Spend about .03 seconds around me and you figure out I am a leader, I have a dominant personality, and I am not afraid to step up and try, even if that means I might fail. You also will realize that while these are definitely defining characteristics of me, I am also just as happy to follow someone else's lead as long as I have no moral objections... With that being said, one of the biggest challenges with being a natural born leader is following someone who makes poor decisions or makes decisions that you do not understand the reasoning behind.There is a vastly different approach taken by great leaders and poor leaders (which really tend to just be managers). You see, great leaders inspire us, they teach us, encourage us, educate us, and in doing these things, they also motivate us to action. To simply obey someone because of their position is not effective nor do I think it is what we are supposed to do (**please note I realize there are certain situations such as war/military that require obeying, but since I am not in these situations I am referring merely to my own life/situation).
Except for my Lord or told to by Him, I see no reason to obey someone, let alone obey them blindly. To obey someone takes away the choice because it is understood that you were commanded, were informed of what your actions will be; much like a child is told to go brush their teeth and get into bed. While being commanded is not something I respond to kindly, I will gladly choose to follow someone, there are even times that I choose to follow without having all of the details, namely because I trust the person and their judgement.
Now that I have established in possibly the broadest sense my view on leadership and obeying in general, I think leadership, obeying, and marriage are an entirely different ballgame than any other type of leading/following. I also realize that I am about to launch myself into a conversation of sorts that I have no experience in due to my status as "single, never married," however, while my thoughts may change at some point in the future (near or far), this is where I currently stand on the idea of marriage as it pertains to leading, following, obeying, submitting and God...
I firmly believe that regardless of the natural ability for a wife to lead (i.e. my natural tendency), it is the God designed role of the husband to lead their marriage, which is not to be confused for making all the decisions. I think the type of leadership required in a marriage more resembles a couple dancing than anything else. In order for the leadership of the husband to work well and effectively, it requires the husband to ask the wife to "dance," move, and follow his plan and guidance, but in no way can he accomplish it without truly asking and her choosing to accept each and every move he purposes. When a couple is dancing, the man has no hope of effectively or gracefully completing the dance if his approach is to lead with force or abrupt decisions, instead the most graceful and successful dances require the guy to know what he wants to do, and gently yet clearly asking his partner if she will follow. The success is contingent upon the signal from the guy being clear, and then the girl choosing to follow or not. Once she has chosen to follow, she has the freedom to add flair, additional footwork or change up the speed at which she completes the moves (sometimes, not always is there this opportunity to change footwork and speed..). But, her freedom to change the small things as she follows the guy creates a dance which is both more graceful and more beautiful than he alone could have ever hoped for, and it could never have taken place had he tried forcing her to move. However, the effectiveness, grace, possible style and speed that the whole dance takes on is completely dependent on the guy to know where he's going and how, as well as the trust he has cultivated with his partner. The more familiar she is with him and his style, the more likely she is to follow without knowing where she will end up. Sometimes, she will recognize the pattern and other times she will be completely lost in the love and joy of the dance.
So, back to my view of what it means to lead and follow in a marriage. While I think it is the role of the husband to lead, I do not think that equates making all the decisions, nor do I think it means deciding on his own, I think it has much more to do with spiritual leadership, which is also not to be confused with him taking the place of God for the wife. I think she is still just as responsible for pursuing and putting God first in her life as he is. However, men and women have dramatically different views of the world, and I think that fact is not only interesting, but essential and on purpose. Viewing the world differently with varying approaches allows couples to not only make the "correct choice" but also to use the best possible tactic in the situation. I think the best marriages are when everything is tackled as a team... Which does not mean everything is equal or fair, but that the expectation is that each person is in it with the other person's (or entire family's) best interest at heart. I think to lead AND to follow is hard, but hard for different reasons. Once married if the wife suddenly just starts "obeying" her husband, she stops being the woman he fell in love with because while they were dating she is not commanded to submit, that only takes effect once she becomes his wife. Sure there are steps and processes towards "two becoming one," and I have no doubt part of this process includes the girlfriend learning to be a fiance, learning to be a wife... but she cannot merely switch to obeying him, nor should that be what he wants, and if that is, then there is either a lot of fighting in his future or a mere shadow of the marriage he could have had.
