Last night I got the chance to talk to my little brother... He is AWESOME. If you do not know him I am sorry... because you really should. He is going to be 19 in a couple weeks (yes, all three of my siblings AND sister in law have June birthdays.. and yes it makes me bitter haha), and sometimes I am amazed at his maturity and heart.. his thought process or opinions on things. He has such great insight so much of the time, and it helps that we are basically the exact same.. only I am extroverted (and a girl) and he's introverted (and a boy). Haha.. please do not get me wrong.. he is definitely the typical 18 year old boy sometimes doing things that makes you wonder what in the world he was thinking... but those moments are thankfully getting fewer and farther between (my poor mother needs the reprieve!).
Anyway, we talked and caught up about basic day to day things as I drove home from work, and then, we always get to a point where we pause and one of us says "soo.... what's going on? what's new?.." and the other starts into whatever happens to be on their mind.
So, this time he started, and went into this story of an AMAZING opportunity to go to Haiti for a month (depending on the funds he can raise) by himself and help a missionary couple. He is SO excited... and I am bitter I am not going with him! But, he is going to get to help the Haitian people find work, that's his main task with the missionaries. Which, will be a great thing for him!.. I am so excited to see all the things that God is going to do and change in him... I just can't wait!
I got to tell him all about the things God has been teaching me the last couple weeks and how hard it is to learn things like patience, grace, unconditional love, kindness, gentleness etc..etc.. We got a good laugh knowing and talking about how much my responses are perfect examples of Jesus working in and through my life.. because he knows FULL well how much I am not naturally any of those things :) He has experienced the opposite worst for sure. We had such a great conversation about all of the random things going on.. and then our conversation at one point touched on a new pet-peve I have discovered...
I absolutely hate when people tell me I am a "good person" or I "deserve" something because of who I am or how great I am. I H.A.T.E. that. I really dislike it for oh so many reasons.. but partially because I know what kind of person I am, how impatient I am, how easily my first response is anger, how many times I have messed up... and messed up doing the same thing OVER AND OVER.. I am so incredibly broken and flawed. I have so many problems and thoughts that are terrible.. and I am so undeserving of the grace, love, and mercy that I get from my Savior.. I do not deserve that.. and I CERTAINLY do not deserve it more than anyone else. I am just as flawed and just as terrible as the next person... So, my little brother and I talked about this concept for a long time and he let me vent about how much I struggle with this statement.. and how many people have been saying that I am such a great person lately.. and how much it has been seriously grating at my nerves.
The good you see in me... Jesus. That is it, there is no other explanation I promise, it is not me, it is not on my own accord... It is just Jesus.
So, I just had to talk for a bit about how much I love my little brother. How awesome he is, and how much I appreciate him and the fact that we are so incredibly similar, but opposites in a couple regards :)