Revising Life Goals...

I have a fairly extensive "bucket list" that I have been compiling for a few years now... However, I am completely revising the list to organize it differently and add more to it. In Mark Batterson's book  The Circle Maker he shares a list that is impressive to say the least, but is also incredibly inspiring. He has his list broken down into different categories, such as his experience goals, goals he wants to share with others, giving goals etc.. And, the more I have been thinking about it, the more I realized that so many of my goals are awesome, and I intend on keeping them, but I like his way of organizing them better. I like the idea of separating out the different goals based on areas of my life, which then actually has created more space and creativity for my goals.

So, while I am not done revising my current "before I die" list... I do think I have an idea of categories I want to use to separate them out into... (and likely add more things to each list) Experiences, giving, traveling, and personal..

This list is not complete, they are not in any particular order, and I have crossed through the ones I have already accomplished, but I am fairly confident these have more added to them later, but I think this is a good place to start:

Experiences:

Watch either the sunset or sunrise from each side of every ocean: Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic, Southern
Have a croissant at a French cafe 

Go wine tasting at a vineyard in Italy 

Ride an elephant

Go dog sledding
Go on a Safari in Africa
Scuba dive
Ride a camel in the desert
See the Pyramids at sunset 

Visit the church made entirely of bones

Drink whiskey at a pub in Ireland

Stay in the ice hotel

Go on a multi-day biking trip

Tube down a river

Visit ancient ruins

Stand on the Great Wall of China

Learn to roll in a kayak

Learn to snowboard, and ski
Learn to wakeboard and water ski
Drive a sports car over 100mph
Stand inside the Taj Mahal

Ride through the Panama Canal
Go Sky diving
Horseback ride through a coffee plantation

Taste 1,000 Fruits

Go to the Kentucky Derby
Go white water rafting

Live in a house with a window seat and wrap around porch
Tango in a milonga 

Go parasailing 
Go paragliding
Swim with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico
Climb a volcano
Climb a glacier
Go rock climbing
Watch the sunrise or sunset over the Grand Canyon
Watch the Northern Lights 
See a shooting star 

Ring a church bell
Move somewhere new alone

Go on a cruise

Participate in a giant food fight

Climb a mountain
Ride a helicopter

Choose fifty favorite places to relax and connect with God

Attend the enitre summer Olympics  

Zip line through a canopy  

Drink lemonade on the front porch swing on warm summer night  

Have a big wedding celebration with everyone I love
Christen a boat

Be in Spain for running of the Bulls (but not participate)

See a glacier in Antarctica 
Learn to surf 

Learn to paddleboard  

Hike the Inca Trail 

Dive with Manta Rays in Hawaii  

Spend a night in a treehouse 

Swim with a whale  
See and/or climb Mt. Kilomanjaro and Mt. Everest
Snorkel the great barrier reef in Australia
Ride a gondola in Venice

Travel:

Set foot on all seven continents 

Set foot in all fifty states

Cross the Canadian border
See Cuba 
Straddle the equator on two continents

Take a road trip across the U.S.

Have an exceptional time in Greece

Attend Loy Krathong, the sky lantern festival in Thailand  

Take a month long vacation without computers    
Attend La Tomatina in Spain 

Live in another country for a year 
Go to Fiji  

Spend a summer touring Europe
Go to Hawaii with my family
Go to South America with my sister

Personal:

Make butterscotch from scratch (I have a recipe.. now I just need to get all the ingredients and do it!)
Build a house from start to finish

Get art in a gallery 

Attend a Black and White Ball

Grow vegetables in my own garden 
Be a published artist

Write a book or novel
Be conversational in five languages: 1. English 2. Spanish (this one comes and goes) 3. Sign-Language 4. Greek 5. German
Get my second degree black belt
Get a tattoo (I have two)

Do two pull ups
Go berry picking and make completely homemade pies
Own a very large dog 

Make my own perfume 

Organize a retreat
Learn all the Latin ballroom dances: Argentine Tango, Salsa, Cumbia, Merengue, Cha cha, Bachata, Rumba, Mambo, Bolero, Samba 
Start and run my own business