So, I 100% agree with the Bible that husbands should "love their wives" and wives should "submit to their husbands"... but, let's not forget we are also told to " Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21)...
And, in order for a husband to lead his wife, he is told to love her:
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When
I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I
reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13
I think it is important to point out, it is not the job of the wife to make her husband love her, and it is not the job of the husband to make his wife submit. Both commands are between the person and God alone. I do however think it looks slightly different for every couple due to the different strengths, abilities, skills, weaknesses, etc.. No two marriages will look the same, which means the leadership/teamwork styles cannot look identical either. Leading me will look dramatically different than leading any other woman because of my strengths and weaknesses, as well as my (possibly) future husband's.
From my entirely naive of personal experience view of marriage, I think it is one of the most difficult, challenging, frustrating, but entirely worth it choices two people can make. And, I challenge you to re-evaluate your view of leadership, obeying, and marriage once more after viewing this video about Ian and Larissa's marriage.
Talk about a true authentic loving marriage.
Showing posts with label Leadership. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leadership. Show all posts
May 22, 2012
Nov 29, 2011
Starting Something That Matters...
This is essentially my "Part 2" of the review for Blake Mycoskie's Start Something That Matters book I just finished reading. The first review was my thoughts on the book itself (which I loved, and seriously I recommend you get it and read it!) , this is going to focus more on the impact the book has had on me, and the way in which I plan on working towards starting my own something that matters.
But first, a little background...
I have been in my career field for around 7-8 years now, I have known that I want to be doing exactly what I have been doing since I was 15 and my uncle painted a gloriously magnificent picture in my mind of what Communications/PR/Advertising (and business) looks like... exciting, energetic, fast paced, hard, challenging.. and mostly just different and adventurous all the time. So, almost 13 years ago I settled on this as my path. All throughout college I knew what I wanted to do, I got a degree and worked in my field throughout college, graduated and jumped right into my field and have been in this field of study ever since... A little over a year ago I felt like I was supposed to go back to school (*tears*), so I have been pursuing a double masters in Business Administration and MS in Leadership.
I have worked in jobs that I loved, hated, was apathetic about, or incredibly passionate about. However, I have always loved helping those who have small businesses or new businesses understand things about communications, marketing, PR, advertising etc.. It has always struck me as sad and frustrating because they typically do the best they can, but there is no way new and small businesses can afford graphic designers, communications people, web designers, etc.. So, I love helping them where I can with whatever I can or at the very least directing them to the friends I have in the particular area they need help in. Essentially I have been doing some form of consulting for five or so years now.
So, while reading Start Something That Matters, I began thinking, why am I not actually pursuing consulting?.. I love it. I love everything about consulting... It is different every day, I get to help people with my skills, I get to network, I get to learn, I get to give business to my friends who are in various different fields.. but mostly, I love the fact that I get to help new or small businesses succeed, which makes a huge difference in the lives of the employees and their families.. The trickle down effect is astronomical!
One of the things that struck me the most about Blake and his approach to business and the philosophy's behind TOMS is how much he truly mixed profit and social responsibility. However, the social responsibility is really what sets the business side apart and makes it successful. The loyalty that is built when a business makes social responsibility one of the main goals is amazing to read in his book, and confirmed for me that everyone wants both of those things, to do something that has a greater purpose and provides/pays the bills. So, due to this, and the fact that I 100% agree with this in my own life and my own desires, the first 10% of income will go to organizations of the "clients" choosing (even before bills are paid).
So, my new business will look something like this... You are a new/small business, you are struggling, need help with a website, advertising, etc.. but you're working on an extremely tight budget. You would hire me to create a package that works for your needs.. after we have spent a decent amount of time building our relationship, my understanding of the needs and goals, I would coordinate with the various professionals (who all have businesses of their own) to help with the specifics needs of your package (web design, graphic design, photographer, videographer etc..) and you would then pick the ones with the styles that match your own tastes... We would work out the payment plan/options, and you would pick which charity you want your 10% going to (everyone has favorites)... but I would of course have a list of my favorites to choose from just in case (because I know so many people who work for amazing charity's as well). Then, I would commence to working to help your business succeed.
My something that matters is helping new and small businesses succeed whether by consulting for them or with them, while also supporting charities that make a difference.
