Leisure...

I remember once a while ago that my pastor in DC, Mark Batterson said that it takes about a year in a half to two years to write a book.. So, as he saw it, he gains about two years of knowledge or wisdom every time he reads a book. I love that idea! It makes me feel a bit like the Matrix when they would download new programs almost instantaneously, and then they become experienced in things like Kung-Fu or flying a helicopter... Reading books can feel a little like that.

I am reading a book for work (I get paid for this?!), Finish the Mission, and it is full of wisdom from so many amazing men of God. One of the things it points out is that, whether we are being sent to the ends of the earth or next door, Christians are not at our leisure... We do not get to choose to stroll through or squander our blessings.

I like the idea that we are not afforded excuses for not getting involved and reaching others for Christ. We are not allowed to take our time, but instead we should feel a sense of urgency, I mean, after all, people die every single day without knowing Christ. One of the points that is made in the book is that the Bible is clear that everyone is not without blame, and that some people die knowing just enough about God to be rebellious. As Christians, sometimes we like to make up these obscure scenarios, what if an innocent guy in Africa or the Amazon die without ever having heard about Christ, would God still send them to hell?.. The author of one of the chapters points out that in the scenario we give, of course God would not send him to hell because he is innocent... The problem is no one is innocent, no one is without blame, everyone is rebellious. While I know the Truth in that statement, it definitely caused me to pause and really dwell on the idea once more that we are ALL broken, fallen, and rebellious. Not one is innocent. Ouch.

I love books that challenge me to think deeper, dive deeper, stretch, and grow in my understanding, compassion, and most of all my faith in the one God. I have a long road ahead of me, God has a lot of crazy things coming, most of which I have no concept of... But, what I am most excited about are all the people that God is going to reach, all the things He is going to teach me through them, and all the ways I am going to have my world rocked and my mind blown because of His favor and blessings... Yet, these things serve as a challenge and a reminder, I am not at my leisure, I do not get to stroll through this challenge or take my time.

People must encounter Christ.

Profound..

I have been in such a rut lately.. Not the depressing kind or even the scary kind, just the blogging kind. What I always find odd about about getting in a blogging rut is that it typically means lots of things going on in my head.. and more often than not my life in general. But, it is as if my rut stems from feeling the need to write down profound things... Which let's be honest virtually never happens haha! So, I am not entirely sure why I would feel the need to say something "inspired"...

However, since I do not have anything of major importance, I thought I would share a hodge podge of things...

I am nearing the end of Inheritance, the last book in the Eragon series... And, as always, I am slightly sad that this fantastical story is almost over! The thing that has caught me about this series, like many others, is how much I can picture the story, I can feel the emotions, and agree with the sentiments and determinations of the various situations. I am a huge fan of the strong capable women, and there is always a part of me that would like to believe if I ever found myself an elf or surrounded by dragons that I would act similarly ;)

I was texting with one of my favorites yesterday, and we were discussing what motivation and determination look like... Motivated means something along the lines of "to stimulate towards action," and subsequently determination means "fixed towards a goal" (both of these I picked one of a few possible descriptors)... While I think motivation is more important because it means you are doing something, I also think it is less difficult than being determined; mainly because to be fixed on a goal means knowing what the goal is... I feel like as Christians the only way to accurately be fixed towards a goal is to "fix our eyes on Jesus," and then everything else will fall into place.. Which is not to be confused with be easy, successful or clear since I am fairly certain none of those things are promised to us.

I had an interesting conversation with a new friend recently about whether "Wives submit to your husband" really means "women obey because he's the leader" ... I think I will mull this over a bit more and post on it later...

Kindle App for Mac...

The Kindle App for my Macbook Pro was possibly one of the worst ideas ever... You see, I have read three books in the last week, which subsequently means two things... First, my sleep has diminished. Second, my desire to read my required reading for school has essentially disappeared. Oye!

I read Pride and Prejudice in three days, Catching Fire in two, and Mocking Jay in two days as well... I have about 10 other books I have been putting off reading, and will likely read them in the next (at this rate) few weeks.

