Emotional Compass...

So, sometimes I have these moments where I literally feel like I am not in control of my reactions, emotions, actions etc.. Like I am being compelled by something that is not from me. I am not talking about being possessed or anything like that, but sometimes my emotions are so strong they feel like they have taken over.

Sometimes those emotions are great things!.. Such as when they are love for someone, protection of someone, conviction for justice and truth or what is right.. etc.. However, sometimes they are really bad.. anger and aggression at someone or something that is out of my control.

Emotions take work. Lots and lots of work to refine and create an accurate compass. When I was a kid I had a HORRIBLE temper.. I mean really bad. I kicked my 2 year old brother off the couch cause he slipped and fell on my legs once. I tried choking my older brother because he said something insulting.. I mean literally out of control. However, even then I knew better because not once did I ever lose it in front of my parents, which means I was actually in complete control, I just chose not to be when I did not feel like it. Until one day my dad (after I had done something ridiculous that I do not remember anymore) came to me... got within inches of my face, and very calmly, very controlled said, "If you do not control your temper... I will control it for you." then stood up and walked away. I. Was. Petrified. And, from that moment on I "magically" controlled my temper. I mean I would lose it occasionally, but never again did I lash out AT someone. I learned quickly where my boiling point was and how to remove myself from those situations. Then, as I got older I started purposefully working to process through my emotions, actively sought out people who could help me process when I felt my emotions were the only glass by which I was seeing through.

To this day, whenever I get emotional or feel my emotions taking over I am incredibly intentional about processing and separating my emotions from my decision making. I have gotten to the point where I know I FEEL a certain way, but I also recognize the reality or logic behind what is going on....

Which has lead me to the last sentence of my previous post... I have to be VERY careful not to confuse my emotions and subsequently my actions for the will of God or the Holy Spirit. They are not one in the same.. and one does not lead or become inspired by the other. They CAN be.. but they are not intricately woven in each other enough to assume that my emotions about something must be the Holy Spirit laying it on my heart. Not necessarily the case.

Just because something is "wrong" and I feel indignation about the issue, treatment of others, actions, reactions, etc.. of other people does not mean God has tasked me with the mission to right the wrong. Sometimes He absolutely has.. but not always. And, I would even go so far as to say sometimes we assume that our emotions are or should be our driving force behind why we do something... and that is wrong. Stay with me while I unpack this a bit...

I have emotions about a lot of things, starving children in Africa, homeless people in NYC, inner city kids with absent parents, mistreatment of disabled people, disrespect of parents from their children, the abuse shown from parents to kids, the government forcing laws I do not agree with, people being sent to war over politics, the disrespect shown to the warriors and soldiers who are doing it for a variety of their own reasons, the TV evangelists, Christian radio stations, westboro baptist church... trust me, my list goes on and on. But, do you see the incredibly wide variety of things that can easily boil over into a passionate and emotional discussion about my beliefs!?.. And, let's call a spade a spade.. There are definite right and wrong in each of these situations, mostly on an individual basis, but it is there none the less. The problem is, just because I have an emotion about these things, and even a very strong emotion, does not mean God has called me to take up each of these crosses and follow Him.

I can honestly say that most of these issues have no other purpose in my heart than to compel me to pray for them.. for the people who it IS their mission and passion.. sweet spot and desire to take care of these situations and issues. Meaning, in the body of Christ, the hands holding the guns in Iraq are the ones actually tasked with that mission.. I am merely the mouth uttering petitions before the Lord of grace, mercy, strength, protection, and courage in their situation. I am the backup to their situation, I am not the lead just because I feel strongly about something.

There is a VERY distinct, but VERY fine line between my emotions and being compelled by the Holy Spirit. The line is easy to miss, and takes intentionality to learn how to see it.. But, recognizing this line is what separates the "new Christians" from the "mature Christians" (although these are poor word choices, they are the best I have to communicate my meaning right now...). I think more often than not we choose to take up arms and fight for something that we were never meant to fight for... We have chosen to waste time and energy on something that God never meant for us.. Even though it may be a "right" cause, we often let our human, fallen, broken flesh/past/history/emotions/hangups dictate us instead of going before the throne and making sure we are following God's plan and purpose. Know your role.. Purposefully seek out exactly what God is telling you your role is...

Let me say it this way:
"So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset."

- Exodus 17:10-12 (The bolded sections are to show you each various role)

I promise each person in this story was emotional, passionate, fired up, invested, and engaged in this situation.. But, each had their own role to play, and had they stepped out of their God given role based off of their emotions about the situation, they would have been sinning and a problem rather than a solution.

Your emotions cannot be your exclusive compass in regards to right, wrong, and whether the Holy Spirit is compelling you to take action... Emotions come and go like the wind, so cannot be an accurate compass. They are merely the first step in the process; hopefully they are the step that takes you to your knees to figure out where God is placing your next step.

Take the steps to becoming a mature Christian.. Look for the differences (sometimes subtle) to your emotions and the Holy Spirit's prompting. They feel different when you are paying attention, I promise.