This is a slow process to get this started and going, but I am pumped... Especially since I can start and grow this slowly while I am still working full time and getting my double masters (oye vey.. clearly I don't have enough to do). But, I now have a purpose behind the double masters and the things I am learning working for a national organization, all of these skills will be vitally important later.
Currently I am working on finding a name that captures my idea (feel free to send me any ideas you have), then getting the business squared away both legally, identity wise, and the look and feel of what I am doing (I cannot start a business claiming to help others without first following my own advice and getting websites and things)... Then (and until then) I will also be working on building my network of experts and professionals to partner with me (let me know if you're interested in partnering with me and joining my network). And of course, lots of prayer will be taking place in the next while for this whole thing.
Should be exciting!
But first, a little background...
I have been in my career field for around 7-8 years now, I have known that I want to be doing exactly what I have been doing since I was 15 and my uncle painted a gloriously magnificent picture in my mind of what Communications/PR/Advertising (and business) looks like... exciting, energetic, fast paced, hard, challenging.. and mostly just different and adventurous all the time. So, almost 13 years ago I settled on this as my path. All throughout college I knew what I wanted to do, I got a degree and worked in my field throughout college, graduated and jumped right into my field and have been in this field of study ever since... A little over a year ago I felt like I was supposed to go back to school (*tears*), so I have been pursuing a double masters in Business Administration and MS in Leadership.
I have worked in jobs that I loved, hated, was apathetic about, or incredibly passionate about. However, I have always loved helping those who have small businesses or new businesses understand things about communications, marketing, PR, advertising etc.. It has always struck me as sad and frustrating because they typically do the best they can, but there is no way new and small businesses can afford graphic designers, communications people, web designers, etc.. So, I love helping them where I can with whatever I can or at the very least directing them to the friends I have in the particular area they need help in. Essentially I have been doing some form of consulting for five or so years now.
So, while reading Start Something That Matters, I began thinking, why am I not actually pursuing consulting?.. I love it. I love everything about consulting... It is different every day, I get to help people with my skills, I get to network, I get to learn, I get to give business to my friends who are in various different fields.. but mostly, I love the fact that I get to help new or small businesses succeed, which makes a huge difference in the lives of the employees and their families.. The trickle down effect is astronomical!
One of the things that struck me the most about Blake and his approach to business and the philosophy's behind TOMS is how much he truly mixed profit and social responsibility. However, the social responsibility is really what sets the business side apart and makes it successful. The loyalty that is built when a business makes social responsibility one of the main goals is amazing to read in his book, and confirmed for me that everyone wants both of those things, to do something that has a greater purpose and provides/pays the bills. So, due to this, and the fact that I 100% agree with this in my own life and my own desires, the first 10% of income will go to organizations of the "clients" choosing (even before bills are paid).
So, my new business will look something like this... You are a new/small business, you are struggling, need help with a website, advertising, etc.. but you're working on an extremely tight budget. You would hire me to create a package that works for your needs.. after we have spent a decent amount of time building our relationship, my understanding of the needs and goals, I would coordinate with the various professionals (who all have businesses of their own) to help with the specifics needs of your package (web design, graphic design, photographer, videographer etc..) and you would then pick the ones with the styles that match your own tastes... We would work out the payment plan/options, and you would pick which charity you want your 10% going to (everyone has favorites)... but I would of course have a list of my favorites to choose from just in case (because I know so many people who work for amazing charity's as well). Then, I would commence to working to help your business succeed.
My something that matters is helping new and small businesses succeed whether by consulting for them or with them, while also supporting charities that make a difference.
This is a slow process to get this started and going, but I am pumped... Especially since I can start and grow this slowly while I am still working full time and getting my double masters (oye vey.. clearly I don't have enough to do). But, I now have a purpose behind the double masters and the things I am learning working for a national organization, all of these skills will be vitally important later.
Currently I am working on finding a name that captures my idea (feel free to send me any ideas you have), then getting the business squared away both legally, identity wise, and the look and feel of what I am doing (I cannot start a business claiming to help others without first following my own advice and getting websites and things)... Then (and until then) I will also be working on building my network of experts and professionals to partner with me (let me know if you're interested in partnering with me and joining my network). And of course, lots of prayer will be taking place in the next while for this whole thing.
Should be exciting!
