God to go back to school again, shoot me if the classes have any higher level math skills required in them!)

I am getting a full day to do nothing on a beach with one of my best friends this weekend. I am pumped and beyond thankful for the time to decompress and listen to the waves.

I found an apartment last weekend when I was home that is amazing. I am so excited to be able to paint, hang things on the wall, and get the Great Dane I have wanted for a couple years.

I was able to talk with my soon to be boss/pastor about a few expectations with my job, and we are on the same page which is a relief, and very exciting... But, it also is allowing me to begin to gather ideas and become inspired again about possibilities.. I am really excited about this job.

Spending a few hours laughing with friends is always the best medicine for my aching and overwhelmed heart.

I am so thankful to get the chance to be closer to my family.. Regardless of for how long, I will relish this opportunity.

I am always amazed, humbled, and thankful when people trust me with their stories.

I am really looking forward to the whirlwind of seeing and hanging out with people over the next month!.. I am not at all excited about saying goodbye to them, but I am really looking forward to seeing them all.

Last weekend, I got some much needed time with my siblings and parents (all individually), and I love that I left the weekend reminded of how amazing my family is.

In the last two weeks, I have crossed off SEVEN answered prayers on the 3x5 prayer cards that are on my bathroom mirror.. And, only two of them were prayers for myself.. I love when I can see God moving all around me!

Despite the whirlwind that is my life right now, I am so thankful for all the ways I am being blessed.. I am even more excited and amazed by what God is doing, and I love that I can see how things are falling into place that I have been praying about for years..

What an amazing time right now..

My Heart's Desire...

As part of the leadership training at NCC, each leader is given a coach to help them brainstorm, lift them and the small group up in prayer, discuss things going on, and just be a basic touch point for anything that the leader may need help working through. Not that I am biased, but I think my coach is the best one. Ever. She is amazing, full of wisdom, wit, joy, and has such perception that I just enjoy meeting with her and talking through things cause she is able to cut the insignificant things away and get to the core or the issue. I am beyond blessed to have her as my coach!

Today her and I were meeting to discuss my small group, but really it turned into discussing the changes that have come up and are presenting themselves lately. I spent longer than I needed to explaining all the different things, the perspectives, the caveats, the emotional pulls, my fears, frustrations, and prayers about everything. I went through it all figuring if she did not have all of the information either she would not be able to provide sound feedback or I would dismiss parts of what she said due to her not knowing it all. So, I chose to be completely upfront about it all... And, I am so glad I did!

After I explained everything, and then answered a few of her questions, she asked if I felt I was in a place to make a decision for myself. Meaning, if God gives me the chance to choose, am I at a place where can I choose for who I am and where I am at, based on my heart's deepest desires, instead of feeling pressure based on others? And then, she asked if I knew what my heart's deepest desire is. We talked about how I have a serious need for community, and I work hard to cultivate it wherever I go, and how I also desire whole heartedly to serve Christ... I desire a family one day, and I desire to have a career that means something.. But, when it boils down to it, I am not sure I can articulate to God what I want deep down. I am not sure I can explain to myself or others what my heart's deepest desire is because it feels entirely split into two. With half of my heart I want to forsake literally everything and serve Christ as my main focus, the other half of my heart desires to stay (or go) where solid and genuine community would be found. I mean, I have wanted a family basically my entire life, but I feel like that is something that will come regardless of where I live, go, stay, whatever, especially with all the ways to keep in contact, and the amazing thing that is Skype. And, I have also wanted to change the world my entire life (well, since I was 7 I guess).

So, while I have no idea what is coming, my goal this week is really to spend a lot of time in prayer figuring out where my heart stands in the decision making of it all, so that regardless of what God calls me to next, I will know the desires of my heart.. Which ideally would be perfectly in line with what I feel I am being led to or it could be the total opposite, and serve as a period of time where God is calling me to faith and obedience above other things.

My heart's deepest desire for my life is tricky... I have a sense, but not really words. It would be kinda nice if God would "aha" moment this all for me!

Always Changing...

