Seek...

"Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 'You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 'I will be found by you,' declares the LORD.." 

- Jer. 29:12-14a

I Love these verses.. If you do not know, this comes AFTER we have been told that He (The Lord) knows the plans He has for us... and that basically His goal is not to smite us or bring calamity into our lives... But to use us to bring glory to Him. 


He desires for us to intimately know Him.
He wants to watch us succeed and do and be exactly what He created us to do and be.
He wants us to be passion filled.
He wants us to look to Him and seek Him regardless of what is going on.


He wants me.
He wants you.


He desires for us to choose and seek after Him.


Today I woke up feeling exactly like I have every other morning recently... first thought being, "Lord, do I really have to do this day?..." The simple answer?.. "Yes. Now get up."


So, obediently I got up and began my day.


But, today is a little different, I read the verses above and for the first time in a long time I felt this, not just logically understood that it is true. I understood deep down inside of me that Jesus is asking me to seek Him, He WANTS to hear me, He loves just getting to sit and talk with me. He Loves Me.


If my God loves me, then what perspective does that give my life? How does this change the way I approach each day? How does that affect my hope? It changes everything.


My uncle sends me daily devotional readings that he really likes from the Ransomed Heart ministry. These are a few excerpts that I really liked from what he sent me today, 

"Faith looks back and draws courage; hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive... 

But the road is not entirely rough. There are oases along the way. It would be a dreadful mistake to assume that our Beloved is only waiting for us at the end of the road. Our communion with him sustains us along our path. "

Communion with my Sweet Jesus along the way is what makes the difference. I have been spending hours upon hours praying and journaling every aspect of what is and has been going on in my life in an attempt to draw closer, not fall further away from my Lord, and it is not proving easy. However, doing so is allowing me the chance to see balance and sustaining that is taking place in my life instead of the uncertainty and chaos that I feel constantly on the brink of falling into. I do not understand why, I do not see the purpose, I do not see the morning coming to change my night.. But, what I am beginning to see once again is that I am not forgotten, I am not discarded, I am not being punished... I am being walked through another difficult time in my life, and I will be able to use this to further glorify my Jesus later. 

I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I will be so thankful for this time later when I have to rely on the things I am learning now to handle whatever I face later. I want to get from here to there being found faithful.

Life is not easy, and lets be honest sometimes it just sucks... But, every single hard time is worth it later when I am able to use it to help someone else, to encourage them, to push them towards Jesus... when this current time smoothes my rough edges just a fraction more allowing me to look and reflect my savior  a little bit more.

So, today is not easier, I do not understand anything more then I did yesterday, my frustrations and pain have not eased. But, I found that I am finding reassurance and hope in the fact that my Lord wants me to seek Him, and He will find me in return. Meaning, ultimately.. this has a purpose and I am not lost and forgotten.

Seek and you will find...