I have been thinking lately about the idea of why we help others.
Sometimes I think we "help" those "less fortunate" than ourselves for credit or recognition. Not always obviously, but sometimes it is even just wanting credit from the person we are helping... Then there are other times when I think we are told to help, and we obey, but in obeying find ourselves feeling incredibly awkward. I have had several instances lately where I feel like God has told me to step in and do something instantly without question. Ironically I find I get incredibly awkward in those moments because I am purely following the Holy Spirit, yet I want no recognition, so it is almost as though I do not want anyone to notice... Even though the particular situations require lots of people around to notice.
Then, on a totally different side, we help people despite themselves. We fight for what is right on their behalf, even though we often are fighting them instead of someone else...
***Pause*** Let me be explicitly clear here, I am not referring to everyone or even close to everyone... It will be clear in a few moments what I am talking about, just stick with me.
Helping can be frustrating business sometimes. I mean really, I have DOZENS of stories of helping people at my church, some funny, annoying, frustrating, infuriating, and many more emotions... and it has only been a few months! Yet ironically, I spend most of my time helping by actually fighting for change within themselves; usually nicely.. but sometimes bluntly... and still other times I completely ignore their bad behavior in order to get them one step closer. (Yup, I just referred to some Christian adults as having bad behavior...)
I find that I keep having to remind myself is that this is purely a season, this is where the heavy lifting comes in, and quite frankly, no matter how I feel I have been told to go and do, and I have no choice but to be obedient.
My job, or at least a huge portion of it is to be a catalyst for change... Actually, if I am being honest, my job is a lot of things... But, mostly my job is to teach people HOW to change. Not because we want everyone to look the same, act the same, smell the same (ew), or speak the same.. But because we want everyone to serve as God has made them uniquely and specifically to do. We want everyone to grow in a way that speaks to their own hearts and minds. A Christ follower should be serving and growing constantly, and in order to do that, we have to change... constantly.
Yet, if we have not ever been in a place or position that has forced change, we tend to stay mostly the same. Sometimes staying the same is reflected in our hair (clearly not mine), our manner of speaking or in the case of "the church" it comes in the form of our comfort zones and the places we are terrified to touch or go. So, my job is to create the space and opportunity for people to learn how to change... I work to give them the tools that will make the process one that each person understands how it works on their level. What makes creating space for change difficult is that, it looks as different as each person that attends our church... which means that everything I do to create space and encourage growth becomes a full frontal assault to someone no matter what I do.
Thankfully (not even joking), the Lord has been with me, and in moments where I was about to lose it on some poor afraid of change soul, God intervened and took care of me and the person I was engaged with. In some instances I was able to clearly see the words and actions for what they were, nervousness. In other cases I was able to respond to what they meant instead of what they were saying. While still other instances, I was given the gift of silence.. No really, for me that does not come easily or often...
I have also been thinking about all of the minor little things I do every. single. day. to help institute change in the hearts of the hundreds of people who attend my church, and subsequently the hundreds of people they have then contact with on a regular basis outside of "the church"... Cause let's be honest here, it only will mean something if the people who currently go to my church learn to grow and change, and then in turn reach out to those they have contact with who do not currently go to church or know Christ.
What I have also been thinking of is how no matter what I do, someone doesn't like it, while at the very same time it is an answer to someone else's prayers. How bizarre... And, talk about having to know where you are going, why you are headed in that direction, and then on-top of it all pray.. lots.
So, if it is so difficult sometimes, why do I help? Because I care. Genuinely. Deep down in my very core, in every fiber of who I am, I care. I was made to care, I was broken to have compassion, I care what happens in your eternal destination. I care what happens to the eternal destinations of the hundreds of people in your sphere of influence. It matters to me that each person be pushed to in turn learn why it matters that they help.
And, no matter what people think or say, I can, and will change the world.
Not me as in Krista by herself, in her own strength; but, "me" as in God created me uniquely and specifically, and He is going to use me to make His kingdom come here on earth as it is in heaven unlike anyone else. Just like He will use each one of us to do the exact same thing, especially if we intentionally bow and bend our hearts towards Him.
Why do I help others in the joy, fun, exciting, frustrating, awkward, infuriating, and uncertain things? Because God has told me to. There is no other reason.
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Jan 13, 2013
Jan 6, 2013
Tired Change...
I am ridiculously tired right now.
I have spent the last three days directing, helping, and providing food and getting supplies for more than a dozen volunteers as we re-vamped the lobby/foyer area of my church and the sanctuary.
It. Looks. Awesome.
Seriously, I am so excited, and I am even more excited at knowing we are not finished, but that each additional thing we do is icing on the incredibly cool cake!
However, throughout it all, talk about a trying and tiring time! Thankfully the first two days went smoothly, we had lots of volunteers, laughter, and the majority of the work went smoothly... As is the case however, after working for more than 12 hours both Thursday and Friday, by Friday night me, my body, my homework, and my puppy were all suffering.
My puppy had spent two full days at this point in his crate with me home basically long enough to feed him, water him, and take him out for a potty break... needless to say he was an emotional almost 70lb wreck, and I was an exhausted and aching owner with homework to do and nothing but sleeping on my mind... It was a very poor combination that lead to multiple potty disasters Friday night and Saturday morning.
By Saturday morning I had basically not slept at all, my puppy had additional potty disasters, and I yelled, scrubbed, and held back tears... Then headed out to get supplies and start the last day of reconstruction.... Which had lots of difficulty getting things back together, directing the chaos, and figuring out how to manage the worse than terrible mood I was in. It wasn't a pretty moment (or hours worth of moments) inside my head or heart Saturday morning.
Thankfully, everyone around me was filled with grace, and the Lord didn't fail me in my petitions for help. We had lots of help that got everything together much earlier than I had hoped for... a friend took the pups to allow her dog to tucker him out, and I was able to see the completion of the project looking FABULOUS!
Saturday night I climbed into bed at 9pm.. fell asleep after some reading and homework at 10pm...... and promptly woke up at 1am. Heard a loud crash in the bathroom a few minutes after I woke up that scared both the pups and I (thank you suction cup holding up the razor), so I decided to take the pups out for a potty break..... which also included a potty disaster on the way to the door. -- Seriously, I might not survive this stage. Then I fell asleep about 45 minutes later..
Words simply cannot express how thankful I am that the majority of the response to the changes were positive, and those that disliked it kept it to themselves that I am aware of. Afterwards the pups and I packed up and headed to my parents house so he could get worn out even more, and I could get some time with my family...
Now, Sunday evening, after putting in upwards of 50 hours of work in 4 days, my entire body hurts and is sore, and my mind is swimming with fog. So, I wrap up my "weekend" with a cup of sleepytime tea, frozen berries, homework, facebook, blogs, and then some reading before I pass out...
Change is tiring!
I have spent the last three days directing, helping, and providing food and getting supplies for more than a dozen volunteers as we re-vamped the lobby/foyer area of my church and the sanctuary.
It. Looks. Awesome.
Seriously, I am so excited, and I am even more excited at knowing we are not finished, but that each additional thing we do is icing on the incredibly cool cake!
However, throughout it all, talk about a trying and tiring time! Thankfully the first two days went smoothly, we had lots of volunteers, laughter, and the majority of the work went smoothly... As is the case however, after working for more than 12 hours both Thursday and Friday, by Friday night me, my body, my homework, and my puppy were all suffering.
My puppy had spent two full days at this point in his crate with me home basically long enough to feed him, water him, and take him out for a potty break... needless to say he was an emotional almost 70lb wreck, and I was an exhausted and aching owner with homework to do and nothing but sleeping on my mind... It was a very poor combination that lead to multiple potty disasters Friday night and Saturday morning.
By Saturday morning I had basically not slept at all, my puppy had additional potty disasters, and I yelled, scrubbed, and held back tears... Then headed out to get supplies and start the last day of reconstruction.... Which had lots of difficulty getting things back together, directing the chaos, and figuring out how to manage the worse than terrible mood I was in. It wasn't a pretty moment (or hours worth of moments) inside my head or heart Saturday morning.
