So, over the last week or so my friends and I have been out dancing twice.. and by out dancing.. I really mean out once, and staying in once too. Last Friday a few of us decided it would be fun to go to the local dance academy/night club.. haha which really isn't like what it sounds at all.. It's a "dry" night club.. which really isn't a club, but just a dance academy that they opened on Friday night too. We all got there early so they can teach us something about what we're doing.. since we only have one gifted salsa dancing friend. :)
There was a fairly even number of guys and girls so it made it lots of fun cause no one HAD to be the wall flower, and much to my surprise and joy the guys were great about rotating around to all the girls, especially the ones along the side. It's never a fun feeling of having to be the wall flower because everyone else has a partner...
We all had a blast, and you wouldn't believe the work out that comes from dancing! haha! Much more so as the girl who does tons of twirling. Which, lets be honest twirling is what makes it as fun as it is :) Especially when, my friends and I act like goobers while dancing. My friend Doll who is down here visiting and I even though dancing with our partners, at one point decided warring with each other was more fun.. So, regardless of where the guy tried leading us, we were more interested in acting like we were trying to upstage each other! lol :) It was a blast and we laughed hysterically all evening long :)
Then, last night Doll, Brit, and I went over to a couple of our friend's house and got private salsa lessons. We had more girls than guys, but it was ok, we blasted Pandora and had a blast anyway. Trying to manage, learn, demonstrate, and practice in a very small living room with 5 people all trying to do the same thing was comical to say the least... Which of course caused more laughing as we'd bump into each other, the couch, the chair, the ceiling fan lights, the banister, or when we'd realize the next move we were learning would send the girl (us) into the wall... =O Then, which ever girl was not partnered seemed to always sneak away to get watermelon, brownies, oreos, water.. whatever. :) It was a lot of fun learning and laughing at each other trying to learn. At the end of the evening we popped on some youtube videos for assistance, which was also a lot of fun.. Then we got ambitious and thought we could learn the Lindy Hop.. lol yeah.. that's about where our adventure came to a screeching halt :)
But, regardless we had a lot of fun. We laughed and joked around. The guys didn't hurt us or drop us as they attempted new moves (which is always a bonus!). Sometimes I think it's amazing how all you need is just something that's just fun. A reason to laugh until it hurts. Somehow, it restores what needs to be righted, causes joy to return. I'm not sure how, but it does :) I'm such a fan of those moments. If I could freeze and hold onto them, I would because at those times nothing else matters, just the joy and the laughter. I love it.
"Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre!" - Psalm 149:3
Jun 11, 2009
Jun 10, 2009
Emotional Unreliability...
I've been thinking recently about how unreliable our emotions can be sometimes. I mean if we aren't careful they can ruin a relationship, miss communicate feelings and intentions, hurt someone else or ourselves.. etc..etc.. But, that's not to say they are bad because without them we wouldn't be who we are.. obviously.. we'd look a lot more like the movie Equilibrium... which is a re-make of 1984. Don't miss understand me, I think we need emotions, I think they are important and I think without them we cannot fully understand God.
What I am saying, is they can often be unreliable in the moment. For example.. If someone makes me mad.. my emotions make me want to punch them in the face or break their knee... Obviously NOT the wisest of choices :) Emotions can cause us to respond poorly in an argument or to overreact to a comment someone else makes. And, I've seen guys and girls do this, so it's not something that's gender specific. If anyone tries to tell you that girls are more emotional than guys.. they're either lying or fooling themselves. Now, what I do believe, is a lot of girls tend towards not thinking through their emotions... And, I think both guys and girls have become accustomed tp allowing it to be "ok" for girls to freak out and not have any sort of check on their actions because they're "just emotional." But, I also know a lot of guys that react on emotions alone as much or worse than a lot of girls.
I've interacted with guys before that the only thing going through my head was, "why is he being such a girl?!" haha I've also interacted with girls where it took all I had not to hurt them for their ridiculous actions based off their emotions.. On the opposite end, I find it refreshing when people can have major emotional reactions to something, and they are able to control it enough to not act out or "sin" because of their emotions.
Personally.. I'm not an overly emotional person... I mean don't get me wrong, I'm easily excitable and very passioante, and that's always clear, but I don't tend towards these massive mood swings where I have a hard time controlling my emotions. I used though, I had this NASTY temper.. and I mean horrible. (Special thanks to my pappasan who helped with that ;) However, today I still feel those emotions, but I've gotten a lot better at controlling them or realizing that they are more a result of allowing Satan to speak into my ear. I do NOT want to be the type of person who reacts to things based off emotion alone and ends up sinning because of it. Emotions are important, but can be unreliable.
