Fear has an interesting way of pervading our view, obstructing reality, and coloring life differently. I have realized in the last couple weeks how much fear really can completely change how we see life; it easily becomes the sole focus of my mental energy and leaves me feeling both frustrated and over-reactive.
I also realized about a week ago that, I have essentially two options with my fear, I can do what comes naturally and act as though it is life as usual or I can actually process the fear out... I naturally want to hide the fear due to the fact that it does not require me to be vulnerable.. It is the easier path for me to walk because I can fake confidence... However, if I actually process the fear out and figure out what is causing it, and where it came from to begin with, then I can actually work towards letting it go, taking active steps to release the fear and then move on.
It took me a solid week of flipping back and forth between what is comfortable and safe for me to do and what is quite honestly the best thing for me regardless of my feelings... And then, tonight I realized, I need to process through my fear before it consumes my entire perspective on life... I have never been a fearful person, I love and embrace adventure and the unknown typically, but in a few very out of my control situations the fear paralyzes me... I absolutely refuse to be paralyzed in my life, there are way too many experiences to be had, too many people to love, and way too many things to learn for fear to be the default reaction.
So, with a lot of prayer, a lot of talking, and probably a decent amount of blogging, God and I will work through this fear, and He will pull it out of my unsure and unsteady hands only to replace it with a peace that only He can give... That is what I aim for, regardless of if the fear has any substantiated reality in my life in the future.
Should be a wild and scary ride... oh gosh...
Showing posts with label Adventure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adventure. Show all posts
Dec 6, 2011
Nov 29, 2011
Starting Something That Matters...
This is essentially my "Part 2" of the review for Blake Mycoskie's Start Something That Matters book I just finished reading. The first review was my thoughts on the book itself (which I loved, and seriously I recommend you get it and read it!) , this is going to focus more on the impact the book has had on me, and the way in which I plan on working towards starting my own something that matters.
But first, a little background...
I have been in my career field for around 7-8 years now, I have known that I want to be doing exactly what I have been doing since I was 15 and my uncle painted a gloriously magnificent picture in my mind of what Communications/PR/Advertising (and business) looks like... exciting, energetic, fast paced, hard, challenging.. and mostly just different and adventurous all the time. So, almost 13 years ago I settled on this as my path. All throughout college I knew what I wanted to do, I got a degree and worked in my field throughout college, graduated and jumped right into my field and have been in this field of study ever since... A little over a year ago I felt like I was supposed to go back to school (*tears*), so I have been pursuing a double masters in Business Administration and MS in Leadership.
I have worked in jobs that I loved, hated, was apathetic about, or incredibly passionate about. However, I have always loved helping those who have small businesses or new businesses understand things about communications, marketing, PR, advertising etc.. It has always struck me as sad and frustrating because they typically do the best they can, but there is no way new and small businesses can afford graphic designers, communications people, web designers, etc.. So, I love helping them where I can with whatever I can or at the very least directing them to the friends I have in the particular area they need help in. Essentially I have been doing some form of consulting for five or so years now.
So, while reading Start Something That Matters, I began thinking, why am I not actually pursuing consulting?.. I love it. I love everything about consulting... It is different every day, I get to help people with my skills, I get to network, I get to learn, I get to give business to my friends who are in various different fields.. but mostly, I love the fact that I get to help new or small businesses succeed, which makes a huge difference in the lives of the employees and their families.. The trickle down effect is astronomical!
One of the things that struck me the most about Blake and his approach to business and the philosophy's behind TOMS is how much he truly mixed profit and social responsibility. However, the social responsibility is really what sets the business side apart and makes it successful. The loyalty that is built when a business makes social responsibility one of the main goals is amazing to read in his book, and confirmed for me that everyone wants both of those things, to do something that has a greater purpose and provides/pays the bills. So, due to this, and the fact that I 100% agree with this in my own life and my own desires, the first 10% of income will go to organizations of the "clients" choosing (even before bills are paid).
