So, today's post will sorta be all over the place.. Please forgive me :)
I read several people's blogs and notes on facebook about their different missions adventures either coming up soon, or ones they are currently on... I can't really convey to you how much I wish I was doing that RIGHT NOW. Not that I am discontent here or feel unhappy by any means. I see the things here that I can do, and I see how I can show Jesus here. But, that's not the point... The point is that I am made for that... Later.
But, see here's the weird little twist added to all of this.. I am so incredibly happy where I am. I have made some of the most amazing friends... just found out one of my best friends of all time will be coming down here this summer!.. and while I get frustrated at some things at work.. I love those kids like crazy. I'm finally getting to the point where I can remember all of their names, and they come seek me out to tell me funny things, or just chit chat about whatever. It's great :) Frustrating at times.. but that comes with all teen interaction I think lol (Funny little saying about raising teens... "Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jelly to a tree." HAHA!)
I came to the realization the other day that it will be another one of those break my heart when I have to move situations because I will miss everyone here so much. Never in anywhere that I've been have I experienced a group of people like this. I love them a whole bunch.. They are great friends and wonderful at encouraging and helping each other learn.. but mostly just BEING friends, hanging out, laughing, eating together, joking around.. and they are so open to new people. I can't wait for my best friend to meet everyone down here and get to know them all! It will be totally different than what she is used to.
So, how do you reconcile the fact that I so desperately want to be abroad doing missions.. yet want to stay here and build these friendships?.. Easy.. split into two people!.. haha.. dang it. Obviously not easy. I think at this point I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.. but I think it's incredibly healthy to be desiring to push forward and move on. Not because of the moving on itself, but because that inspires me to grow and learn and it keeps me from getting happy and content with mundane. I hate mundane (if you haven't been able to tell from my rantings haha). I'm not talking about being discontent. Please understand, there is a significant difference knowing in a couple years you will move on and be tasked with something different, and being excited about that time, and being discontent with where you are now. I am not discontent by any stretch of the imagination... But, I'm serious cultivating and fanning the flame of my passion to do missions abroad, it keeps me from being happy with mediocre. I don't want to be mediocre, and I desire to help others push past that too. I truly want to be a person who changes the world... I want to be the person that has touched more lives than people can count, I want to be the person that reached out and showed them Jesus.. just because I was there. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not talking about fame here.. I don't care to be famous. I want to look back on my life and know that I have friends all over the world. I want my story to encourage others to seek hard after God's plan for their life regardless of what His plan is.
Speaking of changing the world, I think I'm well on my way. haha I have a good start! My mom and I were talking the other night on the phone.. just general stuff, what was going on, the obnoxiousness of the two teen boys living at home with new girlfriends, funny things my friends said.. basic conversation and suddenly my mom goes "You have over 900 friends on facebook!?" haha I couldn't help but bust up laughing.. especially knowing that I know all of them.. a couple (10 maybe) are friends of friends, but I won't just accept people who request me as a friend unless I know how I know them. We laughed about that for a bit, but it got me thinking... 900 something people I know are "listed" on my facebook.. how many more do I know that aren't on facebook? How many more people am I friends with that for some reason or another aren't "listed" anywhere?... My parents have joked for years that I either am or will soon know someone everywhere I go. I think this concept is great! One time a friend tried testing me and said... "what about Alaska?!".. haha I've been there for a wedding so I know an entire family that lives up there... But, seriously think about it if you intentionally sought to make a difference in the life of every person you've ever gotten to know.. how many thousands of people would be significantly changed?.. Do you realize how big that ripple effect would be?!
Do you realize how different the world would be?! I mean seriously think about how many people you know.. and I realize I know a lot more than the average just because I'm so social and outgoing... but either way we all have a realm of influence much larger than we realize. Do we seek to help them and make a difference to them?
One of the reasons I like being as busy as I am is because it means I'm spending that time investing in other people's lives. Granted sometimes it's just watching a movie.. playing games.. sitting next to them at the circus. But, the reality is at some point those times build up and lead to a level of trust, a comfort that wouldn't have been there had those things not taken place. So, then later I will have the basis to speak to them about hard things.. And, a lot of times it allows Jesus to shine through me simply by the WAY I live out my life. (Granted I wish I was better in several areas.. but I do truly try.) I want to be different, I want them to see why I'm different, and if that means being so busy I don't have time to clean my room very often.. haha I'm ok with that :)
Because of this philosophy of life I've sorta established for myself, I realized the other night that I don't complain about "the church." I don't enjoy conversations about how horrible most churches are or how they are failing at blah blah blah... I actually find them aggravating and it makes me want to slap the face off of whoever is doing the talking because it doesn't help anyone.. AND usually the people doing that kinda talk are either A. Not doing anything themselves. B. Not focused on the right things. or C. Talking to people who ARE doing things about it. It ends up making you want to shoot your brains out because it's painted in such a grim picture that clearly we are all failing miserably and making life worse for everyone else... Instead of helping make it better it actually has the reverse effect. So, I kinda have the the shut up and change it attitude when people talk about what "the church is failing at." If you're the "only one," so what.. work until you can't work anymore.. and then do it all over again the next day. Because, the reality is if you see such a problem, and you feel such a burden on your heart, God probably put it there for a reason... And, if God put it there, then you should be seeking Him with it anyway, and He WILL give you the tools you need to rock it. Pretty cool huh?
Just my random thoughts today haha :) I leave you with this song... Saving the World by Brook Fraser