If you know me you know it's easy to get me riled up... I become animated, and excitedly depict my opinion on whatever topic comes up.. usually, at fairly loud volumes too :) But, I don't often spit out rancid things at someone when I'm angry anymore... I don't cut someone down for their stupidity or ignorance simply because I'm angry or annoyed... Emotions can be unreliable, and remembering that can be the difference between being the only person to show love and the last person to cause death and destruction in someone's heart.
On the opposite end of emotions, I don't often let my emotions get away from me either if I feel the "butterfly" feelings in my stomach. Those can be just as unreliable and dangerous. It's a good idea to be careful and control those too.
Because of past experience, and times I've allowed myself to run with my emotions, I've spent years trying to control the "swing" of it all. I find people who allow their emotions to control them to be harder to just hang out with because you're never totally sure what will set them off... That's no way to be friends with someone. I've found that the people who are deeply emotional, but also very easy going, and control their emotions enough to allow God to seep in and through the emotion.. THOSE people are the ones I treasure.
See, please don't misunderstand me... showing emotion is fine, allowing yourself to be upset or frustrated, happy.. whatever that's fine. In fact I'm learning how to do that without allowing it to cause me to sin. But, what I want to be clear about, is that allowing the feeling to rule your actions or reactions can be a dangerous slippery slope. But, simply having the emotion isn't the problem. Ok, the end :)
What I am saying, is they can often be unreliable in the moment. For example.. If someone makes me mad.. my emotions make me want to punch them in the face or break their knee... Obviously NOT the wisest of choices :) Emotions can cause us to respond poorly in an argument or to overreact to a comment someone else makes. And, I've seen guys and girls do this, so it's not something that's gender specific. If anyone tries to tell you that girls are more emotional than guys.. they're either lying or fooling themselves. Now, what I do believe, is a lot of girls tend towards not thinking through their emotions... And, I think both guys and girls have become accustomed tp allowing it to be "ok" for girls to freak out and not have any sort of check on their actions because they're "just emotional." But, I also know a lot of guys that react on emotions alone as much or worse than a lot of girls.
I've interacted with guys before that the only thing going through my head was, "why is he being such a girl?!" haha I've also interacted with girls where it took all I had not to hurt them for their ridiculous actions based off their emotions.. On the opposite end, I find it refreshing when people can have major emotional reactions to something, and they are able to control it enough to not act out or "sin" because of their emotions.
Personally.. I'm not an overly emotional person... I mean don't get me wrong, I'm easily excitable and very passioante, and that's always clear, but I don't tend towards these massive mood swings where I have a hard time controlling my emotions. I used though, I had this NASTY temper.. and I mean horrible. (Special thanks to my pappasan who helped with that ;) However, today I still feel those emotions, but I've gotten a lot better at controlling them or realizing that they are more a result of allowing Satan to speak into my ear. I do NOT want to be the type of person who reacts to things based off emotion alone and ends up sinning because of it. Emotions are important, but can be unreliable.
If you know me you know it's easy to get me riled up... I become animated, and excitedly depict my opinion on whatever topic comes up.. usually, at fairly loud volumes too :) But, I don't often spit out rancid things at someone when I'm angry anymore... I don't cut someone down for their stupidity or ignorance simply because I'm angry or annoyed... Emotions can be unreliable, and remembering that can be the difference between being the only person to show love and the last person to cause death and destruction in someone's heart.
On the opposite end of emotions, I don't often let my emotions get away from me either if I feel the "butterfly" feelings in my stomach. Those can be just as unreliable and dangerous. It's a good idea to be careful and control those too.
Because of past experience, and times I've allowed myself to run with my emotions, I've spent years trying to control the "swing" of it all. I find people who allow their emotions to control them to be harder to just hang out with because you're never totally sure what will set them off... That's no way to be friends with someone. I've found that the people who are deeply emotional, but also very easy going, and control their emotions enough to allow God to seep in and through the emotion.. THOSE people are the ones I treasure.
See, please don't misunderstand me... showing emotion is fine, allowing yourself to be upset or frustrated, happy.. whatever that's fine. In fact I'm learning how to do that without allowing it to cause me to sin. But, what I want to be clear about, is that allowing the feeling to rule your actions or reactions can be a dangerous slippery slope. But, simply having the emotion isn't the problem. Ok, the end :)
Jun 9, 2009
Creating Family...
