Determined Patience...

I hate how randomly I can feel like I am overcome with these waves of restlessness... Today, part of my restlessness could literally be that I have been sitting in the same chair for 7 hours working on the same project, and to add to all of it, my butt's numb haha...

In this very moment, I have this overwhelming desire to be impatient with God. HA! Awesome. I really want to spaz on Him and go off and handle whatever situations I can see in whatever way strikes my fancy... I want to explain to Him all the things that are not going at the pace I wish they were... haha (I am a dumb girl I know this...) Today, there is a whole list of things I wish I knew, and things I want to know how they will turn out, the answers I want but really should not have yet. I want these things because I know that there is a lot coming my way that could really blow my mind, hurt, scare me, or bring me immense amounts of laughter and happiness... Basically I wish to be God... ?!?!... Well, not really, but in a sense that is what those feelings are telling me, that in all of this my desire to know is overtaking my desire to know WHO will bring these things to me.... :/ No wonder the Bible talks about how feelings are fleeting... sheesh!

I can list a dozen situations in my life without even trying that I am on the brink of, all the various paths I could take, and yet I have to sit here and wait. I cannot choose one, cannot walk away, I simply have to wait. I can do this. I. Can. Do. This! I do not want my emotions to rule what I know should be done and what will without a doubt be worth waiting for. Time to return once again to praying for Jesus to invade my thoughts and emotions, and to guide me in the correct path. The funny thing in all of this is, it is not really like any of this is "hard" it truly is just that I do not WANT to be patient... haha How dumb is that? I mean, I will be patient because I truly do not desire to allow my feelings to rule how I will ultimately respond, but man am I a dumb girl sometimes haha... I know and desire ultimately one thing, but then boredom, sitting too long, restlessness, a bad mood, a never ending list of things can cause me to want something else... Oh how I hate the double mindedness that makes up who I am... Days like today are examples of how obvious it is why I need a Savior...

I need food.. and to get up and move around haha... (I'm dumb and I know it... trust me...)

Random side note.. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS WEEKEND!... I get to see a whole slew of friends this weekend. A friend who moved away in February will be back for the weekend, and I already warned him I get a HUGE hug... Plus, my best friend from college and his wife are coming in to celebrate Easter with me!... THEN, I'm heading to Charleston for next week... ahh it's gonna be fantastic! I am so ridiculously excited about it... 2 days and counting... Now for my voice to return to me.... haha

Voiceless Thoughts...

So, as of this past Saturday I have had virtually no voice. If I strain really hard I can make enough noise to be heard in normal conversation (if there isn't too much ambient noise). But, to be honest, I sound like a mixture between a boy and a smoking chipmunk.. haha ugh... A day in the life of Krista.....

But, in the midst of this, I obviously am not talking nearly as much.. (although some might disagree).. but for real, my talking has been cut in half. So, some of my random thoughts.

I for real, no joke hate sin... It ruins things. The whole one fly ruins the butter concept.. I have a serious disdain for watching those around me hurt themselves because of sin... It drives me crazy when I watch those around me justify whatever the situation is in order to make themselves feel better... AND.. to top it off, I hate that I know I do this too. Please, please, please call me out on this when you see or notice me doing anything even remotely close to this. I hate having a double minded thought process.

I had a text conversation with a dear friend of mine the other day.. He out of the blue texted me saying he was folding laundry and remembering the various stories that go with the different articles of clothing, and praying for the various individuals involved.. And mentioned Camp, and when he successfully threw me into the pool... That sent us into texting about what's been going on. THE thing that I appreciate about him the most is his constant never ending striving to be closer and learn more about our Savior. He can in a single conversation remind me that every bit of crap I have in my life is all for God's glory. Talking to him refreshes my weary soul, and reminds me where my center in Jesus is supposed to be. But, the neat thing about it all is we are constantly able to use what Jesus is doing and teaching us in our own lives to encourage the other one... regardless of what it is. Our conversation leads me into my next thought....

Faith: Determined, unwavering, certainty.
I have been surrounded by this concept over and over for a while now. In part because of situations I am finding myself in recently, and in part because of situations those around me are facing right now. How much certainty do I have in my Savior? Do I trust Him without question? Do I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will provide and get me through?... Well, sometimes but not nearly as much as I should. I have recently been focusing on the whole concept of Faith in God, that He is going to do what He says He will... But, not in this general fluffy fuzzy white bunnies type way.. but in a very real, very practical way. In an attempt to allow Faith to pervade every area of my life, I have begun (trying) to do it one step (or situation) at a time.. Currently, I am allowing myself the freedom to not worry about my job situation, moving (or not), or anything beyond what is necessary for me to focus on currently. I have also (for the first time) allowed Jesus the ability to work in and deal with a potential relationship with a boy.

