I am a huge believer in the idea that the best things in life are hard, difficult, challenging.. any of the above.. pick one. The things I remember the most, are some of the hardest most challenging things I have ever done. Pass my blackbelt test, pass and graduate college, move to VA, preach Jesus in Ghana... These have all been huge moments in my post-high school life that have all been challenging, but never have I regretted it. In fact, usually once I look back on them they are the points in my life that I am the most thankful for, and the things that I am most fond of because I worked the hardest, was the most stubborn, was on my knees the most, was terrified inside and yet was obedient to what God was telling me.
I tell my friends all the time when any of us are faced with difficult times that "it wouldn't mean anything if it was easy." I firmly believe this.. If I do not have to work for something it has a significantly less amount of value to me then something I worked hard for.
Have you ever stopped to look at the random things in your life that are worth fighting for? What about the challenging things that you have to change?... I have discovered a lot of things recently in myself that I need to work on, and spend a lot of quality knees to the floor time to correct and fix. I do not bemoan this except for the fact that, lets be honest.. no one LIKES finding things they have to change. No one enjoys times that are difficult. No one likes the revelation that once again they are not perfect and have oh so much more to work on... The difference is this time I know exactly what I have to do to be obedient... So, that is what I am doing, and even still, I feel like it is turning my insides into mush. I am being broken and molded and changed for the better.. but it is never an easy process. I see the good, and I am so incredibly thankful that I can see it this time, I know what the goal is... At least in part. Currently it is all still such a new enough revelation that it is an "easy fix"... Sorta like breaking a bone, if you fix it right away, while painful right now.. it is much more painful long term if you have to re-break it in order to fix it later.
I love when I can pray and feel my Savior moving. I can hear Him whispering "peace be still" in my ears and to just wait. I can feel Him holding me and reminding me that this is all for the better, that He loves me and this all regardless of how I feel will be so much better later... Just wait and see. I will not regret any of this later, and I will understand it all once I have been obedient and just waited and prayed... Ugh... so.. I wait and I pray.
One of the interesting things that I am finding is that the roles are reversed inside of me.. usually my heart is spazzing and my emotions go haywire while my mind with logic and reasoning has to talk my heart into a state of calm and understanding... usually with lots of prayer in there. However, this time it is the opposite, my heart is totally at peace.. which does not mean that I enjoy what I am feeling either.. I just have a peace knowing I am being obedient and I am relinquishing control to my Jesus. My mind however is going spastic. I feel like my mind is bouncing off its own walls. I am running scenarios that are not real, nor will ever probably be real.. Again, the only thing that seems to be calming my mind is prayer... ugh.. again with this prayer thing. I never used to be such a prayer monger, however, I am kinda appreciating and enjoying this new-ish (last 6-8 months) found closeness with my Savior.
So, my daily exercise... NOT freaking or panicking like I did this morning... and continuing to push myself to prayer.. to my knees.. to being facedown before my Savior knowing that He is working, moving, and making things as they are supposed to be.. His will, not mine.
The best things in life are never easy.. and even in the midst I do not retract that statement. I choose hard, even though it sucks now.