May 9, 2009
Capable Princess...
So, I've been thinking for a while about what role I feel I play in a relationship with a boy who is interested in me. My views and beliefs have changed significantly since high school (praise Jesus!). And, they've even changed in the few months I've lived in VA.
So, while this is not going to be my final answer.. This IS my answer right now, and at least a step in my journey to figure out who I'm supposed to be, and who my Savior created me to be.
I used to hate the idea of being a "princess" I always viewed them as helpless... Until Princess Jasmine came along.. haha That's right, she was always my favorite because she was capable and strong.. and of course lets not forget insanely beautiful! I liked that she had a tiger too ;) But, I soon forgot about my liking of her.. and began once again to despise the idea of being a princess.. mostly because every girl I knew who was described that way was 1. High maintenance 2. whiny 3. Obnoxious 4. Helpless and 5. Shallow. All qualities I barely tolerated in girls I knew.. so I hated the idea of being described as one... and still to this day it baffles me how THAT, is what guys look for in a girl to pursue first.. I was always told they were "girlfriend material" and I was "wife material.." yet now most of them are married and I am still just as single as they come :)
Recently (within the last year or so) I've begun to revisit the idea of being a princess.. Not because I want to be a pink wearing, crown toting, carriage riding princess.. But, because there is something about being a princess that means being beautiful and treasured.. Both of which I want. Now, what I don't want is to become helpless.. my parents raised me better than that, and that quickly becomes boring anyway.
What I want is to be a capable princess. One who CAN do anything I choose, one who has the ability and the knowledge to carry out difficult tasks... One like the princesses in Lord of the Rings.. Beautiful, capable, and they were seriously needed to complete the mission in some manner or another. They are faithful, loving, beautiful, strong, and can wield a sword with the best of them! ;) ... Yet through it all they are cherished. Not adored as though they are God... but cherished, cared for, loved, and sacrifices are made to ensure they are taken care of... aka unconditionally loved (agape kind).
Its like in dancing... I LOVE dancing. And, what I mean by that is, I love real dancing, where you have a partner and he moves you effortlessly around the floor, and it looks smooth, beautiful, and of course fun! But, when you're dancing, if the girl doesn't allow him to lead it becomes awkward, rigid, and doesn't flow... not to mention can become aggravating. But, when it's perfect is when the guy leads, and the girl not only allows him to lead, but CHOOSES to follow his directions... both verbal and non-verbal. When I'm dancing with a guy who lets say knows how to Salsa dance beautifully.. I can follow awkwardly because I don't know where he's moving next so I fight it or delay in following.. Or, I can allow him to move me, and just trust his ability to "feel the music"... No matter how good I am, it doesn't look as good, isn't as much fun, and doesn't feel right if I lead... that's his place even if I know how to.
I'm not interested in men who don't lead because "it's easier to let her." Nope, be the man and man up... I want him to push back, be the man I can look in the eyes and tell he's sending me the signals to dance and twirl with him in our beautiful flowing dance.. and then decide I can trust him enough to follow his directions. I'm not interested in a man who lets me lead because I can... I will quickly decide he is not worth following, because otherwise just like in dancing.. we won't move anywhere, it won't be beautiful, it won't be fun, and instead it will just be awkward, rigid, and it won't flow right.
I've decided I like the idea of being a princess... but really I just want to be the capable princess.. I want my prince.. Because, lets be honest, he's always the dashing one that's buff and the hero of the story.. ;) But, we also have a father who is the King... and I want my prince and I to follow our Savior King... Yet through it all I want to know that I am cherished for who I've been created to be, and that he will go to great lengths to create our dance together so it's beautiful, fun, and flows... Even if we have hard times we will be dancing through it together knowing that it's the best most beautiful thing we have because he's leading and I'm trusting him enough to follow...
Knowing that what we have, is pleasing to our King.
So, while this is not going to be my final answer.. This IS my answer right now, and at least a step in my journey to figure out who I'm supposed to be, and who my Savior created me to be.
