The day did not really improve, in fact, it got worse. I chose the emotional state of nothingness to get me through the day. I needed to not have an emotional reaction to things or I would naturally fall into over reaction. I did a great job, except I was informed by a co-worker that I acted and sounded fine, but my eyes portrayed a different story... ahh well, can't control everything I guess...
After work I went for a couple mile run in my neighborhood.. I love how I feel after I run, but I hate running. But, running is more bearable when you run with someone, so thankfully a friend came with me. Besides, everyone knows running and working out gives you endorphins... I am still uncertain of the reality of the affect they have on you.. but sometimes you just need all the help you can get!
Once the run was over and I got some stuff done, a friend called and I was able to just talk out what was rolling around in my head.. not really in any coherent order, but it for the most part all came out. The problem is when I am frustrated it does not make much sense, and I tend towards being a huge pessimist about whatever is going on. I know life could be worse.. but I have a way of concocting all the worst scenarios and then convincing myself they are true.. or will come true. I know I sound like a crazy person, and most of what I say in this state I do not mean, it tends to be passing frustrations.. Which is why it is crucial that I talk to the right people when I am feeling this way! My friend was fantastic, gave me logic and straight facts, nothing got the sugary "aww you poor thing" type attitude, it was just straight forward. Caring, and compassionate, they listened, and did not jump on me for my frustrations, but reminded me in a straight forward way that it boils down to patience and leaning on the knowledge that Jesus has a plan. I know this, they know this, but being patient and waiting for God to move is what we are required to do.
As frustrating as it is to be told patience again... for anything.. patience.. for everything.. patience.. It is very frustrating, but also completely and totally accurate. I know this, but I forget it way too often.
So, here begins what I am sure will be a mix of sporadic postings of the fruits of the spirit and how I am journeying along learning these things.... Patience... I must and will learn this if it kills me.. Lord Jesus help me cause I am really bad at this patience thing!
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-control.