Thankfully, everyone around me was filled with grace, and the Lord didn't fail me in my petitions for help. We had lots of help that got everything together much earlier than I had hoped for... a friend took the pups to allow her dog to tucker him out, and I was able to see the completion of the project looking FABULOUS!
Saturday night I climbed into bed at 9pm.. fell asleep after some reading and homework at 10pm...... and promptly woke up at 1am. Heard a loud crash in the bathroom a few minutes after I woke up that scared both the pups and I (thank you suction cup holding up the razor), so I decided to take the pups out for a potty break..... which also included a potty disaster on the way to the door. -- Seriously, I might not survive this stage. Then I fell asleep about 45 minutes later..
Words simply cannot express how thankful I am that the majority of the response to the changes were positive, and those that disliked it kept it to themselves that I am aware of. Afterwards the pups and I packed up and headed to my parents house so he could get worn out even more, and I could get some time with my family...
Now, Sunday evening, after putting in upwards of 50 hours of work in 4 days, my entire body hurts and is sore, and my mind is swimming with fog. So, I wrap up my "weekend" with a cup of sleepytime tea, frozen berries, homework, facebook, blogs, and then some reading before I pass out...
Change is tiring!
Dec 22, 2012
2012 Wrap-Up...
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| Virginia Beach at night |
I have been blogging since I was 18... Basically since blogging began "back in the day" haha.. However, I switched from my Xanga (what?!) to this one in 2008 when I moved to Central VA. Here are the previous year's in review posts:
2008 - Who Were YOU a Year Ago?
2009 - The Year I Was 24
2010 - 2010... Never Again...
2011 - Hello, Good-Bye 2011...
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| DC |
(This gives a great view of how much my writing and views have changes and grown due to experiences, trials, friends, etc..) What a crazy thing to look back and read the year end reviews.
In the early part of 2013 I will post my goals for the year and some of my thoughts on where I feel like God is or is not leading me.
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| Power of Propaganda - Holocaust Museum |
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| Favorite Memorial |
I had a few goals or "resolutions" going into 2012:
I wanted to exercise more compassion, grace, mercy, and love than I have in years past.
I wanted to diligently complete the next year of my double masters program.
I want to work better at controlling my mouth.
I wanted to draw closer to my sweet Jesus Christ, I want to learn more about who He is, and subsequently who I am supposed to be...
I wanted to learn how to love people on behalf of him better this year...
And then, I ended with saying "Now to pray them into existence" ... Boy did I have little idea at the time how much of this year would revolve around prayer...
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| New Years Eve |
A relationship I was "seeing where it goes" ended.. lamely, but it was definitely for the best, even if the reason given was over text message, and late came out to not actually be the real reason. I am thankful that even though it hurt, I learned so much about dating. -- This also was the start to just being satisfied with my single path that God has me on currently.
My bff came to visit, along with my best friend from Lynchburg, and then we toodled around DC with my best friend from DC and celebrated my 27th birthday.
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| My first "work" friend in DC |
I wrote the single most visited blog post that I have ever written: Gay, Lesbian, Laws, and Christ... -- And, I am have gotten some really great feedback from people from all different backgrounds and viewpoints.. Including a dear friend who I have never seen face to face but is on my 3x5 cards ;)
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| Meg came!! |
March was a very humbling month...
I also was faced with some very difficult relationship situations...
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| Easter Weekend with best friends |
I realized how much I loved my church, how much I enjoyed being a part of it.. and even still how much I feel connected through it.
I was reminded that I will serve and praise the Lord during the good and the bad.
I realized I never meant to be a career woman, and my heart ached.. Ironically I vocalized my desire to be a catalyst...
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| Memorial Weekend on the Capital lawn.. Before we got stormed out |
My mom and I talked multiple times a week on our drives home, and had lots of interesting conversations...
I updated my life goals...
I also decided to be bold over the summer.. Pretty funny considering all the changes summer brought me..
God and I continued our never ending learning curve about leadership and marriage.. One day maybe it'll be put to good use!
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| Small group friends |
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| Meeting Vera! |
I met a longtime friend FINALLY.
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| 4th of July |
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| DC Fireworks |
I had my fill of "single" comments.. and my need to share my sentiments spilled out into a mostly sarcastic and humor infused post..
I struggled with relationships, and conflicts.. Which is good.... and usually feel terrible.
And then.. I naively posted about despising parts of change. God and I did battle as I kicked off the 40 day freedom fast.
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| "The Pencil" - Washington Monument |
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| Bachata Congress! |
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| Ice Cream eating competition - with our Ref. |
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| The murals I painted in my office |
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| Vormund! |
Change.. oh October was about change.. in every sense of the word.. Life, Work, Puppy.. change change everywhere..
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| Three of my siblings - They make me laugh a lot |
Busy raising a puppy and loving people for Jesus.. That is until I got sick, then I still had to raise a puppy and love people for Jesus, but felt like I was going to die.. or cough up a lung.. or never ever get enough sleep again. (dramatic much?)
After a much needed trip to DC to see people I love, I became consumed with work.. I loved every bit of it, despite the 80 hours a week I was putting in.
My great grandma passed away.
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| My first "for real I'm an adult" Christmas tree! |
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| Getting to be a fun aunt |
And, my puppy is growing.. a lot.. and is sick..
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| Teaching munchkins how to make funny faces |
What is crazy to me is that I tagged a LOT of the blog posts I wrote throughout this year.. but, I only chose a few from each month.. which means, this is merely a glossary overview of the year, the trials, the struggles, the joy, the friends, the trips, the meltdowns.. it amazes me at the sheer amount of things God has done and the prayers He has answered this year. Blows my mind. I am somewhere between totally overwhelmed and really stoked to see what He uses this building block of a year for in the future...
I have grown so much this year, and as difficult and at times painful as it was, I would never give it back nor change it. I am so beyond humbled at the task before me, but also at the friends and family that support me...
Who am I that God should use me?
2012 was a year unlike any other.
2012 was a year of prayer.
2012 was a year of change.
Dec 10, 2012
The Baby Makes it Simple...
Last Friday night around 115 women ate a beautiful dinner together, we listened to an amazingly talented high school girl play the piano, and I spoke about Christmas.
To be honest it was a very unique experience because it was the first time I had spoken in this way.
I loved it.
I spent a lot of time beforehand praying that God would use my body, use my words, and that He would touch the hearts of the women sitting listening to me... It was interesting preparing for what I was going to talk about because the women ranged from 16-90, most attended our church, but not all of them, and I did not know the majority of them.. Although most of them know who I am.
When I was trying to come up with my topic I talked with my dad, -- My never ending supply of ideas and resources haha -- and we came up with a fantastic illustration using my brothers... another endless supply of funny stories.
My brothers have this pretty funny tradition for Christmas.. They make each others gift the most difficult thing to open ever, and they only using the tools included to open the gift. There are times that the gift takes almost an hour to open! One year (pictures included) there was this paper machete/plumbers glue thing that made the entire house smell disgusting.. Come to find out, once all was said and done and torn open, inside was gross dirty socks... All the while, there was a fake bottom with a beautifully wrapped nice gift. Had my little brother noticed the fake bottom he could have avoided opening the disgusting dirty socks...
When I talked to the ladies on Friday night, I explained this whole tradition, this particular experience, and the correlation it has to Christmas, Christ, and Christianity as a whole.
We take a beautiful gift, and tell others "this is Christ, this is Christmas.. open the gift".. and once they do, they find this gross, disgusting, smelly... 'gift' full of dirty socks.
Who would want that 'gift'?!
Truly, Christmas is about this beautiful baby that was sent to us as a gift.. and, it is as simple as that. This baby, that was small, cute, and smelled like a baby, was sent to us to die because God loves us. Yet, somehow, we turn this gift into dirty socks when presenting it to others. We make Christmas, Christ, and Christianity into this gross thing it was never meant to be.
This beautiful baby came to love us, to die for us, and right away this fact was made clear when Myrrh was given as one of the first gifts to this baby.. You see, Myrrh is used in burials. So, this beautiful baby, who we celebrate on Christmas was born to die from the beginning.
He did not come for who you SHOULD be, but because He loves who you are, and wants to meet you exactly where you are.
He wants to save you because He loves you right now.
