Expectancy Violation...

"Expectancy Violations Theory sees communication as the exchange of information that is high in relational content and can be used to violate the expectations of another, who will perceive the exchange either positively or negatively depending on the liking between the two people. Expectancy Violations Theory attempts to explain people’s reactions to unexpected behavior. Expectancies are primarily based upon social norms and specific characteristics of the communicators" (Thank you Wikipedia)

I feel like I have had a lot of Expectancy Violation Theory in my life lately...

(I am aware that this highlights my nerddom when it comes to communications and why I love it so much.. but I cannot help the fact that this is a great descriptor for me lately!)

Fear Altering...

Fear has an interesting way of pervading our view, obstructing reality, and coloring life differently. I have realized in the last couple weeks how much fear really can completely change how we see life; it easily becomes the sole focus of my mental energy and leaves me feeling both frustrated and over-reactive.

I also realized about a week ago that, I have essentially two options with my fear, I can do what comes naturally and act as though it is life as usual or I can actually process the fear out... I naturally want to hide the fear due to the fact that it does not require me to be vulnerable.. It is the easier path for me to walk because I can fake confidence... However, if I actually process the fear out and figure out what is causing it, and where it came from to begin with, then I can actually work towards letting it go, taking active steps to release the fear and then move on.

It took me a solid week of flipping back and forth between what is comfortable and safe for me to do and what is quite honestly the best thing for me regardless of my feelings... And then, tonight I realized, I need to process through my fear before it consumes my entire perspective on life... I have never been a fearful person, I love and embrace adventure and the unknown typically, but in a few very out of my control situations the fear paralyzes me... I absolutely refuse to be paralyzed in my life, there are way too many experiences to be had, too many people to love, and way too many things to learn for fear to be the default reaction.

So, with a lot of prayer, a lot of talking, and probably a decent amount of blogging, God and I will work through this fear, and He will pull it out of my unsure and unsteady hands only to replace it with a peace that only He can give... That is what I aim for, regardless of if the fear has any substantiated reality in my life in the future.

Should be a wild and scary ride... oh gosh...

Blog Auction...

My friends Rachel and Doug are adopting from Ethiopia!!.. To help offset some of the cost they are having a blog auction on their site. Head over and take a look, post a bid, and get lots of great things!





They have such a huge range of things in their auction, and it's perfect timing for Christmas!

The auction closes 7pm EST on Friday!

Cannot Be Repaid...

I have had a bucket list of things I want to do for pretty much as long as I can remember.. it has gone through various phases and updates, taken the form of barely more than excited thoughts of adventure to a running list with accomplishments crossed out.

Tonight I want to focus on one small one that I put on my bucket list because it would serve as a forever reminder that life is bigger than me.. That I am selfish, but if I can truly pull this off, then it serves as yet another reminder that Jesus makes me new and more like Him every day.

"Do something for someone they cannot repay."

That is on my bucket list. I want to get in the habit of doing things for people with literally no thought of reward for myself. Sometimes things I do come with a subconscious understanding that I will reap some sort of reward.. Sometimes, I know that through my actions God will bless me.. and other times, like in the case of this item on my bucket list.. The sheer idea of it is too big for me to accomplish on my own and that is partially why this is one of my favorite things on my bucket list. Because this is the type of thing that really is so beyond myself that I just want to be a part of it...

A few weeks ago, I think I found what will fulfill this. I do not know if it will pan out, but I really want it to and I am scared for it to turn out at the same time.

I know that by posting the specifics, it puts it out there for criticism, judgement, and concerns from those who are convinced that I do not think things through or that I act rashly often times.. or because they are just natural worriers.. But, I also know that it gives me the chance to share this process regardless of how it turns out, and it all gives Jesus another chance to shine... 

So, here goes, a couple of years ago I met a now friend and her husband through a mutual close friend of ours. I found out then, but did not think much more about the fact that her husband had kidney failure and has been dealing with it for (now three) years. Anyway, thanks to social media I have been able to keep up (ok more like stalk) her and her husband, their recent pregnancy and birth of their first beautiful baby (a girl!).. and of course all the adorable pictures that ensure with cute babies!

However, he has begun to seriously look for a kidney donor due to his kidney failure. So, I thought about it for about a week or so, and decided that I would go get tested to see if I am a match. That was the least I could do since the first step is to be the same blood type, and since I am O- and he is O.. first step is done. I have sent in the first of what will likely be numerous documents in the process of getting tested to see if I can donate one of my kidneys to him.

Which means that now begins the heavy lifting of my prayers about this whole thing.. For me, for him, for their family, and for anyone else who I have no idea will be touched because of Jesus' hand on this whole situation... That last part is what excites me the most.

I know there are lots of risks, life would be different, more challenging, and there are a serious number of risks and medical complications later in life for me with one kidney...

I. Know. It. Is. Dangerous.

But, how can I say no if there is a chance I could save his life... or dramatically improve his quality of life at the very least? How can I say no to someone's new baby girl? How could I say no to my friends?..

And, it all comes back to "God's will, not mine." So, if this is supposed to happen, and it is a part of God's plan for my life and the life of my friends, then all of the steps (and there are a lot of them) will work out seamlessly, there will have no doubt that this is supposed to work out exactly this way. If this is not God's will, then there are plenty of doors to close along the way... So, in this process, I am going until God says no... Which tends to be my mode of operating the last few years anyway... I have just enough faith to know my savior is capable of anything, and this is just a fraction of how he could use me to change the lives of others.