So, my new business will look something like this... You are a new/small business, you are struggling, need help with a website, advertising, etc.. but you're working on an extremely tight budget. You would hire me to create a package that works for your needs.. after we have spent a decent amount of time building our relationship, my understanding of the needs and goals, I would coordinate with the various professionals (who all have businesses of their own) to help with the specifics needs of your package (web design, graphic design, photographer, videographer etc..) and you would then pick the ones with the styles that match your own tastes... We would work out the payment plan/options, and you would pick which charity you want your 10% going to (everyone has favorites)... but I would of course have a list of my favorites to choose from just in case (because I know so many people who work for amazing charity's as well). Then, I would commence to working to help your business succeed.
My something that matters is helping new and small businesses succeed whether by consulting for them or with them, while also supporting charities that make a difference.
This is a slow process to get this started and going, but I am pumped... Especially since I can start and grow this slowly while I am still working full time and getting my double masters (oye vey.. clearly I don't have enough to do). But, I now have a purpose behind the double masters and the things I am learning working for a national organization, all of these skills will be vitally important later.
Currently I am working on finding a name that captures my idea (feel free to send me any ideas you have), then getting the business squared away both legally, identity wise, and the look and feel of what I am doing (I cannot start a business claiming to help others without first following my own advice and getting websites and things)... Then (and until then) I will also be working on building my network of experts and professionals to partner with me (let me know if you're interested in partnering with me and joining my network). And of course, lots of prayer will be taking place in the next while for this whole thing.
Should be exciting!
But first, a little background...
I have been in my career field for around 7-8 years now, I have known that I want to be doing exactly what I have been doing since I was 15 and my uncle painted a gloriously magnificent picture in my mind of what Communications/PR/Advertising (and business) looks like... exciting, energetic, fast paced, hard, challenging.. and mostly just different and adventurous all the time. So, almost 13 years ago I settled on this as my path. All throughout college I knew what I wanted to do, I got a degree and worked in my field throughout college, graduated and jumped right into my field and have been in this field of study ever since... A little over a year ago I felt like I was supposed to go back to school (*tears*), so I have been pursuing a double masters in Business Administration and MS in Leadership.
I have worked in jobs that I loved, hated, was apathetic about, or incredibly passionate about. However, I have always loved helping those who have small businesses or new businesses understand things about communications, marketing, PR, advertising etc.. It has always struck me as sad and frustrating because they typically do the best they can, but there is no way new and small businesses can afford graphic designers, communications people, web designers, etc.. So, I love helping them where I can with whatever I can or at the very least directing them to the friends I have in the particular area they need help in. Essentially I have been doing some form of consulting for five or so years now.
So, while reading Start Something That Matters, I began thinking, why am I not actually pursuing consulting?.. I love it. I love everything about consulting... It is different every day, I get to help people with my skills, I get to network, I get to learn, I get to give business to my friends who are in various different fields.. but mostly, I love the fact that I get to help new or small businesses succeed, which makes a huge difference in the lives of the employees and their families.. The trickle down effect is astronomical!
One of the things that struck me the most about Blake and his approach to business and the philosophy's behind TOMS is how much he truly mixed profit and social responsibility. However, the social responsibility is really what sets the business side apart and makes it successful. The loyalty that is built when a business makes social responsibility one of the main goals is amazing to read in his book, and confirmed for me that everyone wants both of those things, to do something that has a greater purpose and provides/pays the bills. So, due to this, and the fact that I 100% agree with this in my own life and my own desires, the first 10% of income will go to organizations of the "clients" choosing (even before bills are paid).
So, my new business will look something like this... You are a new/small business, you are struggling, need help with a website, advertising, etc.. but you're working on an extremely tight budget. You would hire me to create a package that works for your needs.. after we have spent a decent amount of time building our relationship, my understanding of the needs and goals, I would coordinate with the various professionals (who all have businesses of their own) to help with the specifics needs of your package (web design, graphic design, photographer, videographer etc..) and you would then pick the ones with the styles that match your own tastes... We would work out the payment plan/options, and you would pick which charity you want your 10% going to (everyone has favorites)... but I would of course have a list of my favorites to choose from just in case (because I know so many people who work for amazing charity's as well). Then, I would commence to working to help your business succeed.