It is literally that simple, and yet we make it all into this thing that it is not. We stress ourselves out during Christmas, get impatient standing in line for presents people do not actually need, we spend money we don't need to, and head to parties we feel obligated to go to because we make Christmas this thing it was never meant to be. It was meant to be a celebration of this beautiful baby who loves you...
He. Loves. You. -- As you are, right now; that is the beautiful gift.
This baby; Christ, He makes Christmas and Christianity simple. Let it stay that way.
To be honest it was a very unique experience because it was the first time I had spoken in this way.
I loved it.
I spent a lot of time beforehand praying that God would use my body, use my words, and that He would touch the hearts of the women sitting listening to me... It was interesting preparing for what I was going to talk about because the women ranged from 16-90, most attended our church, but not all of them, and I did not know the majority of them.. Although most of them know who I am.
When I was trying to come up with my topic I talked with my dad, -- My never ending supply of ideas and resources haha -- and we came up with a fantastic illustration using my brothers... another endless supply of funny stories.
My brothers have this pretty funny tradition for Christmas.. They make each others gift the most difficult thing to open ever, and they only using the tools included to open the gift. There are times that the gift takes almost an hour to open! One year (pictures included) there was this paper machete/plumbers glue thing that made the entire house smell disgusting.. Come to find out, once all was said and done and torn open, inside was gross dirty socks... All the while, there was a fake bottom with a beautifully wrapped nice gift. Had my little brother noticed the fake bottom he could have avoided opening the disgusting dirty socks...
When I talked to the ladies on Friday night, I explained this whole tradition, this particular experience, and the correlation it has to Christmas, Christ, and Christianity as a whole.
We take a beautiful gift, and tell others "this is Christ, this is Christmas.. open the gift".. and once they do, they find this gross, disgusting, smelly... 'gift' full of dirty socks.
Who would want that 'gift'?!
Truly, Christmas is about this beautiful baby that was sent to us as a gift.. and, it is as simple as that. This baby, that was small, cute, and smelled like a baby, was sent to us to die because God loves us. Yet, somehow, we turn this gift into dirty socks when presenting it to others. We make Christmas, Christ, and Christianity into this gross thing it was never meant to be.
This beautiful baby came to love us, to die for us, and right away this fact was made clear when Myrrh was given as one of the first gifts to this baby.. You see, Myrrh is used in burials. So, this beautiful baby, who we celebrate on Christmas was born to die from the beginning.
He did not come for who you SHOULD be, but because He loves who you are, and wants to meet you exactly where you are.
He wants to save you because He loves you right now.
It is literally that simple, and yet we make it all into this thing that it is not. We stress ourselves out during Christmas, get impatient standing in line for presents people do not actually need, we spend money we don't need to, and head to parties we feel obligated to go to because we make Christmas this thing it was never meant to be. It was meant to be a celebration of this beautiful baby who loves you...
He. Loves. You. -- As you are, right now; that is the beautiful gift.
This baby; Christ, He makes Christmas and Christianity simple. Let it stay that way.
Dec 8, 2012
Totally Different...
What a couple weeks it has been.
This post is sorta a random smattering of things, but it is exactly what is rattling around in my head... I finally had a full day off today, the first in a few weeks. And, I basically did nothing all day, I read, caught up on a few shows I had missed, painted my nails, went to the lighting of the Christmas tree here in Clarkston, got Chinese food, watched MIB3, and played with my puppy... Literally that was my day, and it was glorious.
A little over a week ago my great grandmother passed away. While sad, I knew it was coming and was more thankful that she had gone home. I also knew without any doubts that it was her time due to a few prayers and a dream I had. However, the visitations and funeral made for a ridiculously busy weekend full of LOTS of time spent driving. Not to mention it added a lot of stress merely due to the time I was not able to dedicate to my schoolwork or my laundry list of things I needed to get done for work.
I love my job, honestly, it has been a very long time since I have loved a job this much, and even then the last time the job was not my sweet spot, so it was not as fulfilling. However, I have never really thought before about the random challenges of working at a church. Some people surprise me with how supportive they are, how much they are intentional about investing in me... While others say ridiculous things that really are only said to me because I am paid. I have also discovered that while it is always somewhat difficult to figure out who you can and cannot trust at a new job, it is even more difficult when that job is working for a church. I have discovered that it is a delicate situation that requires a lot of wisdom in making friends, and it is very difficult to distinguish who is your friend because of who you are, and who is your friend because of the job you have. It also is interesting, (and I certainly have not done it flawlessly) to figure out who is trustworthy, who fakes a smile, who will be upfront and honest, and who will be the gossip... And yet, there are people who have totally surprised me by their support. Seriously their unending support and encouragement from some entirely unexpected corners is such an interesting situation to find yourself in.
This week has been crazy, and full of more frustration and tasks than anyone can possibly fit into a schedule and remain sane... I mean really, I accomplished maybe a third of the tasks on my to-do list... But, I did buy my ticket to East Asia, and will be spending two weeks in February there working with other people, seeing an old friend (hopefully), and getting to see the sights (woot woot!)!!
I also got to speak to about 115 ladies on Friday night. I feel as though it went well, and although there are definitely a few things I would do differently if I could, it was a fantastic learning experience for me. Especially since this was the first time I have ever done anything close to preaching (oh man...). I will post more about this later this week.
Tonight, I am so thankful for where I am. I love the things I see God doing, and even on frustrating and annoying days I know God is moving, and I am so thankful to be a part of it. I am exhausted, but I am excited about the things I am learning throughout every thought, emotion, situation, and relationship. Talk about a really weird experience and time in my life. Totally different than any other.
This post is sorta a random smattering of things, but it is exactly what is rattling around in my head... I finally had a full day off today, the first in a few weeks. And, I basically did nothing all day, I read, caught up on a few shows I had missed, painted my nails, went to the lighting of the Christmas tree here in Clarkston, got Chinese food, watched MIB3, and played with my puppy... Literally that was my day, and it was glorious.
A little over a week ago my great grandmother passed away. While sad, I knew it was coming and was more thankful that she had gone home. I also knew without any doubts that it was her time due to a few prayers and a dream I had. However, the visitations and funeral made for a ridiculously busy weekend full of LOTS of time spent driving. Not to mention it added a lot of stress merely due to the time I was not able to dedicate to my schoolwork or my laundry list of things I needed to get done for work.
I love my job, honestly, it has been a very long time since I have loved a job this much, and even then the last time the job was not my sweet spot, so it was not as fulfilling. However, I have never really thought before about the random challenges of working at a church. Some people surprise me with how supportive they are, how much they are intentional about investing in me... While others say ridiculous things that really are only said to me because I am paid. I have also discovered that while it is always somewhat difficult to figure out who you can and cannot trust at a new job, it is even more difficult when that job is working for a church. I have discovered that it is a delicate situation that requires a lot of wisdom in making friends, and it is very difficult to distinguish who is your friend because of who you are, and who is your friend because of the job you have. It also is interesting, (and I certainly have not done it flawlessly) to figure out who is trustworthy, who fakes a smile, who will be upfront and honest, and who will be the gossip... And yet, there are people who have totally surprised me by their support. Seriously their unending support and encouragement from some entirely unexpected corners is such an interesting situation to find yourself in.
This week has been crazy, and full of more frustration and tasks than anyone can possibly fit into a schedule and remain sane... I mean really, I accomplished maybe a third of the tasks on my to-do list... But, I did buy my ticket to East Asia, and will be spending two weeks in February there working with other people, seeing an old friend (hopefully), and getting to see the sights (woot woot!)!!
I also got to speak to about 115 ladies on Friday night. I feel as though it went well, and although there are definitely a few things I would do differently if I could, it was a fantastic learning experience for me. Especially since this was the first time I have ever done anything close to preaching (oh man...). I will post more about this later this week.
Tonight, I am so thankful for where I am. I love the things I see God doing, and even on frustrating and annoying days I know God is moving, and I am so thankful to be a part of it. I am exhausted, but I am excited about the things I am learning throughout every thought, emotion, situation, and relationship. Talk about a really weird experience and time in my life. Totally different than any other.
Dec 2, 2012
Power of Empowering...
I love my job.
