Farewell...

Saturday I had my DC Farewell party.

Let me just start by saying my best friend in DC is amazing, she knows exactly how to do things to make sure I know I am cared for. She has this way of just being the solid and steady support I need all the time. Words just cannot truly express how much she means to me, how much I rely on her support, wisdom, encouragement, perspective, care, and just overall friendship. More often than not, we look at things and find the same sense of humor in the situation, and I love that I can look at her while we are in a group of people and usually know what she is thinking or feeling... What makes our friendship even better is that we have known each other for a long time, but have gotten an amazing opportunity to truly get to know each other's hearts... and, it has changed me in all the best of ways. She has never been afraid to call me out in private, to laugh with me over randomness, to grieve with me, pray for me, and support me in everything going on in my life. I love how much I can jabber on about anything and everything or sit in total silence while we "watch" a movie, I do homework, and she reads a book... Or while we lay on a beach and just soak up the sun and sounds of the waves. She truly makes my life better, and I have a feeling she has almost no idea how much I look to her and seek her out when I need perspective or support.... And, to be totally honest, we are still operating as though nothing is happening.. and will likely continue to operate this way until we HAVE to say goodbye... ugh.

ANYWAY... On to my farewell party that she threw me. Such a great time to see so many people that have been an active part of my life here in DC (and from a few other places that made the trip to see me!). We ate tons of food, laughed, joked, ate some more, and just in general spent time hanging out. I was honestly overwhelmed by how many people made it out or the people who made a point to contact me if they were unable to come. Talk about feeling so blessed. It was a lot of fun to see some people that I have not seen in a while, and some people that I do not get to see very often, and just chat, laugh, bring up the same three topics over and over... somehow always working into the conversation perfectly, which provided more laughter.

All I can honestly say to everyone who has been a part of my life in the last four years is thank you. You have no idea how much you all have changed me, shaped me, loved me, made me a better person, encouraged me, and made me laugh. I am so blessed, and so thankful, and am going to miss you guys more than my smile lets on.

It really did not hit me until today.. I am moving, and these amazing people I will be leaving in two weeks. Oye. I was really glad that no one made me cry last night.. however, I did have to hug on, then walk away from someone who began to cry because neither of us wanted to "do this" at that moment with other people around. Then, today at church I seriously had to fight tears four or five different times throughout the production set up, the sermon, and the production clean up... Why do I keep coming back to "I am not ready for this to be over"? Seriously, not a fan.

I recognize that some people find my aversion to crying odd, and others do not get it.. But, honestly it has more to do with my desire to function and accomplish all of the things I need to before I allow my emotions to take over. I do not want to give into the emotions that are flitting around on the outskirts of my thoughts and feelings incessantly so that I do not parking myself there and wallow when I have things I need to do, and precious time I need to spend with people. There is a time for grieving and mourning, but that time cannot be here and cannot be now, because I need to treasure these moments, these jokes, these bits of time with each person while I can... Then, I will fall apart and allow the emotions to envelope me later. After the time here is over, and the last two weeks and whirlwind that is my life is finished, then I will allow myself to grieve and truly feel the emotions. For now, I am trying to treasure everything.

This is one of those periods in my life when I am way more emotional than I am letting on, and that I am deeply feeling things that I refuse to allow to be seen so it does not affect those around me... The hiding the emotions will continue to get harder and harder, which I suspected it would.

The one good thing about all of this, I am praying SO MUCH. Praying about leaving my friends and church here. Praying about where I am going. Praying about the people I will become friends with, and the people I will work with, and the people I will love on (there will likely be a lot of overlapping of those prayers and people). Then, I have been praying for God to help me and guide me, because my heart is torn, but likely torn in the absolute best way a heart can be torn... I have a job to do, and I have no doubts God and I have a lot of things to accomplish. I have so many thoughts, prayers, and plans for where God is leading me now, but I am still working through leaving DC when things had gotten almost perfect. haha, I should have known that was when He and I were going to move on to something and somewhere else.

Should be a great couple of weeks, with hopefully only a few minor breakdowns.

Breathing in the Beach...

I am about an hour away from heading to the beach with one of my best friends...

