I have had an interesting few weeks, I have been experiencing and walking through, and into some new situations and feelings, and it has brought on some new thoughts and revelations about myself.
Typically, I am a very confident and self assured person. I know who I am and what I believe in when it comes to most any area of myself or my life. However, there are a few circumstances (ok maybe just one) where I begin to allow doubts to creep in.. in fact, it is less that I allow it and more that the devil and I have our own special code for what I should feel or think.. or in reality doubt about myself. I have found myself in that situation again recently, but this time it has caused different reactions or responses than what I have experienced in the past. For example, while all the emotions are still there, the freak outs are very minimal because I have very little guessing to do which keeps my mind from running away like a crazy person... I am finding that I am getting the chance to process through things before I need to react, and thankfully, I have begun to realize where some of my emotions or fears have come from.. which allows me the chance to work through them instead of merely ignore them, only to then have to deal with them at a later inconvenient date.
I have had a few revelations.. or things told to me recently, some of which I know, but often forget, and others I have simply not every considered before. For example, it was brought to my attention that I am of "amazing" character, morals, convictions, care, and love.. (aww thank you) and then it was pointed out that this person thinks part of the reason I am still single has more to do with how intimidating my stance on me not having sex before marriage is to the guys who pursue me... It was an interesting thought that I had never really considered before.. Not that it changes anything, but is just something I had never thought of... Thankfully the person who told me also affirmed their respect and admiration for my position on it, which meant I was not confused about their position or reason for telling me...
I also have realized lately how much I am used to taking care of myself.. I mean, I know that being single sort of brings with it a level of self-centeredness and independence (neither of which are necessarily bad things, but more just a byproduct of not having to run things by someone else). In the process of realizing my natural tendency towards taking care of myself, I realized how much of a struggle.. and I mean legitimate struggle it is for me to let someone else take care of me.. I almost view it as my responsibility to take care of others, not let them take care of me... That's been an interesting thing to learn, and try and walk through.. Graciously.
In addition, I have begun to really process through some of my fears and some of the things that have happened to me in the past. Ways I have been hurt, ways I made poor decisions that lead to additional pain, and ways that I had no idea situations affected me until I had an emotional reaction about them later. It is incredibly interesting to discover things about yourself that you just had no idea existed until the emotions take over.. it is very humbling and difficult to acknowledge.
What I do know at this point is there are new things in my life that are good things, but not easy things that will prove to force me to grow in ways I have never had to before. Should be interesting...
Showing posts with label Self-Esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Esteem. Show all posts
Dec 30, 2011
Jun 27, 2009
The Mental Battle...
So, my roomie and I were chatting last night about random things... We have a tendency to do that... at odd times usually too :) Anyway, most of our conversation last night centered around the idea of our struggles and how we deal with them, control them, and try to move past them.
Obviously, one of the places we stayed for a long while was on image. Image of ourselves and how we perceive ourselves compared to others around us. I explained the way I used to view myself and the way I currently view myself. The struggles I have, and how I control it.
For example, in college I was much more on the obsessive side of working out and being in shape. I was terrified of gaining the "freshman 15" and so, I watched what I ate more than I had in high school, and I worked out a lot... It backfired on me when my pants no longer fit because my legs had grown too much muscle.. Dang. But, by my Junior year I was starting to see friends around me have metabolisms that had slowed down and they began to gain weight. So, I re-energized my plight to stay thin... I was much more on the obsessive side than I honestly think is ok... But, my thought process was I worked out so I wouldn't worry or struggle with eating habits... That was an area I wanted desperately to avoid (not to mention throwing up is THE worst illness for me). So, I did 750 sit ups every day, worked out for an hour to an hour in a half almost every day, and taught martial arts several nights a week... on top of working 4 jobs and going to school full time... surviving on 4 hours or less of sleep a night... Looking back.. not much of that was healthy from any standpoint... But, it worked, I didn't gain any weight, and proudly stayed the same size I was in high school.
However, once I hit my senior year I realized I was... letting that control more of me than I wanted in my life. So, I quit. I quit running (I always hated it anyway), I quit the elliptical (which was a 45min-hour every day I could fit it in), I quit doing sit ups (at least every day), I quit weight lifting (I've never noticed a huge difference anyway), and I only taught martial arts like once a week. So... slower.
