Today I was driving, and I was just really frustrated. With the day, conversations, conflicts, my computer, deadlines, etc..etc.. the list continues longer than I care to share. I was complaining to God and out of the blue my thought was "God I just want it to be easier..."
.... HOLD UP!... WHAT?!...
Since when did easier become my goal? Since when did desiring an easy life ever rule over any other desire I have?
At that moment, I realized I'd lost it... I mean not lost my mind.. but maybe. When did I allow myself to get into such a funk that I desired easy over any other good out there? When did I choose to focus on easy rather than God's plan... which lets be honest tends to be harder than we ever feel prepared for. I mean seriously, not once that I can remember has God's plan for me every depicted easy. NOT ONE TIME. In fact I have understood for years that easy isn't ever what I'm going for, I mean granted I don't like hard, but I realize I need the challenge in order to grow and move... Cause, lets be honest, I'm not exactly the easiest person to move and shape. I am stubborn beyond anything I'd like to admit. I have gotten light years better than I used to be.. but only in some areas.
I think more than anything else I startled myself with the thought that I wanted easy first. That "all I want is it to be easy..." THAT I believe is a deceptive thought, one that leads to all kinds of laziness and depression... A thought that causes stagnant to become the norm. I hate stagnant, I hate laziness, I hate depression... None of those are me, and I refuse to allow a desire for easy going to be what rules me or my thoughts.
Now, don't get me wrong, easy would be nice.. Sometimes, I feel like had we not fallen or sinned life would be so much easier because things would be the way they were MEANT to be... But, the reality is that since we are fallen, and we do sin the goal is to now move forward making God our daily, hourly, minutely goal. I don't want easy to ever be my goal, I want God to be my goal, my focus, my ambition, my everything. Essentially, as much as it might suck I'll take hard and painful over easy if it means I get a closer relationship with God.
Man that's a scary thing to say... I feel like I need to prepare for a storm now...