The Baby Makes it Simple...

Last Friday night around 115 women ate a beautiful dinner together, we listened to an amazingly talented high school girl play the piano, and I spoke about Christmas.

To be honest it was a very unique experience because it was the first time I had spoken in this way.

I loved it.

I spent a lot of time beforehand praying that God would use my body, use my words, and that He would touch the hearts of the women sitting listening to me... It was interesting preparing for what I was going to talk about because the women ranged from 16-90, most attended our church, but not all of them, and I did not know the majority of them.. Although most of them know who I am.

When I was trying to come up with my topic I talked with my dad, -- My never ending supply of ideas and resources haha -- and we came up with a fantastic illustration using my brothers... another endless supply of funny stories.

My brothers have this pretty funny tradition for Christmas.. They make each others gift the most difficult thing to open ever, and they only using the tools included to open the gift. There are times that the gift takes almost an hour to open! One year (pictures included) there was this paper machete/plumbers glue thing that made the entire house smell disgusting.. Come to find out, once all was said and done and torn open, inside was gross dirty socks... All the while, there was a fake bottom with a beautifully wrapped nice gift. Had my little brother noticed the fake bottom he could have avoided opening the disgusting dirty socks...

When I talked to the ladies on Friday night, I explained this whole tradition, this particular experience, and the correlation it has to Christmas, Christ, and Christianity as a whole.

We take a beautiful gift, and tell others "this is Christ, this is Christmas.. open the gift".. and once they do, they find this gross, disgusting, smelly... 'gift' full of dirty socks.

Who would want that 'gift'?!

Truly, Christmas is about this beautiful baby that was sent to us as a gift.. and, it is as simple as that. This baby, that was small, cute, and smelled like a baby, was sent to us to die because God loves us. Yet, somehow, we turn this gift into dirty socks when presenting it to others. We make Christmas, Christ, and Christianity into this gross thing it was never meant to be.

This beautiful baby came to love us, to die for us, and right away this fact was made clear when Myrrh was given as one of the first gifts to this baby.. You see, Myrrh is used in burials. So, this beautiful baby, who we celebrate on Christmas was born to die from the beginning.

He did not come for who you SHOULD be, but because He loves who you are, and wants to meet you exactly where you are.

He wants to save you because He loves you right now.

It is literally that simple, and yet we make it all into this thing that it is not. We stress ourselves out during Christmas, get impatient standing in line for presents people do not actually need, we spend money we don't need to, and head to parties we feel obligated to go to because we make Christmas this thing it was never meant to be. It was meant to be a celebration of this beautiful baby who loves you...

He. Loves. You. -- As you are, right now; that is the beautiful gift.

This baby; Christ, He makes Christmas and Christianity simple. Let it stay that way.

Leisure...

I remember once a while ago that my pastor in DC, Mark Batterson said that it takes about a year in a half to two years to write a book.. So, as he saw it, he gains about two years of knowledge or wisdom every time he reads a book. I love that idea! It makes me feel a bit like the Matrix when they would download new programs almost instantaneously, and then they become experienced in things like Kung-Fu or flying a helicopter... Reading books can feel a little like that.

I am reading a book for work (I get paid for this?!), Finish the Mission, and it is full of wisdom from so many amazing men of God. One of the things it points out is that, whether we are being sent to the ends of the earth or next door, Christians are not at our leisure... We do not get to choose to stroll through or squander our blessings.

I like the idea that we are not afforded excuses for not getting involved and reaching others for Christ. We are not allowed to take our time, but instead we should feel a sense of urgency, I mean, after all, people die every single day without knowing Christ. One of the points that is made in the book is that the Bible is clear that everyone is not without blame, and that some people die knowing just enough about God to be rebellious. As Christians, sometimes we like to make up these obscure scenarios, what if an innocent guy in Africa or the Amazon die without ever having heard about Christ, would God still send them to hell?.. The author of one of the chapters points out that in the scenario we give, of course God would not send him to hell because he is innocent... The problem is no one is innocent, no one is without blame, everyone is rebellious. While I know the Truth in that statement, it definitely caused me to pause and really dwell on the idea once more that we are ALL broken, fallen, and rebellious. Not one is innocent. Ouch.