Then I graduated, and life became this insane hectic pace I set for myself... between work, youth group, church, hanging out with friends, being a board member of a non-profit, teaching martial arts, and finding time for family... I simply didn't have time to work out. I LOVED what I was doing, how I was helping those around me, so I began to allow myself the ability to NOT have to work out in order to feel ok.. and much to my surprise... my size has stayed the same. I mean I fluctuated 5-10 pounds randomly.. but for the most part it's consistent. I'm still not sure if that was my substitute or just God's way of giving me a better focus. Granted, I still think about the calories I consume everysingle time I eat, and in my head I think about a decent amount of healthy calorie intake, and I try to maintain somewhere close to that. I also have discovered (thanks to my roomie) that food is more social than anything else.. I am never hungry when it's just me..
Let me clarify something also... Part of this working out obsession comes from my knowledge that if I ever become overweight or out of shape, my body begins to hurt terribly.. I AM one of those people who has to stay in shape in order to not physically hurt all the time. It's just part of my EDS.
Since then, I have swung the completely opposite direction. I have avoided working out in an effort to not lose myself in the obsession again... However, after a couple days in the last year of being in almost unbearable pain for the entire day, I realized I needed to find a true balance to the whole thing.. So, slowly... very slowly I've begun getting myself back into it. I've decided boundaries for myself, and somehow, God and I will figure this thing out...
So, anyway, last night we were talking about the mental battle we feel in our heads. We both agreed that it becomes something that we have to maintain a seriously close tight grasp on in order for it to not rule over us. We almost without realizing it will walk into a room and decide "I have nicer legs then her, she is skinnier than me, she has a prettier face, I have nicer hair... etc.. etc..." It's honestly very sad, and I'm pretty sure not glorifying at all...
For example, if a guy says "your best friend is stunning." If I'm not careful, I've suddenly allowed Satan to implant in my head "what he really means is 'you're not very pretty, your nothing compared to her, and he would never like you or think you're beautiful.'" ... Whoa. Those are some pretty drastic jumps... Way to take a very nice compliment that I COMPLETELY agree with about someone else I care for, and twist it to cause division, heartache, self loathing, and a wedge between God and I... in multiple areas of my life.
So, while I still hear those things in my head from random comments... or really more because of the lack of a comment towards me(sometimes what's not said causes more heartache than what IS said). I have really begun working at acknowledging the disconnect in my thinking and trying my best to clamp down on it. So, anytime a self loathing thought or one that could lead down that road pops into my head, instantly I chide myself for jumping to such a ridiculous conclusion... and then usually it's followed by some major prayer.. both for myself and the dumb thoughts, and also for the person making the comment, as well as the person it's made about. My reasoning is that I do not want a nice, sincere, loving comment about someone I CARE about to turn into a selfish mindset of self loathing and self pity... That's.. DUMB. It's an emotional reaction that's not needed. There's no reason to jump down that path, and lets be honest emotions are no excuse... pms is no excuse... My God is bigger than that.
If you ever think about it, pray for the girls around you and the mindset they are subjecting themselves to. The hurt they are causing and the lack of reliance on our savior... And, any prayer my direction is always appreciated :)
Obviously, one of the places we stayed for a long while was on image. Image of ourselves and how we perceive ourselves compared to others around us. I explained the way I used to view myself and the way I currently view myself. The struggles I have, and how I control it.
For example, in college I was much more on the obsessive side of working out and being in shape. I was terrified of gaining the "freshman 15" and so, I watched what I ate more than I had in high school, and I worked out a lot... It backfired on me when my pants no longer fit because my legs had grown too much muscle.. Dang. But, by my Junior year I was starting to see friends around me have metabolisms that had slowed down and they began to gain weight. So, I re-energized my plight to stay thin... I was much more on the obsessive side than I honestly think is ok... But, my thought process was I worked out so I wouldn't worry or struggle with eating habits... That was an area I wanted desperately to avoid (not to mention throwing up is THE worst illness for me). So, I did 750 sit ups every day, worked out for an hour to an hour in a half almost every day, and taught martial arts several nights a week... on top of working 4 jobs and going to school full time... surviving on 4 hours or less of sleep a night... Looking back.. not much of that was healthy from any standpoint... But, it worked, I didn't gain any weight, and proudly stayed the same size I was in high school.