Which, brings me to my next thought... A boy. Now, before you get all spastic on me and want a million details, he is not "my boy" he is simply a boy that intrigues me enough to give a second thought about. So far, he has shown a lot of great qualities that I am interested in, and he intrigues me enough that I would be open to the idea of seeing if there could be more.. However, there has been and will continue to be a ridiculous amount of prayer that goes into this... Which sounds like this fun little saying, but it's visceral for me. The more I pray specific prayers the easier it is for me to have Faith that my God is doing exactly what He's promised.. He is planning my future, and attempting to help me avoid harm (which is not to be confused with pain). My prayer is simple..

"My sweet Jesus, more than I want this guy or any other guy, I need You and Your will. Guard my heart because I can't and help keep me from expectations. Guide my steps and remind me of You first."

So far so good. I am learning how to take it a bit at a time and trust that not only do I NOT have it under control, I do not need to, that's God's thing. *big sigh of relief* Now to focus on enjoying whatever the ride brings :)

Psalm 43

I have found my verse for the last few months of my life.. I remember in college LOVING this verse, but somewhere along the way I'd forgotten it.




1Vindicate me, O God, and plead my case against an ungodly nation;
         O deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man!
    ²For You are the God of my strength; why have You rejected me?
         Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
    ³O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me;
         Let them bring me to Your holy hill
         And to Your dwelling places.
    ⁴Then I will go to the altar of God,
         To God my exceeding joy;
         And upon the lyre I shall praise You, O God, my God.
    ⁵Why are you in despair, O my soul?
         And why are you disturbed within me?
         Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him,
         The help of my countenance and my God.


Verse 5 was the revelation I had this last weekend.. Like "Oh, yeah.. duh, God's got this, and I have no reason to despair.. I will hope in my Savior regardless.. God's gonna do his ditty"


:) So, thank you Jesus for the reminder. I love you!

Hands...

I took this picture (and edited it) this weekend in PA. It sort of describes who I am.

I am endlessly complex thanks to my Savior. I have these weird dynamics that take years for others to learn and get to know about me, not because I try hiding them, but mostly because it's just easier and better for them to see and observe them in me.

Let me explain the elements of this picture that I love.

First, there's the ring that my grandpa gave me when I was 16 after my grandma died. He included this incredibly sweet letter about how I have this passion and fire that she did. I've worn it since.

Then there are the fake nails.. in my mind the epitome of a girl.. Very "girly girl."

You can't of course miss the smudged dirt on the hands from random activities of the day... which of course is a fun dynamic next to the girly girl nails. Especially since no one would naturally put those two things close to each other.

There is the nature in the background, mixed with the obvious 4-wheeler machine being enjoyed and controlled.

I love my hands, I have always loved my hands.. They are clearly a mix of both sides of my family, but they also are obviously strong and not dainty or helpless. They have callus' while at the same time, they are softer than the things around them.

While this picture isn't total or complete.. I like how much it represents who I am... :)

Amuse Me...

I cannot help but laugh at just how funny things can be that are normally aggravating or at least ironic. Yesterday is a prime example of the "whoa.. what just happened?!" And for the record.. my day did not get any less entertaining after I was done sewing myself into my skirt...

I love how God uses days like yesterday to remind me of Him (and thanks to my friends who echo His voice to me). My life was crazy yesterday, and lets be honest, I couldn't have planned a more stressful, obnoxious, ironic, and funny day then I had.. I am convinced I live in a dramatic comedy.. But, through and because of it all I just laughed... and as odd as it sounds it restored so much joy to my soul that I have been missing terribly and trying to get back desperately.

I love how Jesus can use things to just remind me how unimportant it is to stress over the little things. I have said numerous times how much laughter can change things, and this is no exception. There is just something about laughing that makes you feel like "ahh.. ok things will be ok.."

Other random things.. I am going to be a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding in a month.. I'm really excited about it, plus the dress looks super cute! (always a bonus!)... Now to tan a bit so I don't look pasty...

Also, my passenger headlight went out... after I just replaced the drivers side one three days ago.. and by I just replaced, I mean a friend did it for me haha so.. "I" will have to replace this one now too.... lol I am so very thankful for the guys in my life that so willingly and cheerfully help me with my car repairs. They have no idea how much it means to me :)

I am excited (and maybe a little scared too) of what God has planned for the next while... It will be interesting that's for sure :)

Oh The Things We Learn..