I have said it before, and I will probably say it dozens more times, I love the beach. There is just something about the smell of ocean water that propels my heart towards Christ. I do not know why, but I know that every time I am near the ocean I find my heart decompressing and becoming still. Not to mention, I love watching the sun set and rise over the ocean.. Talk about an amazing thing to observe.. You see, no two are the same, the colors are always different, the clouds create new elements, and each time it is as though the sky screams "His mercies are new every morning."

I love it.

So, here is to getting a break from packing, planning, working, and stressing to submerge my feet in sand, and breathe deeply the smell of salt water!

Pause to be Thankful...

In the midst of the chaos and flying emotions that are my life right now, I wanted to pause and list a few things that I am so thankful for, and mention a few things that have reminded me of how awesome God is.

I have amazing friends. I know I say this all the time, but seriously, they make me a better person, and keep me sane.

I passed my Managerial Finance class with a C!.. Ok, not exactly something to be gleeful about, but trust me, I am beyond excited about the grade and being done. Stupid class I will never have to take again! (If I ever am called by God to go back to school again, shoot me if the classes have any higher level math skills required in them!)

I am getting a full day to do nothing on a beach with one of my best friends this weekend. I am pumped and beyond thankful for the time to decompress and listen to the waves.

I found an apartment last weekend when I was home that is amazing. I am so excited to be able to paint, hang things on the wall, and get the Great Dane I have wanted for a couple years.

I was able to talk with my soon to be boss/pastor about a few expectations with my job, and we are on the same page which is a relief, and very exciting... But, it also is allowing me to begin to gather ideas and become inspired again about possibilities.. I am really excited about this job.

Spending a few hours laughing with friends is always the best medicine for my aching and overwhelmed heart.

I am so thankful to get the chance to be closer to my family.. Regardless of for how long, I will relish this opportunity.

I am always amazed, humbled, and thankful when people trust me with their stories.

I am really looking forward to the whirlwind of seeing and hanging out with people over the next month!.. I am not at all excited about saying goodbye to them, but I am really looking forward to seeing them all.

Last weekend, I got some much needed time with my siblings and parents (all individually), and I love that I left the weekend reminded of how amazing my family is.

In the last two weeks, I have crossed off SEVEN answered prayers on the 3x5 prayer cards that are on my bathroom mirror.. And, only two of them were prayers for myself.. I love when I can see God moving all around me!

Despite the whirlwind that is my life right now, I am so thankful for all the ways I am being blessed.. I am even more excited and amazed by what God is doing, and I love that I can see how things are falling into place that I have been praying about for years..

What an amazing time right now..

Visits...

I have to admit, one of the very best things that has transpired due to living in DC is that I get to see so many people more often than I think I will ever have the chance again. Because DC is such a hub for transportation, things to do, and is centrally located on the East Coast, it makes seeing friends easy... Once or twice a month (on average) friends crash at my place either because they are passing through, they are wanting to visit DC or because work has brought them here. I love how many people I see, how many additional hugs I get, and how many chances I get to catch up with people simply because my location is in DC.

I am so thankful for this chance.

This week, one of my best friends from college is visiting while she's on spring break. It will be fantastic to spend the week playing, sharing my life with her, laughing, and just being friends hanging out again. I am so excited about this week, even though I am working half days all week long to reduce the amount of vacation time I take off, plus it gives her a reason to sleep in! haha

I am so thankful for being here in DC because of opportunities like this.

27th Birthday...

Today I turn 27.

I have had one of the best birthdays, and have been reminded of how incredibly blessed and fortunate I am to have so many people in my life who love me dearly... even when I fall short.

I will write more about the weekend later... Right now, here are the top 27 things from the last year (in chronological order):