If you think about it, please pray because this situation is gonna need a lot of Jesus to work out.. whether it works out with my involvement or someone else's...

Start Something That Matters Winner!...

I really had to think about this one because I loved getting the stories on my blog, facebook, and twitter! It was really challenging, especially to read through the impact that people make on others lives and usually without even realizing the difference they are making. To me it is so encouraging to read about the small things making all the difference.

I loved the story shared by Jess about the huge impact it made on her life to have someone treat her as an equal as such a young age.

The story of the friend who was above all else loving and caring towards her hurting and broken male friend is very dear to my heart and one that I take as a great reminder that often times we stand in the gap for those who cannot handle the weight of the hurt in their lives alone.

The simple and utter faith of friends who make distinctions between our own hopes and the will of God.. the little prayers that bring us closer to the Lord in the smallest of moments but in the biggest of ways.

And finally, the woman who has genuinely created a "pay it forward" concept by taking a month that is typically used to celebrate herself, and instead choosing each day to love and care for someone else.. How incredibly inspiring!.. So inspiring that I too think I will start this tradition.. I love it!

So, thank you thank you for everyone on my blog, on my facebook, and on my twitter that responded and shared these amazing stories that really encourage and touch me.. Ahhh! It makes choosing a winner so difficult! However, do not worry, I have come up with a solution!...

The winner is all four of you (Jess, Patrick, Dan, and NanasNibbles)!.. Instead of merely sending the one book I have, each of you will receive a book.. which means that three children will receive new books as well "One for One." Why would I do this? Because I think it is a good enough book that if you took the time to think about and respond to my questions, then this book is a great read for you and has the potential to make a huge difference.

Please email me your addresses by December 10, 2011 so I can send you Start Something That Matters by Blake Mycoskie.

kpbback@gmail.com

Occupiers...

Dear Occupy Wall Streeters,

Let me start with saying, I am so glad to see that people in my generation giving up their apathy and actually caring about something. I feel as though our generation has been succumb by apathy for too long. So, from that standpoint alone, I am glad that you are raising your voice and wanting to be heard, I am glad you are caring enough to take some sort of action.

With that being said, let me offer a few pointers that could potentially gain you a larger group of people agreeing and supporting your cause...
The biggest struggle I am having with agreeing with anything to do with "Occupy Wall Street" is there is no clear solution, and everyone I ask or anywhere I read gives their own personal opinions about what the movement stands for and the things it is hoping to accomplish. Which means, no one understand what the 3, 5, or 10 bullet point things are that the movement is seeking resolution for, meaning there is no solution. I know that you are passionate, I know that you care, and I know that you are frustrated and upset with our government and big businesses... However, simply protesting those things without a clear plan for resolution just annoys the crap out of the rest of us who are working and trying to make it, it actually causes us to refuse to "join" the movement or cause because of those annoyances alone.

I would like to see 3-5 clear cut goals and resolutions to emerge with one voice. I would like to see "Occupiers" actually begin meeting with prominent people to figure out steps, ways, and things that need to be done so that we can measure success.. Which means there needs to be S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely) goals, and that is how you would begin to know if your movement is successful, needs adjusting, or needs to make a 180. Please, begin to seriously assess how to move forward because whether you like it or not, the media is not "for" your movement right now, but it COULD be if you play your cards right. Begin to disseminate information to all the supporters so they can accurately and fluently talk to the media and begin to flood social networking sites with one common voice and goal instead of individual thoughts and ideas. Be unified in voice instead of just in location because as it stands right now, the unified in locations is actually working against you, people are focusing on the crimes being reported of (what I hope is) a few, rather than the over-arching purpose of the movement. The frustration those of us who have to go to work or school.. or both every day find you occupying our parks in so many cities frustrating and insulting rather than inspiring. Whether we would ever join your movement becomes more difficult every day when your movement is hindering the small businesses and restaurants in those areas you are occupying, which for some of us means we are getting a cut in pay because people are avoiding the areas you are occupying.

So, please find your SMART voice and begin to take action to find resolutions, otherwise this is all for nothing, and you just make our entire generation look foolish. I would love to support specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely goals if you could as one unified voice tell me what that looks like.

Lastly, please do not take this as an attack on the movement, a "hate again occupiers" or me asking you to shut up, this is merely a plea to begin to organize and move forward.. People are listening, but that window of opportunity is quickly closing.

Thanks,
Young, working, and frustrated with the government too.

My Men..

The last few days I have been able to talk to my dad, brothers, and one of my uncles..

The men in my life are amazing men of God. I am so amazed at their wisdom, care, compassion, love, and genuine desire to seek the Lord and care for those around them. I am so blessed.

My dad is ever learning and finding life fascinating, I always love talking to him cause he always has interesting things to talk about, and he always is so inspiring and helpful when I am worried or concerned about things. My dad's faith and knowledge of the Bible and Christ amazes me.. He is my hero.

My brothers are two of the funniest people I know.. ever. While we used to argue all the time when we were little.. and sometimes still do today, they are always quick to tell me they love me, and I know if I ever needed them, I would have to merely utter the words. They are amazing men.

My uncle is one of the most caring men I know, he's always trying to figure out ways to help people. He has a great sense of humor, and knows how to make each person in his life feel special and unique.

I could go on and on about the guy friends in my life that I love dearly, or the other men in my family... But, I mostly wanted to highlight a few this time since I have been thinking about them this week :)

The amazing Godly men in my life vastly outweigh the men I know that are jerks or some variety of untrustworthy.