I would like to just start with the fact that I love my daddy. He is an amazing man, full of love, grace, compassion, and wisdom. Sometimes I forget how much these things exude from him until I get the chance to seek him out for something, and he so lovingly reminds me of these things in the way he talks to me and the advice he gives. I love my daddy and the man he is. :) (yeah yeah.. I'm a daddy's girl)
I find myself in a really interesting.. and new situation now. I love how I can look back at where Jesus has taken me and the journey He's brought me on so far, and I can see where and why I have gone through things. "For a time such as this.."
I was talking with my cousin today and I asked him "in all honesty, am I a strong person?" he laughed at me and explained how I am the strongest person he knows... It was an interesting conversation, but I found it fascinating because I know how uncertain I can be on the inside. I know how often I fail or doubt God's plan... Yet, in and through it all God allows me to be strong. Sometimes, I feel like the poster child for "I never give you more than you can handle..." But, sometimes (or days) it sure feels like it's more than I can handle..
However, I find myself in a unique position right now. I am totally at peace with things, not that I like everything or feel like it's ok to just stay exactly where I am, or that I do not have uncertainty... I have all of these (and more).. but somewhere in the midst of all of this I have this overwhelming peace that everything will be ok. I will probably face some serious struggles coming up, I will probably mess up and not handle them with grace or love.. but I sure am going to try my best, and try to seek my savior first, before I make any terrible mistakes that cannot be "fixed."
I realized today that these new challenges in my life are going to take lots of prayer.. specific and general. They are going to take grace, patience, love, compassion, perseverance, and lots and lots of Jesus.. Part of that understanding comes from talking with my dad last night, and he said some pretty profound things (as usual) to me.. One specifically has been ringing in my head all day...
"Krista, you have nothing to gain if you choose to walk away and not put your heart into this. You also have nothing to lose by putting your heart into this."
Oh how right my dad is. I am a stupid girl who is stronger than I realize most of the time, but need my sweet Jesus more than I admit every day, but in the midst of all of this, I have nothing to lose... and I gain nothing if I walk away for fear of getting hurt or messing up.
So, all uncertainty aside, I am choosing to put my heart into this and see where Jesus takes it. I am very much at peace with it all, and I am ok not knowing all the details right now... but mostly, I am just really excited at the adventure that is ahead, regardless of what it brings my way. I love adventure, especially knowing my Jesus is leading it :)