So.. in my never ending dramatic comedy called my life...

Today we have a board meeting. I tend to try to wear much nicer dress clothes. Well, since I have been through all of my nicer dress clothes, I decided to buy a new outfit... So, last night a friend and I toodle around and we find the cutest black pencil skirt and white button up top.. Awesome! Both for a total of $27.. Love it!........

This morning I struggle with the zipper and my roomie helps me "get a running start" and zip it up completely........

I get to work a few minutes late.. I've been at work maybe 20 minutes when the coffee I downed on the way in takes over and I need a restroom break.......

Once I'm getting ready to leave the bathroom I take a quick look at my outfit.. only to discover my zipper seems to have slipped. Weird, so I go to grab it and fix it, only to make it completely zip open, with the actual zipper stuck at the top.... *doh!* So, I spend a few minutes trying to unzip/re-zip/unzip/re-zip...... to no avail. Maybe I have something in my office that'll help.. So, I make a dash for my office and close the door....

No safety pins, no needle and thread.. nothing. Dang it. So, I begin to enlist for helpful ideas from other girls via facebook and text messages... "staples" "go home" "buy a new one" all helpful, but none practical enough for my situation seeing as I work almost an hour away from home.. or the nearest clothes store.. But, staples seem to be the only option at this point.

Wait, I work at a residential facility!... There has to be SOMEONE who has a needle and thread!!....

I get ahold of a coworker who lives here, and she does have a needle and thread, so she brings me over some.. and I spend the next half an hour... SEWING myself into this skirt lol .... Mind you I bought this thing yesterday... =/

Oh the things we learn to do as girls...

Whew!...

So, it has been a while since I have posted.. Not because I lack things to say, but mostly because every time I have sat down to write, I suddenly go blank. I have made dozens of mental notes to remember things I would like to post about, then I sit down and stare at my screen realizing I have too much to do to sit and type out some ultimately insignificant random thought...

However, I have had lots of random and maybe fun thoughts to share... (whew about time I got some good this year!)

First, lets just start with the weather has begun to turn nice.. (finally!)

The last couple weeks have taken a turn for the much better. None of the pressing issues have changed, but I have begun to settle back into just letting it go, and letting God do His thing in whatever timing He deems necessary... I love being in this stage, life is just easier. haha

I have decided 2010 is not my favorite year. Looking back so far I have had only a handful of days that I can think of that were good days... =/  Not to be confused with a struggling in my faith in Jesus, He is still good, will still be glorified, and I would always choose times like these instead of not seeking Him... But, that doesn't change that life has been full of struggles and frustrations so far this year..

Work is still a challenge, but easier because I have lots of InDesign projects, so I at least can keep myself occupied and working on fun creative things.

A couple weekends ago I had to work an expo booth in Williamsburg a couple hours away. Which, this of course meant that I had to stay in a hotel by myself for a couple nights.. and to be clear, I love that. I also had to get up obnoxiously early both days.. but while all the attenders were in sessions I was able to read, it was great! I also went out to eat (obviously alone).. and while I don't mind it at all, Friday night I got lots of "aww you poor thing, out alone on a Friday night..." looks as I ate alone. I found endless amusement in the pity looks as I ate my not-done-enough burger and decent fries while messing around on my phone.

I got dance shoes as a birthday gift from my wonderful friend, so Saturday evening a couple friends came over and we danced for several hours in the kitchen.. It was so much fun, and very therapeutic...

The last two weekends I have been able to get either a pedicure (takes preparing for haha) or a manicure, which lets be honest, is always fun... Plus, this coming weekend two of my friends and I decided we needed time away, so we are taking off for a hide-away weekend doing not much :)

I was able to see my sister-in-law a little over a week ago while she was a couple hours away visiting her sisters. It was just so great getting to see her, talk and laugh, and just be family :) I also got to talk to my brother on skype last night.. but we had LOTS of issues with the volume of his mic, so I called and we used the skype video while talking on our phones.. haha

My best friend from college and his wife are making their way down here for Easter.. I AM SO EXCITED to see them! They are always exactly what I need :) Then, I am taking vacation time to head to Charleston.. Yay beach.. I'm so excited!

I FINALLY got my oil changed on my car yesterday... 2,000 miles late.. plus I had a headlight out.. But, thankfully I have these wonderful handy guy friends that enjoy working on cars... or helping out a poor girl who knows not much at all.. :) Next task... cleaning my filthy car... it'll probably be a bit before I get to that though lets be honest.. haha

I got a new Bible (NASB) and I absolutely love it. I am really excited to slowly work my way through it and mark it all up.. :)