Seriously. I mean, I have rough days, long days, hysterical days, unproductive days, stressful days, and everything else that can be associated with a job.. But, there is a purpose that I was made to fulfill at this point in my life, and I love it.
One of my favorite things about my job is that I get to empower people to find where Christ is leading them.
I love watching it dawn on people that they can do what God is laying on their heart...
I love walking people through the process of frustration or uncertainty and fear to confidence in their calling.. How cool is that?
There is a freedom experienced in being empowered to do what you were called to do. The amount of things that can happen, the people that can have their lives changed forever because others were empowered, it is truly amazing and inspiring.
When church does what church is supposed to do, nothing, absolutely nothing can get in our way because God is working and moving through dozens if not hundreds of people. The ripple affect of that is astronomical. The tidal wave is ridiculously large, and nothing can stop it. When the Holy Spirit moves, and hundreds of people follow, you cannot help but be swept up and moved too.
I am beginning to see the positive effects of empowering people. I can feel it in my own life, I now work at a place, and for a boss that tells me to "go and do" without partaking in the planning or details. I am experiencing what it means to be trusted and encouraged to stand up and follow where Christ is leading.. And because of it, I can feel the shift inside of me... And soon, others will begin to feel the shift inside of them... God is moving, and when we are empowered, we too will move mountains and bring glory to God.
It is awesome.
I love what cannot help but come by empowering others.
Seriously. I mean, I have rough days, long days, hysterical days, unproductive days, stressful days, and everything else that can be associated with a job.. But, there is a purpose that I was made to fulfill at this point in my life, and I love it.
One of my favorite things about my job is that I get to empower people to find where Christ is leading them.
I love watching it dawn on people that they can do what God is laying on their heart...
I love walking people through the process of frustration or uncertainty and fear to confidence in their calling.. How cool is that?
There is a freedom experienced in being empowered to do what you were called to do. The amount of things that can happen, the people that can have their lives changed forever because others were empowered, it is truly amazing and inspiring.
When church does what church is supposed to do, nothing, absolutely nothing can get in our way because God is working and moving through dozens if not hundreds of people. The ripple affect of that is astronomical. The tidal wave is ridiculously large, and nothing can stop it. When the Holy Spirit moves, and hundreds of people follow, you cannot help but be swept up and moved too.
I am beginning to see the positive effects of empowering people. I can feel it in my own life, I now work at a place, and for a boss that tells me to "go and do" without partaking in the planning or details. I am experiencing what it means to be trusted and encouraged to stand up and follow where Christ is leading.. And because of it, I can feel the shift inside of me... And soon, others will begin to feel the shift inside of them... God is moving, and when we are empowered, we too will move mountains and bring glory to God.
It is awesome.
I love what cannot help but come by empowering others.
Nov 27, 2012
Listen to Me...
"People don't care how much you know until they know how mucH you care." - John C. Maxwell
This idea consumes my work life right now. Not in a bad way, it just is a reality of my life. Every single day I am confronted with options, blather on and on about what I know, my experience, my education, my passions.. compounded with the mounds upon mounds of tasks and work to do, and yet I find myself compelled to pause all of it, and just listen and express in any way I can how much I genuinely care about those around me.
I have had to readjust my priorities at work.
Sitting and listening is more important than the stacks of papers that are calling my name.
Hearing the faith stories of those around me has eternal value infinitely more important than the programs or design projects that require my attention.
So, I am teaching myself to be still, to listen, to laugh, to be fully present and divert all of my attention from the tasks sitting on my desk to the people sitting in front of it. Which, honestly is how my life operates naturally... outside of work.. Now I am learning to orient my work life in this manner as well.
Do you care enough to stop and actually listen to me?.. That is what I hear when I meet new people.
This idea consumes my work life right now. Not in a bad way, it just is a reality of my life. Every single day I am confronted with options, blather on and on about what I know, my experience, my education, my passions.. compounded with the mounds upon mounds of tasks and work to do, and yet I find myself compelled to pause all of it, and just listen and express in any way I can how much I genuinely care about those around me.
I have had to readjust my priorities at work.
Sitting and listening is more important than the stacks of papers that are calling my name.
Hearing the faith stories of those around me has eternal value infinitely more important than the programs or design projects that require my attention.
So, I am teaching myself to be still, to listen, to laugh, to be fully present and divert all of my attention from the tasks sitting on my desk to the people sitting in front of it. Which, honestly is how my life operates naturally... outside of work.. Now I am learning to orient my work life in this manner as well.
Do you care enough to stop and actually listen to me?.. That is what I hear when I meet new people.
Nov 16, 2012
Drugged Up for Jesus...
So, a couple weeks ago I got sick... really sick. I basically slept for 16 hours a day for 3 days, then 12 hours a day for another 3 days before I forced myself back to my normal schedule. I mean, really it was just a normal cold, and I figured between nyquil, sleep, tissues, and lots of vitamins and fluids I would kick this thing in no time...
Two weeks later my throat wasn't feeling well still, my sinuses were not better yet, my ears hurt and itched, and my eyes were showing signs of an infection, plus I have been always tired for the last 2 weeks. So, I figured a trip to the doctors was in order.. nope, the doctor can't fit me in for FOUR DAYS.. what?!.. they recommended "Urgent care." Nothing makes you feel like a whiner like going to urgent care two weeks later "not feeling completely better" ..
Then the doctor saw me... and pronounced that I was not going to get better without medication, and proceeded to give me 4 different kinds of medication.. whoa. Now I have cough meds, eye drops, another 2 weeks of antibiotics, and a steroid shot. Ok, at least now I don't feel so bad about going to Urgent Care..
On a slightly different note, my illness seems to have had a purpose. I love telling people I came from DC because it is a fabulous conversation starter.. I always end up being able to tell them that I moved here to work for a church to train and mobilize people to get involved. The doctor (who was quite a bit older) was excited about it, and proceeded to tell me what he always tells young people.. "Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't have sex, and find religion. It's very simple." haha
I also expected to wait a millenia before being seen so I brought a book, Loving God by Chuck Colson, it was given to me a couple days ago... The nurse who called me back, saw the book and became completely distracted in giving directions for what I needed to do. When I asked her if she was ok, she said that the day before someone had recommended her read that same book, and she had almost bought it for her Kindle that day.. I then told her that the book was given to me the day before as well.. She was rather excited, and deemed it "creepy in a good way." haha I love how random things happen.. but leave no room for it to be anything other than the Lord :) ... Sooo, thank you ridiculous illness that would not go away...
Two weeks later my throat wasn't feeling well still, my sinuses were not better yet, my ears hurt and itched, and my eyes were showing signs of an infection, plus I have been always tired for the last 2 weeks. So, I figured a trip to the doctors was in order.. nope, the doctor can't fit me in for FOUR DAYS.. what?!.. they recommended "Urgent care." Nothing makes you feel like a whiner like going to urgent care two weeks later "not feeling completely better" ..
Then the doctor saw me... and pronounced that I was not going to get better without medication, and proceeded to give me 4 different kinds of medication.. whoa. Now I have cough meds, eye drops, another 2 weeks of antibiotics, and a steroid shot. Ok, at least now I don't feel so bad about going to Urgent Care..
On a slightly different note, my illness seems to have had a purpose. I love telling people I came from DC because it is a fabulous conversation starter.. I always end up being able to tell them that I moved here to work for a church to train and mobilize people to get involved. The doctor (who was quite a bit older) was excited about it, and proceeded to tell me what he always tells young people.. "Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't have sex, and find religion. It's very simple." haha
I also expected to wait a millenia before being seen so I brought a book, Loving God by Chuck Colson, it was given to me a couple days ago... The nurse who called me back, saw the book and became completely distracted in giving directions for what I needed to do. When I asked her if she was ok, she said that the day before someone had recommended her read that same book, and she had almost bought it for her Kindle that day.. I then told her that the book was given to me the day before as well.. She was rather excited, and deemed it "creepy in a good way." haha I love how random things happen.. but leave no room for it to be anything other than the Lord :) ... Sooo, thank you ridiculous illness that would not go away...
Nov 8, 2012
Life of Others...