So, I've been thinking lately about what it means to be family... I mean obviously there's always the family that "you can't choose"... and we all have those people in our family. I'm blessed that none of them are my immediate family haha :) Once a long time ago my mom and I were talking while I was getting ready to peace out for Ohio for the summer for camp. We were talking and I was admitting to her that I wasn't sure how I was gonna do, would I like it, get along, be able to handle "life on my own," etc..etc.. My mom looked at me and smiled as though I was so precious and like she knew something I was not aware of yet... and she simply said "Krista, you create your family wherever you go." I kinda laughed at her and explained how she was only partially right... and let it go. Then I went to camp, and low and behold.. I did. I made a couple best friends, learned more than I can express, and discovered I can be self sufficient. :)
Somewhere in my college career I was talking with my dad after one of our epic "Daddy Dates" (aka... food... movie.. lots of talking), and I was explaining to him my heart and how much I have this desire to go out and change the world.. It's like this burning passion inside of me, and how I didn't know if I could do it... because at the EXACT same time I was terrified to leave my family. What if something happened to one of them? What if I missed everything important that could ever happen in their lives... What if I gallivanted around the world, and miss the most important thing back home. I was so worried. And my dad smiled at me with the you're precious, and I see what you don't kinda look... and he said "Krista, I would rather have you just visit us here at home and know every day that you are out there changing the world, cause that's what you were made to do... Rather than be here with us every day knowing you should be out there changing the world." That was it. I was now free to go, I knew my brothers and sister would not be happy, but I now essentially had the blessing of my parents to go.
Then a couple years later I was doing the exact same thing as before, I was getting ready to pick up and move 4 states away. And the scene repeats itself... I was explaining to my parents things I was excited about and things I wasn't sure about. Asking them how I was gonna make it, wondering out loud to them all the things God was gonna do... And both of them at two different points explained that I "create family" everywhere I go... and neither of them were completely sure how I did it. I laughed at my dad when he said "I give you two weeks... You'll have friends in two weeks!" of course I argued.. "Dad where in the world will I find people in two weeks? How will I meet them?"... "I dunno, but that's all the time it'll take you." I just laughed, rolled my eyes and went on. Ironically he was right.. it was almost exactly two weeks. haha.. who knew :)
But, through it all I've begun thinking about what that means, because I look at various people here and the way I interact with them, and there are people who feel like family. My roomie's and I and several other friends, a couple who live in one town house and another couple in another town house.. and they all feel like family. We operate as though we are, make dinner together, help each other move, do things, call to hang out when we're bored, leave things at each other's houses.. etc.. etc.. And somehow through it all it makes it feel like we are a huge family. We all laugh together, hurt for each other's pains, pick on each other, make each other upset, angry, and through it all we forgive and grow stronger... But, most importantly, we help each other grow closer and understand our Savior more and more. We rally around people who need us, whether each other or someone else... This group accepts and loves on anyone who comes in contact with us.. and I am so incredibly blessed each day. Some days are harder than others, especially when something comes up that is seriously painful for one of us, and the rest of us can't do anything to fix it but pray... So, pray we do.
So, whether it's family I was blessed to be born into, or family I was gifted I am blessed every single day by them. I love my family, and treasure them more than I can express each day.
Somewhere in my college career I was talking with my dad after one of our epic "Daddy Dates" (aka... food... movie.. lots of talking), and I was explaining to him my heart and how much I have this desire to go out and change the world.. It's like this burning passion inside of me, and how I didn't know if I could do it... because at the EXACT same time I was terrified to leave my family. What if something happened to one of them? What if I missed everything important that could ever happen in their lives... What if I gallivanted around the world, and miss the most important thing back home. I was so worried. And my dad smiled at me with the you're precious, and I see what you don't kinda look... and he said "Krista, I would rather have you just visit us here at home and know every day that you are out there changing the world, cause that's what you were made to do... Rather than be here with us every day knowing you should be out there changing the world." That was it. I was now free to go, I knew my brothers and sister would not be happy, but I now essentially had the blessing of my parents to go.
Then a couple years later I was doing the exact same thing as before, I was getting ready to pick up and move 4 states away. And the scene repeats itself... I was explaining to my parents things I was excited about and things I wasn't sure about. Asking them how I was gonna make it, wondering out loud to them all the things God was gonna do... And both of them at two different points explained that I "create family" everywhere I go... and neither of them were completely sure how I did it. I laughed at my dad when he said "I give you two weeks... You'll have friends in two weeks!" of course I argued.. "Dad where in the world will I find people in two weeks? How will I meet them?"... "I dunno, but that's all the time it'll take you." I just laughed, rolled my eyes and went on. Ironically he was right.. it was almost exactly two weeks. haha.. who knew :)
But, through it all I've begun thinking about what that means, because I look at various people here and the way I interact with them, and there are people who feel like family. My roomie's and I and several other friends, a couple who live in one town house and another couple in another town house.. and they all feel like family. We operate as though we are, make dinner together, help each other move, do things, call to hang out when we're bored, leave things at each other's houses.. etc.. etc.. And somehow through it all it makes it feel like we are a huge family. We all laugh together, hurt for each other's pains, pick on each other, make each other upset, angry, and through it all we forgive and grow stronger... But, most importantly, we help each other grow closer and understand our Savior more and more. We rally around people who need us, whether each other or someone else... This group accepts and loves on anyone who comes in contact with us.. and I am so incredibly blessed each day. Some days are harder than others, especially when something comes up that is seriously painful for one of us, and the rest of us can't do anything to fix it but pray... So, pray we do.
