Spend about .03 seconds around me and you figure out I am a leader, I have a dominant personality, and I am not afraid to step up and try, even if that means I might fail. You also will realize that while these are definitely defining characteristics of me, I am also just as happy to follow someone else's lead as long as I have no moral objections... With that being said, one of the biggest challenges with being a natural born leader is following someone who makes poor decisions or makes decisions that you do not understand the reasoning behind.There is a vastly different approach taken by great leaders and poor leaders (which really tend to just be managers). You see, great leaders inspire us, they teach us, encourage us, educate us, and in doing these things, they also motivate us to action. To simply obey someone because of their position is not effective nor do I think it is what we are supposed to do (**please note I realize there are certain situations such as war/military that require obeying, but since I am not in these situations I am referring merely to my own life/situation).
Except for my Lord or told to by Him, I see no reason to obey someone, let alone obey them blindly. To obey someone takes away the choice because it is understood that you were commanded, were informed of what your actions will be; much like a child is told to go brush their teeth and get into bed. While being commanded is not something I respond to kindly, I will gladly choose to follow someone, there are even times that I choose to follow without having all of the details, namely because I trust the person and their judgement.
Now that I have established in possibly the broadest sense my view on leadership and obeying in general, I think leadership, obeying, and marriage are an entirely different ballgame than any other type of leading/following. I also realize that I am about to launch myself into a conversation of sorts that I have no experience in due to my status as "single, never married," however, while my thoughts may change at some point in the future (near or far), this is where I currently stand on the idea of marriage as it pertains to leading, following, obeying, submitting and God...
I firmly believe that regardless of the natural ability for a wife to lead (i.e. my natural tendency), it is the God designed role of the husband to lead their marriage, which is not to be confused for making all the decisions. I think the type of leadership required in a marriage more resembles a couple dancing than anything else. In order for the leadership of the husband to work well and effectively, it requires the husband to ask the wife to "dance," move, and follow his plan and guidance, but in no way can he accomplish it without truly asking and her choosing to accept each and every move he purposes. When a couple is dancing, the man has no hope of effectively or gracefully completing the dance if his approach is to lead with force or abrupt decisions, instead the most graceful and successful dances require the guy to know what he wants to do, and gently yet clearly asking his partner if she will follow. The success is contingent upon the signal from the guy being clear, and then the girl choosing to follow or not. Once she has chosen to follow, she has the freedom to add flair, additional footwork or change up the speed at which she completes the moves (sometimes, not always is there this opportunity to change footwork and speed..). But, her freedom to change the small things as she follows the guy creates a dance which is both more graceful and more beautiful than he alone could have ever hoped for, and it could never have taken place had he tried forcing her to move. However, the effectiveness, grace, possible style and speed that the whole dance takes on is completely dependent on the guy to know where he's going and how, as well as the trust he has cultivated with his partner. The more familiar she is with him and his style, the more likely she is to follow without knowing where she will end up. Sometimes, she will recognize the pattern and other times she will be completely lost in the love and joy of the dance.
So, back to my view of what it means to lead and follow in a marriage. While I think it is the role of the husband to lead, I do not think that equates making all the decisions, nor do I think it means deciding on his own, I think it has much more to do with spiritual leadership, which is also not to be confused with him taking the place of God for the wife. I think she is still just as responsible for pursuing and putting God first in her life as he is. However, men and women have dramatically different views of the world, and I think that fact is not only interesting, but essential and on purpose. Viewing the world differently with varying approaches allows couples to not only make the "correct choice" but also to use the best possible tactic in the situation. I think the best marriages are when everything is tackled as a team... Which does not mean everything is equal or fair, but that the expectation is that each person is in it with the other person's (or entire family's) best interest at heart. I think to lead AND to follow is hard, but hard for different reasons. Once married if the wife suddenly just starts "obeying" her husband, she stops being the woman he fell in love with because while they were dating she is not commanded to submit, that only takes effect once she becomes his wife. Sure there are steps and processes towards "two becoming one," and I have no doubt part of this process includes the girlfriend learning to be a fiance, learning to be a wife... but she cannot merely switch to obeying him, nor should that be what he wants, and if that is, then there is either a lot of fighting in his future or a mere shadow of the marriage he could have had.
So, I 100% agree with the Bible that husbands should "love their wives" and wives should "submit to their husbands"... but, let's not forget we are also told to " Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21)...
And, in order for a husband to lead his wife, he is told to love her:
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When
I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I
reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13
I think it is important to point out, it is not the job of the wife to make her husband love her, and it is not the job of the husband to make his wife submit. Both commands are between the person and God alone. I do however think it looks slightly different for every couple due to the different strengths, abilities, skills, weaknesses, etc.. No two marriages will look the same, which means the leadership/teamwork styles cannot look identical either. Leading me will look dramatically different than leading any other woman because of my strengths and weaknesses, as well as my (possibly) future husband's.
