I am so tired right now.
I am really excited.
I am really stressed.
I am really busy.
I am really hopeful.
I am so thankful my God is here with me.
It has been such an amazingly draining couple of weeks, and the ride is not over yet. I love the adventure seeking that has been built into the very fibers of who I am, I enjoy that taking off into uncharted territory does not scare me, but instead brings me a sense of alive that I do not get from every day life. I love how much I know I am unaware of what is to come, and I am totally overwhelmed with every bit of emotion that I have been going through the last couple weeks. I am so thankful that even in the small things God is taking control and not letting me control what is to come.
My poor roomie has been crazy busy and working til way late, and here I am busy, tired and emotionally feeling less patient, kind, and loving then normal... She has been amazing through every bit of this. How will I do without her?.. I have no idea.
My other best friends are being fantastic.. and I am so not deserving of it.. and I do not even mean that in a humility showing kinda way.. I mean really, I have no way of ever showing them how much their patience and perseverance means to me right now.. Especially with my totally lacking patience... I am so sorry to them for that :/
I spent somewhere around 7 1/2 hours doing homework today.. I did not get everything accomplished I had wanted to, nor did I do as well on the test as I had wanted to.. But, I can successfully check another thing off my list of things to do... (Does my list ever actually get smaller?!)
Today, I have found my emotions being a bit off.. mostly in the internal dialogue of my level of patience... but a couple times it has become pretty clear I am sure to my friends (again I'm so sorry for the crazy that all of this is and my reaction to it all). But, parts of me have just felt.. off. Maybe due to stress.. maybe due to the fact that I am realizing how much I still have to do to leave so many of my loved ones here...
One thing is for certain, I had no idea how many people I have grown attached to in the 2 years I have been here, and I definitely had no idea so many people around me cared so much for me and love having me around... I am so blessed. Whatever God has next has to be pretty freakin spectacular to pull me away from this!.. I am so curious what it is!
I found out today one of my cousin's fiance died today. I do not really know any details, but I do know that he was a few years younger than me, and he and my cousin just had a beautiful baby girl about a month ago. Please remember to pray for her and my extended family... and that they seek after God in this time. I know what my savior can do, I just hope they look to Him to do it.
I had another exhausting yet necessary conversation with one of my best friends about our friendship. Both of us have been through a whole heck of a lot this year, and it has become apparent that our friendship has suffered in the line of fire of life. We are both very hopeful of the ability for our friendship to bounce back.. but man this couldn't come at worse timing. Both of us are tired, emotionally drained from everything else going on, and we are just now beginning to realize some of the issues that need resolving and healing and lots of prayer.. I am really glad God can do anything.. including solve, resolve, heal, and make new and stronger our friendship.
Tomorrow we sign the lease on our new house... (we being my new roomies and I). We are gonna start painting and moving in the rest of this week (Friday for me since it is about 3 1/2 hours away). I am so excited to be there and begin settling in... again... If only I did not have to worry about the rest of this class that ends Wednesday, and the next class (Economics) that begins Thursday... oh boy...
My car is currently "in the shop" which really means parked at my mechanic friend's house.. I am SO thankful for him and his ability to fix my car for almost always half what I am quoted elsewhere...
My little brother and I spent a while chatting and making each other laugh tonight... sharing youtube videos and random stories, I miss him, but definitely needed a bit of time with him, even if it was through facebook.
My army friend arrived in Hawaii where he is stationed until he deploys in April... (I am really glad I am going to get to see him around New years) I am so proud of all the hard work he has put in this year into achieving his goals and dreams (graduating ranger school and airborne school!).. Not to mention how totally humbling it is knowing he is doing all of this to protect all of us... and then to know God created him to do exactly this.. That's really an amazing thought.
I am really tired, excited, stressed, and probably every other emotion there is.. I am trying really very hard to make sure I am responding appropriately to things, and it is times like these where I can tell my emotions are getting the best of me that I am annoyed even more by it all!...
Thank goodness Jesus forgives and loves me still!