So, whether it's family I was blessed to be born into, or family I was gifted I am blessed every single day by them. I love my family, and treasure them more than I can express each day.
Jun 8, 2009
When Blah Is All...
Do you ever just have those days where you just feel... blah. There isn't one thing that stands out as a reason to feel low or quiet.. you just feel... blah.
Yesterday was definitely one of those days for me. I had no over arching single thing that would cause my feeling, and I basically had two options.. work really hard to hide the feelings or just kinda go with it, and allow it to be ok. I wasn't in a bad mood, I was just feeling off. Nothing I could point to, just a combination of things I know.. but sometimes things just build up and seep out slowly.
I can think of several things that caused me to start the mood... and the frustrating thing is usually other things balance it out.. And until probably 2/3 of the way through the day I just felt like smiling was hard... I mean there were things I genuinely laughed at, but for whatever reason I was just.. not feeling normal. I had no specific reason, nothing that was like "aha!.. THAT is why I feel like crappy crap crap".. It was frustrating a bit, but I also didn't want to fake it and pretend I was doing just fine.
However, near the end of the day I got time to hang out and just let my mind meander and walk through feelings and random thoughts.. basically process with Brit. She is just great at the pace at which she pushes me to talk no matter what situation we're in. Then, we got to go hang out with some friends and just laugh and joke around, play Rock-band and just have fun. It was much needed laughter time.
Although, I need some Jesus time I think.. in fact I'm gonna go do that now..
Yesterday was definitely one of those days for me. I had no over arching single thing that would cause my feeling, and I basically had two options.. work really hard to hide the feelings or just kinda go with it, and allow it to be ok. I wasn't in a bad mood, I was just feeling off. Nothing I could point to, just a combination of things I know.. but sometimes things just build up and seep out slowly.
I can think of several things that caused me to start the mood... and the frustrating thing is usually other things balance it out.. And until probably 2/3 of the way through the day I just felt like smiling was hard... I mean there were things I genuinely laughed at, but for whatever reason I was just.. not feeling normal. I had no specific reason, nothing that was like "aha!.. THAT is why I feel like crappy crap crap".. It was frustrating a bit, but I also didn't want to fake it and pretend I was doing just fine.
However, near the end of the day I got time to hang out and just let my mind meander and walk through feelings and random thoughts.. basically process with Brit. She is just great at the pace at which she pushes me to talk no matter what situation we're in. Then, we got to go hang out with some friends and just laugh and joke around, play Rock-band and just have fun. It was much needed laughter time.
Although, I need some Jesus time I think.. in fact I'm gonna go do that now..
Jun 3, 2009
Healing Moments
I've been thinking over the last couple days about things that heal the heart.. I mean obviously God does, but the specific instances..
I have several friends who are in different circumstances where healing of the heart is seriously needed. One friend is entering a new relationship and she's learning how to trust despite her past. The guy is doing such a great job of encouraging her, hearing her fears and not dancing around them, but addressing them and being patient yet persistent when he needs to be. I don't know where they will end up, but I am so thankful for him and the things he's encouraging in her... :)
Another friend is on the opposite end and seriously her heart is hurting, and I'm watching the grieving process happen inside her. She is watching the life she expected to have and saw a glimpse of just for a little while suddenly die for no reason. My heart hurts for her and my prayer is that each night as she sleeps God heals her heart and restores it a little more. As I sit and watch her, I see the phases of grieving and it hurts, but I also can see the glimmer of hope for her.. So, my job is to love her and show her the hope I see.
Then I have yet another friend who is somewhere in between these two others. He had the new relationship that showed every indication that it was going to be perfect, and yet somehow through a series of things it became clear that it wasn't supposed to work out. Watching him hurt so seriously causes my heart to ache, yet I've watched him become hopeful again because of his dependence on our Savior. I was able to see him go from hurting so badly that simply being around him I could feel it in the depths of my heart how much he was hurting.. even if he was smiling... And now, I can see the change.. well more feel the change.
In each of these instances I can clearly see my Savior working. He is there every moment patching, molding, fixing, creating, loving, and carrying them through. I am so thankful I serve my King.
I have several friends who are in different circumstances where healing of the heart is seriously needed. One friend is entering a new relationship and she's learning how to trust despite her past. The guy is doing such a great job of encouraging her, hearing her fears and not dancing around them, but addressing them and being patient yet persistent when he needs to be. I don't know where they will end up, but I am so thankful for him and the things he's encouraging in her... :)
Another friend is on the opposite end and seriously her heart is hurting, and I'm watching the grieving process happen inside her. She is watching the life she expected to have and saw a glimpse of just for a little while suddenly die for no reason. My heart hurts for her and my prayer is that each night as she sleeps God heals her heart and restores it a little more. As I sit and watch her, I see the phases of grieving and it hurts, but I also can see the glimmer of hope for her.. So, my job is to love her and show her the hope I see.