Somehow I have never read Pride and Prejudice, although I am not entirely sure I would have cared for it in highschool given the old style language that made not much sense to me then, and I did not care for romantic stories much at all in high school. Although, I am very glad I read it now, and definitely enjoyed the story, the intricacies, and the cadence that the book had. While I cannot say I would ever personally want a "Mr. Darcy" of my own, I certainly enjoyed the relationship, and the struggle that Elizabeth went through in her journey of hating him to loving him.

I very much enjoyed Catching Fire (the second book in the Hunger Games series), although by the end I was beginning to tire of the back and forth between loving Gale and loving Peeta, however I must say it never got as tiring as Bella was towards Edward and Jacob in the Twilight series. I think this is partially because I tend to be the type of girl that once I make up my mind, it does not really change again in regards to relationships.

Mocking Jay was not my favorite, although I actually expected to dislike it way more than I actually did. It was not until a few events and decisions by the main character Katniss that I became fairly frustrated with the book. Several things I suspected came to pass, but there were several other things I was frustrated with. And, overall it was not nearly as engaging or enjoyable of a read as the first two books. Once I was done with the book I was satisfied the series was over, and unlike my usual desire I did not wish the series would continue (I will be the first to admit I tend to mourn for a bit when a series is over). I will say, she ended up with the guy I wanted her to end up with which I think helped my overall feeling of mild contentment at the ending.

Now to choose my next few books.... (this app is the worst idea ever haha...)

Start Something That Matters Winner!...

I really had to think about this one because I loved getting the stories on my blog, facebook, and twitter! It was really challenging, especially to read through the impact that people make on others lives and usually without even realizing the difference they are making. To me it is so encouraging to read about the small things making all the difference.

I loved the story shared by Jess about the huge impact it made on her life to have someone treat her as an equal as such a young age.

The story of the friend who was above all else loving and caring towards her hurting and broken male friend is very dear to my heart and one that I take as a great reminder that often times we stand in the gap for those who cannot handle the weight of the hurt in their lives alone.

The simple and utter faith of friends who make distinctions between our own hopes and the will of God.. the little prayers that bring us closer to the Lord in the smallest of moments but in the biggest of ways.

And finally, the woman who has genuinely created a "pay it forward" concept by taking a month that is typically used to celebrate herself, and instead choosing each day to love and care for someone else.. How incredibly inspiring!.. So inspiring that I too think I will start this tradition.. I love it!

So, thank you thank you for everyone on my blog, on my facebook, and on my twitter that responded and shared these amazing stories that really encourage and touch me.. Ahhh! It makes choosing a winner so difficult! However, do not worry, I have come up with a solution!...

The winner is all four of you (Jess, Patrick, Dan, and NanasNibbles)!.. Instead of merely sending the one book I have, each of you will receive a book.. which means that three children will receive new books as well "One for One." Why would I do this? Because I think it is a good enough book that if you took the time to think about and respond to my questions, then this book is a great read for you and has the potential to make a huge difference.

Please email me your addresses by December 10, 2011 so I can send you Start Something That Matters by Blake Mycoskie.

kpbback@gmail.com

Win A Free Book...

So, I have been thinking about the possible options for how to give away Start Something That Matters by Blaky Mycoskie. In case you do not know, I was sent two of his latest books, asked to read it, review it, hold a contest, and give the second book away. I. Am. So. Excited! I cannot wait to give this second book away and (hopefully) hear how it has impacted your life.. (kinda like a pay it forward concept)

Ok, so here is the deal, comment below or send me a message on my twitter and tell me about something that someone ELSE has done that has either changed your life or how they "did something that matters." Feel free to get as specific or as general as you are comfortable with, but I would like to know three basic things, "who, what, and why" (who it was, what they did, and why it mattered or why it changed your life).

I am so excited to hear your stories!! The best part will be that instead of hearing how awful people are (hello Black Friday), all the stories will be encouraging and about things people are doing to help others (whether they know it or not) and I am so excited because it is inspiring all on its own!!

So, think, post (once, twice, 45 times) and tell me who, what, and why someone has impacted your life in a positive way!

Post away!!