However, once I hit my senior year I realized I was... letting that control more of me than I wanted in my life. So, I quit. I quit running (I always hated it anyway), I quit the elliptical (which was a 45min-hour every day I could fit it in), I quit doing sit ups (at least every day), I quit weight lifting (I've never noticed a huge difference anyway), and I only taught martial arts like once a week. So... slower.
Then I graduated, and life became this insane hectic pace I set for myself... between work, youth group, church, hanging out with friends, being a board member of a non-profit, teaching martial arts, and finding time for family... I simply didn't have time to work out. I LOVED what I was doing, how I was helping those around me, so I began to allow myself the ability to NOT have to work out in order to feel ok.. and much to my surprise... my size has stayed the same. I mean I fluctuated 5-10 pounds randomly.. but for the most part it's consistent. I'm still not sure if that was my substitute or just God's way of giving me a better focus. Granted, I still think about the calories I consume everysingle time I eat, and in my head I think about a decent amount of healthy calorie intake, and I try to maintain somewhere close to that. I also have discovered (thanks to my roomie) that food is more social than anything else.. I am never hungry when it's just me..
Let me clarify something also... Part of this working out obsession comes from my knowledge that if I ever become overweight or out of shape, my body begins to hurt terribly.. I AM one of those people who has to stay in shape in order to not physically hurt all the time. It's just part of my EDS.
Since then, I have swung the completely opposite direction. I have avoided working out in an effort to not lose myself in the obsession again... However, after a couple days in the last year of being in almost unbearable pain for the entire day, I realized I needed to find a true balance to the whole thing.. So, slowly... very slowly I've begun getting myself back into it. I've decided boundaries for myself, and somehow, God and I will figure this thing out...
So, anyway, last night we were talking about the mental battle we feel in our heads. We both agreed that it becomes something that we have to maintain a seriously close tight grasp on in order for it to not rule over us. We almost without realizing it will walk into a room and decide "I have nicer legs then her, she is skinnier than me, she has a prettier face, I have nicer hair... etc.. etc..." It's honestly very sad, and I'm pretty sure not glorifying at all...
For example, if a guy says "your best friend is stunning." If I'm not careful, I've suddenly allowed Satan to implant in my head "what he really means is 'you're not very pretty, your nothing compared to her, and he would never like you or think you're beautiful.'" ... Whoa. Those are some pretty drastic jumps... Way to take a very nice compliment that I COMPLETELY agree with about someone else I care for, and twist it to cause division, heartache, self loathing, and a wedge between God and I... in multiple areas of my life.
So, while I still hear those things in my head from random comments... or really more because of the lack of a comment towards me(sometimes what's not said causes more heartache than what IS said). I have really begun working at acknowledging the disconnect in my thinking and trying my best to clamp down on it. So, anytime a self loathing thought or one that could lead down that road pops into my head, instantly I chide myself for jumping to such a ridiculous conclusion... and then usually it's followed by some major prayer.. both for myself and the dumb thoughts, and also for the person making the comment, as well as the person it's made about. My reasoning is that I do not want a nice, sincere, loving comment about someone I CARE about to turn into a selfish mindset of self loathing and self pity... That's.. DUMB. It's an emotional reaction that's not needed. There's no reason to jump down that path, and lets be honest emotions are no excuse... pms is no excuse... My God is bigger than that.
If you ever think about it, pray for the girls around you and the mindset they are subjecting themselves to. The hurt they are causing and the lack of reliance on our savior... And, any prayer my direction is always appreciated :)
Feb 4, 2009
Self-Esteem...
I've been doing some thinking recently on self-esteem, especially how it pertains to girls... I know I've dealt with my share of struggles and I have had to dig my way out one way or another. The thing that I find fascinating is that whether there are guys around or just girls around I can find a reason to not be good enough.