I love books that challenge me to think deeper, dive deeper, stretch, and grow in my understanding, compassion, and most of all my faith in the one God. I have a long road ahead of me, God has a lot of crazy things coming, most of which I have no concept of... But, what I am most excited about are all the people that God is going to reach, all the things He is going to teach me through them, and all the ways I am going to have my world rocked and my mind blown because of His favor and blessings... Yet, these things serve as a challenge and a reminder, I am not at my leisure, I do not get to stroll through this challenge or take my time.

People must encounter Christ.

Out of The Boat...

I love evenings that are filled with people I am really close with, they are among some of my favorite moments. My friends (and family) bring such a unique perspective to my life, I always feel so much better after talking to them, and especially after telling them the things I am thinking about, working through, uncertain about, and praying about, they just have a way of speaking into my life words of wisdom and healing. Tonight as I caught up my friends and brother all of them highlighted different things, spoke into my heart in a way that only they could.

A few nuggets of wisdom to share from the conversations:
Not only is Jesus our Lord and Savior, but He is also "Jehovah Sneaky"... meaning He does things all the time that we are clueless about when we walk into the situation, and then on the other side are left feeling like He is crazy sneaky in His plans!.. I laughed hysterically at this term for quite a while!

I realized that I sabotage my own thoughts more than I would like to admit out of fear. I am an expert at hiding my defensive walls, and do a wonderful (in a bad way) job of preventing myself from getting hurt, by also keeping myself from walking through a potentially amazing situation or opportunity.

I was reminded that I will look back on all of this and fully understand what God is doing, and on top of that, I will be thankful, and excited at all of the ways my Lord has moved.

Sometimes I am really good at freaking out for a little bit, melting down, and then coming full circle and releasing the stress, anxiety, problem, situation, questions, uncertainty etc..etc.. to God, and other times, I choose to "protecting myself" from further hurt by not taking it all to God. But, every once in a while, I am all in regardless of the outcome, and then I allow God to truly take control, and amazingly, no matter what happens, I end up happy, content or at least understanding of the purpose behind what He was doing. Somehow over and over I forget that my better option is to give it up and be all in.

Despite bouncing between being anxious and stressing over various things in my life, I want to be all in. I want to step out of the boat, I want to fix my eyes on Christ, and I want to take comfort in His voice. Because after all, He told me not long ago "Peace, I'm here."

Gay Marriage and Christians...

I spend a great deal of my day online, it is a part of my job, and I love it. I enjoy reading news articles, interest stories, blogs, twitter, facebook, youtube.. I mean you name it and I at least partially am aware of what it is (or will be tomorrow haha).

My favorite medium is blogs, I love them. I love getting a deeper insight into someone's view of the world, cause let's be honest, 140 characters while providing a wonderful platform for laughs just does not connect my heart to yours... So, I blog.

However, upon occasion I get fed up with the "trends," I get tired of reading all the different perspectives on things going on in the world, I get frustrated at both sides of the argument attacking the other for their incompetence, their ignorance etc... etc.. Each side claiming the other is for one reason or another stupid, idiot, un-christian, christian, unloving, loving.. blah blah blah. I just get tired of reading the (thankfully) first amendment right to share opinions.

While I definitely have my own opinions of gay marriage, Obama, government official's views on religion and gay marriage.. the thing I keep coming back to is:

"Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person." - Colossians 4:5-6


Did you catch that? 

"Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders,  

making the most of the opportunity.  

Let your speech always be with grace."

