Let me start by clarifying some things... I'm using this Blog as a way of putting down on paper what my mind or heart is mulling over. So, since usually those things are focused on trying to figure out what's wrong with me, what I need to improve, what I did wrong etc..etc.. most of this blog will be those things. So, in light of that please don't assume I am an emotional conflicted mess lol These are just things God and I are working through that I thought might be beneficial for someone else to see and read too... If for no other reason than to know you're not the only one thinking it or you meet someone who says something similar. :) Enjoy!
What is beautiful? This is something I've been thinking about for a while now, and I think this is such a broad question... I mean here are a few things I think are beautiful..
These are flowers from some friends.
And this is a pretty tree I saw the other
day while driving home from Brit's house.
This is a sunset I saw the other day...
To me these things I just find beautiful. An example of how creative, dynamic, and loving our God is.
So, then what about for people? Sometimes I feel bad for guys cause they just have no clue about what they say and how it effects girls. Even the most well intentioned guy makes comments that are meant harmless or as an observation and girls take it to heart.
The word "Beauty" is found 31 times in the Bible, and the word "Beautiful" is found 70 times in the Bible. So clearly this isn't just a topic that means nothing to God.. So.. How should we look at ourselves? Cause clearly we look at each other and see beauty, but for whatever reason we are blind to our own. I mean I can look at all of my friends and see how beautiful they are, some have these amazing eyes that dance when they laugh, others have smiles that you can't help but smile cause they are just stunning, some have these perfectly proportioned bodies that when you see guys around them is clear is attractive to them, or they have flawless skin, some have voices that are so easy to listen to, and others have the types of laugh that you truly hear the joy in it and can't help but laugh too, some have beautiful hair, And then some of my friends have all of those things and I feel more attractive cause they are MY friend ;) lol
"but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful." (Gen 29:17b)
"She (Abigail) was an intelligent and beautiful woman," (1 Sam 25:3b)
The entire book of Song of Solomon lol
"Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands," (1 Peter 3:4-5)
Clearly there are more verses, but these stuck out to me.. For whatever reason beauty IS an important thing to girls. I know that personally I want to know I'm desirable on the inside as well as the outside. You always hear it in church that it's all about the inner beauty which without the inner the outside means nothing.. it's vanity.. like a vapor.. and you can't get to Heaven by looking good.
But if it truly means NOTHING why would God have made girls with that desire to be beautiful? I mean it's not something we learn.. look at a 3 year old little girl who is all dressed up and is told she's pretty.. or the 5 year old girl who asks her daddy if she's pretty.. God clearly made that a part of our wiring.. The challenge is making sure all the wiring is working together correctly...
So, here's where I struggle... I view myself as average.. not super beautiful, sometimes not beautiful at all, but just average. Which is fine, I don't mind it :) Where I begin to struggle is when I'm told and complimented on all of the wonderful parts of my personality, character, walk with God, etc.. etc.. Told I am "the type of girl guys want to marry.." and yet I'm not found beautiful (no one has said that directly), but it's in the things they don't say.. Because by process of elimination if I am the type of girl guys want to marry.. and I'm not married.. or even close to it.. then there clearly is something missing right? And since the only thing they DON'T mention is the beauty that must be it. Right? There is always the "you're such a dynamic, interesting, and intelligent person it's going to take a special guy.." hmm.. I hate that saying cause it doesn't say anything... or when they say "I can't wait to see who captures your heart.." as though I hadn't thought about it yet..
I find that this struggle to reconcile this issue in my head has caused SO many problems.. The easiest one to point out is my lack of ability to take a compliment that I don't believe ("you look pretty"), I reason it away as them feeling like they HAVE to say something (like them being polite or something). It's only cause I dressed a certain way. I have an attractive ____ but not an attractive ____ (whatever those things are). Or, when the poor well intentioned guy makes a comment about another girl's beauty, the assumption that girls in general make is "she has that but I don't.." so we take it to heart...
It's complicated for sure, and I honestly feel sorry for guys cause they have to sorta stumble their way along trying to figure out what in the world is wrong with us lol
So.. Hopefully soon I will have found my aha moment for this, and I will be able to progress in this issue. :)