Running Cramps...

Tonight I am tired. I am gross cause I had to write a paper before I could shower after working out. I am tired. I am excited about several things going on in my life, my new business, my new workout routine, my soon to be best shape of my life, and finally feeling like home here in DC... But, tonight I am just tired.

I went to the gym tonight (which greatly added to my overwhelming sense of tiredness currently), and, I was amazed at the complete and total suckage that was my run. I literally have not had a run go this poorly ever (I think.. maybe I am lying..), I did not even make it a mile before both sides cramped up, which is weird considering that for the almost month that I have been running 3-4 times a week I have not one time had my stomach muscles cramp... But, they sure made up for it tonight. Then, I struggled to focus and pray, I struggled to breathe, I struggled to not favor my left leg over my right (my right knee is worse so I tend to baby it without thinking)... basically, I. Just. Struggled. It was so bad that by the time I made it to mile two I was actively working to not panic due to my inability to breathe. My breathing was horrible! So much so in fact, that I actually could not breathe at all. Yet, I knew what was going on, I knew physically why I was struggling as much as I was (lack of appropriate amounts of water yesterday and today likely had something to do with it)... But, even more than that, I knew I was struggling beyond the physical because this was my first run after making a commitment to God to run my entire life as long as He meets me there in my run (or walk as the case may be sometimes...). I had to walk for more than a 1/4 mile before I was able to breathe deep enough to feel like I was getting the appropriate amount of oxygen in my system... Then, I kept running, and continued to struggle through to mile three, and just as I was about to quit and say three miles is enough (it was after all the distance I was supposed to run today), it all... stopped. The cramping in my side went away, the focus suddenly came, the favoring my left quit, and I was able to run... another mile.

So bizarre.

Running for Life...

Tonight I ran once again, but this time it was different.

I have been working towards running a half marathon the first weekend in April (oye). Mind you, I am not a runner.. I do not particularly like running (ok, I actually kinda hate it), and I definitely would not choose it as my favored workout...

However, running IS a fantastic workout.. It works the appropriate stomach muscles to help me flatten my stomach (my most disliked area of my body), and while I have a lot of issues with my joints, if I wear a knee strap and work on strengthening my muscles with other workouts, I have found I CAN actually run... (Even if I do typically walk like an 85 year old man for a day or two afterwards!)

This time the run was different though, I typically listen to random music for the first couple miles, then begin praying and pray through the last mile of my run (I get that 3 miles is not that far, but it is for me), however tonight I listened to techno music without words and prayed the entire time.

I prayed for the things I am seeking, the things I desire for my life, I spilled out my desires and gave them up, the things I want more than other (insert list here) things in my life.. I prayed for salvation for a few friends, I prayed for struggles, I prayed for God to reveal Himself to various people in new ways, I prayed for the hearts and pains of others, I prayed for health, and jobs, and exhaustion for all different people I love in my life.. I prayed for wisdom, peace, patience, compassion, love, joy, understanding, knowledge, Truth.. I prayed for the various things on my 3x5 bathroom mirror cards... Basically, I prayed. For the longest, most focused and most sincere period of time than I have in quite a while...

*Pause and insert additional background information*

At my church we are mid 21 days of prayer. I love it. I love my church, I love what Jesus is doing, and I am loving this series. It is speaking to me, beckoning me to a deeper relationship and communication with my Lord and my Savior. I have been somewhat surprised that I do not feel at all like this is something else I "have" to do.. this is something that I must do because my very core is calling out for it. My favorite part is my pastor (Mark Batterson) keeps stressing that even if we have no idea what to say, it is perfect to ask the Lord to "teach me to pray." I have been uttering that phrase so many times over the last couple weeks.. I could go on and on (and will likely do so another time) about the things I am learning about prayer these last few weeks, however this last Sunday we heard a story about a woman who made a deal with God that if He would bless her husband's ministry, she would meet him at 9am every morning (she had several other things that were part of her deal with God as well, but this was the one that struck me).

So, I have been mulling over the idea of "making a deal" or committing to something with God. Not because I want to test Him, not because I want Him to prove something, and not because I am doubting Him or His ability to do certain things in my life... I wanted to make this commitment because I want to learn to pray through.. I want to experience my sweet savior in a new way. I want to experience a relationship and a solid faith unlike anything I have experienced before. I want to see God's faithfulness explode.

*Un-pause*

So, while I was running, I decided, this was perfect for me. I prayed and told God that I would run as long as I am able (meaning for my entire life), if He would meet me there. Meet me while I ran, and would create space for me to meet Him. Running is not my favorite thing ever, I (really) do not particularly care for it... But, it is good for me physically, and now it will be good for me mentally and spiritually as well. So, I will run for the rest of my life... until I am unable to run, and then I will walk... And, I will begin to make that a priority so my Lord can meet me there to speak to me and hear me.

I am full of a little trepidation, but mostly I am excited to see what He does with this time, this period committed to Him. I am excited to see how this changes my life purely by encountering Him new.

I am circling this prayer.

January Ramblings...

What a week it has been.. Sometimes I am just thankful to have made it through the week, and this week is definitely one of those weeks!

I am SO sore because I literally ran off the stress and anxiety this week with four separate days of running a 5k each time, three core work outs, thee shoulder work outs, and a kicking session. I have no idea how I am still walking right now.

My sleeping pattern continues to be absurd. For roughly six weeks (maybe a little more) I have been sleeping bizarrely. However, since just before Christmas my pattern is to sleep for about an hour (maybe two), then be awake for 30min-an hour.. Or to wake up every hour for a few minutes... I have no idea what is going on with my used to be able to sleep 10-12 hours straight... One day I know it will return to me.. Until then, I pray a lot at night now...

This song has been my favorite song for the last week or so..

Mounting Attacks...

I do not know why, but sometimes I am completely blown away by the force at which I end up struggling with things.. I am unsure why I do not see it coming more that Satan is mounting an attack, but let me tell you, sometimes I am just totally blindsided.

Today was one of those days.

Looking back on yesterday, I should have known it was coming, I spent a great deal of time praying yesterday, and was feeling particularly antsy and like I just could not rest... yet somehow I missed the signs that a full onslaught of struggling was coming.

Today, I was taken by surprise. I hate getting taken by surprise in this way, I hate that I barely slept, and certainly did not sleep well enough to be able to recognize what was happening. So, instead I spent hours today struggling with some pretty intense fear and anxiety. It was so much so that I literally could not put accurate words to it for hours.. and even after the majority of the attack was over I felt physically exhausted, but still completely jittery.

So, I talked with a few friends, ran my third 5k of the week, and proceeded to have my third core worked out of the week... I am going to be hurting tomorrow.. But, thankfully right now the gym time is working off the extra energy I cannot seem to control, clearing my mind of the fog, and giving me a distinct chance to pray (which seems to naturally be taking its place the last mile of my run).

Thankfully the full onslaught of whatever was going on earlier has been replaced by calm seas once more. I have no idea how people get through days like today without Christ...

I am so glad tomorrow is a new day.