My something that matters is helping new and small businesses succeed whether by consulting for them or with them, while also supporting charities that make a difference.
This is a slow process to get this started and going, but I am pumped... Especially since I can start and grow this slowly while I am still working full time and getting my double masters (oye vey.. clearly I don't have enough to do). But, I now have a purpose behind the double masters and the things I am learning working for a national organization, all of these skills will be vitally important later.
Currently I am working on finding a name that captures my idea (feel free to send me any ideas you have), then getting the business squared away both legally, identity wise, and the look and feel of what I am doing (I cannot start a business claiming to help others without first following my own advice and getting websites and things)... Then (and until then) I will also be working on building my network of experts and professionals to partner with me (let me know if you're interested in partnering with me and joining my network). And of course, lots of prayer will be taking place in the next while for this whole thing.
Should be exciting!
Nov 2, 2011
Longest Stay...
Last night, I laid in bed thinking about the last year, the beginning of the next year, and just sort of taking inventory a bit. I realized that, as of today, I will have lived in one place for the longest amount of time since I was 17... That is almost ten years!
Let me break it down this way...
My senior year of highschool we moved to the first house my parents owned.. and we are all convinced it was made for our family.
About six months later I moved to college (I know it is not really a "move".. but it is if you are a girl haha).. I then proceeded to move to and from college for four years, including to and from summer camps every summer.
After I graduated at 22, I moved home... lived there for almost a year, but in the process had packed all my things preparing to move to Africa, then when that fell through I ended up moving to Ohio for summer camp again. At the end of the summer, I got a job in central VA, packed everything I owned/could fit in my car and made the 12 hour trek to my new "home".
Once in central VA, I lived in a temporary apartment for a month. Then moved into a new (beautiful) apartment for 8 months. Then moved to a cute house with two girls for just under a year. Then moved to an attic (my favorite room ever) of the house my roomie had bought... Lived there for 5 months... Then moved to DC where I have been for JUST over a year now.
So, since my senior year of high school I have yet to live in one house for more than a year... And yet, here I am beginning my second year in this same house, feels weird and good at the same time. Part of me thinks there is no possible way I will make another whole year, but then again, stranger things have happened!
Let me break it down this way...
My senior year of highschool we moved to the first house my parents owned.. and we are all convinced it was made for our family.
About six months later I moved to college (I know it is not really a "move".. but it is if you are a girl haha).. I then proceeded to move to and from college for four years, including to and from summer camps every summer.
After I graduated at 22, I moved home... lived there for almost a year, but in the process had packed all my things preparing to move to Africa, then when that fell through I ended up moving to Ohio for summer camp again. At the end of the summer, I got a job in central VA, packed everything I owned/could fit in my car and made the 12 hour trek to my new "home".
Once in central VA, I lived in a temporary apartment for a month. Then moved into a new (beautiful) apartment for 8 months. Then moved to a cute house with two girls for just under a year. Then moved to an attic (my favorite room ever) of the house my roomie had bought... Lived there for 5 months... Then moved to DC where I have been for JUST over a year now.
So, since my senior year of high school I have yet to live in one house for more than a year... And yet, here I am beginning my second year in this same house, feels weird and good at the same time. Part of me thinks there is no possible way I will make another whole year, but then again, stranger things have happened!
Oct 14, 2011
Before I Die Part II...
This is my ever changing and molding "Before I Die" list that has been slowly forming and growing in my head for years. I initially posted this almost two years ago, but thought I would updated. I have taken a lot of these ideas from family, friends, and other blogs... some I have come up with on my own.. a lot I just heard of and thought it would be awesome. The crossed off ones I have already accomplished, and this will hopefully be every growing, and getting more crossed off. They are in no particular order. Enjoy!