I used to hate the idea of being a "princess" I always viewed them as helpless... Until Princess Jasmine came along.. haha That's right, she was always my favorite because she was capable and strong.. and of course lets not forget insanely beautiful! I liked that she had a tiger too ;) But, I soon forgot about my liking of her.. and began once again to despise the idea of being a princess.. mostly because every girl I knew who was described that way was 1. High maintenance 2. whiny 3. Obnoxious 4. Helpless and 5. Shallow. All qualities I barely tolerated in girls I knew.. so I hated the idea of being described as one... and still to this day it baffles me how THAT, is what guys look for in a girl to pursue first.. I was always told they were "girlfriend material" and I was "wife material.." yet now most of them are married and I am still just as single as they come :)
Recently (within the last year or so) I've begun to revisit the idea of being a princess.. Not because I want to be a pink wearing, crown toting, carriage riding princess.. But, because there is something about being a princess that means being beautiful and treasured.. Both of which I want. Now, what I don't want is to become helpless.. my parents raised me better than that, and that quickly becomes boring anyway.
What I want is to be a capable princess. One who CAN do anything I choose, one who has the ability and the knowledge to carry out difficult tasks... One like the princesses in Lord of the Rings.. Beautiful, capable, and they were seriously needed to complete the mission in some manner or another. They are faithful, loving, beautiful, strong, and can wield a sword with the best of them! ;) ... Yet through it all they are cherished. Not adored as though they are God... but cherished, cared for, loved, and sacrifices are made to ensure they are taken care of... aka unconditionally loved (agape kind).
Its like in dancing... I LOVE dancing. And, what I mean by that is, I love real dancing, where you have a partner and he moves you effortlessly around the floor, and it looks smooth, beautiful, and of course fun! But, when you're dancing, if the girl doesn't allow him to lead it becomes awkward, rigid, and doesn't flow... not to mention can become aggravating. But, when it's perfect is when the guy leads, and the girl not only allows him to lead, but CHOOSES to follow his directions... both verbal and non-verbal. When I'm dancing with a guy who lets say knows how to Salsa dance beautifully.. I can follow awkwardly because I don't know where he's moving next so I fight it or delay in following.. Or, I can allow him to move me, and just trust his ability to "feel the music"... No matter how good I am, it doesn't look as good, isn't as much fun, and doesn't feel right if I lead... that's his place even if I know how to.
I'm not interested in men who don't lead because "it's easier to let her." Nope, be the man and man up... I want him to push back, be the man I can look in the eyes and tell he's sending me the signals to dance and twirl with him in our beautiful flowing dance.. and then decide I can trust him enough to follow his directions. I'm not interested in a man who lets me lead because I can... I will quickly decide he is not worth following, because otherwise just like in dancing.. we won't move anywhere, it won't be beautiful, it won't be fun, and instead it will just be awkward, rigid, and it won't flow right.
I've decided I like the idea of being a princess... but really I just want to be the capable princess.. I want my prince.. Because, lets be honest, he's always the dashing one that's buff and the hero of the story.. ;) But, we also have a father who is the King... and I want my prince and I to follow our Savior King... Yet through it all I want to know that I am cherished for who I've been created to be, and that he will go to great lengths to create our dance together so it's beautiful, fun, and flows... Even if we have hard times we will be dancing through it together knowing that it's the best most beautiful thing we have because he's leading and I'm trusting him enough to follow...
Knowing that what we have, is pleasing to our King.
Apr 3, 2009
Women in Leadership...
So, I'm tired of this debate/fight.. I'm going to go through and post what I know on women in leadership (all of the following is thanks to my daddy's amazing understanding of the Bible and his ability to explain it). I'm tired or trying to explain why I think it's ok... and I'm not gonna lie I do it totally out of selfish reasons. I want to prove them wrong because I am the type of girl who is gifted with leadership... so if you think women can't be in leadership, then you essentially are telling me I am sinning simply by utilizing my strengths and gifts.. That is just too hard for me to swallow, especially coming from people/men I respect.
This is a marathon of a Blog, but I didn't feel like splitting it up into a couple blogs.. Figured giving all of the information my dad gave me at one time would be the best... It's broken up into sections to make it easier, and most but not all the verses are labeled at the bottom. Haha... Goodluck.
So, with that being said.. here's what I believe on the issue of women in leadership:
Starting with the verses..