The thing that I am the most frustrated with is the lack of ACTUAL conversation about this (or any other hot topic) issues. What is NC saying by voting against gay marriage by such a resounding 20% (which is a huge margin)? Clearly there is reasoning there.. but no one is asking what it is, instead the people who think it is a mean or hateful decision are turning into bullies and name calling or accusing the people who voted against it of being (fill in the blank). Then, in response some Christians are not responding with grace. Instead, they are taking this opportunity to antagonize the situation... Yes, thank you for your sharp wit, but really shut up cause you are hurting the entire conversation at large...

Instead of taking this opportunity to reach out to a very hurt and broken community, and openly admit we are against the sin not the sinner, we are "fighting" back in a manner that causes our voice to get lost in the collective internet noise.

So, once again, as I have said before,

"You were made for so much more than these shadows of who you are clinging onto as your identity. 

You were made for more."

And, once again, I always come back to caring more about the individual's state of salvation and brokenness, and not really caring about the laws, the public policies or the media's dogging of the issue... If I am going to say I believe in the Bible and its Truths (capital T), and then if they come into conflict with the government's laws, I have to choose the Biblical laws over the government's.

And, to be clear, I have yet to meet anyone who is not completely and totally sinful. Your sexual orientation does not make you better or worse, it makes you fallen and broken.. regardless of if you are "straight" or "gay"... You are broken and sinful. 

 

I am broken and sinful too.

 

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.... 

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:1-2, 38-39

Sweet Friends...

I love my friends who are totally and completely different than me.. (especially the ones that are introverted haha) I have said it over and over again, the world does NOT need clones of me!

I love all of my friends, but the introverted ones often feel dramatically different than me, probably for so many reasons, but they tend to be the ones who have gentler spirits, more compassion, think before they speak, are shy, cautious or are much more careful about what they share with others. I think I find all of these qualities precious in them because I realize that for whatever reason they have entrusted me to be a part of their lives and with information they hold close and privately, and that trust is inherently special and treasured by me.

I enjoy the perspective of my introverted friends because the world is dramatically different than my view of it. Often times, their approach causes me to pause and think about a different world view, which could also be why most of my best friends are introverted. ;)

I love my sweet friends who have different perspectives of the world, there is just a different cadence to my relationship with them, they bring out Christ in a new and fantastic way. I love when spending time with these friends gives me a totally different view of who Christ is, could be, and will always be. Such sweet cherished moments in my busy often chaotic life.

Uncle Mark...

Six years ago about this time I was out Christmas shopping to help distract my roomie who's uncle had committed suicide. I was a junior in college and home on break. While we were out shopping my dad called and told me that he needed to talk to me, and wanted to know where I was and if someone was with me. I knew instantly something was terribly wrong.. and true to form I always assume the worst. However, this time, the worst wasn't even close to what I had imagined. My dad began explaining what little information he knew, which was about the sum total that my uncle (his little brother) had committed suicide by hanging himself on a door knob.

... and then I just remember wandering aimlessly around the mall not really hearing him as he explained what little information he knew at the time. I remember hanging up and calling one of my best friends from college and telling him what had happened and while I do not really remember what he said, I remember him sitting in silence with me on the phone for what seemed like a very long time as I continued to wander and tell him I didn't understand and I couldn't believe it...

Why would my uncle do this? Didn't he know how much we all needed and loved him?.. How much I needed and loved him? How could he be THAT stubborn?.. How could he be that depressed? How could he do this to us?.. To me?.. Didn't he know he was my favorite uncle? No, there must be some mistake, the uncle Mark I knew would never do that... There is no way he did this DAYS before Christmas.. Didn't he know he has three small boys that need him!?.. Didn't he know I was almost done with a degree he talked me into at 15?!.. How?... Why?.. What was he thinking?..

The thoughts were incessant for days...

I cried a lot the next few days...