Watch the sunset or sunrise from each side of every ocean: Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic, Southern | Go dog sledding | Go on a Safari in Africa | Scuba dive | Ride a camel in the desert |
See the Pyramids at sunset | Ride an elephant | Tango in a milonga | Build a house start to
finish | Cross the Canadian border | See Cuba | Have a croissant at a French cafe | Go wine tasting at a vineyard in Italy | Take a road trip across the U.S. | Have an exceptional time in Greece |
Drink whiskey at a pub in Ireland | Stay in the ice hotel | Visit that church
made entirely of bones | Make butterscotch from scratch | Go on a
multi-day biking trip | Tube down a river | Get art in a gallery | Attend a Black and White Ball | Grow vegetables in my own garden | Learn to roll in a kayak |
Write a novel | Be conversational in six languages: 1. English 2.
Spanish (this one comes and goes) 3. Sign-Language 4. Greek 5. German 6. Arabic 7. | Set foot on
all seven continents | Set foot in all fifty states | Help someone get
into or through college | Visit ancient ruins | Stand on top of the Great
Wall of China | Get my second degree black belt | Get a tattoo (I have
two) | Learn to snowboard, and ski | Learn to wakeboard and water ski|
Drive a sports car over 100mph | Stand inside the Taj Mahal | Do
something for someone they can never repay | Do two pull ups | Go berry
picking and make completely homemade pies | Have a very large dog |
Ride through the Panama Canal | Go Sky diving | Horseback ride through
a coffee plantation | Make my own perfume | Tithe my whole life | Go to
the Kentucky Derby | Go white water rafting | Taste 1,000 Fruits | Get in the habit of grand loving gestures | Live in a house with a window seat and wrap around porch | Go parasailing | Go paragliding | Swim with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico | Climb a volcano | Climb a glacier | Go rock climbing | Watch the
sunrise or sunset over the Grand Canyon | Watch the Northern Lights | See a shooting star | Attend Loy Krathong, the sky
lantern festival in Thailand | Ring a church bell | Move somewhere new
alone | Organize a retreat |
Learn and be good at all the Latin ballroom dances:
Argentine Tango, Salsa, Cumbia, Merengue, Cha cha, Bachata,
Rumba, Mambo, Bolero, Samba | Go on a cruise | Use my work to improve
lives | Form a workplace with people I love | Participate in a giant food fight |
Make my own list of the hundred best things to eat | Climb a
mountain| Choose fifty favorite places to relax and connect with God | Attend the summer Olympics | Go a day without speaking | Plant a tiny orchard | Throw a block party | Remove money
as a concern | Take a month long vacation without computers | Zip line through a canopy |
Lemonade on the front porch swing on warm summer night | Buy a stock on
my own| Have a big wedding celebration with everyone I love | Christen a
boat | Attend La Tomatina in Spain | Shoot every major gun: Pistol,
Shotgun, Rifle, Muzzleloader, Revolver | Learn to surf | Learn to paddleboard | Be in Spain
for running of the Bulls (but not participate) | See a glacier in
Antarctica | Live in another country for a year | Dive with Manta Rays
in Hawaii | Start a fire without a match | Hike the Inca Trail | Spend the night in a
treehouse | Swim with a whale |
With any luck this list will continue to grow.. and continue to get crossed off!
Nov 14, 2010
Glimpses of Life...
Here are a few pictures from this weekend.. One of my best friends came up to visit and we celebrated her birthday with randomness all weekend long.. plus lots and lots of pictures :) We had fun.
This is the place that is now my life... (didn't take all of these.. half of them were taken by my friend :)
One of many cool memorials:
A fantastic sunset... and an official national building of some sort...
Same sunset.
The White House... aka my house...... JK! ;)
The Metro... A transportation that is unpredictable but often cheaper..
