Why Help?...

I have been thinking lately about the idea of why we help others.

Sometimes I think we "help" those "less fortunate" than ourselves for credit or recognition. Not always obviously, but sometimes it is even just wanting credit from the person we are helping... Then there are other times when I think we are told to help, and we obey, but in obeying find ourselves feeling incredibly awkward. I have had several instances lately where I feel like God has told me to step in and do something instantly without question. Ironically I find I get incredibly awkward in those moments because I am purely following the Holy Spirit, yet I want no recognition, so it is almost as though I do not want anyone to notice... Even though the particular situations require lots of people around to notice.

Then, on a totally different side, we help people despite themselves. We fight for what is right on their behalf, even though we often are fighting them instead of someone else...

***Pause*** Let me be explicitly clear here, I am not referring to everyone or even close to everyone... It will be clear in a few moments what I am talking about, just stick with me.

Helping can be frustrating business sometimes. I mean really, I have DOZENS of stories of helping people at my church, some funny, annoying, frustrating, infuriating, and many more emotions... and it has only been a few months! Yet ironically, I spend most of my time helping by actually fighting for change within themselves; usually nicely.. but sometimes bluntly... and still other times I completely ignore their bad behavior in order to get them one step closer. (Yup, I just referred to some Christian adults as having bad behavior...)

I find that I keep having to remind myself is that this is purely a season, this is where the heavy lifting comes in, and quite frankly, no matter how I feel I have been told to go and do, and I have no choice but to be obedient. 

My job, or at least a huge portion of it is to be a catalyst for change... Actually, if I am being honest, my job is a lot of things... But, mostly my job is to teach people HOW to change. Not because we want everyone to look the same, act the same, smell the same (ew), or speak the same.. But because we want everyone to serve as God has made them uniquely and specifically to do. We want everyone to grow in a way that speaks to their own hearts and minds. A Christ follower should be serving and growing constantly, and in order to do that, we have to change... constantly.

Yet, if we have not ever been in a place or position that has forced change, we tend to stay mostly the same. Sometimes staying the same is reflected in our hair (clearly not mine), our manner of speaking or in the case of "the church" it comes in the form of our comfort zones and the places we are terrified to touch or go. So, my job is to create the space and opportunity for people to learn how to change... I work to give them the tools that will make the process one that each person understands how it works on their level. What makes creating space for change difficult is that, it looks as different as each person that attends our church... which means that everything I do to create space and encourage growth becomes a full frontal assault to someone no matter what I do.

Thankfully (not even joking), the Lord has been with me, and in moments where I was about to lose it on some poor afraid of change soul, God intervened and took care of me and the person I was engaged with. In some instances I was able to clearly see the words and actions for what they were, nervousness. In other cases I was able to respond to what they meant instead of what they were saying. While still other instances, I was given the gift of silence.. No really, for me that does not come easily or often...

I have also been thinking about all of the minor little things I do every. single. day. to help institute change in the hearts of the hundreds of people who attend my church, and subsequently the hundreds of people they have then contact with on a regular basis outside of "the church"... Cause let's be honest here, it only will mean something if the people who currently go to my church learn to grow and change, and then in turn reach out to those they have contact with who do not currently go to church or know Christ.

What I have also been thinking of is how no matter what I do, someone doesn't like it, while at the very same time it is an answer to someone else's prayers. How bizarre... And, talk about having to know where you are going, why you are headed in that direction, and then on-top of it all pray.. lots.

So, if it is so difficult sometimes, why do I help? Because I care. Genuinely. Deep down in my very core, in every fiber of who I am, I care. I was made to care, I was broken to have compassion, I care what happens in your eternal destination. I care what happens to the eternal destinations of the hundreds of people in your sphere of influence. It matters to me that each person be pushed to in turn learn why it matters that they help.

And, no matter what people think or say, I can, and will change the world.

Not me as in Krista by herself, in her own strength; but, "me" as in God created me uniquely and specifically, and He is going to use me to make His kingdom come here on earth as it is in heaven unlike anyone else. Just like He will use each one of us to do the exact same thing, especially if we intentionally bow and bend our hearts towards Him.

Why do I help others in the joy, fun, exciting, frustrating, awkward, infuriating, and uncertain things? Because God has told me to. There is no other reason.

Listen to Me...

"People don't care how much you know until they know how mucH you care." - John C. Maxwell

This idea consumes my work life right now. Not in a bad way, it just is a reality of my life. Every single day I am confronted with options, blather on and on about what I know, my experience, my education, my passions.. compounded with the mounds upon mounds of tasks and work to do, and yet I find myself compelled to pause all of it, and just listen and express in any way I can how much I genuinely care about those around me.

I have had to readjust my priorities at work.
Sitting and listening is more important than the stacks of papers that are calling my name.
Hearing the faith stories of those around me has eternal value infinitely more important than the programs or design projects that require my attention.
So, I am teaching myself to be still, to listen, to laugh, to be fully present and divert all of my attention from the tasks sitting on my desk to the people sitting in front of it. Which, honestly is how my life operates naturally... outside of work.. Now I am learning to orient my work life in this manner as well.

Do you care enough to stop and actually listen to me?.. That is what I hear when I meet new people.

Red Eyes...

I have a red eye flight back to DC tonight, and somehow it manages to be delayed by a couple hours... Which is fairly aggravating since the whole purpose of my red eye flight back is so I can attend a leadership summit at my church, and as it stands right now I am likely to miss it.

One of the things I am fairly amused by though is people watching as everyone deals with the delay... There is the cutest little boy with his siblings and dad waiting ever so patiently as it is likely hours past his bedtime. He has been looking at me and averting his eyes every few minutes which has been an amusing game for me to make faces at him. haha While it is annoying to wait so long for a delayed airplane, people watching is definitely one of my favorite things to do.