One of my most vivid memories from the viewing and funeral was a moment that I had snuck away to cry again. I needed a moment to cry and I was trying as hard as I could to not cry in front of the family... We didn't need more tears. I was sitting down a side hallway at the church and I heard someone coming, knowing they were looking for me I began to compose myself.. Only to discover it was my older brother. He got it. He knew how I was feeling. We shared so many of the same memories of playing with our beloved uncle. We shared so many laughs with our uncle Mark, the same schemes we had pulled off, the play fights, and the long talks... My brother came to find me when he saw me missing, and knew instantly that I needed him. I remember walking up to him with tears in both of our eyes and him just saying "I know..." and we hugged while we both cried.

I don't remember the last time I saw my uncle. I was in college, back and forth between school and home, and summer camps... I have no idea what the last thing I said to him was...

I miss him all the time, and it took me months before I could even think about him without crying.

It was made worse the following December when a good friend of mine was hit and killed by a car during exam week of my Senior year. That death marked the third death in a row during the Christmas season I had experienced, and I was beside myself with grief... making entirely new and raw the old wounds... It brought all of it back, the pain and grief...

My uncle struggled with a lot of things, a lot of issues... But, what I remember the most is how much I loved him, and knew he loved me. He called me "Sister Mister" for as long as I can remember with a particularly high octave voice that was not natural... He was the only close family member that did not forsake us when I was little, and he was the one that taught me to shoot guns, climb trees, play video games, and drive a stick shift truck (sorta haha)... He helped spark a love for the marital arts and learning to be stealthy in the woods.

He is the reason I went into communications as a major in college, and subsequently is the reason I am doing it still almost 12 years later.. He sold me on the concept, the idea, and the excitement it would have... He also talked me into taking scuba diving lesson when I was 14... haha

I remember always feeling special and treasured when he would come and whisk my brother and I away to go play or help him demolish the inside of his house... I can still hear his voice in my head, I can still see his face when we would light something on fire and it wouldn't go as planned and we would all scatter and laugh hoping grandma and grandpa didn't catch us... I miss his laugh... I miss his hugs and having to be alert just in case me made a swat towards my head that I needed to block or duck.

Suicide is never easy, but I literally have no idea how someone who does not believe in Christ gets through it.

I miss him a lot, and I cannot believe it has been six years.

Like the Ocean...

I was talking with my roomie last night, and we were discussing the challenges that have been the last year of our lives and friendship. How different things have been this summer versus last winter, and how much less time we have had together, but how we both are confident in our friendship. We began likening our current state of life to swimming, and I described it as "active floating." You know, the type of floating you do in the ocean. Not the typical 'I'm just gonna lay here and bask in the water' but the 'I have to be intentional about floating or I'll get swallowed by a wave' kinda floating.

(Please note that none of these pictures are mine, so they are linked to where I found them to give proper credit)

(This woman isn't really active floating... but it helps give a visual)

Then I made a brief comment about having a metaphor for the way people interact with Christ, and the way they approach being a Christian.

There are five types of ocean people.

1. The beach dwellers, they never really care to get into the water or even touch it at all. These people are perfectly content to play in the sand and really not even acknowledge the water at all.

This person is the one that never encounters Christ and pretends He is not there.

2. The wave walkers, the ones that likes the water well enough, but really just prefers to dabble in it. They are content to walk along the waters edge, let it swirl around their feet, and occasionally get the bottoms of their pants a little wet. But, regardless, they are definitely touching the water, it just has no profound impact on them.

These are the people that are "Christians" but are not really all in. They know, understand basics, and feel Christ, but they are not overly moved or effected by it.

3. The water waders, the person that enjoys getting in the water, but there is no way they are going to go deep at all, and they are perfectly fine with "wading" as their main pass time. They are definitely moved and affected by waves, the sand under their feet moves quite a bit, but the ocean still has no profound impact in their life.

This is the type of person that is involved enough in their relationship to Christ that they know and feel Him moving, but they really are still only comfortable if they feel like they are in control of their life.