I will choose the winner on Sunday, December 4, 2011, and send you your book on Monday (or Tuesday if I can't make it to the post office).

The Review Part 1...

Several week ago, I saw on Twitter that Blake Mycoskie was doing a book give away, I popped over to the Start Something That Matters site and entered to win Blake Mycoskie's new book. I wrote a couple short paragraphs about why my blog or twitter would be a great platform for me to receive two copies of Blake's books, read one, review it, then give away the second with a contest of my own creation. I found out a couple weeks later that I was one of several people picked! (which is awesome, cause I am fairly certain my sister is actually the lucky one in my family) Once I received the books, I began reading every night before bed, which is typically my nightly pattern with whatever book (or books) that happen to be on my nightstand.

Last night I finished the book, and while I am giving a bit away by not holding you in suspense, I absolutely loved it... Now on to the review; I have been thinking for the last week or so as I neared the end of the book about how I wanted to review it... I came up with all sorts of extravagant ideas, lame ideas, and probably really boring ideas, but I finally settled on breaking the review into two parts. The first part will actually be my review and thoughts of the book, the second part will be the way the book has inspired me to start my own something that matters.

Start Something That Matters is a very easy read, it has the feel of sitting down with a friend over a great cup of coffee and listening to him excitedly and passionately tell the story of how TOMS came to be where it is today. Blake talks about the lessons he learned along the way and the people who have inspired or helped him make TOMS what it is today. Blake does a fantastic job of walking you through his story with passion and ease, the chapters are concise and make sense, and the pictures of key moments or from his journal of a specific moment help make the story come alive even more. I really enjoyed the basic story of TOMS, which is both inspiring and exciting all on its own, but really the most helpful part of the book is reading about the lessons he learned along the way, whether through happenstance, intentional choices or because of mistakes. Blake also gives advice and resources that can help you start your own something that matters, and thankfully his advice is not another self-help to becoming a millionaire, but rather practical advice for a balanced and passionate life and career. The advice comes in all sorts of stories or bullet points, it speaks to the still in college person just as much as the retired and re-evaluating things person. I was amazed at how easily the points are transferable and meaningful for everyone regardless of their position where they work currently or their stage in life.


The advice Blake gives as he details his TOMS journey is not only entertaining to read because of his honesty and sense of humor, but it also strikes a chord because of the practicality and the fact that it appeals to your own desire to want to make a difference and be a part of something that matters. Throughout the book, I had this intense sense of appreciation for the perspective Blake has towards TOMS, business in general, and the way his goals for growing his business and what his goals are with TOMS (or how they have changed throughout the years).

Start Something That Matters does a fantastic job of giving timelines and information that allow you to connect with the story even more from your (my) own perspective... I was able to connect the book's timeline with my own timeline and story, all of which made it feel as though I had an even deeper connection. I was able to pinpoint in his timeline when I was first introduced to TOMS, when I first saw the video from their first shoe-drop (and when I posted it to myspace, before Facebook allowed that kind of sharing). I really enjoyed reading the stories of other people that were shared in the book of how excited they were to be a part of TOMS in their own way, and how they too are making a difference, but even more than that, I liked hearing Blake's perspective and reactions to the stories. They all reminded me of how even for myself, a large part of my connection to TOMS is that I love the story and feel connected too.

The book was the type of good, that I actually wrote in it, circled, underlined and dog-earred pages, and mulled over what I was reading the entire couple weeks it took me to read the book... Not only did I feel fully engaged in the book while I was reading it, but I have begun to think about people I want to buy copies for (because I want to keep my own, and I only have one to give away later).

Start Something That Matters sticks with the "One for One" model that was originated with the shoes, migrated to eye-ware, and continues with this book, for every book bought, a new book will be given to a child in need. I cannot even begin to explain how much I appreciate the consistency and continuity that Blake is exhibiting with all of his ventures.

In short, buy this book, read this book, absorb the message, and share it with others. You won't be sorry.

Stay tuned, next is part two of my review, where I will talk about how this book has made a difference and inspired me to start something that matters...

And then, the give away of the second book!

Something That Matters...

When I got home from work, this is what I found...