From my entirely naive of personal experience view of marriage, I think it is one of the most difficult, challenging, frustrating, but entirely worth it choices two people can make. And, I challenge you to re-evaluate your view of leadership, obeying, and marriage once more after viewing this video about Ian and Larissa's marriage.
Talk about a true authentic loving marriage.
Showing posts with label Obedience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obedience. Show all posts
May 22, 2012
Jun 2, 2009
Extreme Obedience...
This if from my very good friend Patrick... I really feel like this is huge and I wanted to share what he has to say, I hope it blesses you like it blessed me... Meaning I hope it touches your heart and resonates deep inside of you as something amazing, true, and gives you hope regardless of what you're feeling right now...
Well, the last month and a half has been a crazy roller coaster. God has called me to do somethings that I did not, and still do not fully understand. Major things...things that I had held onto as HUGE deals for a long time and had significant value and importance to me. Over this time frame, I have been to the lowest points in my life that I have seen in 12 years. Throughout all this, I have been down the roads of feeling jaded, angry, and mistreated by God. I felt like I was excluded from seeing anything about my life...no direction, no confirmation, nothing but emptiness. No matter what I did or prayed, I felt like I was getting no response and not allowed to make any decisions...just sitting there frustrated because those significantly important things seemed to have been cast out on the ground to be trampled down. I sat in a place I called indecision long enough for me to not care about which direction things went in, but just a desire to GO. The great part about all this is no matter how much I yelled and vented to God about my frustration with Him and my circumstances, He kept bringing me to points where I could catch little glimpses that there was a greater plan. Then...last week, when I got to one of my greatest points of frustration, God connected a whole bunch of dots at once. It was in that moment that I finally found myself content with my position and calling, when my circumstances have not changed any.
Over nearly the last two years, I have been studying in depth the following Old Testament books: Ezekiel (11 months), Hosea (3+ months), Micah (1.5+ months), and Isaiah (currently 4.5 months into the book...and about another 10.5 months to go). Those of you who have studied these books probably just cringed. To those who did not, here is a glimpse of what is found in these books:
Ezekiel
Ezekiel may take the cake...no pun intended...for being the prophet called to do the most amount of crazy and ridiculous things for the sake of God making a point to His people. For example, in Ezekiel 4:4-17, God tells Ezekiel to lay down in front of a brick that he had written the name "Jerusalem" on for every year of the house of Israel guilt....one day per year...390 days total...on his left side. Then, God told him that when that was over, he was to do the same for Judah...one day per year...40 days total...on his right side. Did I mention this is supposed to be done in public? What I did not mention was that Ezekiel wasn't supposed to get up for lunch and dinner breaks...no, no...God told him that he had to bake bread to eat for the whole duration while he laid on his side...over an open fire...fueled with human poop....yes, a poop fire for baking bread that he was going to eat for all those days. What does Ezekiel do? He complains to God about not wanting to defile himself using human poop to cook with, so God gives him an alternate route...he can use cow poop instead. And so Ezekiel carried out God's commands in obedience. That's only one of the crazy things that God called Ezekiel to do.
Hosea
Well, if you have heard of Hosea, you probably know a little about the crazy things God called him to do. In fact, the first time God speaks to Hosea...He tells him to go marry a prostitute...oh, yeah, and start a family with her (Hosea 1:2-3). God didn't waste time buttering him up first. He got right to the point. By the way, it wasn't like God completely removed Gomer, the prostitute that Hosea went out and married, from prostitution....no, no...she returned to her life of prostitution after a while leaving her kids and husband behind. So much for that family, right? WRONG! God then tells Hosea to go buy your wife back...pay the price of her services and get her back and love her....without having sex (Hosea 3:1-3). God called Hosea to pay her as she would be paid for sexual services, but not to have sex with her...to love her as a husband loves his wife...apart from the sexual side of things. The rest of the book doesn't mention Gomer ever returning to a life of prostitution after that. Kind of makes you wonder if Gomer got the point that she is loved and not because of what she does for people, but because of who she is....Hosea's bride...let your mind run on that for a bit.
Isaiah
Isaiah is no less of a companion to these guys. One instance in particular, God called Isaiah to drop His pants and shoes...to walk around butt naked....for THREE years...to make a statement concerning a people group who were not even Israel (Isaiah 20:2-4). Can you imagine that??