Then I have yet another friend who is somewhere in between these two others. He had the new relationship that showed every indication that it was going to be perfect, and yet somehow through a series of things it became clear that it wasn't supposed to work out. Watching him hurt so seriously causes my heart to ache, yet I've watched him become hopeful again because of his dependence on our Savior. I was able to see him go from hurting so badly that simply being around him I could feel it in the depths of my heart how much he was hurting.. even if he was smiling... And now, I can see the change.. well more feel the change.
In each of these instances I can clearly see my Savior working. He is there every moment patching, molding, fixing, creating, loving, and carrying them through. I am so thankful I serve my King.
Jun 2, 2009
Extreme Obedience...
This if from my very good friend Patrick... I really feel like this is huge and I wanted to share what he has to say, I hope it blesses you like it blessed me... Meaning I hope it touches your heart and resonates deep inside of you as something amazing, true, and gives you hope regardless of what you're feeling right now...
Well, the last month and a half has been a crazy roller coaster. God has called me to do somethings that I did not, and still do not fully understand. Major things...things that I had held onto as HUGE deals for a long time and had significant value and importance to me. Over this time frame, I have been to the lowest points in my life that I have seen in 12 years. Throughout all this, I have been down the roads of feeling jaded, angry, and mistreated by God. I felt like I was excluded from seeing anything about my life...no direction, no confirmation, nothing but emptiness. No matter what I did or prayed, I felt like I was getting no response and not allowed to make any decisions...just sitting there frustrated because those significantly important things seemed to have been cast out on the ground to be trampled down. I sat in a place I called indecision long enough for me to not care about which direction things went in, but just a desire to GO. The great part about all this is no matter how much I yelled and vented to God about my frustration with Him and my circumstances, He kept bringing me to points where I could catch little glimpses that there was a greater plan. Then...last week, when I got to one of my greatest points of frustration, God connected a whole bunch of dots at once. It was in that moment that I finally found myself content with my position and calling, when my circumstances have not changed any.
Over nearly the last two years, I have been studying in depth the following Old Testament books: Ezekiel (11 months), Hosea (3+ months), Micah (1.5+ months), and Isaiah (currently 4.5 months into the book...and about another 10.5 months to go). Those of you who have studied these books probably just cringed. To those who did not, here is a glimpse of what is found in these books:
Ezekiel
Ezekiel may take the cake...no pun intended...for being the prophet called to do the most amount of crazy and ridiculous things for the sake of God making a point to His people. For example, in Ezekiel 4:4-17, God tells Ezekiel to lay down in front of a brick that he had written the name "Jerusalem" on for every year of the house of Israel guilt....one day per year...390 days total...on his left side. Then, God told him that when that was over, he was to do the same for Judah...one day per year...40 days total...on his right side. Did I mention this is supposed to be done in public? What I did not mention was that Ezekiel wasn't supposed to get up for lunch and dinner breaks...no, no...God told him that he had to bake bread to eat for the whole duration while he laid on his side...over an open fire...fueled with human poop....yes, a poop fire for baking bread that he was going to eat for all those days. What does Ezekiel do? He complains to God about not wanting to defile himself using human poop to cook with, so God gives him an alternate route...he can use cow poop instead. And so Ezekiel carried out God's commands in obedience. That's only one of the crazy things that God called Ezekiel to do.
Hosea
Well, if you have heard of Hosea, you probably know a little about the crazy things God called him to do. In fact, the first time God speaks to Hosea...He tells him to go marry a prostitute...oh, yeah, and start a family with her (Hosea 1:2-3). God didn't waste time buttering him up first. He got right to the point. By the way, it wasn't like God completely removed Gomer, the prostitute that Hosea went out and married, from prostitution....no, no...she returned to her life of prostitution after a while leaving her kids and husband behind. So much for that family, right? WRONG! God then tells Hosea to go buy your wife back...pay the price of her services and get her back and love her....without having sex (Hosea 3:1-3). God called Hosea to pay her as she would be paid for sexual services, but not to have sex with her...to love her as a husband loves his wife...apart from the sexual side of things. The rest of the book doesn't mention Gomer ever returning to a life of prostitution after that. Kind of makes you wonder if Gomer got the point that she is loved and not because of what she does for people, but because of who she is....Hosea's bride...let your mind run on that for a bit.
Isaiah
Isaiah is no less of a companion to these guys. One instance in particular, God called Isaiah to drop His pants and shoes...to walk around butt naked....for THREE years...to make a statement concerning a people group who were not even Israel (Isaiah 20:2-4). Can you imagine that??
