Fear has an interesting way of pervading our view, obstructing reality, and coloring life differently. I have realized in the last couple weeks how much fear really can completely change how we see life; it easily becomes the sole focus of my mental energy and leaves me feeling both frustrated and over-reactive.
I also realized about a week ago that, I have essentially two options with my fear, I can do what comes naturally and act as though it is life as usual or I can actually process the fear out... I naturally want to hide the fear due to the fact that it does not require me to be vulnerable.. It is the easier path for me to walk because I can fake confidence... However, if I actually process the fear out and figure out what is causing it, and where it came from to begin with, then I can actually work towards letting it go, taking active steps to release the fear and then move on.
It took me a solid week of flipping back and forth between what is comfortable and safe for me to do and what is quite honestly the best thing for me regardless of my feelings... And then, tonight I realized, I need to process through my fear before it consumes my entire perspective on life... I have never been a fearful person, I love and embrace adventure and the unknown typically, but in a few very out of my control situations the fear paralyzes me... I absolutely refuse to be paralyzed in my life, there are way too many experiences to be had, too many people to love, and way too many things to learn for fear to be the default reaction.
So, with a lot of prayer, a lot of talking, and probably a decent amount of blogging, God and I will work through this fear, and He will pull it out of my unsure and unsteady hands only to replace it with a peace that only He can give... That is what I aim for, regardless of if the fear has any substantiated reality in my life in the future.
Should be a wild and scary ride... oh gosh...