4. The casual swimmer, they enjoy the ocean, they like playing in the waves, are definitely moved by the tides, and have a great deal of fun, although they still want to touch the ground so they only go about waist deep. For them, playing in the waves is fine as long as there is a measure of ability to control how much interaction with the ocean they have... even if it is really only an illusion.

This is the Christian that means it, there is no hint of just talk in their relationship with Christ, but they still have a few major beefs with the whole "surrender" to Christ. There is still a measure of restraint and fear in letting go and being free in Christ. However, regardless, these people are clearly moved, sometimes covered, and definitely playing in the ocean.

5. The body surfer, they are truly abandoned in the ocean. They are rolling in the waves, ignoring potential dangers, and completely at the mercy of the ocean. The waves, tides, and sheer force of the water create an exhilarating feeling of adventure, joy, and play.

This Christian is all about Christ, wherever He leads, whatever they are called and moved towards, they go. This is the "here I am, send me" person. Not to say their ride is easy.. because let's be honest, playing in the waves can be incredibly dangerous, but they don't care because they are out of control.

I think once you have been out further, coming back seems less and less appealing, although I think if we are out in the waves playing, we will have moments where we waffle between the measured bit of control we feel like we have playing where we can still touch, and then finding the courage to play completely out in the waves again.

So, in this metaphor, God is like the Ocean, how we enter the Ocean says a lot about who we are, and who we want to be in Christ.

Yes I Am...

Sometimes I forget how unusual things in my life are until I talk to someone else and get the chance to see myself and my life from someone else's eyes. Before I get too far into this thought... A couple perspective setting verses.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies" - 1 Cor. 6: 19-20

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." - 1 Cor. 7:3-5

So, here we plunge...

Yes, I am still a virgin. I know this is an odd thing to blog about, and to some I am sure it is even a little crude, but I have a specific purpose behind what I am doing.. And, I am walking through this explanation because I am not my own. I was bought with a price, and no one gains further insight into purity and God gains no glory by my silence. Not to mention my silence could possibly be construed as embarrassment or shame in the fact that I have not had sex yet at 26 (and a half) years of age... Which is simply not where my perspective is...

My relationship with Christ and my virginity are probably the two most intensely personal things in my life. However, neither of them were ever meant to be private, meaning I have no shame, embarrassment, or problem talking about them. So then, why bring it up and open the discussion? Couple reasons, most of which stem from 4-5 different people who have asked or brought it up in conversation in the last month. I was relaying to my mom yesterday that I never anticipated my introduction being along the lines of "Hi, I'm Krista, I work in Communications, I'm in Grad school, I'm a virgin, I just moved to DC, I love salsa dancing, I love Jesus...." Haha.. Who knew.

So, without further ado.. Let's talk about this.

These are the answers that I have been giving to the common questions that apparently are perplexing to the masses (ironically Christians AND non-Christians alike)...

• Yes, I have kissed a guy (3 to be exact).
• No, I am not a virgin by accident (I don't even know what that means.."by accident"..).
• No, it doesn't bother me that I'm 26 and have never had sex.
• I plan on waiting until I'm married. Period. However, if that "never happens" it's no skin off my back, and I am perfectly fine with that.
• I refuse to exchange sex for a false sense of security and companionship... 
• No, I am not afraid of "being alone."
• My need for Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, and Mental compatibility outweigh my desire to satisfy my "sexual desires."
• Just because I am a virgin does not mean I don't know what a sexual drive is... I just control it.
• No, it's not unhealthy to control it... 
• I control it because giving in to it leads to a fake mere shadow of what it was meant for, which leads to loneliness, which leads to depression, which leads to mediocrity in more areas of life that could have otherwise been avoided.
• Yes, some day I do want to have sex... with one man.. my husband.
• I actually find a lot of comfort knowing he will be "the only one."
• No, I am not worried about compatibility.
• Yes, I will marry a man who is not a virgin if that is who I fall in love with...
• No, I don't take it personally, he didn't do it TO me. 
• If he slept with another girl(s) before he became a Christian, then he has been forgiven and restored in the eyes of God, if it happened after he became a Christian, then he has been forgiven and restored in the eyes of God.. Either scenario would require us to just talk about it... Like we will everything else.
• Regardless of his past, it is primarily between him and Jesus, I am the bystander, not the victim.
• No, it doesn't bother me to talk about the fact that I am still a virgin, and no the questions aren't too private.
• Yes, I will and have talked about it with my parents..
• No, it's not awkward... Their raising and parenting play a huge role in the reason I am and believe the way I do. I see no need to be awkward or embarrassed about that.
• I am well aware that it is shocking I'm still a virgin for multiple reasons.. including the fact that I have tattoos, piercings, salsa dance, dye my hair, drink alcohol, and seem to be "normal" in most socially acceptable ways.. I am totally ok with the paradox that is blowing your mind.