So...remember all that complaining I did about what God told me to do in obedience to Him? Yeah, about that...when God brought to mind the prophets that I had been studying, I not only realized that I had nothing to complain about, but I also realized that God had been prepping me for this throughout that time. God called these prophets to an extreme level of obedience, but God has never been one for asking someone to do something that He isn't willing to do Himself. We don't often think of God learning anything....well, because God is omniscient...but when you are God you have no one to be obedient to. But part of becoming 100% man and still being 100% God means that things need to be learned. This is what the author of Hebrews tells us about what Jesus learned: "Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered" (5:8, NASB). What level of obedience did Jesus learn? "Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8, NASB). God may have told Ezekiel to lay on his side for the iniquity of Israel, but He never called him to die for the sins of the world. Jesus is the ultimate example of extreme obedience. All of these individuals were obedient...and their obedience came at a great cost to themselves...at the price of ridicule, physical beatings, questioned sanity, decency, and lifelong commitments to the seemingly unlovable. Their legacy has long out lived their time here on Earth. While their cost was great, their impact is still being made today. Their suffering has resulted in hope for many who followed after them. This brings me to the last of the books I mentioned in the beginning:
Micah
While Micah wasn't exactly one who fits into the ranks of the list above, his message is one of hope nonetheless. The words found in this book are the nudge of hope that God brought along my path to remind me of why extreme obedience is worth it.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD;
I will wait for the God of my salvation
My God will hear me.
Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy
Though I fall I will rise;
Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me" (Micah 7:7-8, NASB).
Whatever obedience to God has cost me, I know that I am called to watch and pray. I know that God is not done with me yet. I know that I am watching because there will be something to see...something great to watch God do.
Thanks for reading.
My response to him:
This is great! I just keep thinking how insane it is and how incredibly humbling it would be to be THAT obedient to God... I think I have a long way to go still.. sheesh...
The story of Hosea is so vivid for me I think be cause I read "Redeeming Love" which is basically Hosea's story re-told in a western like setting.. It takes his story and puts ... Read Morethoughts and feelings behind the obedience. It was a great way to depict that the feelings were visceral, real, and more powerful than we often give credit to when looking at people in the Bible and their suffering...
They were obedient despite their feelings.. and that doesn't mean that they didn't seriously struggle, it just means they saw God and his plan as more important than how they felt. They were able to see the bigger picture or at the very least know their God was so much bigger and His plan was so much more important than them and their feelings.
I want that kind of witness.. I want that kind of love.. I want that kind of faith.. I want to Love people for Jesus even when I don't get it. Even when I don't see where I'm going, I want my belief that my God is bigger to be the prevailing thought and feeling.
Whoa that's a big statement.. I pray God helps me (and you) daily to remember that.... Read More
Great thoughts and I'm so incredibly proud of you... You know that though :).. Thanks for writing.. ;)
My thoughts for you:
Please re-read this as many times as you need.. if you have questions I'd love to connect you to Patrick to chat some more about this topic. Please, please, please take a moment and let this resonate inside of you. Ok, the end :)
Well, the last month and a half has been a crazy roller coaster. God has called me to do somethings that I did not, and still do not fully understand. Major things...things that I had held onto as HUGE deals for a long time and had significant value and importance to me. Over this time frame, I have been to the lowest points in my life that I have seen in 12 years. Throughout all this, I have been down the roads of feeling jaded, angry, and mistreated by God. I felt like I was excluded from seeing anything about my life...no direction, no confirmation, nothing but emptiness. No matter what I did or prayed, I felt like I was getting no response and not allowed to make any decisions...just sitting there frustrated because those significantly important things seemed to have been cast out on the ground to be trampled down. I sat in a place I called indecision long enough for me to not care about which direction things went in, but just a desire to GO. The great part about all this is no matter how much I yelled and vented to God about my frustration with Him and my circumstances, He kept bringing me to points where I could catch little glimpses that there was a greater plan. Then...last week, when I got to one of my greatest points of frustration, God connected a whole bunch of dots at once. It was in that moment that I finally found myself content with my position and calling, when my circumstances have not changed any.
Over nearly the last two years, I have been studying in depth the following Old Testament books: Ezekiel (11 months), Hosea (3+ months), Micah (1.5+ months), and Isaiah (currently 4.5 months into the book...and about another 10.5 months to go). Those of you who have studied these books probably just cringed. To those who did not, here is a glimpse of what is found in these books:
Ezekiel
Ezekiel may take the cake...no pun intended...for being the prophet called to do the most amount of crazy and ridiculous things for the sake of God making a point to His people. For example, in Ezekiel 4:4-17, God tells Ezekiel to lay down in front of a brick that he had written the name "Jerusalem" on for every year of the house of Israel guilt....one day per year...390 days total...on his left side. Then, God told him that when that was over, he was to do the same for Judah...one day per year...40 days total...on his right side. Did I mention this is supposed to be done in public? What I did not mention was that Ezekiel wasn't supposed to get up for lunch and dinner breaks...no, no...God told him that he had to bake bread to eat for the whole duration while he laid on his side...over an open fire...fueled with human poop....yes, a poop fire for baking bread that he was going to eat for all those days. What does Ezekiel do? He complains to God about not wanting to defile himself using human poop to cook with, so God gives him an alternate route...he can use cow poop instead. And so Ezekiel carried out God's commands in obedience. That's only one of the crazy things that God called Ezekiel to do.
