Choosing...

Today is a serious I need Jesus morning. I went to bed crying out to Jesus, and woke up in the exact same state.. almost as though my sleeping hadn't even gotten in the way of my prayers.

I hate when I cannot fix things for people. I hate when I have to sit and offer empathy and support, and I cannot actually offer anything... I hate when I cannot just solve the problem for someone. :/

My prayers always feel discombobulated when I am feeling this way. I always feel like I am at a loss for words to pray, that I have this mental block that keeps me from telling God what I am needing, wanting, feeling...

Here is what I know... My God is also my Lord. I will serve Him and follow Him regardless of how I feel. I will listen and be patient if it kills me. I will be strong and faithful because my Savior is here with me. Life is not easy, nor was it ever promised to be; but, I choose hard and rewarding any moment of any day before I would ever choose easy and mundane or boring. I do not understand a lot of "why's" in my life, but I also know that if I knew all of the answers, I would not be the person I am today.. for the worse.

Psalm 37:1-13

¹Do not fret because of evildoers,
         Be not envious toward wrongdoers.
    ²For they will wither quickly like the grass
         And fade like the green herb.
    ³Trust in the LORD and do good;
         Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
    ⁴Delight yourself in the LORD;
         And He will give you the desires of your heart.
    ⁵Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
    ⁶He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
         And your judgment as the noonday.
    ⁷Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
         Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
         Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
    ⁸Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
         Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
    ⁹For evildoers will be cut off,
         But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.
    ¹⁰Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more;
         And you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there.
    ¹¹But the humble will inherit the land
         And will delight themselves in abundant prosperity.
    ¹²The wicked plots against the righteous
         And gnashes at him with his teeth.
    ¹³The Lord laughs at him,
         For He sees his day is coming.