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." - Gal. 3:28
"For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him." - Rom. 10:12
Ok, that's where it all starts... Now, onto the juicy meat part of this whole thing... (and again, this is all my daddy :)
This is a marathon of a Blog, but I didn't feel like splitting it up into a couple blogs.. Figured giving all of the information my dad gave me at one time would be the best... It's broken up into sections to make it easier, and most but not all the verses are labeled at the bottom. Haha... Goodluck.
So, with that being said.. here's what I believe on the issue of women in leadership:
Starting with the verses..
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." - Gal. 3:28
"For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him." - Rom. 10:12
Ok, that's where it all starts... Now, onto the juicy meat part of this whole thing... (and again, this is all my daddy :)
"Let a wife quietly receive instruction with respectful submissiveness. But I do not allow a wife to be continuously teaching, nor to exercise autonomous control over her husband, but to be in quietness. For Adam was created first, then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but his wife who was deceived." 1 Timothy 2:11-14
The above is taken directly from the Greek, emphasizing how it should be translated based on the normal translation rules for these Greek words. First thing to notice, due to the relationship of (“woman, wife”) to (“man, husband”) in the sentence, particularly the way it is compared to the first husband and wife, they should be translated with the specific "wife" and "husband," not the general "woman" and "man." In Greek, the only way to determine if the words should be specific (husband and wife) or general (man and woman) was context, and the context here points to the specific, not the general.
However, even if one refuses to accept that this is about husbands and wives, the idea that it forbids women from having spiritual authority over men in the church still has problems, as I address below.
When written as it should be translated, you see that this is speaking to the husband-wife relationship, NOT to positions within the fellowship. The assumption underlying this sentence is the culture in which these people lived. In this culture, men were taught in public, and they then had the responsibility to instruct their wives in private. This was not a rule laid down by the church, this is the way the SOCIETY functioned. As with many social issues in Christianity, this was NOT a laying down of laws within the body of Christ, but an explanation of how a husband-wife relationship should function within this specific culture. Remember, Paul told us in very clear terms, within the bounds of morality, to adapt to the culture we find ourselves in so that we may more readily bring those in that culture to Christ (1 Corinthians 9:19-23)
Our culture does not have the men learning publicly and the women learning privately, so there is less application here to us.
.....Teaching.....
This cultural approach to teaching had carried over into the church, since the people were used to public teaching to be to the men, and the women to receive private instruction from their parents or husbands. That was simply the way their society ran, and so that practice had continued in the church.
In the sentence "I do not allow a wife to continuously teach," our first clue that this is NOT talking about the fellowship as a whole is that it references a WIFE. This is a relationship issue, not a church issue.
The second clue is that the verb appears in the wrong tense. If the prohibition against teaching were absolute, it would have been an aorist infinitive: "I do not allow a wife to teach - ever." Being a present infinitive, it means "I do not allow a wife to teach continuously." Since it was the husbands who were being given the public education, the wives needed to be spending some of their times LEARNING from their husbands. The very choice of constructions, however, indicates the wives DID teach. Paul just says they should not be doing it constantly.
.... Authority.....
Wives are also not allowed to exercise absolute autonomous control over their husbands. The first thing to note is that this is the only place in the NT that this word (authenteo – “autonomous authority that answers to no one, dominating, oppressive authority”) appears. Because it is not used anywhere else in the Bible, we have to go to extra-biblical sources to be certain of its meaning. In classical Greek, it meant someone who was free from the authority of ANYONE, had become a law unto themselves, and exercised a control over those under them that was complete and total, even to the point of being able to decide if those people lived or died. No one could judge what they did, because no one was above them. This was the kind of authority wielded by tyrants, and as a result, this word is always used in a negative sense.
In reality, only God has that kind of authority, but this is a critical point in understanding this word: it is never used of God in the Bible because it has a built in negative implication of “abuse of authority.” The difference in meaning between exousia (the usual word for “authority” in the Bible) and authenteo (“autonomous authority”) is similar to the differences in meaning between “ruler” and “tyrant.” These two words have the same basic meaning, but tyrant includes the additional negative idea of a supreme ruler, answering to no one, who abuses his authority. Likewise, authenteo has the additional idea of someone who answers to no one (or acts like they answer to no one), and thus, begins to abuse their authority.