I have said it for years, life gets depressing the more you focus on yourself. I am not sure how God worked it out this way, but the more I focus on myself, the more depressed I get about the dumb little things.. Such as, my acne, the 3 lbs I wish was not a part of my stomach, the ever present exhaustion I feel in the mornings, the annoyance of not being able to snap crackle and pop everything back into place in the mornings, the hang nail that requires me to cut my long nails... See?!.. Dumb.
However, somehow (seriously it is like magic), the more I focus on those around me, their needs, their insecurities, their frustrations, their pains, hurts, or just the mundane details of their lives, the more I feel content inside and forget to care that I have split ends and need a hair trimming.
One of the things I love about my job is that I spend all day thinking, strategizing, praying, reading, and talking with other people. I spend all day trying to help others be better versions of themselves... I spend all day trying to encourage those around me... And, almost like magic, spending so much time purposefully paying attention to others causes me to forget to stop in front of the mirror to see if my outfit adequately hides the 3 lbs extra that I dislike about my midsection.
Last night I was talking with one of my roomies from DC, and I realized that I miss her like crazy. We could go a couple weeks without seeing each other while living together, but I always felt her supportive presence in my life. We were catching up on all the changes, new things going on, and the various things we each needed prayer over, and at that point I realized that not only is God amazing at the way He is working things out. Even though I do not have things together completely, He is somehow making things happen... and quickly. And, while from an outside perspective I have made friends, and met so many amazing, loving, and caring people that I am excited to get to know more, I have yet to make my group of friends that I can call just to hang out and eat frosting with (haha.. but no really.. everyone needs that friend.)
For as long as this lasts, I am excited that my job is cultivating a pattern that everything in my life is about other people.. I hope that I have started on an entirely new path for the rest of my life.. I love feeling like I am getting paid to live my life by loving Jesus and loving others... Seriously, sweet.
However, somehow (seriously it is like magic), the more I focus on those around me, their needs, their insecurities, their frustrations, their pains, hurts, or just the mundane details of their lives, the more I feel content inside and forget to care that I have split ends and need a hair trimming.
One of the things I love about my job is that I spend all day thinking, strategizing, praying, reading, and talking with other people. I spend all day trying to help others be better versions of themselves... I spend all day trying to encourage those around me... And, almost like magic, spending so much time purposefully paying attention to others causes me to forget to stop in front of the mirror to see if my outfit adequately hides the 3 lbs extra that I dislike about my midsection.
Last night I was talking with one of my roomies from DC, and I realized that I miss her like crazy. We could go a couple weeks without seeing each other while living together, but I always felt her supportive presence in my life. We were catching up on all the changes, new things going on, and the various things we each needed prayer over, and at that point I realized that not only is God amazing at the way He is working things out. Even though I do not have things together completely, He is somehow making things happen... and quickly. And, while from an outside perspective I have made friends, and met so many amazing, loving, and caring people that I am excited to get to know more, I have yet to make my group of friends that I can call just to hang out and eat frosting with (haha.. but no really.. everyone needs that friend.)
For as long as this lasts, I am excited that my job is cultivating a pattern that everything in my life is about other people.. I hope that I have started on an entirely new path for the rest of my life.. I love feeling like I am getting paid to live my life by loving Jesus and loving others... Seriously, sweet.
Nov 3, 2012
Catching Fire...
While the transition from DC to MI has been an emotional one, today when a friend asked me if anything exciting was happening here in MI, I realized that it is, and I feel it coming..
We (the staff at the church) are planning, praying, preparing, praying, meeting, praying, strategizing, praying.. and working towards the goal and direction that we feel the Lord is leading us in.
I am at a little bit of a loss for words in regards to what I feel stirring inside of me, but it feels like a spark; the type of spark that you know is going to roar to life the wildfire.
As I talk to various people, convey my excitement, my plans, my passion, the direction our church is moving, and the ways we feel God calling and moving us as a community, I see the small sparks in the eyes of some of the people. Not everyone, but some... soon blazing infernos will have erupted within enough people that an unstoppable wildfire will consume the land.
God is moving, and His plan is catching fire, and it is starting with small sparks.
We (the staff at the church) are planning, praying, preparing, praying, meeting, praying, strategizing, praying.. and working towards the goal and direction that we feel the Lord is leading us in.
I am at a little bit of a loss for words in regards to what I feel stirring inside of me, but it feels like a spark; the type of spark that you know is going to roar to life the wildfire.
As I talk to various people, convey my excitement, my plans, my passion, the direction our church is moving, and the ways we feel God calling and moving us as a community, I see the small sparks in the eyes of some of the people. Not everyone, but some... soon blazing infernos will have erupted within enough people that an unstoppable wildfire will consume the land.
God is moving, and His plan is catching fire, and it is starting with small sparks.
Oct 19, 2012
Leisure...
I remember once a while ago that my pastor in DC, Mark Batterson
said that it takes about a year in a half to two years to write a
book.. So, as he saw it, he gains about two years of knowledge or wisdom
every time he reads a book. I love that idea! It makes me feel a bit
like the Matrix when they would download new programs almost
instantaneously, and then they become experienced in things like Kung-Fu
or flying a helicopter... Reading books can feel a little like that.
I am reading a book for work (I get paid for this?!), Finish the Mission, and it is full of wisdom from so many amazing men of God. One of the things it points out is that, whether we are being sent to the ends of the earth or next door, Christians are not at our leisure... We do not get to choose to stroll through or squander our blessings.
I like the idea that we are not afforded excuses for not getting involved and reaching others for Christ. We are not allowed to take our time, but instead we should feel a sense of urgency, I mean, after all, people die every single day without knowing Christ. One of the points that is made in the book is that the Bible is clear that everyone is not without blame, and that some people die knowing just enough about God to be rebellious. As Christians, sometimes we like to make up these obscure scenarios, what if an innocent guy in Africa or the Amazon die without ever having heard about Christ, would God still send them to hell?.. The author of one of the chapters points out that in the scenario we give, of course God would not send him to hell because he is innocent... The problem is no one is innocent, no one is without blame, everyone is rebellious. While I know the Truth in that statement, it definitely caused me to pause and really dwell on the idea once more that we are ALL broken, fallen, and rebellious. Not one is innocent. Ouch.
I love books that challenge me to think deeper, dive deeper, stretch, and grow in my understanding, compassion, and most of all my faith in the one God. I have a long road ahead of me, God has a lot of crazy things coming, most of which I have no concept of... But, what I am most excited about are all the people that God is going to reach, all the things He is going to teach me through them, and all the ways I am going to have my world rocked and my mind blown because of His favor and blessings... Yet, these things serve as a challenge and a reminder, I am not at my leisure, I do not get to stroll through this challenge or take my time.
People must encounter Christ.
I am reading a book for work (I get paid for this?!), Finish the Mission, and it is full of wisdom from so many amazing men of God. One of the things it points out is that, whether we are being sent to the ends of the earth or next door, Christians are not at our leisure... We do not get to choose to stroll through or squander our blessings.
I like the idea that we are not afforded excuses for not getting involved and reaching others for Christ. We are not allowed to take our time, but instead we should feel a sense of urgency, I mean, after all, people die every single day without knowing Christ. One of the points that is made in the book is that the Bible is clear that everyone is not without blame, and that some people die knowing just enough about God to be rebellious. As Christians, sometimes we like to make up these obscure scenarios, what if an innocent guy in Africa or the Amazon die without ever having heard about Christ, would God still send them to hell?.. The author of one of the chapters points out that in the scenario we give, of course God would not send him to hell because he is innocent... The problem is no one is innocent, no one is without blame, everyone is rebellious. While I know the Truth in that statement, it definitely caused me to pause and really dwell on the idea once more that we are ALL broken, fallen, and rebellious. Not one is innocent. Ouch.
I love books that challenge me to think deeper, dive deeper, stretch, and grow in my understanding, compassion, and most of all my faith in the one God. I have a long road ahead of me, God has a lot of crazy things coming, most of which I have no concept of... But, what I am most excited about are all the people that God is going to reach, all the things He is going to teach me through them, and all the ways I am going to have my world rocked and my mind blown because of His favor and blessings... Yet, these things serve as a challenge and a reminder, I am not at my leisure, I do not get to stroll through this challenge or take my time.
People must encounter Christ.