1. Two of my best friends getting engaged 30 seconds after the the ball dropped on New Years. 
2. My bff marrying the man of her dreams, and getting to stand up in her wedding with her.
3. My best friends and roomie surprising me for my 26th birthday.
4. My little brother showing up for my 26th birthday with a dozen roses from him and my older brother.
5. Spending Easter with my best friend from college and his wife.
6. Getting to surprise my older brother for his birthday.
7. A friend moving to DC and becoming a close friend.
8. A new roomie moving into the house.
9. The wedding of a great friend.
10. My two best friends getting married.. and spending the weekend with so many close friends.
11. Throwing my parents a 30th anniversary party and seeing everyone.
12. The Bachata congress here in DC with such a wonderful friend. 
13. Lake and beach days.
14. Helping my bff and her husband move.
15. Visiting my cousin in California.
16. Learning to Paddle board.
17. Finally letting God take control of my frustrating work situation.
18. Finding stability and peace internally for the first time in two years.
19. Surviving the first year of Grad school.
20. Reconnecting with an old college friend.
21. Making Thanksgiving dinner with a my wonderful friend.
22. Letting God use others teach me about my value and worth.
23. Going to Philly with one of my amazing friends to dance and spend time together.
24. Driving to MI and back to DC with my roomie.
25. An old roomie/sister getting engaged.
26. Christmas.
27. Surviving 2011 officially when the ball dropped and it was 2012.

Some of these are obviously a little tongue and cheek, a few I am well aware make no sense unless you lived through those moments with me, and others are amusing, but completely true to how I feel.

26 was a really difficult year for me (as was 25), but I am incredibly hopeful about this year. I am amazed at the things God is teaching me already in this year, and I am so excited for what is to come (and filled with a little Holy trepidation if things continue to go the way they are currently).

Thank you to the friends and family:
That have stood by me, listened to me vent, ramble, cry, yell, laugh, and for the times you sat next to me in total silence because the were just no words. Thank you for the cooked foods, the movie nights, the galavanting around, the trips, and the memories we built this year. Thank you for sticking through the really difficult times, and for all the times you were more gracious than I deserved, and chose to love me despite my shortcomings and flaws. Thank you for your patience as I learned how to be patient. Thank you for your compassion as I learned what true compassion meant. Thank you for all the times you sought me out because I was unable to look beyond my own pain. Thank you for all of the hugs, dances, snuggles, running, goofing around, and for all the talking around the dinner table. Thank you for all of the phone conversations, for telling me when I was wrong, for listening to me when I needed to bounce my ideas and thoughts off of someone, and for praying for me whether I asked you to or not. Thank you for encouraging me more each day to draw closer to the Lord, and for all of the times you were on your knees on my behalf. Thank you for the unconditional love and forgiveness that I do not deserve, and for picking me up when I was unable to get up. Thank you for the faith you shared with me and for the confidence in our Savior when I was doubting. Thank you for sticking by me when it would have been much easier to walk away.

To my friends and family, I do not deserve you, but I simply cannot express how thankful and humbled I am that you are in my life. You show me Christ in new ways every day, and words simply cannot express how much each one of you mean to me. Thank you is not enough, but thank you is all I have.

Weddings and Friends

Today.. Weddings and friends! I'm so excited to be here and around my friends.. Dancing, laughing, hanging out, joking around.. and the normal be-bopping around with my bff's :) So glad to be here.

I Know I am Single, But...

Last night my best friend from college and his father-in-law (who I also know) stayed the night as they were passing through (sorta) to buy a new "mid-life crisis" (is it too early for me to buy a mid-life crisis car?) car for his father-in-law. Anyway, they got here late, but we stayed up talking until REALLY late.. then they got up to say bye to me since I had to leave before them in the morning... It got me thinking.. I am SO BLESSED. I have these amazing friends who just love me.. and I have more then I can count on one hand... And even more then I can count on TWO hands... But, the thing that got me really mulling over how blessed I am is the fact that here I am, my best friend from college went out of his way to see me, his wife packed me a surprise, and a little note written on it that she couldn't wait to see me for Easter...

Does anyone else notice what is typically odd about what I just said?... Not only does he love and care for me.. but so does his wife!.. AND.. I am a "single girl" in their life. Shouldn't I be seen as threatening to her?... Nope, she loves me just as much as he does. I am so blessed.

This lead me to thinking about "the Church." True, pure, un-broken, perfect community the way God wanted us to be and live... Typically once a couple is married all the opposite sex friends that are still single get put on this "caution, dangerous material" shelf, until they can also join the ranks of the married Borg of God (haha.. is it ok to refer to the married Christian community as the Borg?). But, what I love about my best friend from college and his wife is they have not only continued to love me exactly as I am, single (white) female, they continue to cultivate a relationship as individuals and as a couple with me. I love that because I am not interested in pushing friendship beyond what is ok, but I also love that God still can use those relationships to bring us closer to Him... And, what I love even more is, I can think of several married couples in my life that treat my singleness as though it has no impact on their love and friendship towards me (obviously the relationship changes.. but distance changes a relationship too...). I cannot thank these friends enough for truly unconditionally loving me.