Form a workplace with people I love

Make my own list of the hundred best things to eat 

Go a day without speaking 

Plant a tiny orchard 
Run a 10k

Throw a block party

Shoot every major gun: Pistol, Shotgun, Rifle, Muzzleloader, Revolver

Start a fire without a match

Run a half marathon
Blog consistently for 10 years
Finish and publish "Facts of Life" 
Own a Beach house with friends

Giving/Finances:

Help someone get through college

Do something for someone they can never repay

Tithe my whole life
Start a non-profit or help run one
Buy stock on my own

Get in the habit of grand loving gestures 
Be debt free by 35

Use my work to improve lives

Remove money as a concern from my life
Gift 1 million dollars to missions (not tithing)
Help my family become debt free
Give people in ministry free vacations at the beach house

A lot of these actually go in a couple categories, but are best "housed" in the particular category they are in. And, as always, this is ever changing.. or rather, ever growing. I feel much better about this list now that it is separated out into categories instead of just a solid list... Many thanks to Mark Batterson and his book The Circle Maker for the inspiration to do it this way!

Prayer Circles...

So, I realize, and somewhat feel like the majority of my posts are about prayer lately... Thankfully. I am fairly confident this trend will continue for the entirety of 2012, and I am incredibly thankful and excited that this is the season I find myself in right now... Sure beats the last two years.

Anyway, last night my small group finished the book The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. I highly recommend it to everyone. After a whole lot of chatter, a lot of laughter, the leader threatening to move me and the other leader due to our easily distracted focus, and several announcements that lead to tangents about randomness, we finally got into discussing the last 10 weeks and what we have discovered in our small group. We talked about the things we learned, the things we were amazed by, excited by, the prayers we circled, and of course we spent quite a bit of time praying. This time we each took a turn in the center and whoever felt lead prayed until it was quiet for a bit, then we would say amen and switch to the next person.

If you are not a Christian, have never laid hands on someone and prayed for them or been on the receiving end of a moment such as this, I can only imagine the cultish thoughts running through your mind. However, I assure you, this was only of Christ, and if you do not believe in Him, I would love to talk to you more and answer any questions (even if they are about the seemingly cultish practice of laying hands on people and praying), so please feel free to e-mail me (really for any reason) kpbback@gmail.com.

While we have circled and prayed a couple times before, this time it was different because we were praying just to pray over each other, not to lift up any particular problem or issue. What came of it was one of the best and most heart felt hours I have experienced in quite a while. All of our shoulders got tired as we laid hands on one another, and the body heat of everyone so close posed a few challenges, but, the peace and calm that settled over us as we came together on behalf of each other was inspiring and encouraging to say the least. To get in a room with 15 or so twenty or thirty something's and lift each other up in prayer, it truly creates a bonding experience, and to be totally honest is pretty humbling at the same time.

One of the other girls and myself kept "stealing" the other one's prayers which was more than amusing to realize at the end that our hearts were of the same accord, and that both of us were feeling burdened to pray LITERALLY over the exact same things with the exact same wording. Several times I could not help but smile, laugh or fight away tears as people prayed specific, meaningful, and bold prayers over each other. I was amazed at the number of things people remembered to pray for that had been brought up weeks upon weeks ago, and I was encouraged by the unfiltered love and care spoken in the circle.

While I could end this blog post there and feel satisfied that I had covered the topic as a whole, I would be incredibly remiss if I did not mention or talk about what I felt and the impact being in the center of the circle had on me. First, and probably most amusing, having around 15 people's hands on you is.. heavy haha.. But, the entire time everyone was praying I found myself keenly aware of each and every hand on my shoulders, arms and holding my hand. Yet, the most profound thing were the words uttered over me, on my behalf, and into my heart. Honestly words cannot describe the complete humility I felt, and how much I was, and maybe am more so now aware of the fact that I did not deserve that, and some of the things people said were incredibly meaningful, and they had no way of knowing that except for the fact that we serve the same amazing God and the same Holy Spirit talks to us. I laughed at a couple of the prayers (such as me finally being able to get a real bed instead of the air mattress I have been sleeping on for four years), and I was touched by the prayers of thanksgiving for my friendship, laughter, joy, and a slew of other things tucked away in my heart. I was so grateful for the petitions that were uttered for several prayers I have had for a while... And, as silly as it may sound, being a touch person, having everyone lay their hands on me while praying truly changes the impact it had/has on me. :)

