The Verses in my Head...

The last week has been full of thoughts and prayers rolling around in my head, and at the same time, absolutely nothing to share. Not that I do not have things to share, cause there are a lot of different and unexpected things I could drone on about, some exciting, some weird, some frustrating, and some just aggravating.. but at this point it would just be noise (for your eyes).

So instead, I leave you with a few verses... These verses together are explaining the thoughts in my head as of late.

"How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?"  - Ps. 13:1-2a

"Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.  

I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You.'” - Ps. 16:1-2

" Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
 For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.

You will make known to me the path of life..." -Ps. 16:9-11a

"I have called upon You, for You will answer me, O God;

Incline Your ear to me, hear my speech." - Ps. 17:6

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer." - Ps 19:14

"To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
 O my God, in You I trust..." - Ps. 25:1-2a

"Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD." - Ps. 27:14

How Great is Our God...

I tend to read every night before I hope for sleep... Last night I read Hebrews 6 due to a surprise conversation with a fairly new friend. I got the chance to hear a small portion of my new friend's story, and he mentioned Hebrews 6, so I thought I would take that night's readings and refresh my memory on what it says. The first half talks about the "Peril of Falling Away" as it is titled in the beginning of the chapter, while the second half focuses on "Better Things for You." The part that stuck out to me the most while reading it last night was a couple verses near the end.

"For men swear by one greater than themselves, and with them an oath given as confirmation is an end of every dispute. In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us." - Hebrews 6:16-18

We (whether believing in God or not) will swear using His name, promise with something seen as "higher" and more credible than ourselves.... Yet God, owning everything, and being subject to no one.... just merely promises, and because of that then folds a double layer of promise into what He says will happen... How crazy to think about.

Then this morning I spent a long time listening to Louie Giglio's various sermons.. He has such a unique way of putting truths.. and his passion just oozes out of him, it's really a neat thing to listen to. The sermons I listened to had to do with how great our God is, and how indescribable He is.... I could not agree more, and this certainly comes at a perfect time when I find myself relying on God more and more as each day goes on... I am so excited about what is next, but I have literally no way of preparing for it, so my only option is to wait on the Lord...

It will be awesome.

Wait...

So, I had planned on going to Ghana again in January. Returning to the place and the people where God touched and moved me more in 10 days than I can remember at any other time in my life...

And then, Pastor asked us not to come because they were not ready for us. So, my counterpart and I began praying and looking at other places and opportunities we would have around the world. I mean the options are limitless.. we literally could go ANYWHERE!... We began pursuing two options, one to the Sudan, and one to Columbia. Both seemed viable, and would work perfectly with our schedules and budget.

The problem is, both of us feel like God is saying wait.

I hate that answer. We had half our money raised in two weeks! It was going to be an absolutely amazing time, and I was seriously ready to go do something after the longest stint without traveling abroad in more than 3 years... *sigh*

To say that I am not bummed would be the understatement of the year. I really wanted to go, and if not to Ghana.. then somewhere. Somewhere that I could see something new, meet new people, not understand what is being said, encounter a new culture, and see Jesus in the faces of each child's wonder and amazement at seeing someone clearly foreign. I was getting excited for the sights I would see, and the games I would play, and the pictures I would take.

I was getting excited that I would have the chance to feel like I was dancing again.

I was getting excited to feel beautiful and wonderful before my creator again.

*sigh* So, here I sit.. waiting. Bummed that I was told to wait, but honestly feeling like regardless, I do not have any other option. Faithful, that is what I will be, no matter how difficult it feels inside. Listening to what I am told regardless of what I want. I dislike it, but God does not ask me to like it, He asks me to follow and trust Him...

So, this is me following and trusting my Savior, who knows infinitely more than I do, and understands and can see where He is leading me. It is not exactly like I would have any idea what I was doing on my own anyway... and lets be honest, this is not the only area of my life God has asked me to be patient and wait for Him and His timing. I learned to "go until God says no." Well, God said no.. so I do not go. That simple.

But, still dang. *big sigh* ok, enough bemoaning. Life moves on, and I will be ok, this will prove to be perfectly played out in the end.

I trust my Savior, even when I do not understand why.