Out of The Boat...

I love evenings that are filled with people I am really close with, they are among some of my favorite moments. My friends (and family) bring such a unique perspective to my life, I always feel so much better after talking to them, and especially after telling them the things I am thinking about, working through, uncertain about, and praying about, they just have a way of speaking into my life words of wisdom and healing. Tonight as I caught up my friends and brother all of them highlighted different things, spoke into my heart in a way that only they could.

A few nuggets of wisdom to share from the conversations:
Not only is Jesus our Lord and Savior, but He is also "Jehovah Sneaky"... meaning He does things all the time that we are clueless about when we walk into the situation, and then on the other side are left feeling like He is crazy sneaky in His plans!.. I laughed hysterically at this term for quite a while!

I realized that I sabotage my own thoughts more than I would like to admit out of fear. I am an expert at hiding my defensive walls, and do a wonderful (in a bad way) job of preventing myself from getting hurt, by also keeping myself from walking through a potentially amazing situation or opportunity.

I was reminded that I will look back on all of this and fully understand what God is doing, and on top of that, I will be thankful, and excited at all of the ways my Lord has moved.

Sometimes I am really good at freaking out for a little bit, melting down, and then coming full circle and releasing the stress, anxiety, problem, situation, questions, uncertainty etc..etc.. to God, and other times, I choose to "protecting myself" from further hurt by not taking it all to God. But, every once in a while, I am all in regardless of the outcome, and then I allow God to truly take control, and amazingly, no matter what happens, I end up happy, content or at least understanding of the purpose behind what He was doing. Somehow over and over I forget that my better option is to give it up and be all in.

Despite bouncing between being anxious and stressing over various things in my life, I want to be all in. I want to step out of the boat, I want to fix my eyes on Christ, and I want to take comfort in His voice. Because after all, He told me not long ago "Peace, I'm here."

Mounting Attacks...

I do not know why, but sometimes I am completely blown away by the force at which I end up struggling with things.. I am unsure why I do not see it coming more that Satan is mounting an attack, but let me tell you, sometimes I am just totally blindsided.

Today was one of those days.

Looking back on yesterday, I should have known it was coming, I spent a great deal of time praying yesterday, and was feeling particularly antsy and like I just could not rest... yet somehow I missed the signs that a full onslaught of struggling was coming.

Today, I was taken by surprise. I hate getting taken by surprise in this way, I hate that I barely slept, and certainly did not sleep well enough to be able to recognize what was happening. So, instead I spent hours today struggling with some pretty intense fear and anxiety. It was so much so that I literally could not put accurate words to it for hours.. and even after the majority of the attack was over I felt physically exhausted, but still completely jittery.

So, I talked with a few friends, ran my third 5k of the week, and proceeded to have my third core worked out of the week... I am going to be hurting tomorrow.. But, thankfully right now the gym time is working off the extra energy I cannot seem to control, clearing my mind of the fog, and giving me a distinct chance to pray (which seems to naturally be taking its place the last mile of my run).

Thankfully the full onslaught of whatever was going on earlier has been replaced by calm seas once more. I have no idea how people get through days like today without Christ...

I am so glad tomorrow is a new day.