Oct 15, 2012
Heart Check...
A little over four years ago, just before I moved to VA, I started this blog with one basic purpose, to give a place where my family back home would get to read about what was going on in my head and connect with my heart. I wanted a place for them to be able to "hear" things differently.
A lot has happened in four years... and I am certainly not even close to the same person I was then, but almost 700 posts later, a significantly larger readership, and an amazing chronicling of the story, I believe there is still value in using this blog to share my heart with whoever stumbles upon my post or visits regularly.
I still firmly believe it does my heart good, and the heart of those reading to hear total and completely honest things that are simmering or exploding out of me.
I still think it is important for people to be able to read the progression as I process through things.
Above all, it is imperative for people to see how God works in my life.
So, what is my heart check lately?
Ugh, so many things...
Part of me is in pure function mode. I do not know what to do with all the emotions, so I have resorted to function mode to get me through the chaotic things that always seem to usher in crazy emotions.
I am more than a little frustrated at the fact that I am not sleeping well, and still waking up a dozen times a night for random sounds I am not used to...
Sometimes I am so beyond excited and overjoyed that I am doing what I love. How did I get so lucky?.. God has given me my sweet spot job, and I am blown away... And then that makes me realize that I love my job.. what if I mess up? what if I cannot do it? what if... (fill in the blank).. And then I remember that God has sent me because I said years ago "here I am send me."
I am so thankful for stupid little things.. Like Friday I saw a blue and gold license plate cover for U of M, the license plate said "Vktors", and it was a VA plate.. I couldn't help but smile at God's blending of the two... This week someone came into my office and talked to me about DC for almost an hour, I loved every minute of it. I have gotten hugs from people I have only known a couple weeks, and hugs always mean a lot to me..
I am frustrated and completely sick of having to be careful about my hip (which thankfully is mostly just sore now and less a constant severe pain).. I am really tired of needing to ask for help, not even for any other reason than practically speaking it takes more time to ask someone to help.. and asking for help for things I should be able to do on my own, but currently cannot is tiring when I am not close with the person... because it leaves me feeling helpless, needy, and as though I owe them (all of which I am fully aware are not reality, but regardless, it is how I feel).
I GET PAID TO LOVE PEOPLE.. Seriously, I keep mulling that over in my head and it feels like I am cheating the system.. I am literally getting paid to love people, teach them about Christ and then how to love others in His name.. It is flippin amazing!
I miss my church and friends in DC so very much. Basically all the time, but thankfully e-mails keep me laughing, Skype gives me much needed quality time, and facebook/twitter/texting keep me connected for all the mundane things...
I am hopeful of what is to come, and soaking up and trying to learn as much as I can...
I do not for a moment regret nor second guess my choice to move back to MI, but I have finally allowed myself to acknowledge it was one of the most difficult decisions I have made (which is interesting because I am pretty sure that means more difficult decisions are down the road).. But, really I do not regret it; I somewhat revel in the challenge of it all and bask in the knowledge that God is moving, He is leading, He is gearing up, and we are about to soar.
My heart feels a constant mix of so many things, so when asked how I am doing I have a litany of things flood my mind.. I am genuinely good, excited, stressed, overwhelmed, homesick, etc..etc..
A lot has happened in four years... and I am certainly not even close to the same person I was then, but almost 700 posts later, a significantly larger readership, and an amazing chronicling of the story, I believe there is still value in using this blog to share my heart with whoever stumbles upon my post or visits regularly.
I still firmly believe it does my heart good, and the heart of those reading to hear total and completely honest things that are simmering or exploding out of me.
I still think it is important for people to be able to read the progression as I process through things.
Above all, it is imperative for people to see how God works in my life.
So, what is my heart check lately?
Ugh, so many things...
Part of me is in pure function mode. I do not know what to do with all the emotions, so I have resorted to function mode to get me through the chaotic things that always seem to usher in crazy emotions.
I am more than a little frustrated at the fact that I am not sleeping well, and still waking up a dozen times a night for random sounds I am not used to...
Sometimes I am so beyond excited and overjoyed that I am doing what I love. How did I get so lucky?.. God has given me my sweet spot job, and I am blown away... And then that makes me realize that I love my job.. what if I mess up? what if I cannot do it? what if... (fill in the blank).. And then I remember that God has sent me because I said years ago "here I am send me."
I am so thankful for stupid little things.. Like Friday I saw a blue and gold license plate cover for U of M, the license plate said "Vktors", and it was a VA plate.. I couldn't help but smile at God's blending of the two... This week someone came into my office and talked to me about DC for almost an hour, I loved every minute of it. I have gotten hugs from people I have only known a couple weeks, and hugs always mean a lot to me..
I am frustrated and completely sick of having to be careful about my hip (which thankfully is mostly just sore now and less a constant severe pain).. I am really tired of needing to ask for help, not even for any other reason than practically speaking it takes more time to ask someone to help.. and asking for help for things I should be able to do on my own, but currently cannot is tiring when I am not close with the person... because it leaves me feeling helpless, needy, and as though I owe them (all of which I am fully aware are not reality, but regardless, it is how I feel).
I GET PAID TO LOVE PEOPLE.. Seriously, I keep mulling that over in my head and it feels like I am cheating the system.. I am literally getting paid to love people, teach them about Christ and then how to love others in His name.. It is flippin amazing!
I miss my church and friends in DC so very much. Basically all the time, but thankfully e-mails keep me laughing, Skype gives me much needed quality time, and facebook/twitter/texting keep me connected for all the mundane things...
I am hopeful of what is to come, and soaking up and trying to learn as much as I can...
I do not for a moment regret nor second guess my choice to move back to MI, but I have finally allowed myself to acknowledge it was one of the most difficult decisions I have made (which is interesting because I am pretty sure that means more difficult decisions are down the road).. But, really I do not regret it; I somewhat revel in the challenge of it all and bask in the knowledge that God is moving, He is leading, He is gearing up, and we are about to soar.
My heart feels a constant mix of so many things, so when asked how I am doing I have a litany of things flood my mind.. I am genuinely good, excited, stressed, overwhelmed, homesick, etc..etc..
Oct 11, 2012
Life Lately...
So, I figured I would take a post and updated on my life lately...
And since pictures are worth 1,000 words, I thought I'd just update with some pictures...
The "beauty and the beast rose" did not survive the trip back to MI.. But, 8 years, 14 moves, and three states I suppose is as long as any rose should be expected to live.
I love the people I work with, seriously they are awesome... They surprised me with a gift.. Pretty state of the art! haha
The wall on the left is now the color of the top flower on my shower curtain.. I completely accidentally picked the same colors.. Apparently subconsciously I am pretty matchy matchy.
I love my kitchen!... Still trying to figure out if I need a microwave or not..
I have painted a lot lately...
This is the progression of my office...
I am really excited about how it all turned out.. and I promise I cheated, and am not actually as good as this portrays.. I projected these onto the wall, then painted in the lines :)
I love how God sends me rainbows every time a major thing in my life is going to happen or is happening... It makes me smile.
These lovely... weird, but amazing people are directly related to me, and now they are close enough to meet for a couple hours on a Sunday night and laugh and talk and hang out. They are "special" haha, but they make life so much better!
This amazing person helped me move across the country, and think and remember things I just couldn't keep in my head!
A few pictures of the new place, before I painted.
The wall on the left is now the color of the top flower on my shower curtain.. I completely accidentally picked the same colors.. Apparently subconsciously I am pretty matchy matchy.
This puppy will soon be in my arms!.. Just about a week in a half and he's mine! He is all paid off, and details are coming together to transport him... His name is Vormund (which means guardian in German).
So, hopefully that catches you up a smidge on life lately.
Oct 8, 2012
He Chose Me...
Over the last three weeks I have had this bubbling up from the deep thought that has crashed into my full consciousness this weekend...
God chose me.
He chose to save me in all my wretchedness.
He chose to rescue my heart.. over and over again through every heartache and turmoil I have put it through.
He chose to bless me in ways that no one could script better.
He chose to give me a passion and a genuine love for those around me.
He chose to send me all over the place to meet spectacular and inspiring people.
He chose me.
He chose to bring me to a church to make a difference and follow Him.
