I have been thinking a lot lately about miracles.. and promises.. and amazing little things like that.
Partially due to the fact that my church has had some CRAZY insane things happen lately that really are only acts of God. And, throughout it all, I keep thinking how thankful I am to be a part of this church.. especially right at this time in my life. I mean it has been a crazy couple of years.. and even more so a blow your socks off last 6 months. And yet, through it all I was totally at peace knowing God was right there taking care of every step of the way. I mean, do not get me wrong, I have had my moments of freak outs.. but not really at the same time. I would get stressed and start to panic and I would get this overwhelming small voice inside of me telling me "peace be still.." and it would reel me back down to total confidence that God had it under control.
Then I moved to DC and my focus seemed to follow the pace of the city.. meaning rush hour traffic, crazy hours, fast paced life. I stopped being able to flow with life in the way that apparently has become my flare... In a small way I feel like I have lost elements of myself that make me unique. Not because of any one thing.. just everything all together. I certainly feel WAY less secure here then I have in the past, and I definitely have not been able to connect like I normally do.
So, that leads me to my thoughts as of late..
What do I feel like God has promised me?.. I am not completely sure. I know a few weeks ago while I was sitting in church I knew God told me He would give me a husband. No time set on it, and no specifics other than one day I will find "him."... I have felt for years now that once I get married THAT is when I can become a missionary full time. I have no idea what that means.. But I really hope and pray that the man I marry is just passionately sold out for Christ, and sweeps me into his adventure. Now, the question that begs to be asked is.. what am I learning and going through now that I will need then?... I have no idea... C) All of the above... I am sure every bit of today will lend itself to tomorrow.
Miracles are the other thing I have been thinking a lot about lately... I keep getting stuck when it comes to thinking of all the miracles God has done in my life.. Not because He has not done any.. but in part because He has done a lot of them... But, I find myself wanting to just sit and bask in the glow and memories of them... Yet every time I do that I find myself wondering if I have avoided a few miracles because of my own lack of faith... and that breaks my heart. What if I missed something glorious because of my own failings?!.. Gah! I know that my God is greater.. and He will always get the glory in the end, but I loath using those as excuses for my own failings. I want God to get the best and bless me.. not get the best because He's redeeming something I have done. What I have also been thinking about regarding miracles is that I think I avoid thinking of them that way... How many times a day/week/month/year do I have this amazing thing happen in my life and attribute it to.. "life" or "coincidence" .. ew. I would rather see them as these amazing blessings in my life!
Lord... Help my faith. It is gonna be a crazy year!