So, I've been thinking for a while about what role I feel I play in a relationship with a boy who is interested in me. My views and beliefs have changed significantly since high school (praise Jesus!). And, they've even changed in the few months I've lived in VA.
So, while this is not going to be my final answer.. This IS my answer right now, and at least a step in my journey to figure out who I'm supposed to be, and who my Savior created me to be.
I used to hate the idea of being a "princess" I always viewed them as helpless... Until Princess Jasmine came along.. haha That's right, she was always my favorite because she was capable and strong.. and of course lets not forget insanely beautiful! I liked that she had a tiger too ;) But, I soon forgot about my liking of her.. and began once again to despise the idea of being a princess.. mostly because every girl I knew who was described that way was 1. High maintenance 2. whiny 3. Obnoxious 4. Helpless and 5. Shallow. All qualities I barely tolerated in girls I knew.. so I hated the idea of being described as one... and still to this day it baffles me how THAT, is what guys look for in a girl to pursue first.. I was always told they were "girlfriend material" and I was "wife material.." yet now most of them are married and I am still just as single as they come :)
Recently (within the last year or so) I've begun to revisit the idea of being a princess.. Not because I want to be a pink wearing, crown toting, carriage riding princess.. But, because there is something about being a princess that means being beautiful and treasured.. Both of which I want. Now, what I don't want is to become helpless.. my parents raised me better than that, and that quickly becomes boring anyway.
What I want is to be a capable princess. One who CAN do anything I choose, one who has the ability and the knowledge to carry out difficult tasks... One like the princesses in Lord of the Rings.. Beautiful, capable, and they were seriously needed to complete the mission in some manner or another. They are faithful, loving, beautiful, strong, and can wield a sword with the best of them! ;) ... Yet through it all they are cherished. Not adored as though they are God... but cherished, cared for, loved, and sacrifices are made to ensure they are taken care of... aka unconditionally loved (agape kind).
Its like in dancing... I LOVE dancing. And, what I mean by that is, I love real dancing, where you have a partner and he moves you effortlessly around the floor, and it looks smooth, beautiful, and of course fun! But, when you're dancing, if the girl doesn't allow him to lead it becomes awkward, rigid, and doesn't flow... not to mention can become aggravating. But, when it's perfect is when the guy leads, and the girl not only allows him to lead, but CHOOSES to follow his directions... both verbal and non-verbal. When I'm dancing with a guy who lets say knows how to Salsa dance beautifully.. I can follow awkwardly because I don't know where he's moving next so I fight it or delay in following.. Or, I can allow him to move me, and just trust his ability to "feel the music"... No matter how good I am, it doesn't look as good, isn't as much fun, and doesn't feel right if I lead... that's his place even if I know how to.
I'm not interested in men who don't lead because "it's easier to let her." Nope, be the man and man up... I want him to push back, be the man I can look in the eyes and tell he's sending me the signals to dance and twirl with him in our beautiful flowing dance.. and then decide I can trust him enough to follow his directions. I'm not interested in a man who lets me lead because I can... I will quickly decide he is not worth following, because otherwise just like in dancing.. we won't move anywhere, it won't be beautiful, it won't be fun, and instead it will just be awkward, rigid, and it won't flow right.
I've decided I like the idea of being a princess... but really I just want to be the capable princess.. I want my prince.. Because, lets be honest, he's always the dashing one that's buff and the hero of the story.. ;) But, we also have a father who is the King... and I want my prince and I to follow our Savior King... Yet through it all I want to know that I am cherished for who I've been created to be, and that he will go to great lengths to create our dance together so it's beautiful, fun, and flows... Even if we have hard times we will be dancing through it together knowing that it's the best most beautiful thing we have because he's leading and I'm trusting him enough to follow...
Knowing that what we have, is pleasing to our King.