Walking... Lots of walking, LOVE IT! (I'm the all dark one haha)
My friend took this.. I really like this picture for some reason.. :)
Every time I turned around during our exploring she was taking more pictures! haha
Us visiting the Einstein memorial, it was pretty cool!
Albert Einstein's memorial... you can't tell in this picture, but there are metal buttons on the ground... They represent constellations! It was awesome.
Taking a break mid 45-mile walk.. lol
Resting in one of the parks... I love parks in the middle of a busy city.
My life is markedly different then I would have expected a year ago... even a couple months ago. But, I am loving the adventure that is coming my way, the unknown excites me more than it scares me at this point, and since I am totally blind to what is coming, it is forcing me to take everything in stride and open my eyes to the beauty and challenges that are around me. I am learning to delight in the challenges. I am learning to take in differences and recognize them as exactly that, a difference that has more to do with preference, and less to do with right or wrong. I am learning all over again and in new ways how to grow gracefully. I am learning about new cultures, and loving it. I am looking around me and seeing a Savior God lacking in so many people's lives, and it hurts my heart all over again. I am being reminded daily it is not my job to take offenses that are meant towards God, it is my job to love in a very real way. I am learning that in new places with new people, there are different battles to choose... and they are markedly different then other places and with other people... I am welcoming it.
Lord, my love, be here. Guide me.
This is the place that is now my life... (didn't take all of these.. half of them were taken by my friend :)
One of many cool memorials:
A fantastic sunset... and an official national building of some sort...
Same sunset.
The White House... aka my house...... JK! ;)
The Metro... A transportation that is unpredictable but often cheaper..
Walking... Lots of walking, LOVE IT! (I'm the all dark one haha)
My friend took this.. I really like this picture for some reason.. :)
Every time I turned around during our exploring she was taking more pictures! haha
Us visiting the Einstein memorial, it was pretty cool!
Albert Einstein's memorial... you can't tell in this picture, but there are metal buttons on the ground... They represent constellations! It was awesome.
Taking a break mid 45-mile walk.. lol
Resting in one of the parks... I love parks in the middle of a busy city.
My life is markedly different then I would have expected a year ago... even a couple months ago. But, I am loving the adventure that is coming my way, the unknown excites me more than it scares me at this point, and since I am totally blind to what is coming, it is forcing me to take everything in stride and open my eyes to the beauty and challenges that are around me. I am learning to delight in the challenges. I am learning to take in differences and recognize them as exactly that, a difference that has more to do with preference, and less to do with right or wrong. I am learning all over again and in new ways how to grow gracefully. I am learning about new cultures, and loving it. I am looking around me and seeing a Savior God lacking in so many people's lives, and it hurts my heart all over again. I am being reminded daily it is not my job to take offenses that are meant towards God, it is my job to love in a very real way. I am learning that in new places with new people, there are different battles to choose... and they are markedly different then other places and with other people... I am welcoming it.
Lord, my love, be here. Guide me.
Oct 15, 2010
Here I Go Again...
So, just over two years ago I started this blog as way to share my thoughts, feelings, and all the various ways God is shaping me and my worldview. It seemed like such a huge thing because I was packing everything I owned (and could fit) into my car and moving 4 states away to a place I was totally unfamiliar with and knew no one.
This move is not anywhere near as "scary," but I find myself just as torn and excited about moving. I love adventure, I love new things.. especially if they take the form of challenges, and I am really exited about doing things I have never done before! I get to live in a big city that has lots of cool things to do. Riding the metro will allow me to use my commute time for Bible reading or other things I feel compelled to do in the mornings instead of driving! Also, I will probably live alone for at least a while, which I am very ok with at this point because it will allow me to feel stress free about people coming to visit.. and it will give me time and space to create myself a home-safe zone. I am excited about the new challenges and things the new job will present. There are lots of things that will be different, but enough the same that I will feel somewhat comfortable in that.