Lastly, while I am sad to see the small group end next week, I am really excited and hopeful for the things that God is going to do, has set into motion, and the ways in which He is going to use these friends to not only impact my life and the community around us, but just all of the ways He has set into motion His plans because of this small group and the fervent prayers we have uttered over the last 11 weeks. I am so blessed and I am so thankful that a completely random situation lead me to this place.

The two leaders of the small group prayed for a couple months prior to the start of our group for God to bring the "right" people, God did exactly that. Every single person in our small group was there for such a time as this... and the world will never be the same.

Where Two Are Gathered...

We stood in a circle and prayed, we talked to our savior, thanked Him for blessings, asked for favor, and petitioned for guidance and clarity for things to come. We asked for God's healing touch, for Him to intervene, and to give us words to speak and ears to hear...

I honestly am not entirely sure how long we prayed, but what I do know is, it has been a very long time since I have stood in a circle with friends and prayed about anything and everything on the hearts of those standing next to me.

It is pretty difficult to explain to anyone not there the feelings and promptings you experience when you stand in a circle and praying to the God of the universe... The feelings that wash over you when you know He has heard your prayers is one that has to be experienced, not explained.

While we were praying I was struck by how quickly these people have become my friends, and how quickly we have all chosen to trust one another with prayers and hurts. I am not only amazed, but incredibly grateful to be a part of this group, and to watch the men in the group work to lead and pursue God in ways that so many other men simply choose to remain ambivalent on instead. I know so many truly amazing men, and have been blessed with many of them being related to me or be some of my best friends, but it never stops causing my heart to swell with gratitude to God and pride for the hearts of the men when they earnestly seek God and the role He has asked them to play.

I was humbled by the prayers that the girls prayed over each other and the honesty and compassion that flowed out of each of their mouths. While I know some absolutely amazing women in my life, several of which are my mother, sisters or best friends... These women that stood next to me and the prayers both spoken and those only uttered from the heart were tangible. I was amazed by these men and women who find themselves in a city consumed with power and politics, and yet are able to sidestep all of it to seek first the Kingdom of God. How blessed am I to stand and pray with them and be encouraged by them?

All I could think of throughout the entire time we were praying is how thankful I am to be a part of this group, how blessed I am to get the chance to know these people, and just completely overwhelmed by all of the things God is doing in each one of our lives.

And, all of this because we stood and prayed together...

“Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.” - Matthew 18:19-20

Angels Fighting...

I have always really liked the passage below, but I was reminded of it again last night as I was reading the Circle Maker. I like how we get a glimpse into the spiritual realm... I do not really understand how or why it took 21 days, and the thing that makes it even more real is how natural it seems that Michael had to replace the angel in order for him to continue on his way... Talk about a fight!.. How did they not get tired?

"Then he said to me,
'Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia was withstanding me for twenty-one days; then behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left there with the kings of Persia. Now I have come to give you an understanding of what will happen to your people in the latter days, for the vision pertains to the days yet future'" - Daniel 10:12-14

Today, I am working on praying through... Because what if the delays have little to nothing to do with me, but everything to do with the spiritual battle being waged right now? I honestly have no idea, the delays in answers could be God's plan, could be purposeful to grow me, could be due to someone else's situation or growing... but the idea that there are actually instances when the delay has more to do with the spiritual side than the physical intrigues me.. and offers a weird sense of encouragement.

