True Joy...

My name is Krista Paula Beata (bee-ah-tuh). While it is unusual, and may sound odd, my name is very dear to me, there is an incredibly rich history behind my name... and I enjoy having two middle names.

You see, my parents named me (and all three of my siblings) based off of the meanings behind the names, they prayed for us, and felt compelled by the meanings they felt held true to who we were meant to be. My beautiful little sister and I both have two middle names, a tradition my older brother and sister in law kept when they had my most adorable niece (known to mankind), and one I will likely keep as well if I ever have a daughter. Making the history even deeper, both of my middle names come from my grossmama (German for grand-mama) and grosspapa (grand-papa), but even more than that, my name literally means "joyful little Christian."

I love it because every part of my name and the history behind it fit me. I very much enjoy the uniqueness that is the story behind my name, I love that the meaning fits me exactly...

Joy has typically been a fairly tangible characteristic of mine, and even more than that, I (like my dad) have a fairly loud laughter that gets more comments than anything else. It took me a while, but now I love the laugh that is often just a little too loud, very distinctive, and causes my entire body to partake in the laughter. One of the things I have found is that my laughter has a direct correlation to my joy... I laugh easily and often... and usually loudly when joy is down the core.

Joy is a choice, joy is hard... But, joy is also a gift I am so thankful my parents have been praying over me since before I was born, and one that seems to be woven into the very fibers of who I am because joy is where I am the most comfortable in my own skin. 

There have definitely been periods of my life where I literally could not find joy, it was as if it had evaporated like the mist in the morning, and all that remained was a sweltering day followed by a pitch black night. During those times in my life, when I laid in bed at night, I remember thinking several times, "where has my joy gone?... Oh Lord, find it and bring it back to me..."

Every single time, the joy eventually comes back, not always right away, and sometimes it takes much... much longer than I would ever willingly choose, but it also brings with it an unexpected layer of faith that once again my sweet savior protected me through the heat of the day and carried me through the overwhelming darkness. Each time joy returned to my life, it brought with it an additional understanding of the difficulty it takes to choose joy, but also the absolute importance of joy as well.

True joy is not a result of naivety or a way of choosing not to see reality, there is something about true joy that ushers in hope, that paves a way for faith, and that replaces fear with peace. More specifically, the joy I am speaking about is not to every be confused with happiness, and definitely not to be mistaken for fake or fleeting. I am talking about an unmitigated joy to the very core. The type of joy that could only come from my Lord, my king. The kind of joy that resonates from within and somehow finds a way of reaching to the very core of those it touches as effortlessly as a feather wafting along on a breeze. True, authentic, unhindered joy... That is the joy that returns to me faithfully, brought to me like a perfectly wrapped gift from the God of the universe.

I am so thankful for true joy in my life.

Dancing The Night Away...

So, over the last week or so my friends and I have been out dancing twice.. and by out dancing.. I really mean out once, and staying in once too. Last Friday a few of us decided it would be fun to go to the local dance academy/night club.. haha which really isn't like what it sounds at all.. It's a "dry" night club.. which really isn't a club, but just a dance academy that they opened on Friday night too. We all got there early so they can teach us something about what we're doing.. since we only have one gifted salsa dancing friend. :)

There was a fairly even number of guys and girls so it made it lots of fun cause no one HAD to be the wall flower, and much to my surprise and joy the guys were great about rotating around to all the girls, especially the ones along the side. It's never a fun feeling of having to be the wall flower because everyone else has a partner...

We all had a blast, and you wouldn't believe the work out that comes from dancing! haha! Much more so as the girl who does tons of twirling. Which, lets be honest twirling is what makes it as fun as it is :) Especially when, my friends and I act like goobers while dancing. My friend Doll who is down here visiting and I even though dancing with our partners, at one point decided warring with each other was more fun.. So, regardless of where the guy tried leading us, we were more interested in acting like we were trying to upstage each other! lol :) It was a blast and we laughed hysterically all evening long :)