Here is hoping the delay does not mess up too much of my schedule this weekend.

Out of the Blue...

There are days that I am pretty sure my exclusive purpose is to make it through the day as unscathed as possible... Then sometimes there are weeks, months, and years like that... I am somewhere in that mix.

I had a conversation tonight that was among some of the more weird and frustrating than I have had in a while... A "friend" I spent a while chatting with on facebook or text suddenly stopped talking to me. While I was curious, I honestly did not pursue it because it was clear that I was not wanted around. The couple times I reached out I was met with very little response and a very short answers, so I took the hint that my expiration date had worn off, and I was not wanted.

I went somewhere in the vicinity of 6weeks to 2 months without hearing from them. No big deal, and I really did not think of it much.

Out of the blue tonight I got a fb chat from this person. It started out just general chatting, asking me if I would come see them where they are working, and then when I pressed the fact that I had not heard from them in a while... along with the fact that I just assumed they had moved on, it quickly progressed into essentially attacking me for my cockiness in regards to my martial arts. It was an interesting conversation because these decisions about my cockiness were based exclusively off of text conversations, at no time was any of it face to face or even on the phone... (Let me pause here and say, text can be awesome.. but it is not a good way to understand the feelings and reasoning behind a lot of things people say. Too much is missed purely built into the nature of text communication.)

After a while of this, and it being apparent my explanations were not working I just apologized for the misunderstanding, and for the times that I know I am being cocky and just let them go until they were done, and decided they had enough, and then they bid me a good night and left.

..... uhm. Ok.

Not really sure what possessed this... interesting conversation, but it just leaves me with a very bitter taste in my mouth, and feeling beat up for no good reason.

Fantastic way to end a weekend that I worked most of it and begin the next work week.

People never cease to amaze me with their desires to share their thoughts about people and their situations without understanding all of it or even acknowledging there is probably more to the story. It is one thing to share your thoughts about a situation with the intent and heart to be of actual benefit to the person. A "tough love" conversation is always welcome... But, sharing your opinion about someone with really the only intent of walking away feeling you have somehow made your point known is not helpful to either party.

I get that I am a stronger person than most and can "handle" being trashed.. but seriously, I have no desire to be the stronger person when your only point is to hurt me so you feel better and justified.

So, now I walk away with the intent of forgiving and letting it go... regardless of how I feel about the situation.

Thank you.

People are Fascinating...

I am such a people watcher... I love observing people in every situation I find myself in. Grocery stores, the train, airplanes, walking down the street, restaurants etc.. I find them interesting. I always play a game with myself trying to figure out their non-verbals.. are they upset, happy, tired, dealing with something at home, stressed about work, falling in love, etc... I love it. There are days that my entire focus is to notice their features, bone structure, body build, eye color, hair style, hands, body posture etc..etc.. Sometimes I play the observation game with friends and "create" their story... using everything we observe to construct stories about people and their current place in life. It is easily one of my favorite games because it requires me to be observant.

I think it has been this mental game I play with myself that has helped lead me to care about people more.. I mean I genuinely hurt when I hear about someone's life falling apart.. I have so many people on my 3x5 cards for such a variety of reasons... they're gone to war, their spouse is gone to war, they are depressed, searching for jobs, spouse left them, moving, have a broken heart, want to fall in love, miserable at their job, substance abuse problems etc.. etc..

People are fascinating. Everyone is hurting and broken over something. Excited and passionate about something. Everyone ticks for different reasons.. I find it fascinating.

I work very hard at making each relationship I have unique. Creating a relationship that is clearly not a carbon copy. I enjoy working and finding common ground with various people that they really resonate with, it keeps me engaged and does not allow me the chance to coast, which then keeps me from becoming lazy in growing who I am... Keeps me interesting and an every growing dynamic haha! 

When I get the chance to interact with someone, I love having the ability to say and do something different than they are used to or what is the "norm".. Whether that means hugging them, sending them a gift or card, making eye contact, saying something totally straight forward, or just smiling and holding my tongue.

I wish my job allowed me more opportunities to interact with people... but more than that, interact in a way that changes lives. I miss the impact factor of a job.

Homework Reminder...

While I honestly dislike being in school, especially learning about things that I (still) struggle to find relevance in learning.. which means my determination and dedication falter more than I care to admit.. One of the biggest things I am reminded of is how much people intrigue me. Numbers, theories, formulas, ideas do not appeal to me at all... just people. I love thinking and trying to figure out the reasons behind why they respond certain ways, think the way they do have the thought process or ideas that they do. I love people watching.. and I don't mean just sitting in a mall and watching people walk by, I mean actually observing people's facial expressions, body language, voice, etc.. and just trying to determine what I can learn about them from these observations.

There are SO many times that I have been watching people and before I could catch myself, literally burst out laughing from a facial expression or something they did... Then of course it is always slightly awkward trying to cover up the laughter.. but, still always something I enjoy.

Children are among my favorites, especially the way they interact with adults, and the things they bring out of adults. Sometimes funny, sometimes pathetic, sometimes sad, and other times infuriating.. But, always interesting.

I also like to play with people a little sometimes.. In meetings with people I will adopt certain hand motions or body posture just to see if the person will mimic me (because then you know they respect you haha).. Or other times I will say something completely off the wall or out of place just to see how they recover from it. It amazes me how thrown off people can get by someone being straight forward... I always learn so much about people in these interactions... and I love it..

But, instead, here I sit.. on the couch with my computer.. avoiding my stats homework.. Lameo.