I think part of what I find so encouraging is the idea that it actually has less to do with me than it feels like sometimes. I know it sounds odd, but I treasure the moments when I realize there is so much more going on than I was aware of, more to take into account than just me and my perspective.. That God actually has a bigger plan than I am aware of, and that more people, more angels, and more is involved all around than just me, my little problems, my prayers, and... well me. I find it humbling to realize that angels are indeed fighting for me because it serves as another reminder of just how important I am to my Lord... And, it also serves as a reminder how undeserving, but how much my sweet savior loves and takes care of me and the things I cannot see or understand.

Bold Yet Humble Prayers...

Tonight at my small group we were discussing The Circle Maker, which is a fantastic book about prayer... We watched an accompanying video, and then talked about various things that stood out to us, that we were struggling to understand or were just excited about. One of the biggest things we settled on discussing is, how do you pray bold expectant prayers, yet remain humble? What does that look or even sound like?.. Does that offend God?

We mulled over these questions, and did not necessarily come to any concrete answers...

How do we pray humbly before our God, yet approach with boldness?..
Is it even Biblical to approach with boldness?..
Is it even Biblical to pray expecting God to answer?...
Is it a cop out to say "if it is your will..." at the end?..
Is that our "back door" way of saving our faith so we have an explanation in case God did not answer?

HOW do you pray boldly to your Lord, Father, Savior, yet humbly?

There is a scripture in James 4 that talks about how we have not because we ask not.... and how even when we do ask we do not have because we do not have pure motives... How does that fit into it all?

Are there really prayers and miracles that God does not answer or grant because we do not pray for them?...

How does this fit into God knowing everything, yet granting us free will?... Is it really that dependent on us to pray in order for God to move?...

I definitely have a few thoughts on these things.. and I have a few vague passages of scripture I am going to have to go refresh my memory on... But, I think for right now, I need to mull over this and... Pray about it some more...

Tomorrow, we start our small group's 21 days of prayer. I am excited, I am amazed at the things that happened in January when I did this prayer challenge... so, I am looking forward to the things God is going to do this time. However, mostly I am looking forward to becoming even more acquainted with the voice of God in the next 21 days. I mean, I am looking for some definite answers to things going on in my life, some direction and guidance.. and some miracles to happen. But, mostly I just want to feel to a much greater degree the familiarity to God's voice in my life.

I want to learn what it means, what it looks like to pray bold, yet humble prayers before my God.

Life Recently...

I have started attending a new small group.. although "new" is sort of a misnomer since I have not attended a small group of any kind in almost two years. It was a really bizarre series of events that brought me to this small group, but events that I am very happy about and more than slightly amused by... The group consists of a great blend of guys and girls, which as much as I love my girlfriends, I literally have no guy friends here in DC (I even have very few guys at work!), and I greatly appreciate the chance to add some more Y chromosomes to my life regardless of the capacity to which they will be in my life.

Anyway, the small group is focusing on the book The Circle Maker by our pastor Mark Batterson. If you have not read or heard of this book, I highly recommend it... especially if you are struggling with prayer in any capacity or struggling with feeling stuck and like maybe God is not hearing you... This book does an absolutely wonderful job encouraging, building up, and inspiring you to want to become better at praying.. I never once had the feeling of "another thing to do or another thing I am failing at..." instead, as I read the book (the first time), I really felt inspired to make a much more concerted effort to pray and pray well. So, obviously this group will be doing a lot of reading, a lot of discussing, and a whole lot of praying... which I am really excited about.

It is things like this, people that I meet, and books that I read that keep my life interesting... It is challenges like the 21 days of prayer (which our small group will be doing another one soon), and the teaching of my pastors that really inspire me towards the next goal, the next challenge, and the next step in not only my faith, but also towards the me I was designed for.. I pray often as I lay in bed that I will be more who God wants me to be tomorrow than I was today... It is moments, things, and people like these that inspire and help exactly that to happen. I am constantly amazed at how God orchestrates things in my life that I was completely clueless of the purpose until I am smack dab in the middle... or completely on the other side feeling slightly dazed and confused because of the whirlwind of it all.

