The last couple years has been a serious growing stage. I feel as though there is no breaking... and no real hint at an end. However, I have been thinking lately about all the ways I have been growing. I certainly feel much more established and comfortable with who I am and who I am not.
However, having said that, I do not think I have ever "made" it.. There always feels like more to learn, and things I need to get better at. I have no idea what the message and lessons are right now, but I am hoping to get more clarity soon.
I definitely am feeling a stirring inside of me, it is still faint and I have no clear picture as to what it is..
I am reading The Scent of Water by my new sweet friend Naomi Zacharias. She is a sweet joyful woman, that clearly has been through some rough things in her life, not just in her own walk, but due to willingly and purposefully stepping into the lives of others to help them shoulder their burdens.
Reading her book is becoming a neat way for me to almost sit in and dwell on the pain and grief. In this case it is very unique because I am reading her stories of traveling with Wellspring International, and how these stories and situations have impacted her. It has been unique partly because I typically do not read these types of books, but also because in this case I am taking time to allow the feelings and thoughts to sit on my heart and speak to me. At one point in the book she is talking about how sometimes the circumstances going on in your life just make you feel like God has forgotten you, when in reality, He is really the only one who has not... As I read that portion, I felt a welcome and familiar pang of emotion deep down reminding me of the truth that no matter my situation, frustration, irritation, stress level, annoyance, exasperation.. or just straight up pain and grief over things going on in my life, God has not left me to wander alone. It is proving interesting and a good chance of pace in my heart.