Offense vs. Love...

I was thinking a while ago about the idea of taking offense at something versus choosing to love anyway. Whether the offense is intentional or not, whether it is directed at me or someone I love.. I am not sure where offense is something that should be compelled out of justice, and where pride really ends up being the true root (said in my very northern accent) of the offense.

Once a long time ago one of my friends mentioned that as Christ followers we have no reason to get offended at anything (I cannot remember his exact wording, but the gist is the same). He went on to explain that Christ paid for it all, He created it all, and therefore it is our job to love, not be offended when people disagree or lob assaults our way. While on the other token, an individual that is going through life without knowing the freedom of Christ has only offense to take. They have no greater foundation, and no one who has literally created a wall of defense on our behalf. So, it makes sense for them to get offended, because really whatever is said can only be absorbed by them (again, this is a basic meaning re-telling of what my friend said).

So, I have been thinking about this idea of offense lately. Where do I stand on topics like this. For example, there are so many political moves going on right now, and really I think most everyone is in the wrong about the debt crisis, who's to blame, who really has a plan to fix it, oh wait, do we really want THEM fixing our debt plan, I mean they are ok with or against gay marriage.... Wait what?! How are those two connected?

Seasame Street!!.. Used to enjoy that show as a kid.. now people are stating Bert and Ernie are really gay movement... Really?! Why do we have pre-determined agendas where our children just need entertainment?

What about all of the moral corruption, famine.. people are LITERALLY dying because they do not have water or food, and all some people are worried about is whether their particular agenda is getting moved forward. So, what does this do inside of me?... It breaks my heart. It shows me how totally and unequivocally we are broken and shattered forms of what we could be.

So, bringing this all back around to offense. I easily could get worked up and offended at the things said about Christians.. or BY Christians right now. There seems to be a never ending river of issues (sorta just comes with the fallen and broken territory I guess). But, while I certainly have my opinions about virtually every topic, I have not been called to be offended. I have been commanded to love. It is not my job on this earth to lobby on behalf of Christ and Christians everywhere.. If you believe that is your job or purpose, you are sadly mistaken.. And, if you are surrounded by "those" Christians, I am so sorry (it's ok to get offended right now and say, think or feel however you want to.. but keep reading..). My job, your job, every other person on the planet's job is to love. True, unconditional, unrelenting force of nature to be reckoned with love.

Now true, love can take many forms.. Sometimes it is in the form of a war to protect the innocent, sometimes it is in the form of not saying a word, and other times it is in the form of getting your hands messy and engaging in someones (or multiple people's) life. I do not know why this is God's plan, how it all works out, or why some go to hell. I do not know why some people's names are in the lambs book of life, and why others are..... I have no concept of how that works.. None. At. All.

But, what I do know is, my job is not to take Christ's offenses on my shoulders. He does not need me to, nor has He asked me to. However, He has commanded me to love. To reach out to every single person I ever meet and show them Him. I am really bad at this most days, but I try again always without ceasing. Yet, if I spend more time being offended at someone else's stance or belief I have forgotten to see their heart for what it is. Broken, shattered, bleeding, and maybe dying...

How can I choose to be offended in this moment instead of put aside my own personal feelings to love them. It is never easy to love, it is not a weak choice to choose love/care/compassion.. in fact I think it is the harder, more courageous choice because it takes purposeful intent rather than a simple reaction.

My God has already taken the offense, He has already paid for the sin, and He does not need my two-cents on the matter. What He needs is for me to seek out the person He created me to be, and to rock this world with a counter-culture perspective of what type of response seems natural.

Do I have an opinion about politics, Bert and Ernie, gay marriage, the debt ceiling, the famine in Africa, etc..etc.. absolutely I do. But I am not God, it is not my place to fix these things.

Lastly, do not confuse your own emotions with the Holy Spirit's calling in your life. That is a very crucial fine line to pay attention to.

A Good Friend....

I was driving home from work the other day and somehow got off on the train of thought I had heard a couple of my friends make... The comments were along the lines of "needing Krista time.." or missing me.. or "needing a Krista hug.."  Which then got me thinking and analyzing, what makes a good friend? Because I certainly do not feel like I am a good friend all the time.. heck sometimes I know I am a really lousy friend (although my friends are so wonderful and encouraging most of them would never admit they felt that way). But, really, a lot of time I feel like I am a very average daughter, sister, cousin, friend... (and other roles I have yet to have the chance to play)..

So, what makes a good friend? What sets certain people apart? I honestly do not know all the things my friends see as facts in regards to why I am a good friend to them.. But, I do know why I view my friends as amazing people... Let me count the ways..

Encouragement is ever on their lips.

Hugs, care, and stability exude from them all the time.

Support and prayer are key factors in the way they are in my life.

Laughter, both at me and with me is never far away.

Reality checks are never few and far between.

Acceptance of who I am, while always firmly pushing me to be better.