So...remember all that complaining I did about what God told me to do in obedience to Him? Yeah, about that...when God brought to mind the prophets that I had been studying, I not only realized that I had nothing to complain about, but I also realized that God had been prepping me for this throughout that time. God called these prophets to an extreme level of obedience, but God has never been one for asking someone to do something that He isn't willing to do Himself. We don't often think of God learning anything....well, because God is omniscient...but when you are God you have no one to be obedient to. But part of becoming 100% man and still being 100% God means that things need to be learned. This is what the author of Hebrews tells us about what Jesus learned: "Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered" (5:8, NASB). What level of obedience did Jesus learn? "Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8, NASB). God may have told Ezekiel to lay on his side for the iniquity of Israel, but He never called him to die for the sins of the world. Jesus is the ultimate example of extreme obedience. All of these individuals were obedient...and their obedience came at a great cost to themselves...at the price of ridicule, physical beatings, questioned sanity, decency, and lifelong commitments to the seemingly unlovable. Their legacy has long out lived their time here on Earth. While their cost was great, their impact is still being made today. Their suffering has resulted in hope for many who followed after them. This brings me to the last of the books I mentioned in the beginning:
Micah
While Micah wasn't exactly one who fits into the ranks of the list above, his message is one of hope nonetheless. The words found in this book are the nudge of hope that God brought along my path to remind me of why extreme obedience is worth it.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD;
I will wait for the God of my salvation
My God will hear me.
Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy
Though I fall I will rise;
Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me" (Micah 7:7-8, NASB).
Whatever obedience to God has cost me, I know that I am called to watch and pray. I know that God is not done with me yet. I know that I am watching because there will be something to see...something great to watch God do.
Thanks for reading.
My response to him:
This is great! I just keep thinking how insane it is and how incredibly humbling it would be to be THAT obedient to God... I think I have a long way to go still.. sheesh...
The story of Hosea is so vivid for me I think be cause I read "Redeeming Love" which is basically Hosea's story re-told in a western like setting.. It takes his story and puts ... Read Morethoughts and feelings behind the obedience. It was a great way to depict that the feelings were visceral, real, and more powerful than we often give credit to when looking at people in the Bible and their suffering...
They were obedient despite their feelings.. and that doesn't mean that they didn't seriously struggle, it just means they saw God and his plan as more important than how they felt. They were able to see the bigger picture or at the very least know their God was so much bigger and His plan was so much more important than them and their feelings.
I want that kind of witness.. I want that kind of love.. I want that kind of faith.. I want to Love people for Jesus even when I don't get it. Even when I don't see where I'm going, I want my belief that my God is bigger to be the prevailing thought and feeling.
Whoa that's a big statement.. I pray God helps me (and you) daily to remember that.... Read More
Great thoughts and I'm so incredibly proud of you... You know that though :).. Thanks for writing.. ;)
My thoughts for you:
Please re-read this as many times as you need.. if you have questions I'd love to connect you to Patrick to chat some more about this topic. Please, please, please take a moment and let this resonate inside of you. Ok, the end :)
Well, the last month and a half has been a crazy roller coaster. God has called me to do somethings that I did not, and still do not fully understand. Major things...things that I had held onto as HUGE deals for a long time and had significant value and importance to me. Over this time frame, I have been to the lowest points in my life that I have seen in 12 years. Throughout all this, I have been down the roads of feeling jaded, angry, and mistreated by God. I felt like I was excluded from seeing anything about my life...no direction, no confirmation, nothing but emptiness. No matter what I did or prayed, I felt like I was getting no response and not allowed to make any decisions...just sitting there frustrated because those significantly important things seemed to have been cast out on the ground to be trampled down. I sat in a place I called indecision long enough for me to not care about which direction things went in, but just a desire to GO. The great part about all this is no matter how much I yelled and vented to God about my frustration with Him and my circumstances, He kept bringing me to points where I could catch little glimpses that there was a greater plan. Then...last week, when I got to one of my greatest points of frustration, God connected a whole bunch of dots at once. It was in that moment that I finally found myself content with my position and calling, when my circumstances have not changed any.
Over nearly the last two years, I have been studying in depth the following Old Testament books: Ezekiel (11 months), Hosea (3+ months), Micah (1.5+ months), and Isaiah (currently 4.5 months into the book...and about another 10.5 months to go). Those of you who have studied these books probably just cringed. To those who did not, here is a glimpse of what is found in these books:
Ezekiel
Ezekiel may take the cake...no pun intended...for being the prophet called to do the most amount of crazy and ridiculous things for the sake of God making a point to His people. For example, in Ezekiel 4:4-17, God tells Ezekiel to lay down in front of a brick that he had written the name "Jerusalem" on for every year of the house of Israel guilt....one day per year...390 days total...on his left side. Then, God told him that when that was over, he was to do the same for Judah...one day per year...40 days total...on his right side. Did I mention this is supposed to be done in public? What I did not mention was that Ezekiel wasn't supposed to get up for lunch and dinner breaks...no, no...God told him that he had to bake bread to eat for the whole duration while he laid on his side...over an open fire...fueled with human poop....yes, a poop fire for baking bread that he was going to eat for all those days. What does Ezekiel do? He complains to God about not wanting to defile himself using human poop to cook with, so God gives him an alternate route...he can use cow poop instead. And so Ezekiel carried out God's commands in obedience. That's only one of the crazy things that God called Ezekiel to do.
