So, I've been thinking a lot lately about what I expect from guys, both who are interested in me, and those who just want to be friends... So, I thought I'd detail that out. This is not directed at any particular guy or couple guys.. This is also not because I feel like someone has messed up or needs a hint, this is just my ramblings and based on my experiences.
I'm sorry I can't speak for all girls either, we aren't even close to all being the same or having the same standards.. soo, haha good luck!
This is all directed at guys in terms of how I myself feel.. so it will be a first person to guys kinda thing.. but maybe you can identify with it anyway :)
Know what you want before you confuse me.. If you want to just be friends, be clear about that, it drives me absolutely bonkers trying to figure out if you do or don't like me.. Was that a hint, a sign, a move, the beginning of pursuit, or just expressing a level of complete comfort in the friendship..?
Don't tell me how attractive... my cousin, friend, the girl across the room, actress etc.. is because chances are I KNOW.. and although there is nothing actually wrong with saying anything about another girl's beauty.. when you mention it more than in passing and make a big deal about it, what you're NOT saying hurts more than what you've actually said. So, let me spell it out for you.. when you tell me SHE is beautiful, but say nothing one way or the other about me, you're telling me I'm not beautiful.. I realize this is unintentional and you probably don't mean it that way AT ALL.. but that's how I take it.
Don't tell me I'm "like one of the guys"... This is a twisted compliment.. on one hand I understand what you're trying to tell me is "we feel comfortable around you like we do our guy friends"... but on the other hand it is also telling me you don't see me as a girl.. which as odd as it sounds I LIKE being set apart as a girl :)
I'm sorry... You've been tasked with leading the relationship.. But, the reality is you have, so please own that role. I understand it's easy for whatever reason to NOT own it, because I'm a natural born leader, because I'm intimidating, because I seem to have it all together, because I'm active, because I have a strong will, because I have a "dominating" personality, because I tend to be constantly going 110mph... I'm sorry, but if you don't own your role as leader I will quickly get bored with you, lose interest, and stop respecting you...
On that note.. I WANT TO RESPECT YOU! I want you to take the lead, both in a friendship manner and in a more than friends manner. I'm not talking about telling me what to do, but I want to support you, encourage you, and be that kind of person.. I am looking to respect you, please help me do that by actually taking the lead and being a Godly man worth respecting.
Don't follow me like a lost puppy... While I truly love quality time.. when you have plans with your friends or actually HAVE a life of your own, it keeps me guessing and intrigued. It's healthy and I like that. Now, please understand I am NOT saying play games with me cause I hate.. hate... HATE that. What I'm saying is have a life and include me in it... don't make me your life. :)
And speaking of playing Games.. Don't. Be straight forward with me. I'm not saying be rude about it, but I'm ok with having a DTR (Determine The Relationship) and establishing that we are just friends.. will only ever be just friends.. or need to be just friend for now, but maybe later.. or you're pursuing more than just friends, but need to move slowly.. Anything like that HELPS ME OUT. The problem is that more guys than you realize have played games and either denied it or turned it around and made me out to be the bad guy because I thought they liked me based off of what their actions showed. So, let your actions show what you want, and help that along by TELLING me what is going on. It helps me to understand what you do/don't do... And, ultimately it allows me to respect you more cause I didn't spend a million nights trying to figure out why you acted the way you did or said what you did.
Just an FYI.. I WILL analyze every single thing you do. Whether you're just friends in my eyes or there is a chance for more.. I will probably talk about it with my girl friends, but usually just because I think something is funny or I want their opinion. If I'm REALLY confused, I'll go to my guy friends that I know are just guy friends to get their perspective. But, don't get worried or scared.. it's probably a good thing that I talk about what you do, that means you're more than just someone I know.. chances are it's mostly things I thought were funny and worth mentioning or observations I've made about something you've done. Sometimes though, I need to be talked down because I didn't understand what you've done.. but that's ok too.
Love Jesus. You have no idea how wonderful and exciting it is to see a guy who loves Jesus and is passionate about finding and actually DOING what he was created for. THAT is attractive. I get so encouraged when I'm around guys who seriously love Jesus and allow that to show. On the flip side, if a guy isn't interested or is weak in his relationship with Jesus it quickly can become draining and I can't rely on you as an equal. I want to know that you will fulfill your role as the leader. Trust me, if you are LOVING Jesus and expressing that I will respect you and enjoy showing that respect if you are trying your best to live the life you are supposed to... it's exciting :)
Ok, so what am I really asking of you? If you're actually interested in pursuing more than friends what do I want? I mean, it's hard to figure out what to do or not to do. So, first, if you're interested in me, PURSUE ME. I'm ok if you talk to me on facebook, text, phonecalls, hand written letter, in person, whatever. But, keep in mind too much of one is unbalanced and not good either. So, if you do ALL the talking on facebook I'll assume you're just being my friend... if your just texting me I'll assume you're either scared or a coward.. or again, just interested in being my friend. So, mix it up a bit... be balanced. If you need to start out with facebook or texting that's fine.. but, if you want to pursue me, man up and actually do it. Also, talking with me about what is going on is good cause then you'll know what I'm thinking/needing, and if I'm not feeling "it" we can talk about it before anyone gets seriously hurt.