I am always amazed at God's timing. I do not know why His plans continue to surprise me (probably because He's God..) but still.. they do. What is interesting to me is how He chooses to work in answering my prayers. I have tons of prayers that I pray consistently, asking for growth, to have more of the fruits of the spirit (yeah, yeah, that may have been my first mistake), asking for Him to use me to change the world... And then, somehow in the midst of all my prayers and petitions, I forget that I am not in control, and neither are my prayers. Somewhere along the lines I forget that I do everything for Him, and in the moments that matter, I will likely freak out for a bit, then I will be drawn back to suck it up, pull it together, and follow Him, wherever He leads me.

I find myself at another one of those crossroads where things are going to change, there is a defining moment or two coming my way, and initially I freaked out.. spazzed a little, and in my anxiousness begged God not to ask me to do anything I did not want to do..

Wait. What?!.. Who am I right now?.. This is not me! I go, I follow, I am not afraid of change, so what is this?

This is fear, fear of the leaving behind things and people I love.. again, fear of a couple years of suck repeating themselves... Just fear.

Not so much fear of the unknown or change in general because I tend to love change, but honestly, it is the relationships that I love that inevitably change that has me worried about change.

Thankfully after a lot of prayer, a lot of thinking, and a very real moment of feeling like God was telling me "Peace, I'm here" has caused me to feel like I am ok again. I do not know the future (dang it), but I do know that regardless, I will be ok because my Lord has told me He's here.

This afternoon I had to take down my hammock cause they are cutting down a few trees in our yard (serious sadness), and beforehand I just laid on it, listened to the birds and the bugs, watched the wind in the trees, and prayed. Prayed for all the various people involved in this change. Prayed for my friends. Prayed for weights on my heart. And, just spent some time being still.

Then, later this evening I sent out an e-mail to some of my closest friends asking for prayer after explaining what is going on, and I get this back:
"(my friend's) pastor told a story about Mother Teresa. A man was visiting her and asked her to pray for him to have clarity. She said no. He asked why and she said, 'I will not pray for clarity I will pray for trust.' This really hit me, because so many times I too have prayed for clarity when what I really needed was trust.  So, I will pray for you to trust more and more the God who is able to do exceedingly more than we could ever ask or imagine knowing that He loves you and will work all things together for your good and His glory."

Love it.

I am so beyond thankful and blessed by my Lord, by my friends, by my family... Just feeling immensely blessed tonight. Not because the world is perfect, and not because the answers are before me, but because I am loved unrelentingly by my Savior regardless of my situation or emotions.

Life will always be changing. Nothing will ever stay the same, and really I love that. What I struggle with is, change also brings an end to some really great things. But, things have to be let go for new things, so I am choosing to let go, lay in my hammock, and let God direct it all.

12 Hours of Prayer and Worship...

This past weekend, my church did a night of prayer and worship starting at 7:14 pm Saturday the 14th, and ended at 7:14 am Sunday morning. Sounds extreme huh?.. It kinda was, but in the best and potentially coolest of ways. The entire evening was to kick off a 40 day freedom fast, of which I chose to give up sweets (more on this later I am sure).

I did a post about my view of When Men Worship the Lord, but this post is more about the entire experience for me.

My intention heading into the evening was, to be there until I got tired, figuring it would be somewhere in the 2-3am vicinity that I would actually end up leaving. So, when my friend left around 11, I did not think I would be far behind her, especially knowing how much stuff I had to get done on Sunday and because I had been fairly tired all week.

I have never done all night prayer and worship alone or with anyone else, so I had no idea what to expect heading into the night... Which in this case I guess is a good thing.

When I got there, my first overwhelming thought of the evening was that there were too many people, and they were all too close to me... and it was really warm. I mean, do not get me wrong, normally I love being close to people, I enjoy being surrounded by people, giving and getting hugs, most of the time I do not mind being touched by friends and people I know, and I was really excited there were so many people there. However, when I worship my Lord and Savior, it is intensely personal and private to me; almost more than anything else. Not to mention the fact that, I am a swayer when I worship (thanks Dad for that gene), I move, I raise my hands, I sway, I bounce around, all depending on how the music moves me. But, there were so many people that I literally had no room to move, and I did not want to bump into those around me for fear of interrupting their worship time.