Which of course means my new books are in! I am excited to start reading this and then have my giveaway of the second book!

Should be fun!.. and is a great way to come home from a frustrating day at work!

Start Something That Matters...

I am so excited, I got this today in my inbox:

So, soon and very soon I will be reading this book, and then having a contest to give the second book for free!

Stay tuned!

The Saga Continues...

So, surprisingly, I am 3/4 of my way through the last book in the Twilight series. Since I am coming to a close, and have read the majority of the saga now, I thought I would post a few additional thoughts and comments.

First, I can totally see why my father HATED these books... And, at moments, I echo his sentiments entirely. However, as a whole, I do not hate them with the fervor that he did/does. Part of that could simply be because I was actually expecting to hate every bit of the series.. so, mildly better than I was expecting is still better than I was expecting.. Or possibly it has to do with the fact that sometimes I feel like my (maybe all girls) emotions seem to battle irrationally sometimes, and this series certainly gives you a glimpse of the inner workings of a girls mind.. aggravating and all.

Secondly, Alice Cullen is my favorite character. After her, Carlisle and Esme.. But, I appreciate the less morose and depressing aspects her character brings to the story. I enjoy the excitement she gets from the little things, but how much she is an "all in" type person (vampire), whether protecting, party planning or simply because of her enthusiasm.. She makes the story more enjoyable for me.

I also enjoy Emmett's sense of humor about everything..

Now, on to the books, plots, and other characters. In New Moon, I enjoyed the relationship that was built between Bella and Jacob, and understood why there even was such a thing as a "Team Jacob." However, by the end of Eclipse I was ridiculously annoyed with Jacob (and even more so at Bella for that matter), and I was glad out of spite (is that a weird feeling towards a fictional character??) that they did not end up together. The mental torment that Bella put herself through and the hot and cold, back and forth drove me absolutely insane.

I mildly enjoyed the banter between the vampires and werewolves, although both Edward and Jacob's possessiveness simply did not sit well with me. Which, could also have something to do with the fact that I am nearing my 27th birthday, and do not react kindly to being told what to do the way they both were dictating and manipulating Bella. Edward's over protective and possessiveness got really obnoxious quickly.

However, I appreciated how eventually Edward was able to see the usefulness of having werewolves as allies, and genuinely enjoy the friendship he built with Seth due to their battle together... But, in the process was really annoyed at Bella for manipulating him during the whole planning for the attack of Victoria part...

Now that I am most of the way through Breaking Dawn, I am ready for the story to be over... The over-detailed descriptions of post-vampire-turning Bella are getting old, there is just a little too much not going on to keep me overly interested other than wanting to finish the story. However, I will say, I am glad there has been only slight hints, innuendos etc.. of the love scenes.. I was unsure how that was going to play out, but thankfully Stephanie Meyer left more to the imagination than explaining what happened. Now a days, that is a serious plus in my book (pun intended).

Yet, through it all, I still stick with my original thought that, the back and forth Bella expresses and the emotions get old after a while... And, the "self control" Edward has is even more ridiculous than the thought of a vampire (lol weird I know..). Thankfully all of the books are incredibly easy reads, otherwise I probably would not have made it.

I will say though, that throughout the whole series, there is still a (unhealthy in my opinion) draw and a significant amount of attention that this saga points out in regards to the desire girls/women have deep down in the very core of who they are. I can see very easily how any sort of insecurity in the "love" area of a girl/woman's life could lead to an unhealthy obsession with these books, "Edward" or "Jacob" and the fact that it brings up the desire to be fought for, loved, cherished, protected, and part of a wonderful adventure... etc..etc.. Which means, ultimately the craze these books have generated really just show the level at which girls and women are wounded. That breaks my heart.

Overall, I think this series is just ok. Not great, not terrible, about the mediocre at best line..

Twilight Thoughts...