Thank you to my use-to-be-single guy friends who even though married, love me in Christ. Cultivate a pure, clean, loving, community built on solid foundations of Christ with me... This still very single (and probably for a long while still) girl as though I am a special part of their community. Then, I have to thank their wives... Because it is very clear you not only love and trust your husband, but you love and trust me.. and THEN you pursue and cultivate a friendship that is unique to just us. I cannot even begin to count the number of times my best friend from college's wife would say or do something that I just really needed.. or she would encourage her husband to reach out to me knowing I was hurting.. or she would reach out to me and offer their mutual support... That is true, pure, un-fallen, unconditional love that can only come from our Savior... And trust me, I do not take that love and trust lightly.. I cherish it right down to my core, from both of them, and the several other married couple friends who have just loved me regardless of my lack of a marital status. Words just do not do any justice for how much that means to me. Thank you.

Me, my best friend from college, and his wife.

Our annual Easter weekend get together that just means SO much to me! :) Love them!

BFF Day...

Today is my bff's birthday!!

So, in honor of her birthday, and all things her.. Here are a few funny moment, things I adore about her, and just in general reasons she is my bff :)

We met several years ago in NYC, a place we both love.. and realized we'd heard ABOUT each other for several years.. and somehow had missed actually meeting.. Initially we both were certain we would not like the other one because the other was clearly too cool and everyone else loved the them, so "they" must have let it go to their head...... By the end of the week.. we loved each other too and just clicked.

She quickly established herself as my person, and I realized how much I need her in my life all the time.. Seriously... There was one point in our friendship that both of us were going through crazy difficult things, and because of that neither of us were calling the other one very much. Well, by the time we did connect we were both so upset that we essentially got into a screaming match... For what?.. Because the other one didn't call... LOL I am not even sure what we yelled about, but I remember being so mad she hadn't called to check on me... and her yelling at me because I am her person. I should have known to call. Now we both laugh at the ridiculousness that was that fight, and are so thankful that we are safe enough to scream at without any lasting repercussions!

A couple summers ago she planned to come visit me in VA.. Only the night before she was due to leave her car broke down. I was totally dejected cause I just knew that meant all the fun things I had been anticipating just were not going to happen... THEN she called and informed me she had rented a car, and would be leaving as planned.. I was so excited I could barely contain it!.. And then I had to wait 12 hours for her to drive to VA!... Oh, and did I mention she was having severe back problems during that time period?.. Only a bff has that kind of dedication!

The Captain Planet theme song.. yeah, that's ours. "With our powers combined..."  :)

She gets away with all kinds of things that no one else does simply because she is my bff.. and she KNOWS what those things are! =P

 

Best friend, Bff, and I... about to have an oreo, peanutbutter, and whipped topping fight... Started by me, in my house.. and ended with water all over the house as well lol :)

She and I have been through countless talks about God, boys, family, work, hair, clothes.. pretty much any and everything... She is always my default go to person, and always knows when to call just to hear my voice. She somehow always knows how to love me in just the perfect way only a best friend can... whether that be encouraging scriptures left on the sink counter when I visit, laughs, Friends, food, and starbucks.. Or whether it is a call when I find out one of my old residents decided to end their life. She always knows just the right thing to say and do.. And never ceases pushing me to God.

Her text messages, emails, phone calls, and cards are always so encouraging.. and she always talks about how much I do for her.. but really God knew I needed her in my life as much if not more then whatever she says I do for her..

And, finally all of our prayers got answered.. She is now living her very own chick-flick fairy tail and is married to an amazing man who I am so happy to say I LOVE.. and he is absolutely perfect for her!.. Plus, a major benefit is he knows when to give us our time! I prayed for him to come into her life and sweep her away in such a huge way that she would be left without words and so totally humbled and feel like everything else was worth it. He has done that and so much more! Our God is awesome!

So, to my bff.. Thanks for being my person. I love you so much! Happy Birthday!! :)