Hosea
Well, if you have heard of Hosea, you probably know a little about the crazy things God called him to do. In fact, the first time God speaks to Hosea...He tells him to go marry a prostitute...oh, yeah, and start a family with her (Hosea 1:2-3). God didn't waste time buttering him up first. He got right to the point. By the way, it wasn't like God completely removed Gomer, the prostitute that Hosea went out and married, from prostitution....no, no...she returned to her life of prostitution after a while leaving her kids and husband behind. So much for that family, right? WRONG! God then tells Hosea to go buy your wife back...pay the price of her services and get her back and love her....without having sex (Hosea 3:1-3). God called Hosea to pay her as she would be paid for sexual services, but not to have sex with her...to love her as a husband loves his wife...apart from the sexual side of things. The rest of the book doesn't mention Gomer ever returning to a life of prostitution after that. Kind of makes you wonder if Gomer got the point that she is loved and not because of what she does for people, but because of who she is....Hosea's bride...let your mind run on that for a bit.
Isaiah
Isaiah is no less of a companion to these guys. One instance in particular, God called Isaiah to drop His pants and shoes...to walk around butt naked....for THREE years...to make a statement concerning a people group who were not even Israel (Isaiah 20:2-4). Can you imagine that??
So...remember all that complaining I did about what God told me to do in obedience to Him? Yeah, about that...when God brought to mind the prophets that I had been studying, I not only realized that I had nothing to complain about, but I also realized that God had been prepping me for this throughout that time. God called these prophets to an extreme level of obedience, but God has never been one for asking someone to do something that He isn't willing to do Himself. We don't often think of God learning anything....well, because God is omniscient...but when you are God you have no one to be obedient to. But part of becoming 100% man and still being 100% God means that things need to be learned. This is what the author of Hebrews tells us about what Jesus learned: "Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered" (5:8, NASB). What level of obedience did Jesus learn? "Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8, NASB). God may have told Ezekiel to lay on his side for the iniquity of Israel, but He never called him to die for the sins of the world. Jesus is the ultimate example of extreme obedience. All of these individuals were obedient...and their obedience came at a great cost to themselves...at the price of ridicule, physical beatings, questioned sanity, decency, and lifelong commitments to the seemingly unlovable. Their legacy has long out lived their time here on Earth. While their cost was great, their impact is still being made today. Their suffering has resulted in hope for many who followed after them. This brings me to the last of the books I mentioned in the beginning:
Micah
While Micah wasn't exactly one who fits into the ranks of the list above, his message is one of hope nonetheless. The words found in this book are the nudge of hope that God brought along my path to remind me of why extreme obedience is worth it.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD;
I will wait for the God of my salvation
My God will hear me.
Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy
Though I fall I will rise;
Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me" (Micah 7:7-8, NASB).
Whatever obedience to God has cost me, I know that I am called to watch and pray. I know that God is not done with me yet. I know that I am watching because there will be something to see...something great to watch God do.
Thanks for reading.
My response to him:
This is great! I just keep thinking how insane it is and how incredibly humbling it would be to be THAT obedient to God... I think I have a long way to go still.. sheesh...
The story of Hosea is so vivid for me I think be cause I read "Redeeming Love" which is basically Hosea's story re-told in a western like setting.. It takes his story and puts ... Read Morethoughts and feelings behind the obedience. It was a great way to depict that the feelings were visceral, real, and more powerful than we often give credit to when looking at people in the Bible and their suffering...
They were obedient despite their feelings.. and that doesn't mean that they didn't seriously struggle, it just means they saw God and his plan as more important than how they felt. They were able to see the bigger picture or at the very least know their God was so much bigger and His plan was so much more important than them and their feelings.
I want that kind of witness.. I want that kind of love.. I want that kind of faith.. I want to Love people for Jesus even when I don't get it. Even when I don't see where I'm going, I want my belief that my God is bigger to be the prevailing thought and feeling.
Whoa that's a big statement.. I pray God helps me (and you) daily to remember that.... Read More
Great thoughts and I'm so incredibly proud of you... You know that though :).. Thanks for writing.. ;)
My thoughts for you:
Please re-read this as many times as you need.. if you have questions I'd love to connect you to Patrick to chat some more about this topic. Please, please, please take a moment and let this resonate inside of you. Ok, the end :)
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