Due to one of my friends pleading.. or basically telling me I will be accompanying her to see the next edition of the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn movie, and then me informing her that I have not read any of the books or seen any of the movies.. Two days later I had her entire series of books written by Stephenie Meyer to read... and about a month to complete the task of read them all.. Whoa! So, I am fairly certain I will post several more times on my thoughts about the story as I read through this series. But, in the last 3-4 days I have read about 3/4 of the first book, and I thought I would share my thoughts on this book so far.. and why I feel like it appeals to teenage girls.. young women.. and even older women so much, or not at all.

So, in case you have not read the books (no reason to feel guilty), the basic story plot (if you don't know), is Bella a 17 year old girl moves from Phoenix to Forks, WA to be with her Dad... She hates the small town and the gloomy weather, but true to any girl's dream she finds that virtually every boy in this town likes her.. but she is drawn to Edward.. (and later Jacob).. Turns out Edward is a Vampire that is part of a "family" that does not eat people because of moral reasons. Jacob is part of a Native American tribe that are actually werewolves.. (although so far, Jacob is unaware that he's a werewolf... and is not a major role in the book yet..)

Here are the things that I can easily see as appealing about the Twilight book and love story:
It is CLEARLY written by a woman, she understands the constant battle between emotions and logic (Bella knows it's a bad idea but is drawn to him anyway.. wants to touch him, but is afraid it'll make it more difficult for him.. worried for his safety.. etc.. etc..). 
Meyers clearly understands the desire that girls/women have to be fought for, protected, cherished, and found more beautiful than any other girl... We love the feeling when get from those things, and in normal life (today.. or throughout history) girls/women do not feel that way much, often, or at all.
There is an appeal that this book has that makes the female reader desire to be cherished like Bella is cherished. It is a powerful thing.
I love how easy the book is to read, I am not sure if that was on purpose or a mere side effect of Meyer being a new writer.
I enjoy certain aspects of the descriptions.. like the vampires have changing eye color depending on their mood. (how cool would THAT be?!)

The things I find borderline obnoxious:
Bella's narrative is CONSTANTLY describing him as angel like, perfect, beautiful etc... (He stood there stone like with an angel like face... His perfect face... etc..etc..) the first introduction and getting to know Edward/Bella it was fine.. (especially since it's part of his "vampire charm"..) now that they are "together" the description is getting old.
I find their conversations amusing, but their physical contact distracting.. (I think it's awkward that he holds her so much... cradles her in a rocking chair.. etc.. etc..)
The initial, the idea of having a guy you love watch you sleep sounds romantic.. but really it is just awkward..
Vampire or not, no one can resist something indefinitely on "mind over matter," it is impossible (so him holding her while she sleeps is not even close to a good idea.. and really a rather stupid part of the story)

So, while the story itself is entertaining enough, and thankfully easy to read so I can fly through it rather quickly (thank you mom and dad for facilitating me to become a reader..). But, what I keep thinking about as I read this story is the appeal it has to teenage girls and their moms.. (It was all over the news) and I keep thinking about how all that really does is highlight how much women are starving for their God given roles to be a part of an adventure, loved fiercely, protected, found beautiful etc... and how many girls and women are drawn to this book/series because they are lacking in this area.

Which then brings me back to a thought, "Where have all the good men gone?" Not in an angry, frustrated, or condescending way, but in a serious, slightly sad, and honest question sorta way...

Do You Think I'm Beautiful?...

Saturday evening I sort of peaced out of all the different things I was invited to do, and headed for "alone time" ... (with people around of course haha) I went to Barnes and Noble and walked around until I found a book that struck my fancy, and then I burrowed away and read for about an hour in a half. Anyway, the book I chose was called "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" and it's by Angela Thomas, I picked this book up without realizing I had heard this woman speak at a conference a little over a year ago, and I LOVED her...

So, onto the things I read about and am sorta thinking/mulling over now...

The entire purpose of the book is to mesh the desire to be found physically beautiful, intelligent, funny, witty, competent, with our desire for Jesus.. We want to be noticed, enchanting, desirable etc..etc.. Girls want to be all of these things physically and as an entire person. The thing that I really liked about her approach was that she not once pointed to needing "more God and less of these feelings and desires.." Instead, she points out how much we were created to feel and want these things, and how it IS ok, we just have to allow God to be the first in fulfilling these things in our life.