I mean seriously think about it, if you're in a room full of girls, that's like going to the mall and window shopping. I can look at them and find beauty in each of them. Some have this beautiful skin, others stunning eyes, beautiful and perfect hair, some have this laughter that just makes you want to join in, some a dazzling smile, others are these tiny cute petite things, some are these skinny athletic builds, while still others have this amazing glow about them that just makes you want to be their friend... because maybe somehow by association you feel cooler and will assimilate that by osmosis lol.. ok maybe not that far.. but sometimes I feel that way :) The thing is, I can do that for ANY girl I meet.. it doesn't really matter what she actually looks like.. I find beauty in her that I somehow don't see in myself.
But, the worst is if you're in a room full of attractive guys AND attractive girls.. because then it goes from window shopping to being put IN the window and having the guys window shop.. And suddenly all the things you found beautiful and attractive about the girls becomes this thing that isn't beautiful and attractive about you.. because why would he choose you over her/that? Even if he expresses interest in you, you find a reason why it isn't true.. he must be mistaken, she must have turned him down, he's settling.. There's no possible way after viewing all his options he's decided you're the perfect choice... No way.
Then, ok we finally give in and let him choose us. But, we find a reason to blow off every single nice complimenting thing he says... We get good at it too, with responses like: "haha, yeah right" "oh, please *rolling eyes*" "whatever..." Because at that point we're technically letting him say whatever he feels he needs to, but inside we're making excuses like "it's only because I'm dressed up..." "He is just saying that/has to say that" "He doesn't know what I really look like without the make up!" "He's just saying that to make me feel better, because clearly I look like crap..".. And then part of it is we just feel awkward when a guy we know is amazing says complimentary things to us. We use it as a guarding mechanism to help guard our hearts and keep us from getting hurt.. which is completely the wrong way to handle it.. and in reality it doesn't even work!
I mean seriously I am an expert at talking myself out of anything.. regardless of what anyone says. SO, the issue really has nothing to do with how beautiful another girl is or how amazing and "well made" a guy is... it has everything to do with me and my wonderful little prison I've allowed Satan to entrap me in. I make excuses like "it's just the truth" "it's how I see things" "you don't understand" "if you only knew..." None of these things are even close to the truth...
God knows we desire to be beautiful and he understands that we struggle with self-esteem in that area. But, what we don't understand is we ARE beautiful. Not needing to be vindicated by any man saying so, not needing any other girl to tell us we are... but simply we are. God created us in His image, he made us to be beautiful and talks about it all over the Bible from beginning to end. He constantly is telling us in the Bible about how wonderful we are to Him, how much he delights in us, and how truly beautiful He sees us to be.
The problem is we forget, don't care, have never heard.. whatever reason, we stop acting as though we are beautiful. I know from my own various experiences that a guy can truly destroy the way I view myself.. and when I say destroy.. I mean it. Guys have no idea the power they hold over us.. especially once we have decided we like them. They can completely demolish us with a simple careless word or action. We can go from cloud 9 to the depths of despair simply because he didn't care enough to notice us or something we've done.
It becomes aggravating and it can easily turn us to bitterness... but the problem is we freely choose to let the guy do that to us. We have forgotten how to hold our hearts precious... I know there are times nothing about me has felt precious. Nothing. I've been through times when I didn't see one good thing about myself, and I couldn't have told you anything about myself that I liked... or at LEAST thought was ok. Especially my heart because I had it trampled so many times that I assumed that was the worth of it. How terribly sad to view that of your own heart. Looking back I can't imagine the pain Jesus cried over that simple view of myself.
" Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23
" And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" - Phillipians 4:7
So, then the real question is what is my self-esteem and what SHOULD it be? And then, the second question is how do I get there? I mean obviously guys aren't where it can be placed. That's been proven a million times over, and has cause quaint little sayings like "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.." But, seriously how do I view myself? What is my value? What is my worth? and How do I make myself view myself as something of worth?
Haha.. well if it were as simple as a few sentences life would be so much easier, and I would be rich getting girls to miraculously change their self-image!.. But, clearly I'm not rich so it isn't just a simple answer.. But, what I can do is detail out what I've discovered so far..
"Thank you"
Starting with a simple thank you instead of any sort of "yeah right" "ok, whatever" response actually does eventually change your perception of yourself.