So, here I go again. Off to new things.. new place, new adventures, trials, laughter, friends, sights, sounds, smells... I am ready for God to show me what's next, and what I need to learn and pay attention to for this next step in my journey. Right now I have no feeling of time like I did last big transition.. So, we shall see what He does :) I am excited.
This move is not anywhere near as "scary," but I find myself just as torn and excited about moving. I love adventure, I love new things.. especially if they take the form of challenges, and I am really exited about doing things I have never done before! I get to live in a big city that has lots of cool things to do. Riding the metro will allow me to use my commute time for Bible reading or other things I feel compelled to do in the mornings instead of driving! Also, I will probably live alone for at least a while, which I am very ok with at this point because it will allow me to feel stress free about people coming to visit.. and it will give me time and space to create myself a home-safe zone. I am excited about the new challenges and things the new job will present. There are lots of things that will be different, but enough the same that I will feel somewhat comfortable in that.
So, here I go again. Off to new things.. new place, new adventures, trials, laughter, friends, sights, sounds, smells... I am ready for God to show me what's next, and what I need to learn and pay attention to for this next step in my journey. Right now I have no feeling of time like I did last big transition.. So, we shall see what He does :) I am excited.
Jul 7, 2010
Trusting the Larger Story...
I went down to Atlanta last weekend to visit my best friend from home (who has obviously now relocated). We have not been able to see each other since before Thanksgiving, and while we talk multiple times a week (via text, phone conversation or video chat), it is never the same as sitting next to each other talking about whatever happens to pop into our heads as a good topic to discuss... And then seeing each other's reaction.
My friend has such a wonderful perspective on life, and we always joke about feeling cooler, prettier, funnier, and just overall more confident when we are together.. "with our powers combined..." ;)
Anyway, we joked all weekend about the fact that we have totally reversed roles.. Last year she drove 12 hours to come see and spend a week with me while she had back problems, family issues, work stresses, various frustrations, and struggles of seeing God's plan.. We spent that week laughing and doing random things (like having a peanutbutter, whipped topping, and oreo cookie fight in my livingroom), and mostly just loved being together and hanging out.. We talked and laughed a LOT that week.
This year, I am the one who drove 7 hours (with traffic.. and it definitely was NOT 12..haha), I also have back problems, work stresses, and various other frustrations, and struggling to see God's plan. This year we spent the weekend laughing, doing random things (like convincing me I actually am thinner than I think and can fit into a smaller size jeans then I have since I was 13!!), and once again we mostly just loved being together and hanging out.. and of course talked and laughed a LOT. This time around we included her fiance!
One of the conversations we had, she mentioned that even though she went through a rough year and things were incredibly difficult... And, even though I felt helpless to change anything, she commented on the fact that she needed to go through those things so she could learn how to trust God. Trust God in a very large way, in a small way, but mostly trust that he is good. That our Lord loves her and that even though she did not really understand what was going on or why, she had to learn to be content in her trust of Him.
Not a big conversation, nothing I have not heard before, and certainly not something I have not thought about recently... But, then I got a forwarded email from my uncle that receives the Ransomed Heart ministry daily devotionals... And, one particular one's title was "The Questions Lodged Deep in our Hearts" It pointed out that while we "know" God means good for us, we begin to struggle when life over and over seems to have failed us, and that slowly we begin building questions deep down inside without realizing it.. Questions like "Why did you allow things to happen like this?" "Why did you make me like this?" "What will you allow to happen next?" ... "Do you REALLY care for me, God?"
At first I read that and I thought "hmm.. that's odd..." and then it was like something clicked inside of my heart.. head.. somewhere. I trust and have faith in my God.. but I still often act like deep down I am so wounded that I will just approach the future as though I have no option but to "suck it up" "get over it" ... instead of with a peace and grace that can only come if I truly, honestly, and passionately seek my Savior.. And, then allow him to move me forward, while also moving IN me, and then asking and accepting the constant renewal of the Krista I am supposed to be. Not in the totally controlled and manipulated way, but in a rolling with the waves and finding joy in them.