I am open about this because hiding it does no one any good. I have not bought nor paid the price for my virginity, and therefore it is not mine to give away. This aspect of who I am is Christ's, just like my heart and soul. When I get married (as my friends so awesomely described it last weekend) it will be a Jesus giving me to my husband, and my husband to me kinda thing, because it is Christ alone who has paid for us. So, in light of this, my silence on the matter only saves me a potentially awkward conversation (or many conversations).. but my voice gives God the glory and credit for the place I find myself today. And, if my story gives someone hope, encouragement, or causes them to curiously seek my Savior... Then I absolutely must share my story.

To God be the glory... Even in my talking about my virginity.

Francis Chan...

I just want to put this out there... I have SO MUCH respect for Francis Chan.. So much.

Here's why...

• First, he walked away from his mega amazingly booming church to follow Christ... (here)
• Second, he continues to seek what is righteous and holy in Christ's eyes.. no matter what. (here)

How can I not respect a man who walks away from success for Christ?!... And, in the midst of all of it his comment is: “I think there has been too much emphasis on me. I want to be used by God, but I think we have this desire to make heroes out of people rather than following God and the Holy Spirit.”

Amen. I pray the Lord blesses him... but more than anything uses him to ROCK THIS WORLD to glorify Christ even more!

Thank you Lord for men like Him! I am so encourage in my soul to see men of Christ not just "living" a life sold out for Christ.. but actually LIVING a life sold out.. and excitedly talking about it!... Just awesome!.. And, even cooler that, people think he's nuts! haha!

The Color of Christ

So, I went to a new small group last night (I'm not forsaking my other one.. but a friend talked me into also trying this one since I had no plans for the night). We used Audio Books and listened to a part of Orthodoxy by Chesterton. We would listen for a bit, pause it and discuss, re-listen or ask questions. It was great lots of fun, very interesting conversation.. but the thing that stuck out the most to me was right near the beginning when Chesterton was talking about how Christianity unlike any other religion or way of life offers creativity, imagination, adventure etc..etc.. We talked about that and what we thought that looked like or how that played a role in our lives.. Which was a great discussion all unto it's own.. but near the end of the evening the question was asked how does this affect our walk with Christ (or if it does at all) and at what point does the "rubber hit the road"... I of course had a lot to say about that, and was asked to elaborate... but I've been thinking about it all day and thought I'd share :)

I think the point at which the rubber hits the road is different for everyone.. and it's meant to be that way. For example, I've made it abundantly clear that my passion, my purpose, everything I work towards (or try) in some way shows God's Love to others.. but that's CEARLY not the call someone else feels in their life. We were asked how we feel the book has "changed" our view of Christianity, and I said I wasn't sure it changed it so much as just reinforced it or added color to it... And that seemed to baffle the group of guys I was talking with cause they all asked for me to elaborate.. So, here's my visual representation...

When you see the picture below it's nice...















But it's nothing compared to seeing the exact same picture in color....















When you see it in color after seeing it in black and white your only real reaction is.. "wow"

So, my hope is that you find something that puts more color in your walk with Christ this week.