"Sorry, I'm dumb/weird/odd/different etc.."
Stop starting things or explaining yourself using negative terms.. think them that's fine.. but there's something powerful about the spoken word. So, instead of explaining yourself away with negative terms, simply state what it is you're trying to say. Something like "Sorry, I don't understand" is COMPLETELY different than "Sorry I'm stupid and don't get it.."
"I really like..."
Finding things that are physical things that you like about yourself are key.. and a great place to start. Now, I know that 1 Peter 3 says "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful...".. But, the reality is we desire outward beauty as much as we desire inward beauty. So, pretending it isn't a desire is silly. I want to know I'm beautiful on the inside of course.. but I also need to know I'm attractive on the outside. No idea why either. It's just how I am.
"Yeah but..."
Man are we good at using this as our get out of jail free card or what!? If ever I don't know how to win an argument or I'm just out of ways of defending what I want to do, I use the "yeah but you don't understand..." usually followed by explaining that my past experiences have taught me whatever... The reality is this whole world is fallen.. so there's a pretty good chance that experience wasn't the best because of the fallen nature of our world. It doesn't mean we can use that to stay stuck. Acknowledge the problem, the hurt, the pain, the effects it had on you.. and be done with it. Own up to what you should own up to... Then let God have the rest. It does wonders to the feeling you have.
"Fake it til you make it.."
So, I know this sounds funny.. but there's something about an action done long enough becomes natural. So... once you've given the past up, and the issues, and the pain, and whatever else to God.. fake it until you begin to see yourself that way. I am NOT saying pretend everything is ok.. what I'm saying is begin to dance in the beautiful freedom that our Savior provides. Allow Him to take care of the problems... The problem doesn't have to feel solved, better, fixed.. you don't have to see yourself as beautiful.. but begin to act confident and you will slowly begin to feel confident in who our precious Jesus has made you to be.
So, I have a lot more.. but I'm gonna give it a rest for now.. Soon I am gonna make a post about my view of a guys role in relationships... :) Have a great Wednesday!
I mean seriously think about it, if you're in a room full of girls, that's like going to the mall and window shopping. I can look at them and find beauty in each of them. Some have this beautiful skin, others stunning eyes, beautiful and perfect hair, some have this laughter that just makes you want to join in, some a dazzling smile, others are these tiny cute petite things, some are these skinny athletic builds, while still others have this amazing glow about them that just makes you want to be their friend... because maybe somehow by association you feel cooler and will assimilate that by osmosis lol.. ok maybe not that far.. but sometimes I feel that way :) The thing is, I can do that for ANY girl I meet.. it doesn't really matter what she actually looks like.. I find beauty in her that I somehow don't see in myself.
But, the worst is if you're in a room full of attractive guys AND attractive girls.. because then it goes from window shopping to being put IN the window and having the guys window shop.. And suddenly all the things you found beautiful and attractive about the girls becomes this thing that isn't beautiful and attractive about you.. because why would he choose you over her/that? Even if he expresses interest in you, you find a reason why it isn't true.. he must be mistaken, she must have turned him down, he's settling.. There's no possible way after viewing all his options he's decided you're the perfect choice... No way.
Then, ok we finally give in and let him choose us. But, we find a reason to blow off every single nice complimenting thing he says... We get good at it too, with responses like: "haha, yeah right" "oh, please *rolling eyes*" "whatever..." Because at that point we're technically letting him say whatever he feels he needs to, but inside we're making excuses like "it's only because I'm dressed up..." "He is just saying that/has to say that" "He doesn't know what I really look like without the make up!" "He's just saying that to make me feel better, because clearly I look like crap..".. And then part of it is we just feel awkward when a guy we know is amazing says complimentary things to us. We use it as a guarding mechanism to help guard our hearts and keep us from getting hurt.. which is completely the wrong way to handle it.. and in reality it doesn't even work!
I mean seriously I am an expert at talking myself out of anything.. regardless of what anyone says. SO, the issue really has nothing to do with how beautiful another girl is or how amazing and "well made" a guy is... it has everything to do with me and my wonderful little prison I've allowed Satan to entrap me in. I make excuses like "it's just the truth" "it's how I see things" "you don't understand" "if you only knew..." None of these things are even close to the truth...