But, through the course of all of it, she so very openly talks about our desire for a boy to find these qualities in us. For us to have something tangible to see all of this fulfilled.. but then points to the problems if we allow a boy to be the one who solely fills this void. She walks down a logical path of thinking when the "swooning feelings" go away, and you have been married for a while, and he no longer picks up his socks etc..etc.. and suddenly if you are not careful you look to some other guy thinking "surely HE is perfect...." instead of allowing God to fill that hurt and void that your man was never meant to fill.

She spent a long time talking about the hurt in not being found beautiful. She talked about how half the hurt comes from what is NOT said instead. For example, when a guy says "Your friend is really pretty." He means NOTHING but to comment on another girl's beauty, but what he did not say about your own beauty means you were not noticed, and it leaves hurts, leaves a wound, a sting, some sort of mark on your heart. And, instead of acknowledging this or even our need and desire for this, we rationalize it as being ok, because we are dependable, the loyal friend, funny, smart, successful... But, when it all boils down to it, none of that matters, it still hurts.

She talked about a lot of aspects of being beautiful, so I thought I would include a couple quotes that I felt really described my feelings.. currently, previously... at some point I felt or feel this way...

"I've spent most of my life trying to deny the way God made me. Afraid to be strong for fear of being prideful... Afraid to admit I'm a woman who longs to be desired, rescued, and longs to be called beautiful."

"When no one notices, we learn to pretend that it doesn't matter. But, Lord knows, it matters."

Once she began transitioning into the core of the issue, the very center of what we are truly desiring above even a boy finding us beautiful, she said this:

"Oh, God, do YOU think I'm beautiful?"

She points out that at the core, we struggle with questions like these, and on some level believe that maybe not even God sees these things, or worse... what if he does and he begins to stop seeing me as beautiful and desirable? What if he stops noticing me because of all the mess?

"God, do you see me flawed? Do you see me struggle? Do you see the unmet desires of my heart? Do you see me trying to manipulate and control? Do you see me yearn for things I can't have? Do you see me in all the mess and STILL think I'm beautiful?"

God's responds to our broken thoughts...

"I knew the truth when you felt misunderstood." That in all of it he knows, sees, hears, and beyond all of that CARES when we are hurting.

She points out that one of the big things we have to understand is "There is a desperate loneliness that settles on the heart not heard. Lonely for companionship, lonely for expression, lonely for affirmation." And, in the midst of that, we ask once again...

"Do you think I'm beautiful? Do you notice me? Do you hear me? Will you rescue me?.... Do you REALLY love me?"

God always responds to these, He lovingly talks and speaks to each question in our hearts if we allow Him to. He created us knowing these things, and He uses them to continually draw our hearts to Him.

Then, she explains that we were created to give our hearts away to a boy, and that we were created to NEED their strength and that we are supposed to fall head over heels for a boy. This idea seems basic, but honestly.. the idea of giving my heart away, leaning on his strength, and falling head over heels in love with someone who could decide later I am not worth it.. Very much scares me. If I am being TOTALLY honest... my heart definitely cries out: what if he changes his mind and decides I'm not beautiful anymore? What if I fall apart at some point and he decides it is more than he bargained for?... What if he thought I had it together more than I do? What if my weakness drags him down? What if I can't support him the way he needs? Is he settling for ok when he could have had amazing? I mean I can point to dozens of women who are much more beautiful than I am both physically and personality wise.... So, what if?....

But, if I am going to pay attention to any of the things she was talking about, I have to realize a couple things...
1. Jesus created me to fill these areas with himself... which does not mean I suddenly no longer desire these things from a boy.. it just means he is the first and primary source of contentment in these areas.
2. None of these things mean my world will fall apart.
3. My future is not my own to worry about, that is not my job.

So, this is me admitting that I too share these feelings. I am "capable," "successful," "intelligent," "witty," "charming," "dependable," etc..etc.. and yet I still wonder, "Do you think I'm beautiful? Do you notice me? Do you hear me? Will you rescue me? Do you REALLY love me?"

These things constantly draw me back to the arms of my Sweet Savior Jesus.