Hosea
Well, if you have heard of Hosea, you probably know a little about the crazy things God called him to do. In fact, the first time God speaks to Hosea...He tells him to go marry a prostitute...oh, yeah, and start a family with her (Hosea 1:2-3). God didn't waste time buttering him up first. He got right to the point. By the way, it wasn't like God completely removed Gomer, the prostitute that Hosea went out and married, from prostitution....no, no...she returned to her life of prostitution after a while leaving her kids and husband behind. So much for that family, right? WRONG! God then tells Hosea to go buy your wife back...pay the price of her services and get her back and love her....without having sex (Hosea 3:1-3). God called Hosea to pay her as she would be paid for sexual services, but not to have sex with her...to love her as a husband loves his wife...apart from the sexual side of things. The rest of the book doesn't mention Gomer ever returning to a life of prostitution after that. Kind of makes you wonder if Gomer got the point that she is loved and not because of what she does for people, but because of who she is....Hosea's bride...let your mind run on that for a bit.
Isaiah
Isaiah is no less of a companion to these guys. One instance in particular, God called Isaiah to drop His pants and shoes...to walk around butt naked....for THREE years...to make a statement concerning a people group who were not even Israel (Isaiah 20:2-4). Can you imagine that??
So...remember all that complaining I did about what God told me to do in obedience to Him? Yeah, about that...when God brought to mind the prophets that I had been studying, I not only realized that I had nothing to complain about, but I also realized that God had been prepping me for this throughout that time. God called these prophets to an extreme level of obedience, but God has never been one for asking someone to do something that He isn't willing to do Himself. We don't often think of God learning anything....well, because God is omniscient...but when you are God you have no one to be obedient to. But part of becoming 100% man and still being 100% God means that things need to be learned. This is what the author of Hebrews tells us about what Jesus learned: "Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered" (5:8, NASB). What level of obedience did Jesus learn? "Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8, NASB). God may have told Ezekiel to lay on his side for the iniquity of Israel, but He never called him to die for the sins of the world. Jesus is the ultimate example of extreme obedience. All of these individuals were obedient...and their obedience came at a great cost to themselves...at the price of ridicule, physical beatings, questioned sanity, decency, and lifelong commitments to the seemingly unlovable. Their legacy has long out lived their time here on Earth. While their cost was great, their impact is still being made today. Their suffering has resulted in hope for many who followed after them. This brings me to the last of the books I mentioned in the beginning:
Micah
While Micah wasn't exactly one who fits into the ranks of the list above, his message is one of hope nonetheless. The words found in this book are the nudge of hope that God brought along my path to remind me of why extreme obedience is worth it.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD;
I will wait for the God of my salvation
My God will hear me.
Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy
Though I fall I will rise;
Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me" (Micah 7:7-8, NASB).
Whatever obedience to God has cost me, I know that I am called to watch and pray. I know that God is not done with me yet. I know that I am watching because there will be something to see...something great to watch God do.
Thanks for reading.
My response to him:
This is great! I just keep thinking how insane it is and how incredibly humbling it would be to be THAT obedient to God... I think I have a long way to go still.. sheesh...
The story of Hosea is so vivid for me I think be cause I read "Redeeming Love" which is basically Hosea's story re-told in a western like setting.. It takes his story and puts ... Read Morethoughts and feelings behind the obedience. It was a great way to depict that the feelings were visceral, real, and more powerful than we often give credit to when looking at people in the Bible and their suffering...
They were obedient despite their feelings.. and that doesn't mean that they didn't seriously struggle, it just means they saw God and his plan as more important than how they felt. They were able to see the bigger picture or at the very least know their God was so much bigger and His plan was so much more important than them and their feelings.
I want that kind of witness.. I want that kind of love.. I want that kind of faith.. I want to Love people for Jesus even when I don't get it. Even when I don't see where I'm going, I want my belief that my God is bigger to be the prevailing thought and feeling.
Whoa that's a big statement.. I pray God helps me (and you) daily to remember that.... Read More
Great thoughts and I'm so incredibly proud of you... You know that though :).. Thanks for writing.. ;)
My thoughts for you:
Please re-read this as many times as you need.. if you have questions I'd love to connect you to Patrick to chat some more about this topic. Please, please, please take a moment and let this resonate inside of you. Ok, the end :)
Jun 1, 2009
Best He Has To Offer...
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it is that God is offering me... I mean we have all these typical answers.. "He wants to prosper you.." "He loves you.." .. I don't mean those things really at all. I've been thinking about the way I view Him, and the things He has out on the table for me... Just waiting for me to choose it (Him)...
