So, as of this past Saturday I have had virtually no voice. If I strain really hard I can make enough noise to be heard in normal conversation (if there isn't too much ambient noise). But, to be honest, I sound like a mixture between a boy and a smoking chipmunk.. haha ugh... A day in the life of Krista.....
But, in the midst of this, I obviously am not talking nearly as much.. (although some might disagree).. but for real, my talking has been cut in half. So, some of my random thoughts.
I for real, no joke hate sin... It ruins things. The whole one fly ruins the butter concept.. I have a serious disdain for watching those around me hurt themselves because of sin... It drives me crazy when I watch those around me justify whatever the situation is in order to make themselves feel better... AND.. to top it off, I hate that I know I do this too. Please, please, please call me out on this when you see or notice me doing anything even remotely close to this. I hate having a double minded thought process.
I had a text conversation with a dear friend of mine the other day.. He out of the blue texted me saying he was folding laundry and remembering the various stories that go with the different articles of clothing, and praying for the various individuals involved.. And mentioned Camp, and when he successfully threw me into the pool... That sent us into texting about what's been going on. THE thing that I appreciate about him the most is his constant never ending striving to be closer and learn more about our Savior. He can in a single conversation remind me that every bit of crap I have in my life is all for God's glory. Talking to him refreshes my weary soul, and reminds me where my center in Jesus is supposed to be. But, the neat thing about it all is we are constantly able to use what Jesus is doing and teaching us in our own lives to encourage the other one... regardless of what it is. Our conversation leads me into my next thought....
Faith: Determined, unwavering, certainty.
I have been surrounded by this concept over and over for a while now. In part because of situations I am finding myself in recently, and in part because of situations those around me are facing right now. How much certainty do I have in my Savior? Do I trust Him without question? Do I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will provide and get me through?... Well, sometimes but not nearly as much as I should. I have recently been focusing on the whole concept of Faith in God, that He is going to do what He says He will... But, not in this general fluffy fuzzy white bunnies type way.. but in a very real, very practical way. In an attempt to allow Faith to pervade every area of my life, I have begun (trying) to do it one step (or situation) at a time.. Currently, I am allowing myself the freedom to not worry about my job situation, moving (or not), or anything beyond what is necessary for me to focus on currently. I have also (for the first time) allowed Jesus the ability to work in and deal with a potential relationship with a boy.
Which, brings me to my next thought... A boy. Now, before you get all spastic on me and want a million details, he is not "my boy" he is simply a boy that intrigues me enough to give a second thought about. So far, he has shown a lot of great qualities that I am interested in, and he intrigues me enough that I would be open to the idea of seeing if there could be more.. However, there has been and will continue to be a ridiculous amount of prayer that goes into this... Which sounds like this fun little saying, but it's visceral for me. The more I pray specific prayers the easier it is for me to have Faith that my God is doing exactly what He's promised.. He is planning my future, and attempting to help me avoid harm (which is not to be confused with pain). My prayer is simple..
"My sweet Jesus, more than I want this guy or any other guy, I need You and Your will. Guard my heart because I can't and help keep me from expectations. Guide my steps and remind me of You first."
So far so good. I am learning how to take it a bit at a time and trust that not only do I NOT have it under control, I do not need to, that's God's thing. *big sigh of relief* Now to focus on enjoying whatever the ride brings :)