On a completely different note, my schedule is representing something that is ridiculously packed and busy once again. What is funny though is that I feel almost like I have returned home with this schedule... I am not entirely sure how or why a completely booked schedule feels familiar, especially when nothing in it is familiar or at all resembling what I used to fill my time with, but there is still something innately comforting in the controlled chaos. I love having to schedule time for people, I love adding to my calendar "Call (or skype) with ____" just so I know to reserve their time and make room for the ones that I love and cherish. I enjoy putting the time on my calendar that is dedicated to exercising. I enjoy marking the times I will be at church, and then fitting school work, food, sleeping, and any errands in between all the things that I value highly.

I love having a busy and packed schedule not because it keeps me busy... but because it causes me to siphon out the things that do not matter to me, like watching TV or going shopping for yet another piece of clothing that I likely do not need at all... or to lazily kill way too much time on facebook. It forces me into a much more defined and productive lifestyle.. The useless and unimportant things are set aside until they require enough time together to be worth putting the info into my calendar as a to-do item. Somehow the ridiculousness that is my packed schedule brings a familiar cadence to my life... which is ironic since any given day includes work, gym time, phone calls with various people catching up on life, homework, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, reviewing other people's business plans/resumes/cover letters/marketing materials etc.., and my slowly progressing business.

I enjoy being productive.. but I enjoy even more using my controlled chaos as a means to get rid or reduce the unnecessary things that clutter my life and focusing on the people and things that truly matter.

Running for Life...

Tonight I ran once again, but this time it was different.

I have been working towards running a half marathon the first weekend in April (oye). Mind you, I am not a runner.. I do not particularly like running (ok, I actually kinda hate it), and I definitely would not choose it as my favored workout...

However, running IS a fantastic workout.. It works the appropriate stomach muscles to help me flatten my stomach (my most disliked area of my body), and while I have a lot of issues with my joints, if I wear a knee strap and work on strengthening my muscles with other workouts, I have found I CAN actually run... (Even if I do typically walk like an 85 year old man for a day or two afterwards!)

This time the run was different though, I typically listen to random music for the first couple miles, then begin praying and pray through the last mile of my run (I get that 3 miles is not that far, but it is for me), however tonight I listened to techno music without words and prayed the entire time.

I prayed for the things I am seeking, the things I desire for my life, I spilled out my desires and gave them up, the things I want more than other (insert list here) things in my life.. I prayed for salvation for a few friends, I prayed for struggles, I prayed for God to reveal Himself to various people in new ways, I prayed for the hearts and pains of others, I prayed for health, and jobs, and exhaustion for all different people I love in my life.. I prayed for wisdom, peace, patience, compassion, love, joy, understanding, knowledge, Truth.. I prayed for the various things on my 3x5 bathroom mirror cards... Basically, I prayed. For the longest, most focused and most sincere period of time than I have in quite a while...

*Pause and insert additional background information*

At my church we are mid 21 days of prayer. I love it. I love my church, I love what Jesus is doing, and I am loving this series. It is speaking to me, beckoning me to a deeper relationship and communication with my Lord and my Savior. I have been somewhat surprised that I do not feel at all like this is something else I "have" to do.. this is something that I must do because my very core is calling out for it. My favorite part is my pastor (Mark Batterson) keeps stressing that even if we have no idea what to say, it is perfect to ask the Lord to "teach me to pray." I have been uttering that phrase so many times over the last couple weeks.. I could go on and on (and will likely do so another time) about the things I am learning about prayer these last few weeks, however this last Sunday we heard a story about a woman who made a deal with God that if He would bless her husband's ministry, she would meet him at 9am every morning (she had several other things that were part of her deal with God as well, but this was the one that struck me).

So, I have been mulling over the idea of "making a deal" or committing to something with God. Not because I want to test Him, not because I want Him to prove something, and not because I am doubting Him or His ability to do certain things in my life... I wanted to make this commitment because I want to learn to pray through.. I want to experience my sweet savior in a new way. I want to experience a relationship and a solid faith unlike anything I have experienced before. I want to see God's faithfulness explode.