Once I settled into realizing it would be a while before I was able to sway and move freely, I began the task of searching my heart to let go of the things that would hinder my communication with Christ. It took me oh, about .001 seconds to identify the burden on my heart. Lovely.

After my friend left at 11, I moved up next to another friend, mostly because I would rather worship next to someone who knows me, just in case the Lord decides to do some real work and I turned into a blabbering fool. Thankfully by the time I moved to join my friend almost half of the people had left already and I was able to worship without worrying about bumping into someone else's worship experience.

Every hour or two they would transition into a new worship leader while one of the pastors talked or shared for a bit about what God was putting on their heart. It was really a neat experience, and while somewhat structured, it was actually organic enough to make sense and flow with the Holy Spirit. The neat thing about having so many different people lead worship throughout the night was how it all ebbed and flowed do to the different leaders. There were periods of time when the worship was powerful and exciting, and other times it was raw and seeking, some ushered into praise, while still others lead us into contemplation and reflection. It was a fantastic experience from just the worship leader's anointing alone!

What amazed me afterwards about the entire thing, and as I began processing through what happened, how in the world did I end up being there the full 12 hours?! The first real thing that struck me was, it took me EIGHT HOURS to deal with the burden on my heart. Eight hours of constantly in the presence of God working through my fears, my anxiety, my desire to control, and finally relenting to letting my Lord deal with it. I spent the first seven hours begging for a clear answer, I just wanted to know for certain what His plan was and where He is leading me. Finally around hour eight I still did not have a specific answer, but an entirely overwhelming sense of "Peace, I'm here." No form of do this or that, no action plan, but an outpouring reminding that the plan is in motion, my job is to let go and let God, and remember He is with me. However, just before I realized I was at peace I began crying and saying over and over "Abba, Father, I need you." It was an interesting moment when I realized I was at peace once more because I was beginning to get tired, and had curled up in the chair to listen to other people talk about the various things God had been laying on their heart to share, and in the midst of someone sharing their heart, they mentioned Abba Father, and instantly I realize I was content, full of peace, and God was going to take care of me. What is even more ridiculous to me is that it took until about hour eleven before I really felt God at my core.

What I also find interesting and fairly ridiculous about the entire thing is how long it took for me to let go and relax in the presence of God, my Savior. EIGHT HOURS before I was finally able to relinquish control and let go of my anxiety. That is a really long time, and kinda stupid that it took me so long. However, the truth of it all is that, it took me four hours for the knot and dread in my stomach to go away, so I suppose it is fitting for it to take another four hours to work itself the rest of the way out of me, and then another three hours for God to wash it all away from my memory enough so that I could only focus on Him, despite my almost delirious state of exhaustion at that point.

I was a little surprised throughout the night at the things that made me tear up or cry. Nothing sparked a fountain or waterfall type of crying, but at several points throughout the night, different things touched me or beckoned me to the feet of Christ enough that I found myself tearing up or in a couple instances crying... It is in those moments that I am thankful my bangs cover my face when my head is bowed, it gives me a semblance of privacy; even though I am fairly certain others can see me wipe my tears away. Like I said earlier, worship between God and I is one of the most personal and private things to me, I really struggle letting others into that area... And, I have also had several people on numerous occasions inform me that I am really bad at letting others know how and what I need prayer over... I am working on it, promise.

The other thing that amazed me about the entire experience was how easily I paid attention the entire 12 hours. I expected to really struggle as the night wore on, but the hours flew by, and my attention span remained... I also was slightly surprised that I did not even come close to falling asleep at any point throughout the night, even when my eyes were closed and I was sitting while praying.

Overall I am so excited to have been able to experience 12 hours of prayer and worship, it was not at all what I was expecting, in the very best of ways, and I am excited to see what God does in the next 36 days of my fast!

When Men Worship the Lord...

I have grown up in a family full of strong, God fearing, and loving men. I am so proud of them, respect them, and they have a great deal to do with the way I view men, and the way I feel men should treat and take care of women... Regardless of their relationship.

That being said, I am always encouraged to find, see, meet, become friends with, spend time with or talk to men outside of my family that exhibit the same level of character and love for the Lord. It warms my heart in an entirely unique way.