I am constantly humbled by the number of times my friends forgive me without a second thought.

A never ending understanding and acceptance of my ebbs and flows.

They love me. Always.

I always learn more patience and grace from my friends than they will ever truly understand...

The number of hours my friends spend listening to me is unfathomable. Really.

Passion is a constant with them.

Grace and Mercy.

I feel like one of the most important people in the world to them.

I get humored constantly.

I am blessed. I am loved. I am thankful.

I do not know why my friends regard me as a good friend, or above average, but I certainly know why I view them that way! Many thanks to my friends.

Bachata Dancing...

So, as promised here are a few videos from the DC Bachata Congress this weekend.

The first one is Christian Sola and Elina, and they taught a Bachata in the Dark workshop.. which sounds like it could be sketchy, but really he focused on the finer details of Bachata as well asappropriate ways for the guys to turn and touch the girls while dancing with them.. He emphasized that it is actually mostly an illusion rather than actually touching.. If you pay attention you can see it in this video, it looks like they are very connected and intimate and close.. however, they are not actually touching each other with their fingers. He's leading her with the palms of his hands, forearms and elbows almost exclusively...

 I very much enjoyed this class. I learned a whole lot about the smaller details of Bachata, and they were fantastic instructors!

The next video is Troy and Jorjet. Possibly among (if not) THE top Dominican style Bachata dancers right now. Not only is he absolutely hysterical, and she stunningly beautiful (and they are married), they dance fantastic together.. Her footwork is astounding and, they are amazing instructors! I want to be able to dance like her... Dang!



When he sits down he then asked us if we wanted to see her "do her thing"... to which we all replied in the affirmative.. and you can see a bit of what she does below.. So, this last video is just her showing off some of her dance moves.. absolutely incredible!

People are Fascinating...

I am such a people watcher... I love observing people in every situation I find myself in. Grocery stores, the train, airplanes, walking down the street, restaurants etc.. I find them interesting. I always play a game with myself trying to figure out their non-verbals.. are they upset, happy, tired, dealing with something at home, stressed about work, falling in love, etc... I love it. There are days that my entire focus is to notice their features, bone structure, body build, eye color, hair style, hands, body posture etc..etc.. Sometimes I play the observation game with friends and "create" their story... using everything we observe to construct stories about people and their current place in life. It is easily one of my favorite games because it requires me to be observant.

I think it has been this mental game I play with myself that has helped lead me to care about people more.. I mean I genuinely hurt when I hear about someone's life falling apart.. I have so many people on my 3x5 cards for such a variety of reasons... they're gone to war, their spouse is gone to war, they are depressed, searching for jobs, spouse left them, moving, have a broken heart, want to fall in love, miserable at their job, substance abuse problems etc.. etc..

People are fascinating. Everyone is hurting and broken over something. Excited and passionate about something. Everyone ticks for different reasons.. I find it fascinating.

I work very hard at making each relationship I have unique. Creating a relationship that is clearly not a carbon copy. I enjoy working and finding common ground with various people that they really resonate with, it keeps me engaged and does not allow me the chance to coast, which then keeps me from becoming lazy in growing who I am... Keeps me interesting and an every growing dynamic haha! 

When I get the chance to interact with someone, I love having the ability to say and do something different than they are used to or what is the "norm".. Whether that means hugging them, sending them a gift or card, making eye contact, saying something totally straight forward, or just smiling and holding my tongue.

I wish my job allowed me more opportunities to interact with people... but more than that, interact in a way that changes lives. I miss the impact factor of a job.

Motion...

It is no surprise to those who know me to find out I love dancing.. or moving.. or flowing around.. I would dancing in the kitchen when I was younger while I cooked... Sometimes it would lead to burning the food cause I would get distracted haha... Sometimes I would talk to my mom in the kitchen and spin around and purposefully slid on the fake wood flooring the whole time (I have no idea how my parents found my antics amusing!)... I have always been a mover. I am incredibly animated, I use my hands like crazy while I talk.. and I seriously cannot be still while I talk, my entire body acts out what I am trying to communicate. Then, to top it all off, I have spent 19 years training my body to move and flow in slow motion or fast spurts...

So, it is no real surprise that I love dancing... I thoroughly enjoyed the classes I took this weekend (I'll post a couple videos later to show what I learned). But, one of my favorite things that sets dancing apart from the martial arts is the grace and flow of it all, where as the martial arts accentuates my strength and endurance, my capable side; dance accentuates my grace and beauty. I love them both, even though I am not the best or most skilled. I like dance because 1. I feel graceful and beautiful, but it takes skill and hard work to accomplish. 2. It's a solid work out that leaves me exhausted... Plus as a bonus my body gets the chance to work out weird muscles in the process..

After this last weekend of dancing literally all weekend, I feel awesome. very tired, but very excited about the hard work I put in and the fun I had... Not to mention the cool people I met and had the chance to learn from.

Videos to come :)

DC View...

This is the view of my city from our hotel room at the Bachata Congress...