I arrived in a city where I knew no one, had no GPS, a cell phone that didn't work outside the city.. no place to live, a shotty car, and an hour commute to work.
Slowly, God began filling in the massive blanks in my life. I found a mega church, a sunday school class, a small group, and a girl who would quickly become one of my best and most loyal friends. I got a new cell phone, a new car, found a roomie, and slowly began adjusting to the southern style of living. The entire time saying, I would only be at my job two years. Everyone acknowledged my timeframe with a smile and a nod and a "we will see.." But, I somehow knew God had told me two years.
3 months later in December we faced several job cuts, and somehow my job was not cut... but, I was informed I would be given 2 years to prove myself and see what I could do... I filed the timeframe away in the back of my mind.
During this same time period I had an extremely vivid dream, and really the main thing that stood out to me was "July of '10" ... So, once again I filed it away, and told a few people that something was going to happen in July of '10, I did not know what, but something, they smiled, nodded and said "we will see..."
Little by little, I built my life in this new city, and I loved it. I found amazing friends, trips to Africa, the beach, the mountains, DC, traveled all over the place, and saw God and felt God in totally new ways. I moved 4 times, met lots of people that I was blown away by for so many reasons, learned to dance, hiked mountains, and dealt with more visceral pain then I ever had before.
In January of '10 my world began to change one consistent step at a time, things at work changed dramatically, things at home began to become stressed, friends moved away, I began having lots of health problems, I met a boy and began to like really him only to later have God tell me to be obedient and walk away, I moved, traveled more then I probably should have, watched lots of friends get engaged, married, find out they were having a baby, and have babies. I had car problems, more medical problems, family problems at home, and the simple distance made it impossible to help, more job stresses... and then, almost suddenly it was July of '10.
Nothing.
4th of July, I went to Atlanta to visit my best friend from home who I had not seen in more than 8 months. I was totally broken, in the physical, mental, and emotional sense of the word broken. I was in pain.. I was trying mostly just to function. I was just hurting and trying to understand what was going on, and I had no way of communicating to anyone how I was feeling, cause I did not know. She and her new fiance spent the weekend making me laugh, loving on me, and reminding me of who I am, and why I am precious. I went home with a renewed sense of peace in my life which began to grow and consume me from the inside. I spent lots of time just being still. Listening to water lap on a dock, crickets, the nothingness that passes you when you drive with the windows down, and lots of music. I read a lot, traveled more, and dealt with the physical, mental, and emotional pain that I had yet to escape. I went home for a quick weekend and was hugged more in one weekend then I had been all summer.
The end of July of '10 came, and I saw it off by keeping track of 5 high school boys at the beach. They were mine along with 25 other kids of mine, and man do I really truly love my kids; they are precious and wonderfully made... However, after a week at the beach with my kids, I was very tired, but I cherished every moment of it. I had many great conversations, and spent the week so completely focused on them and their needs that I had no option but to forget my own pain, forget the hurt I had been given, and allow everything to just detox. I came home renewed, yet exhausted. At this point, I was working on 3 weeks straight without a day off, but also knowing that August of '10 would begin with me being truly happy for the first time all year.
Slowly, little by little I began to realize that I am ok. I knew all along God had a plan, but man was it painful. I realized that in July of '10 I found God faithful. God answered my prayers and He never left me, I never grew bitter, and in the end I realized I was ok, God was still God, and I was still His hurting daughter who desperately needed Him to save me, and He did. I became secure again, life continued.
Near the end of August I had several nights of terrible nights sleep. One particular evening, I spent the entire night having a dream about a meeting that would take place the next day, only the topic in my dream had nothing to do with the topic of the actual meeting... but, just the same I spent the whole dream angry and pissed off and yelling. So much so, that I woke up tense and sore all over, completely exhausted from the nights sleep. I went to work determined to have a good attitude and a good approach towards the meeting. During the meeting we discussed normal business, and then, as if I was in my own movie where the viewer could spot the oncoming plot, I was informed that I was going to be "let go" by the end of the year. The remainder of the conversation was pretty typical... and I explained that I was fine, God would take care of me and I was not worried. This is, and has always been His deal... He'll figure it out, and let me know the plan.
August of '10 I celebrated 2 years from when everything started.... This week I found out my time here at my job is coming to and end. Next week is 2 years.
God does speak.
1 comment:
do you have time to talk this week? let me know :)
Post a Comment