So, last night I heard a perfect description of what I feel my walk with Jesus looks like or at least should BE like. Dr. Caner explained that a mature Christian isn't measured by what they say or do when things are good, but what they say or do when things are bad.
He described it as dancing in the pitch darkness because of knowing the light will come.
That sounds so simple and easy. The vivid picture I have in my head describes it perfectly, I wish you could see what I see... :)
It says several places in the Bible that God is "a lamp unto our feet" often times, I think I want this million watt halogen spotlight so I can SEE where I'm walking... I dunno how you see your walk, but I've always imagined my walk being through a jungle because even with a lamp, you're still fairly limited on your ability to see beyond straight forward and straight behind you... You can really only see for a short way, and in some cases the lamp light is only JUST enough to see the next step.. one step at a time... Plus, jungles always bring an element of adventure and excitement for me.. and since I see my life that way, it makes sense to see my life as walking through a jungle haha!
But, what if I have no "lamp unto my feet" and all I can see is nothing.. no light, no lamp, no jungle.. no hand waving in front of my face? All I know is where I've been and what I've been told. What if I don't feel like walking or dancing? I mean for those of you who know me I am constantly laughing.. I laugh at everything, pretty much whether it's funny or not.. but usually it's cause I actually think it's funny. My laugh is one of my most distinctive features I have based off what others tell me... And, if you've been around me for any length of time it becomes quickly apparent that I move.. a lot. Arm gestures, hand motions.. I pretty much involve my whole body when I'm talking or listening... Especially if I'm excited, I mean I literally will jump and dance around haha.. watch me cook in the kitchen lol I tend to dance while I cook... or if I don't, I slide around the kitchen utilizing the slippery floor and my socks.. I have no qualms about dancing when I hear music, regardless of who's around.. and my favorite is trying to get others to dance retarded with me... there's something freeing about knowing you look stupid but not caring and doing it anyway :) ... The secret that no one knows is, people look at you wishing they were there doing it too because obviously it's fun... ;)
...So, what about when I don't FEEL like dancing? When I'm tired, bored, angry, hurt, depressed, numb, stressed, busy... Does Jesus still get the beautiful me he created?.. No, not really. Not all the time. I wish desperately I could say yes, but I'm still trying to figure this out, so I can't say yes right now. What I can say is, I have come SO FAR. I remember times when I avoided God cause I didn't get whatever he was doing.. I am so thankful that I've passed the time of blaming God or giving Him the cold shoulder because I didn't like how He was doing things. I feel like I'm JUST starting to enter the time when I dance regardless of how I feel.
I want to Love my Jesus regardless. I want to be consistent and faithful. I want to Love others when I don't feel like it. I want to dance even when I don't understand.
I think it's interesting that Caner used this illustration because that's how I describe my time in Ghana. I describe what God did, and how I felt as though I was dancing and it was beautiful and unrestrained, and just for Him. So, I have such a vivid picture in my mind of what that looks like.. but also what that feels like, because if you scan back through my blog in December, it was rough.. God did a lot, and I hurt more seriously and viscerally than I have ever.. It wasn't the same hurt as being shunned, betrayed, or anything like that.. this was purely for my heart to cut some things off and mold a few areas differently.. man was it painful, but I also knew it was wonderful and beautiful, and ultimately was the next step to do what I was created to do.. And THAT assurance makes it worth it.. it puts the beauty in the dance. It creates the passion behind the moves...
Whether you realize it or not, God is constant, consistent, omnipresent, and He Loves you.. Therefore dancing in the midst of darkness makes sense because we have hope, and not the "wishful thinking" type hope, but the solid fact and the knowledge that rescue is coming because He promised. So, without a doubt light has to come because it was promised to us... Your movie has a good ending, that's why sad endings feel wrong.. because as Christians we have that good ending, even if we die and our physical ending isn't good.. our actual ending is Heaven with Jesus... The good guy wins... That's our good ending :)