I love my Savior with more words and with more passion and feelings then I can really express. But, I realized this week I am wounded and expecting life to move on with or without me.. So, my only option is to suck it up and accept it, and continue marching onward right?.. No, that attitude leaves no room for peace and grace to overcome me, nor does it leave room for joy to find its way back into every facet of my life.
I realize things have been awful in my life over the last while, but I also know that I really honestly DO trust the larger story that I am a part of. I know without any doubts that in the end, it will all be worth everything, and I know I would gladly do it all over again. So, while the pain is now.. the joy is coming, and the larger story is really an incredible adventure that I get the chance to go through and experience.
My friend has such a wonderful perspective on life, and we always joke about feeling cooler, prettier, funnier, and just overall more confident when we are together.. "with our powers combined..." ;)
Anyway, we joked all weekend about the fact that we have totally reversed roles.. Last year she drove 12 hours to come see and spend a week with me while she had back problems, family issues, work stresses, various frustrations, and struggles of seeing God's plan.. We spent that week laughing and doing random things (like having a peanutbutter, whipped topping, and oreo cookie fight in my livingroom), and mostly just loved being together and hanging out.. We talked and laughed a LOT that week.
This year, I am the one who drove 7 hours (with traffic.. and it definitely was NOT 12..haha), I also have back problems, work stresses, and various other frustrations, and struggling to see God's plan. This year we spent the weekend laughing, doing random things (like convincing me I actually am thinner than I think and can fit into a smaller size jeans then I have since I was 13!!), and once again we mostly just loved being together and hanging out.. and of course talked and laughed a LOT. This time around we included her fiance!
One of the conversations we had, she mentioned that even though she went through a rough year and things were incredibly difficult... And, even though I felt helpless to change anything, she commented on the fact that she needed to go through those things so she could learn how to trust God. Trust God in a very large way, in a small way, but mostly trust that he is good. That our Lord loves her and that even though she did not really understand what was going on or why, she had to learn to be content in her trust of Him.
Not a big conversation, nothing I have not heard before, and certainly not something I have not thought about recently... But, then I got a forwarded email from my uncle that receives the Ransomed Heart ministry daily devotionals... And, one particular one's title was "The Questions Lodged Deep in our Hearts" It pointed out that while we "know" God means good for us, we begin to struggle when life over and over seems to have failed us, and that slowly we begin building questions deep down inside without realizing it.. Questions like "Why did you allow things to happen like this?" "Why did you make me like this?" "What will you allow to happen next?" ... "Do you REALLY care for me, God?"
At first I read that and I thought "hmm.. that's odd..." and then it was like something clicked inside of my heart.. head.. somewhere. I trust and have faith in my God.. but I still often act like deep down I am so wounded that I will just approach the future as though I have no option but to "suck it up" "get over it" ... instead of with a peace and grace that can only come if I truly, honestly, and passionately seek my Savior.. And, then allow him to move me forward, while also moving IN me, and then asking and accepting the constant renewal of the Krista I am supposed to be. Not in the totally controlled and manipulated way, but in a rolling with the waves and finding joy in them.
I love my Savior with more words and with more passion and feelings then I can really express. But, I realized this week I am wounded and expecting life to move on with or without me.. So, my only option is to suck it up and accept it, and continue marching onward right?.. No, that attitude leaves no room for peace and grace to overcome me, nor does it leave room for joy to find its way back into every facet of my life.
I realize things have been awful in my life over the last while, but I also know that I really honestly DO trust the larger story that I am a part of. I know without any doubts that in the end, it will all be worth everything, and I know I would gladly do it all over again. So, while the pain is now.. the joy is coming, and the larger story is really an incredible adventure that I get the chance to go through and experience.
Jun 17, 2010
Before I die...
I originally posted this on another blog my cousin Rach and I are doing together.. but I thought I would share it here too..