I think so often we (girls).. and sorry guys, but I can't speak for you.. I have a severe lack of credibility in speaking for guys... So, I won't. :) But, girls tend to view ourselves as not good enough to get something, be with someone, do something.. basically anything we can think of we come up with a reason why we are not good enough for it.
Recently however, I have been thinking about the idea that God wants whats best for me.. and I forget who mentioned it to me first, but it's the idea that "God WANTS to give us the BEST"... The simplicity of this idea makes me laugh because so often I view things as I'm either not good enough or I need to do x, y, and z in order for God to be ok with giving me what I can deal with, things I can make work. Which is clearly works based.. and I don't believe that. Instead I need to work on allowing His grace and mercy, and the fact that he's already covered me flow into that part of my thinking.
I mean think about it for a bit... If I've already been paid for.. Why would I then only get mediocre? Why would I have to go through life just dealing with things, instead of being in awe of my Savior all the tune? PLUS, if I constantly am getting the best that God has to give me... doesn't that continue to blow my mind? I mean, I can think of a whole bunch of instances where I was just amazed at my Savior and the things He's done for me... Those things remind me of how small I am, how much I can't do things on my own, and how seriously I need Him all the time.
Now, I'm not talking about the materialistic side of things.. I don't mean to say that "if I believe, I'll get a million dollars... or someone will magically buy me this new shirt I want.." No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the idea that God wants whats BEST for me.. not the idea that He will grant me everything I want.
Often times, I look at a relationship with a guy and think "I could make that work." Instead of with the attitude of "can we together better serve God? Will he be what I need and can I be what he needs?" ... So far, the answer has been no. I have not found someone I know is the best for me, instead I tend towards "I can work with this" as though it's an old dress I need to spruce up. I've begun trying to get out of the habit of saying "I can make this work" in my head, because, lets be honest.. my "making it work" is so much less glorifying to my Lord, than it would be if I allowed Him to gift me with whatever or whoever it is that will help me serve my Jesus more... I do this in SOOO many areas of my life and my relationships with others it's really pathetic...
I mean, there's a certain part of me that believes there comes a time when God's thought is "you know my heart... now just go and do already!"... And, that's where a lot of my "just act" mentality comes in.. Instead, I need to be viewing it less as something I myself can work with and make better, and viewing it as it will be the best because God's involved...
Hmm.. just a couple thoughts about God's desire for my life and my new revelation about it :)
I think so often we (girls).. and sorry guys, but I can't speak for you.. I have a severe lack of credibility in speaking for guys... So, I won't. :) But, girls tend to view ourselves as not good enough to get something, be with someone, do something.. basically anything we can think of we come up with a reason why we are not good enough for it.
Recently however, I have been thinking about the idea that God wants whats best for me.. and I forget who mentioned it to me first, but it's the idea that "God WANTS to give us the BEST"... The simplicity of this idea makes me laugh because so often I view things as I'm either not good enough or I need to do x, y, and z in order for God to be ok with giving me what I can deal with, things I can make work. Which is clearly works based.. and I don't believe that. Instead I need to work on allowing His grace and mercy, and the fact that he's already covered me flow into that part of my thinking.
I mean think about it for a bit... If I've already been paid for.. Why would I then only get mediocre? Why would I have to go through life just dealing with things, instead of being in awe of my Savior all the tune? PLUS, if I constantly am getting the best that God has to give me... doesn't that continue to blow my mind? I mean, I can think of a whole bunch of instances where I was just amazed at my Savior and the things He's done for me... Those things remind me of how small I am, how much I can't do things on my own, and how seriously I need Him all the time.
Now, I'm not talking about the materialistic side of things.. I don't mean to say that "if I believe, I'll get a million dollars... or someone will magically buy me this new shirt I want.." No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the idea that God wants whats BEST for me.. not the idea that He will grant me everything I want.
Often times, I look at a relationship with a guy and think "I could make that work." Instead of with the attitude of "can we together better serve God? Will he be what I need and can I be what he needs?" ... So far, the answer has been no. I have not found someone I know is the best for me, instead I tend towards "I can work with this" as though it's an old dress I need to spruce up. I've begun trying to get out of the habit of saying "I can make this work" in my head, because, lets be honest.. my "making it work" is so much less glorifying to my Lord, than it would be if I allowed Him to gift me with whatever or whoever it is that will help me serve my Jesus more... I do this in SOOO many areas of my life and my relationships with others it's really pathetic...
I mean, there's a certain part of me that believes there comes a time when God's thought is "you know my heart... now just go and do already!"... And, that's where a lot of my "just act" mentality comes in.. Instead, I need to be viewing it less as something I myself can work with and make better, and viewing it as it will be the best because God's involved...
Hmm.. just a couple thoughts about God's desire for my life and my new revelation about it :)
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