I hate that I am such an impatient person. I have always been one.. I cannot count how many times I've heard "patience is a virtue".. to which I spit back "not in MY life!" or how many times I would hear my grandma say "hold your horses." .. and I would retort "I don't HAVE any horses..."or my mom's much more subtle "patience..." in her soft calming voice.. and I'd just frown usually or echo some long reason about why I did not want to be patient.. and yet my mom would so lovingly BE patient with me...
I mean, I realize I have come a Loooooooonnngggg way. I used to be incredibly impatient.. I mean to the point of I would burn almost everything I cooked cause I would get impatient and walk away and forget about it... Thank goodness my cooking skills have significantly improved or I would probably still be living on ramen and cereal! But, mostly my sudden cooking prowess came once I actually gained or learned the patience to wait for things to heat up slowly or the need to stand and constantly stir something...
Other areas of my life have not so significantly improved... Take traffic for example. I will often take the longer route just so I do not have to sit IN traffic with retards randomly deciding to do stupid things instead of follow the understood pattern of traffic. My hair, makeup, nails, and bedroom are all very clear examples of how I am often too impatient to simply take the time to DO my hair or clean my room. I hate laundry and dishwashers for this same reason...
However, when it comes to people.. I tend to take a different approach on this topic. I can be excruciatingly patient with someone in a situation that is out of their control, like standing in the grocery line and something spills causing me to have to wait.. not their fault. Like someone learning the martial arts, I will teach the same move a hundred thousand times if they need, as long as they are trying, I will be perfectly fine repeating...
On the other hand, when it IS within their control to understand, comprehend, listen, move, etc.. etc.. my patience has a sudden breakdown. I have ALWAYS hated repeating myself, it drives me absolutely insane, and I have no idea why. I remember it driving me insane at 3... And, I am not talking about the "wait say that again.." or "I didn't hear you, what?"... those repeating once or twice I can handle.. more than that I get pretty significantly frustrated. Always have, and I know this is something I need work on every single day.
In all of these areas I can look and see how I have grown and definitely improved since high school.. or even a year ago. I am much better at not conveying my impatience, and even at convincing myself that I am really honestly just being impatient, and in the grand scheme of things it is not important enough to get upset over...
The problem is that I am still way more impatient then I should be with those around me. If I go into a situation knowing I will have to wait, I have nothing but patience... but someone asks me the same thing for the third time in just a short period of time and I want to reach over and slap them! I try very hard to say what I mean, at least appropriate for the situation, sometimes I will say things because I know I will eventually FEEL that way, but even if I do not feel it, the right thing to do is say it anyway and allow the feelings to follow (which they always do..). I get very frustrated when people constantly ask me the same question as though I will give them a different answer.. I understand this is one of those totally unfair expectations to put on others.. most people do not actually say what they are thinking, feeling, wanting, needing etc..etc.. So, for me to expect people to know that what I am actually saying is ACTUALLY what I mean.. or at the very least I am saying what either needs to be said or is simply the right thing to say regardless of feelings.
So, all this to say.. I recognize my obnoxiously slow growth in the patience department. But, I am still honestly trying... But my impatience screams that I should be further along.. haha *sigh*
1 comment:
It is great that you recognize your impatience, otherwise you'd be hurting others around you, without realizing.
My dad once told me, "I prayed for patience, then you were born"
HAHA, it just goes to show how God works.
If we pray for patience, God will use the situations in which we hate to use it the most, in order to teach us that quality.
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