Then, last night Doll, Brit, and I went over to a couple of our friend's house and got private salsa lessons. We had more girls than guys, but it was ok, we blasted Pandora and had a blast anyway. Trying to manage, learn, demonstrate, and practice in a very small living room with 5 people all trying to do the same thing was comical to say the least... Which of course caused more laughing as we'd bump into each other, the couch, the chair, the ceiling fan lights, the banister, or when we'd realize the next move we were learning would send the girl (us) into the wall... =O Then, which ever girl was not partnered seemed to always sneak away to get watermelon, brownies, oreos, water.. whatever. :) It was a lot of fun learning and laughing at each other trying to learn. At the end of the evening we popped on some youtube videos for assistance, which was also a lot of fun.. Then we got ambitious and thought we could learn the Lindy Hop.. lol yeah.. that's about where our adventure came to a screeching halt :)

But, regardless we had a lot of fun. We laughed and joked around. The guys didn't hurt us or drop us as they attempted new moves (which is always a bonus!). Sometimes I think it's amazing how all you need is just something that's just fun. A reason to laugh until it hurts. Somehow, it restores what needs to be righted, causes joy to return. I'm not sure how, but it does :) I'm such a fan of those moments. If I could freeze and hold onto them, I would because at those times nothing else matters, just the joy and the laughter. I love it.

"Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre!" - Psalm 149:3

Tired Contentment...

A few days ago I was told I have a warm and inviting smile. I'm not really sure how someone has a warm and inviting smile versus a normal smile, but it was a nice compliment. It got me thinking about it though, and I realized the most common compliments I receive always involve my laugh and my smile. Apparently my two greatest distinctive features...

So, what makes me smile? Well, I could easily make a list a million miles long about what I laugh at and what makes me smile.. But, what I really want to do is actually address what causes me to be joyful... I mean here's an example of normalcy for me...

Saturday night I slept a grand total of.. MAYBE 4 hours. I mean I went to bed about midnight, and didn't need to get up until 7:30... but clearly God and I had some business to attend to, so about 1:30 I gave up trying to sleep, and read my Bible, journaled, blogged, and prayed... For HOURS. It was a great time with my Jesus...

Sunday morning I was definitely dragging a big.. I mean who wouldn't be after not falling asleep until 3-4am!.. But, I didn't feel it in my attitude or mood at all (which I don't typically have the problem of sleep affecting my moods), but it was more so than normal. I mean literally I was joyful inside, my heart was content, and I was happy... which carried over into Sunday school class, and church, and interactions with friends, and movie night..

I laughed a ridiculous amount.. I mean seriously. Our leadership team prays before anyone arrives for Sunday school.. we laughed and seriously struggled to pull it back together for prayer for a good 20 minutes or so. Then, lunch was lots of fun with a large group of people all laughing and enjoying each other's wit. Then I went to the park with several friends and threw a Football and Frisbee around for a while.. attempted to throw with my left over and over.. which caused my stomach to hurt from laughing so hard at my failed attempts lol I got to spend some great quality time with a couple friends.. Then went over to a friend's house and watched Bolt... Which is HYSTERICAL.. I mean seriously sooo funny. And my friends and I cracked up the whole time.. in part because of the movie, and in part because of each other's reactions to the movie. It was great.

So, last night when I crawled into bed... TOTALLY exhausted I was completely full inside. My "cuddle meter was full" even though I hadn't actually cuddled with anyone lol I went through the entire day tired, and lacking some serious sleep, but I was fulfilled.. mostly due to my extremely long conversation with My Savior where we talked about everything I was feeling.. But, also in part because the sun was shining (although the wind would take you away if you weren't careful), and my friends and I were able to just enjoy each other's company and humor and wit. I can't even begin to describe to you how truly good that combination is.

So, I highly recommend the occasional time of forgoing sleep to chat with your creator.

Hmm..

I have a whole slew of things bouncing around in my head.. but I can't seem to get anything coherent or solid to grab a hold of. It's like I have a list of things I want to talk about or process through, but nothing that has solidified to even give me a starting place.

Some things I have been thinking of...

Hope isn't just "wishful thinking" it's a solid foundation.
Which then brings a whole new meaning to:
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1

Joy has nothing to do with happiness or circumstances, and actually is better described as the motivation... or even better the motivation despite terrible circumstances.