He. Chose. Me.
I am sure from an outside perspective it looks as though this is a slightly dramatic thought. But, I can assure you my very core has been ruminating over this thought for a few weeks now. I am so inadequate. I feel a bit like an imposter. I do not feel ready to take on the task that He is clearly putting before me. I am stoked about this new job... No seriously, I am getting paid to meet people for coffee and talk about Jesus.. And then, I get to inspire them and help them be better servants of our Lord. Best. Job. Ever. But, despite all of that, I look around me and know so many amazing, much more capable, much more educated, much more passionate, much more intuitive people that know what to do and how to lead better..
And yet, God chose me.
I am blown away, and ridiculously humbled by this revelation that has hit me full on over the weekend. I am unable to do this without Christ, yet He chose me. In a period where I finally felt as though He had healed past hurts, and as though He had finally made me new, and helped me step into the who I was created to be, not to mention in the midst of my full glory of brokenness, He decided this would be a good time to uproot me and transplant me somewhere too follow Him. I am stoked, and I am full of a bit of trepidation at realizing how much He has laid before me...
I am resonating with this verse currently: "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) .. This passage goes on to say she replied to Mordecai and told him and other Jews to fast for three days and pray, she would do the same, and then she would break the law and approach the king on behalf of the Jews. I resonate with this whole thing because I fasted for 40 days from sweets and desserts during the entire process of applying and interviewing for this job...
I also know that I will continue to need serious prayer and at times fasting to help me over the next.. well long time. But, I also know without any doubts that the Lord is here, and He is about to rock some worlds.. including, and probably especially mine.
On January 30th of this year, I posted that God Goes Before Me, and I have never been more aware of that then I am right now.
February 2nd of this year I posted that Prayer is a Game Changer; I still firmly believe that, but even more so now that I have experienced some pretty substantial prayer stories since then...
And, on February 8th of this year I said I felt like I was On the Cusp of something... Now I know.
These blog posts are three examples of why I absolutely love blogging. Because, now these three posts share a part of my journey this year with you, and now you can begin to see just how accurately God works in my heart, even when I do not know what He is doing.. He is there, working, and leading me. I love my Lord and King, my Savior, and my Christ more than words can truly express.
God is awesome, and so much more.
God chose me.
He chose to save me in all my wretchedness.
He chose to rescue my heart.. over and over again through every heartache and turmoil I have put it through.
He chose to bless me in ways that no one could script better.
He chose to give me a passion and a genuine love for those around me.
He chose to send me all over the place to meet spectacular and inspiring people.
He chose me.
He chose to bring me to a church to make a difference and follow Him.
He. Chose. Me.
I am sure from an outside perspective it looks as though this is a slightly dramatic thought. But, I can assure you my very core has been ruminating over this thought for a few weeks now. I am so inadequate. I feel a bit like an imposter. I do not feel ready to take on the task that He is clearly putting before me. I am stoked about this new job... No seriously, I am getting paid to meet people for coffee and talk about Jesus.. And then, I get to inspire them and help them be better servants of our Lord. Best. Job. Ever. But, despite all of that, I look around me and know so many amazing, much more capable, much more educated, much more passionate, much more intuitive people that know what to do and how to lead better..
And yet, God chose me.
I am blown away, and ridiculously humbled by this revelation that has hit me full on over the weekend. I am unable to do this without Christ, yet He chose me. In a period where I finally felt as though He had healed past hurts, and as though He had finally made me new, and helped me step into the who I was created to be, not to mention in the midst of my full glory of brokenness, He decided this would be a good time to uproot me and transplant me somewhere too follow Him. I am stoked, and I am full of a bit of trepidation at realizing how much He has laid before me...
I am resonating with this verse currently: "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) .. This passage goes on to say she replied to Mordecai and told him and other Jews to fast for three days and pray, she would do the same, and then she would break the law and approach the king on behalf of the Jews. I resonate with this whole thing because I fasted for 40 days from sweets and desserts during the entire process of applying and interviewing for this job...
I also know that I will continue to need serious prayer and at times fasting to help me over the next.. well long time. But, I also know without any doubts that the Lord is here, and He is about to rock some worlds.. including, and probably especially mine.
On January 30th of this year, I posted that God Goes Before Me, and I have never been more aware of that then I am right now.
February 2nd of this year I posted that Prayer is a Game Changer; I still firmly believe that, but even more so now that I have experienced some pretty substantial prayer stories since then...
And, on February 8th of this year I said I felt like I was On the Cusp of something... Now I know.
These blog posts are three examples of why I absolutely love blogging. Because, now these three posts share a part of my journey this year with you, and now you can begin to see just how accurately God works in my heart, even when I do not know what He is doing.. He is there, working, and leading me. I love my Lord and King, my Savior, and my Christ more than words can truly express.
God is awesome, and so much more.
Jul 2, 2012
Fasting Sweets...
I say this about every Sunday, but I certainly feel it more often than I express it.
I. Love. My. Church.
There is just something about it, the mission, the vision, the Christ centered everything, the community, the uniqueness, everything. While not perfect because it is run by imperfect people. I love it, and the Lord speaks to me through it.
My pastor Mark Batterson has a way of connecting with the Holy Spirit, and obeying. I love it because he does it often, and he shares it with us just as often. The amount of miracles God is/has done at my church is just inspiring.
Last weekend he talked about waging war on our sinful nature, and part of that will start this summer starting on 7/14 as a church we are doing a 40 day fast. Mark has chosen to fast media saying that he feels too distracted by it, and as though it has a hold on him that it should not have. He gave us as a congregation two weeks notice so we can think, pray, and decide on what we are fasting for 40 days. I have decided to fast sweets because as much as I like to think and claim I try to be healthy, lately my self control seems to have exploded and been demolished. So, no sweets/candy/dessert/etc.. for me for 40 days, and I could not be more excited to have this encouragement behind me pushing me closer to the cross.
What makes me even happier is one of my closest friends here in DC without either of us talking felt the same pull to fast sweets. Whew! Talk about easier knowing we are on the same page with that too!
To end the 40 days of fasting on August 24th will be an all church celebration/concert of the God Anthology CD that the worship leaders/musicians put out last summer that another group has asked us to come and have a concert/worship jam session there. I am so excited, and love how much involvement my church has in the DC community!
I. Love. My. Church.
There is just something about it, the mission, the vision, the Christ centered everything, the community, the uniqueness, everything. While not perfect because it is run by imperfect people. I love it, and the Lord speaks to me through it.
My pastor Mark Batterson has a way of connecting with the Holy Spirit, and obeying. I love it because he does it often, and he shares it with us just as often. The amount of miracles God is/has done at my church is just inspiring.
Last weekend he talked about waging war on our sinful nature, and part of that will start this summer starting on 7/14 as a church we are doing a 40 day fast. Mark has chosen to fast media saying that he feels too distracted by it, and as though it has a hold on him that it should not have. He gave us as a congregation two weeks notice so we can think, pray, and decide on what we are fasting for 40 days. I have decided to fast sweets because as much as I like to think and claim I try to be healthy, lately my self control seems to have exploded and been demolished. So, no sweets/candy/dessert/etc.. for me for 40 days, and I could not be more excited to have this encouragement behind me pushing me closer to the cross.
What makes me even happier is one of my closest friends here in DC without either of us talking felt the same pull to fast sweets. Whew! Talk about easier knowing we are on the same page with that too!
To end the 40 days of fasting on August 24th will be an all church celebration/concert of the God Anthology CD that the worship leaders/musicians put out last summer that another group has asked us to come and have a concert/worship jam session there. I am so excited, and love how much involvement my church has in the DC community!
Jan 22, 2012
DC Weekend...
I feel like this weekend was the epitome of a weekend in DC.. Or maybe, a classic weekend for me in DC.
I went out Friday night with a couple girlfriends to a new place we had never been to, which really is one of the best things about living in DC, there is always a place you have never been to that is great for trying new foods and drinks. We chatted, laughed.. at one point I even shushed the loud room cause I was having a difficult time talking over the crowd haha Then I went with my friend to see the new Underworld (good movie!)... Only to walk outside after the movie was over and discover snow.. and lots of it.