God knows we desire to be beautiful and he understands that we struggle with self-esteem in that area. But, what we don't understand is we ARE beautiful. Not needing to be vindicated by any man saying so, not needing any other girl to tell us we are... but simply we are. God created us in His image, he made us to be beautiful and talks about it all over the Bible from beginning to end. He constantly is telling us in the Bible about how wonderful we are to Him, how much he delights in us, and how truly beautiful He sees us to be.
The problem is we forget, don't care, have never heard.. whatever reason, we stop acting as though we are beautiful. I know from my own various experiences that a guy can truly destroy the way I view myself.. and when I say destroy.. I mean it. Guys have no idea the power they hold over us.. especially once we have decided we like them. They can completely demolish us with a simple careless word or action. We can go from cloud 9 to the depths of despair simply because he didn't care enough to notice us or something we've done.
It becomes aggravating and it can easily turn us to bitterness... but the problem is we freely choose to let the guy do that to us. We have forgotten how to hold our hearts precious... I know there are times nothing about me has felt precious. Nothing. I've been through times when I didn't see one good thing about myself, and I couldn't have told you anything about myself that I liked... or at LEAST thought was ok. Especially my heart because I had it trampled so many times that I assumed that was the worth of it. How terribly sad to view that of your own heart. Looking back I can't imagine the pain Jesus cried over that simple view of myself.
" Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23
" And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" - Phillipians 4:7
So, then the real question is what is my self-esteem and what SHOULD it be? And then, the second question is how do I get there? I mean obviously guys aren't where it can be placed. That's been proven a million times over, and has cause quaint little sayings like "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.." But, seriously how do I view myself? What is my value? What is my worth? and How do I make myself view myself as something of worth?
Haha.. well if it were as simple as a few sentences life would be so much easier, and I would be rich getting girls to miraculously change their self-image!.. But, clearly I'm not rich so it isn't just a simple answer.. But, what I can do is detail out what I've discovered so far..
"Thank you"
Starting with a simple thank you instead of any sort of "yeah right" "ok, whatever" response actually does eventually change your perception of yourself.
"Sorry, I'm dumb/weird/odd/different etc.."
Stop starting things or explaining yourself using negative terms.. think them that's fine.. but there's something powerful about the spoken word. So, instead of explaining yourself away with negative terms, simply state what it is you're trying to say. Something like "Sorry, I don't understand" is COMPLETELY different than "Sorry I'm stupid and don't get it.."
"I really like..."
Finding things that are physical things that you like about yourself are key.. and a great place to start. Now, I know that 1 Peter 3 says "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful...".. But, the reality is we desire outward beauty as much as we desire inward beauty. So, pretending it isn't a desire is silly. I want to know I'm beautiful on the inside of course.. but I also need to know I'm attractive on the outside. No idea why either. It's just how I am.
"Yeah but..."
Man are we good at using this as our get out of jail free card or what!? If ever I don't know how to win an argument or I'm just out of ways of defending what I want to do, I use the "yeah but you don't understand..." usually followed by explaining that my past experiences have taught me whatever... The reality is this whole world is fallen.. so there's a pretty good chance that experience wasn't the best because of the fallen nature of our world. It doesn't mean we can use that to stay stuck. Acknowledge the problem, the hurt, the pain, the effects it had on you.. and be done with it. Own up to what you should own up to... Then let God have the rest. It does wonders to the feeling you have.
"Fake it til you make it.."
So, I know this sounds funny.. but there's something about an action done long enough becomes natural. So... once you've given the past up, and the issues, and the pain, and whatever else to God.. fake it until you begin to see yourself that way. I am NOT saying pretend everything is ok.. what I'm saying is begin to dance in the beautiful freedom that our Savior provides. Allow Him to take care of the problems... The problem doesn't have to feel solved, better, fixed.. you don't have to see yourself as beautiful.. but begin to act confident and you will slowly begin to feel confident in who our precious Jesus has made you to be.
So, I have a lot more.. but I'm gonna give it a rest for now.. Soon I am gonna make a post about my view of a guys role in relationships... :) Have a great Wednesday!
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