Once a long time ago made a list of things I would like to do before I die... Then my computer's hard drive crashed and I lost it.. Then I made another, and my new computer's hard drive crashed too... So, this is a newly revised, new list that is hardly complete, but it is slowly getting there.. The list is in no particular order... at all, and I have tagged the ones I have accomplished.. but I left them on here because it is kind of a cool thing to see what you have accomplished :) I hope you enjoy my list, and steal from it to start your own!
Once a long time ago made a list of things I would like to do before I die... Then my computer's hard drive crashed and I lost it.. Then I made another, and my new computer's hard drive crashed too... So, this is a newly revised, new list that is hardly complete, but it is slowly getting there.. The list is in no particular order... at all, and I have tagged the ones I have accomplished.. but I left them on here because it is kind of a cool thing to see what you have accomplished :) I hope you enjoy my list, and steal from it to start your own!
Watch the sunset or sunrise from each side of every ocean: **Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic, Southern | Go dog sledding | **Go on a Safari in Africa | **Scuba dive | Ride a camel in the desert | Pyramids at sunset | Tango in a milonga | Build a house start to finish | **Cross the Canadian border | See Cuba | Have a croissant at a French cafe | Take a road trip across the U.S. | Have an exceptional time in Greece | Whiskey at a pub in Ireland | Stay in the ice hotel | Visit that church made entirely of bones | Make butterscotch from scratch | Go on a multi-day biking trip | Get art in a gallery | Attend a Black and White Ball | Grow vegetables in my own garden | Learn to roll in a kayak | Write a novel | Be conversational in six languages: **1. English **2. Spanish 3. Sign-Language 4. Greek 5. German 6. Arabic 7. | Set foot on all seven continents | Set foot in all fifty states | Help someone get into or through college | **Visit ancient ruins | Stand atop the Great Wall of China | Get my second degree black belt | **Get a tattoo (I have two) | Learn to snowboard, and ski| **Learn to wakeboard and water ski| Drive a sports car over 100mph| Stand inside the Taj Mahal | Do something for someone they can never repay| **Do two pull ups | Go berry picking and make completely homemade pies | Have a large dog again | Ride through the Panama Canal | Go Sky diving | **Horseback ride through a coffee plantation| Make my own perfume | Tithe my whole life | Go to the Kentucky Derby | **Go white water rafting | Taste 1,000 Fruits | Get in the habit of grand loving gestures | Live in a house with a window seat and wrap around porch | Go parasailing | Go paragliding | Swim with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico | **Climb a volcano | **Climb a glacier | Go rock climbing | Watch the sunrise or sunset over the Grand Canyon | Attend Loy Krathong, the sky lantern festival in Thailand | Ring a church bell | **Move somewhere new alone | Organize a retreat | Rewire a lamp | Learn and be good at all the Latin ballroom dances: Argentine Tango, **Salsa, **Cumbia, **Merengue, **Cha cha, **Bachata, Rumba, Mambo, Bolero, Samba | Go on a cruise | Use my work to improve lives | Form a workplace with people I love | Participate in a giant food fight | Make my own list of the hundred best things to eat | **Climb a mountain| Choose fifty favorite places to relax and connect with God | Go a day without speaking | Plant a tiny orchard | Own a lot of land and create a “middle of no where” feel| Throw a block party | Remove money as a concern | Take a month long vacation without computers | Zip line through a canopy | Lemonade on the front porch swing on warm summer night | Buy a stock on my own| Have a big wedding celebration with everyone I love | Christen a boat | Attend La Tomatina in Spain | Shoot every major gun: **Pistol, Shotgun, **Rifle, Muzzleloader, Revolver | Learn to surf | Be in Spain for running of the Bulls (but not participate) | See a glacier in Antarctica | Live in another country for a year | Dive with Manta Rays in Hawaii | **Start a fire without a match | Live in a converted barn with an ocean view | Hike the Inca Trail. | Spend the night in a treehouse | See a space shuttle launch | Swim with a whale
I hope you had a blast and got some ideas seeing the start of the fun things I want to try to do in my life!
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