Now, I realize at this point it is three weeks into January, and we have had an incredibly mild winter so far (thank you Jesus.. really!), but regardless, I really hate snow. I hate driving in it (although I do now that I am an adult), I hate walking in it (it snows down your neck or gets your feet cold and wet)... although it is REALLY pretty while it is falling, I still hate the coldness of it. However, I am extremely thankful that I grew up in Michigan where snow and winter go together like peanut butter and jelly because I know how to drive in it. Which, Friday night was what made the difference between me making it up the hill or me having to push my car or get stuck... Thankfully I know how to drive in snow, and slid, slipped, and INCHED my way up a 40 foot hill (while FLOORING it and fishtailing).
Saturday I was able to sleep in (YESS!!), then have lunch with a friend that I have not been able to see in a while, catch up on life, and just enjoy each other's friendship... I then made my way into the city, parked my butt in a Starbucks (classic city passtime), read my bible and texted with my little sister killing time before my hair appointment...
Got my "hair did" haha and loove it :)
Then went BACK to Starbucks to meet up with and hang out with a friend. Once we both split from there, I met up with a couple friends and we went out dancing (not salsa sadly)... And, we ended up leaving with several very funny stories of guys trying to dance with us (sometimes repeatedly), and very sore feet (not from kicking anyone either haha).
Sundays are always my favorite though... Mainly because I love my church (I say it every week), but also because it is when I fill my randomness in.. work, school, laundry, napping, gym time, cooking, it's the day that I find easiest to actually let my mind process and work through things.
Tomorrow starts Backswanza!.. Aka my 27th birthday week, I am pretty excited (cause I love birthdays) and this year I am doing something different for my birthday... Please help me raise money for my Charity:Water campaign! I am trying to raise $2,727 to bring 27 families (137 people) clean drinking water!
I went out Friday night with a couple girlfriends to a new place we had never been to, which really is one of the best things about living in DC, there is always a place you have never been to that is great for trying new foods and drinks. We chatted, laughed.. at one point I even shushed the loud room cause I was having a difficult time talking over the crowd haha Then I went with my friend to see the new Underworld (good movie!)... Only to walk outside after the movie was over and discover snow.. and lots of it.
Now, I realize at this point it is three weeks into January, and we have had an incredibly mild winter so far (thank you Jesus.. really!), but regardless, I really hate snow. I hate driving in it (although I do now that I am an adult), I hate walking in it (it snows down your neck or gets your feet cold and wet)... although it is REALLY pretty while it is falling, I still hate the coldness of it. However, I am extremely thankful that I grew up in Michigan where snow and winter go together like peanut butter and jelly because I know how to drive in it. Which, Friday night was what made the difference between me making it up the hill or me having to push my car or get stuck... Thankfully I know how to drive in snow, and slid, slipped, and INCHED my way up a 40 foot hill (while FLOORING it and fishtailing).
Saturday I was able to sleep in (YESS!!), then have lunch with a friend that I have not been able to see in a while, catch up on life, and just enjoy each other's friendship... I then made my way into the city, parked my butt in a Starbucks (classic city passtime), read my bible and texted with my little sister killing time before my hair appointment...
Got my "hair did" haha and loove it :)
Then went BACK to Starbucks to meet up with and hang out with a friend. Once we both split from there, I met up with a couple friends and we went out dancing (not salsa sadly)... And, we ended up leaving with several very funny stories of guys trying to dance with us (sometimes repeatedly), and very sore feet (not from kicking anyone either haha).
Sundays are always my favorite though... Mainly because I love my church (I say it every week), but also because it is when I fill my randomness in.. work, school, laundry, napping, gym time, cooking, it's the day that I find easiest to actually let my mind process and work through things.
Tomorrow starts Backswanza!.. Aka my 27th birthday week, I am pretty excited (cause I love birthdays) and this year I am doing something different for my birthday... Please help me raise money for my Charity:Water campaign! I am trying to raise $2,727 to bring 27 families (137 people) clean drinking water!
Jan 8, 2012
The Circle Maker...
I say this pretty much every Sunday, I love my church. This week we started The Circle Maker series, and I am so pumped!
While there is nothing particularly special about the building(s) and nothing different about the people, what is special is that God moves because the leaders are humble, seek His face, and because the followers seek, listen, and learn. I have said on several occasions that the thing that speaks to me the most is the humility people exhibit.. But, this Sunday, the thing that spoke to me the most was the boldness.. Not to be confused with arrogance, dictation or any sort of demanding... But, pure boldness.
Mark Batterson's latest book is called The Circle Maker. To sum up the book in way too little amount of detail, the book is about prayer. But, it is the fact that it is not just about prayer that excites me, motivates me, encourages me, it is because it does it in a way that does not make me feel burdened or like I am being obligated to yet another thing that I should be doing but am currently failing at. The book is about inspiring.. not coercing.
My roomie and I began reading The Circle Maker while we were driving back to DC after Christmas (really she read to me while I drove).. And, there is always something that flares inside of me when I read about the boldness of others and the way they live their lives for Christ. Even if the story I am hearing is hundreds (or possibly thousands) of years old, I cannot help but feel inspired. I love these stories because I do not posses the strength, boldness or faith to do the same things, and I know it... But, I always love the feeling I get inside of me when I hear about someone else choosing to be bold, and then God ANSWERING their boldness! I am always amazed at how some people have the ability to speak things into existence with their prayers, and I am always inspired because they posses the most humility of anyone I have ever met (or heard of etc..). I want to be like them.
It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am naturally fairly bold and direct in the way I operate or communicate. Although, sometimes my boldness or the directness of my approach is just way too much, and other times it is the completely wrong choice of words or timing, but either way, I prefer straight forward. I admire people who can tote the line of direct, bold, and maintain the understanding that it is all out of genuine love and humility. I hope and pray all the time that God gives me the wisdom and understanding to be proficient at this as I get older.
All this to say, I am really excited about this new series, and finishing reading this book :)
While there is nothing particularly special about the building(s) and nothing different about the people, what is special is that God moves because the leaders are humble, seek His face, and because the followers seek, listen, and learn. I have said on several occasions that the thing that speaks to me the most is the humility people exhibit.. But, this Sunday, the thing that spoke to me the most was the boldness.. Not to be confused with arrogance, dictation or any sort of demanding... But, pure boldness.
Mark Batterson's latest book is called The Circle Maker. To sum up the book in way too little amount of detail, the book is about prayer. But, it is the fact that it is not just about prayer that excites me, motivates me, encourages me, it is because it does it in a way that does not make me feel burdened or like I am being obligated to yet another thing that I should be doing but am currently failing at. The book is about inspiring.. not coercing.
My roomie and I began reading The Circle Maker while we were driving back to DC after Christmas (really she read to me while I drove).. And, there is always something that flares inside of me when I read about the boldness of others and the way they live their lives for Christ. Even if the story I am hearing is hundreds (or possibly thousands) of years old, I cannot help but feel inspired. I love these stories because I do not posses the strength, boldness or faith to do the same things, and I know it... But, I always love the feeling I get inside of me when I hear about someone else choosing to be bold, and then God ANSWERING their boldness! I am always amazed at how some people have the ability to speak things into existence with their prayers, and I am always inspired because they posses the most humility of anyone I have ever met (or heard of etc..). I want to be like them.
It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am naturally fairly bold and direct in the way I operate or communicate. Although, sometimes my boldness or the directness of my approach is just way too much, and other times it is the completely wrong choice of words or timing, but either way, I prefer straight forward. I admire people who can tote the line of direct, bold, and maintain the understanding that it is all out of genuine love and humility. I hope and pray all the time that God gives me the wisdom and understanding to be proficient at this as I get older.
All this to say, I am really excited about this new series, and finishing reading this book :)
Dec 18, 2011
Re-Doing Church...
A friend on Facebook posted this not long ago, and I am really intrigued by this thought provoking sermon by Francis Chan. First, let me say, one of the biggest reasons I love Francis Chan's speaking is his humility. I appreciate his perspective on the Bible and on Christ and what it looks like to lead a Christian life. I do not pray for him as often as I should, but his ministry is amazing.
So, please watch, thoughts?
So, please watch, thoughts?
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