*Un-pause*

So, while I was running, I decided, this was perfect for me. I prayed and told God that I would run as long as I am able (meaning for my entire life), if He would meet me there. Meet me while I ran, and would create space for me to meet Him. Running is not my favorite thing ever, I (really) do not particularly care for it... But, it is good for me physically, and now it will be good for me mentally and spiritually as well. So, I will run for the rest of my life... until I am unable to run, and then I will walk... And, I will begin to make that a priority so my Lord can meet me there to speak to me and hear me.

I am full of a little trepidation, but mostly I am excited to see what He does with this time, this period committed to Him. I am excited to see how this changes my life purely by encountering Him new.

I am circling this prayer.

Prayer Over Me...

Today is day 3 of the 21 days of prayer that my church is doing as part of the Circle Maker series.. which is also a book that my head pastor Mark Batterson wrote.

I fasted on Tuesday.
Wednesday I avoided music while I drove.

Today, it dawned on me how many people have told me recently that they are praying for me.. Either because they felt compelled for no reason at all, read something I wrote on my blog, saw something I said on Facebook or Twitter or because of a conversation I had with them personally.

What amazes me, and really truly humbles me to my very core is HOW MANY of them there are..

I am so incredibly thankful for each prayer.
I am so humbled by the pure love expressed in each prayer.
I am so amazed at the sheer number of people sending petitions to my savior without any idea why.
I am so undeserving of the amount of time people are spending on my behalf.
I am so completely blind, but completely excited to see what God is doing through all of this.
I am so grateful for the true friends and family that have taken me before the Lord.

I am so loved.

Last Sunday while my pastor was talking about the 21 days of prayer, he mentioned that so many times we just have no idea what to pray, but that sometimes we just need to start with “Lord, teach us to pray..." (Luke 11:1b).. Somewhere in there I realized this year is going to be a lot of me praying. I have no idea why or what for yet, but what I do know is there will be a whole heck of a lot of talking to my sweet savior this year...

The idea that this year is going to be a lot about prayer was solidified when three separate friends e-mailed me last night and today, and each of them said they had been praying for me. One because she felt compelled, another because we had a conversation, and still another because she said she loves me.

That is when it dawned on me that something is up this year.

"Lord, teach me to pray..."

The Circle Maker...

I say this pretty much every Sunday, I love my church. This week we started The Circle Maker series, and I am so pumped!

While there is nothing particularly special about the building(s) and nothing different about the people, what is special is that God moves because the leaders are humble, seek His face, and because the followers seek, listen, and learn. I have said on several occasions that the thing that speaks to me the most is the humility people exhibit.. But, this Sunday, the thing that spoke to me the most was the boldness.. Not to be confused with arrogance, dictation or any sort of demanding... But, pure boldness.

Mark Batterson's latest book is called The Circle Maker. To sum up the book in way too little amount of detail, the book is about prayer. But, it is the fact that it is not just about prayer that excites me, motivates me, encourages me, it is because it does it in a way that does not make me feel burdened or like I am being obligated to yet another thing that I should be doing but am currently failing at. The book is about inspiring.. not coercing.

My roomie and I began reading The Circle Maker while we were driving back to DC after Christmas (really she read to me while I drove).. And, there is always something that flares inside of me when I read about the boldness of others and the way they live their lives for Christ. Even if the story I am hearing is hundreds (or possibly thousands) of years old, I cannot help but feel inspired. I love these stories because I do not posses the strength, boldness or faith to do the same things, and I know it... But, I always love the feeling I get inside of me when I hear about someone else choosing to be bold, and then God ANSWERING their boldness! I am always amazed at how some people have the ability to speak things into existence with their prayers, and I am always inspired because they posses the most humility of anyone I have ever met (or heard of etc..). I want to be like them.

It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am naturally fairly bold and direct in the way I operate or communicate. Although, sometimes my boldness or the directness of my approach is just way too much, and other times it is the completely wrong choice of words or timing, but either way, I prefer straight forward. I admire people who can tote the line of direct, bold, and maintain the understanding that it is all out of genuine love and humility. I hope and pray all the time that God gives me the wisdom and understanding to be proficient at this as I get older.

All this to say, I am really excited about this new series, and finishing reading this book :)