This weekend I spent 12 hours with a fairly large group of people from my church, praying and worshiping throughout the night, from 7:14pm Saturday (the 14th) to 7:14am Sunday (I will do a separate post about that experience later because it definitely needs its own). And, whether any of us like it or not, a lot can be understood about someone when they are singing worship music to their savior. For instance, you can tell when someone is deeply impacted and moved, you can tell when they are passionate, who is typically expressive, energetic, and when the music is taking them to solemn or emotional places. The nervousness some people exhibit while singing is interesting indication as well. All of these characteristics can be observed while someone is singing. Granted, the thing that is causing these behaviors to be exhibited can vary dramatically, so to assume someone is nervous because they are uncomfortable singing out-loud would be an unfair judgement, and that is not at all what I am talking about. I am merely talking about the basic things that are actually getting communicated, not the cause. And, I do believe in a lot of ways you can tell what type of person they are based on how the worship.

However, for just a few minutes, I want to focus specifically on the men I spent the evening worshiping and praying with. Why am I focusing on the men specifically? Because, while a lot of what I am saying can and does apply to women also, as a woman, I think it is actually easier for us to worship openly due to our natural bend towards being in touch with our emotions. Plus, I think there is a lot to be said about the leadership a man exhibits in the way he worships his Lord and King. Also, just a housekeeping note, I am specifically referring to congregational/group singing, and not at all referencing the worship leader's gender or particular style of leading worship.

So, here are a few of the things that struck me from my 12 hours of prayer and worship with the men in attendance.

It just feels right when people of all backgrounds, ages etc.. unabashedly worship God together; however, there really is no amount of words that can accurately describe the comfort and "rightness" that comes from being around men who openly and passionately worship Christ. There is just something different about being around men who are excited to worship and not at all worried about those around them, if they are on key, if the person next to them is raising their hands or closing their eyes.

I have always loved listening to men and women's voices blend when they sing together. When men lend their voices loudly to the group, it adds something that while beautiful, women's voices simply do not have. There is a weight behind the sound when men sing that carries the song in a way that allows the women's voices to add the beauty and change the depth of the song (Right about now is when it becomes clear I have virtually no experience and a seriously basic understanding of music making itself).

So, taking all of these things into consideration. Spending 12 hours around men who exhibited a love and passion for God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), was awesome to say the least. There is power behind men who worship openly. Men were meant to fight, strive, protect, and care for women, families, puppies (haha) etc.. they were made that way. It is an amazing thing to watch and hear men sing songs about needing Christ, humbly saying that God is holy, holy, holy, and declaring that if God is with them, then who and what could possibly stand in their way? Being surrounded for 12 hours by this atmosphere creates an entirely different level of comfort and feeling of safety even though I personally only knew a few of the dozens of men in the room.

Throughout various points in the night I watched and listened to the men around me, not because I wanted to judge them, but because I was trying to understand them... What was God saying to them? What were they saying to God? Were they praising or pleading for something? Were they feeling the weight of bondage or set free? Were they declaring victory or needing forgiveness? Were they at peace or burdened? It was such a unique atmosphere to be a part of for dozens upon dozens of reasons, but throughout the evening, I found myself on numerous occasions just smiling as I saw or heard the men around me. There were some fantastic singers, some really excited and passionate dancing, lots of men bowed down praying, and more than a few sobering and emotional moments, all mixed with a lot of singing from the very core of who they are.

While I could go on and on about all the ways the evening encouraged and changed things in my heart with just this one element of the evening; the biggest ways it impacted me were in feeling so proud of Christian men, and being incredibly encouraged to see so many of them leading the way they are supposed to; by seeking first the Kingdom of God. There is a good chance I will never know the names of the majority of the men I spent 12 hours praying and worshiping with, but the ones I did know now have a special place in my heart because of it all.

When men worship the Lord, it is a game changer because it allows God to change them, and then women cannot help but be effected.

I will likely never know even a small portion of the things the men were praying for, through or praising God for, but, they will also likely never know how it spoke to my heart and how 12 hours of worshiping and praying with them changed me. They will likely never know how that small step of leadership has impacted me, and I am uncertain I could even explain it or articulate it well if given the opportunity.

Bottom line, there is something exactly perfect and right with the world when men worship the Lord.