This is such an extreme word that it really is best translated "absolute autonomous control.” It is equivalent to addressing a congregation and stating, "wives do not have the right to murder their husbands." The most appropriate response to something so obvious would probably be (to borrow from my teen-aged daughter), "No duh!" But since Paul addresses it so seriously, it is almost as though some people might be expected to respond with, "Aw, rats. I thought we did!"
It raises the question, why did the wives have to be addressed about something so extreme?
I can't imagine this statement by Paul being greeted with anything other than stunned silence. I don't know what was happening in that fellowship, but it must have been fairly outrageous for Paul to use such an extreme word (and this is the ONLY place he uses it ever), particularly since HUSBANDS did not have this kind of authority over their WIVES either (masters didn't even have that kind of control over their slaves). Greek has a lot of other words that are much more moderated (such as katexousia or exousia). The only person in the Roman Empire who might be said to have this kind of authority was Caesar (and if used of him, it was considered an insult, not a compliment).
The only thing I can figure is that Paul specifically used this word for the shock value. Something was happening within the fellowship in the way wives were treating their husbands, and Paul intentionally overstated the issue to get their attention. In other words, it is similar to saying "if you hate your brother, you are a murderer" (1 John 3:15). It casts the situation in extreme language to illustrate how important this issue really is.
For some reason, Paul did not feel the husbands did needed to be TOLD this, while the wives did. It is worth noting, however, that it does NOT say husbands DO have this kind of authority over wives, either.
His use of this extreme word, BTW, indicates that wives DID exercise authority, but some had tried to take their authority and become miniature tyrants, dictators who answered to no one and whose words could never be questioned. If Paul had meant they had no authority at all, he would have used a completely different word (the primary word for authority in the NT is exousia).
Those who believe that women cannot exercise authority in the church need to answer the question, why does the bible NEVER say that women cannot have exousia over men? This word has no negative connotations, and it is used of all levels of authority, from soldiers in the military (Matthew 8:9), to the civil authority of human leaders (Luke 20:20), to the legal authority of life and death (John 19:10), to indicate that all authority of any kind comes from God (Romans 13:1), to spiritual authority over demons and sickness (Matthew 10:1), to the spiritual authority of church leaders (2 Corinthians 13:10), to the authority of Jesus over all of creation (Matthew 28:18).
If someone wishes to dispute that this verse is about wives and husbands, the central issues remain the same. Women are forbidden to become tyrants. They are forbidden to exercise a negative, totalitarian type of authority that NO ONE is supposed to use. That, frankly, is about ATTITUDE, not position.
Bottom line, women are NEVER forbidden to exercise exousia in the church.
....Women in the Church....
"Let your wives be quiet in the churches, for it is not allowed to them to be continuously speaking, but to be in submissive, even as the law says. But if they desire to learn something, let them question their husbands at home; for it is a shame for a wife to speak in church." 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
The Message translation actually catches the force of this paragraph best:
“Wives must not disrupt worship, talking when they should be listening, asking questions that could more appropriately be asked of their husbands at home. God's Book of the law guides our manners and customs here. Wives have no license to use the time of worship for unwarranted speaking.”
Again, this is not about POSITIONS within the church, this is about husbands and wives, and the difference between FREEDOM and LICENSE.
First of all, this is dealing with a situation of service disruption between HUSBANDS and WIVES, not just of women in general. If it is an absolute reference to being able to speak, it means SINGLE women were exempt from this prohibition: only married women had to stay silent (because single women had no husbands to ask at home).
Second, the word translated "to speak" means continuous speaking (present infinitive), as in, being a disruption to the service. It is NOT a prohibition against ANY KIND of speaking (aorist infinitive). What is shameful is for the wives to be disrupting the services by constantly asking their husbands questions, chattering on and on. All of that should be contained and discussed at home.
There is NO prohibition against a woman being a pastor, a prophet, an apostle, a teacher, etc. In fact, there is no prohibition here against women “speaking” in the church. The prohibition is against continuous, disruptive, disrespectful speaking.
Throughout the NT there are several references to women who served with their husbands side by side, prophesied in the fellowship, etc.
....Conclusion....
Women and men are equal in scripture in God’s eyes. Women are allowed to hold all positions of authority that a man can hold. But women are ALSO required to show respect and honor to their husbands, NOT because of what their husbands have done, but because of what Christ has done. Likewise, husbands are required to place their wives ahead of themselves in terms of what their wives need.
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