Running Cramps...

Tonight I am tired. I am gross cause I had to write a paper before I could shower after working out. I am tired. I am excited about several things going on in my life, my new business, my new workout routine, my soon to be best shape of my life, and finally feeling like home here in DC... But, tonight I am just tired.

I went to the gym tonight (which greatly added to my overwhelming sense of tiredness currently), and, I was amazed at the complete and total suckage that was my run. I literally have not had a run go this poorly ever (I think.. maybe I am lying..), I did not even make it a mile before both sides cramped up, which is weird considering that for the almost month that I have been running 3-4 times a week I have not one time had my stomach muscles cramp... But, they sure made up for it tonight. Then, I struggled to focus and pray, I struggled to breathe, I struggled to not favor my left leg over my right (my right knee is worse so I tend to baby it without thinking)... basically, I. Just. Struggled. It was so bad that by the time I made it to mile two I was actively working to not panic due to my inability to breathe. My breathing was horrible! So much so in fact, that I actually could not breathe at all. Yet, I knew what was going on, I knew physically why I was struggling as much as I was (lack of appropriate amounts of water yesterday and today likely had something to do with it)... But, even more than that, I knew I was struggling beyond the physical because this was my first run after making a commitment to God to run my entire life as long as He meets me there in my run (or walk as the case may be sometimes...). I had to walk for more than a 1/4 mile before I was able to breathe deep enough to feel like I was getting the appropriate amount of oxygen in my system... Then, I kept running, and continued to struggle through to mile three, and just as I was about to quit and say three miles is enough (it was after all the distance I was supposed to run today), it all... stopped. The cramping in my side went away, the focus suddenly came, the favoring my left quit, and I was able to run... another mile.

So bizarre.

Pooped...

I woke up a little tired.. but mostly alright considering I slept horrible last night (I seem to go through terrible sleeping cycles... a lot.).. Work was productive but exhausting because of the number of projects I'm facilitating and all the different elements, meetings, timelines, emails, and conversations that have to take place about each aspect of each project. Tiring.

Then, I went to the gym for my Monday night beat down.. and left even more tired, but feeling good about the number of workouts and ways I have pushed myself this week/end. Made dinner, did homework.. and now.. I'm pooped. (eloquent huh? haha)

Sadly though, Wednesday is my last session with my personal trainer for at least six weeks while my life goes into massive overdrive with weddings, graduations, showers, travels, work, and school.. There was just no way I could fit in heading to the gym for an hour in a half twice a week.. especially knowing I will be gone for a solid two weeks because of weddings, graduations, and work.. which of course ALL take travels.. (Eek my gas bill is going to be ridiculous!) Thankfully though because I told him a couple weeks ago he's been able to change my trainings just a tad, and the last couple are all focused on the workouts I can do no matter where I am... Except, I desperately need new shoes, mine are leaving my knee hurting now, which really means my shoes have effectively died to running. Bummer.

Hot body whoa summer here I come!... After I sleep. :)

Grumpy...

Most of the time I am full of laughter and joy... Recently though, I have felt incredibly grumpy. I mean I have still laughed at things, had good times with friends and such, but I am so easy to annoy and put in a bad mood recently.. or at least that is how I feel, even if no one else notices...

I have discovered a severe disdain for economics... Specifically Market Structures and all of the ridiculous graphs, curves, lines, and anything having to do with marginal or total... This week has pretty much consisted of homework = insta-pissy-krista... Sorry to all my friends who talked to me during my homework periods this week... :/

Work has been.. interesting.

I feel.. frumpy. I haven't worked out in a few months, and I NEED TO.. I seriously miss it.. enough to have decided I am heading back to the gym because it is easier than fitting anything else into my schedule at the moment.. And, this I feel fat and gross thing.. not working for me... And, before anyone tries to figure out a way to "make Krista feel better" I really think it is just a need for the sweat inducing endorphins... I know I "look fine," I just feel gross... But I have to wait until the next paycheck.. Dang.

I miss several people a whole heck of a lot... they have no idea.

The one good thing from the last week was putting together a Christmas package for my Chaplain friend in Afghanland.. It took me and one of my roomie's 4 hours.. and we swapped stories and laughed the whole time, it was definitely much needed.

A few nights ago as I lay FREEZING in bed trying to breath, not cough, and sleep at the same time, I laid there and paused for longer than I have in a very long time and just prayed for various troubles going on in my life and the life of those I love. Things people need like jobs, income, comfort, and a few to have their faith restored... It was at that point that I realized I have been so busy.. doing whatever task is directly in front of me that I realized I have forgotten to take time to be.. to do whatever.. to do something just for the fun of it because I wanted to.. No wonder I am tired and fighting headaches a lot recently. I cannot even begin to express how much it frustrates me that I do not feel like I am hearing God right now.. and mostly because I am not MAKING time to sit and be still. Oh gosh how I miss the feeling of that time... And then I sit and wonder why I am a grump... haha.. I am such a dumb, slow, child of our Savior. You would think I would learn... But, no.. I cycle through like this so often it is infuriating.

Oh my sweet Savior... Come rescue me from myself again. Remind me who you are, who I am... and who I am not. Calm my anxious heart and speak peace into my mind. Forgive me for the things I have chosen to do that are ridiculous and stupid, but more, forgive me for the things I have not done that you ask me to do. Bring the people into my life that I need to remind and ground me, show me who I you want me to reach out to. Give me words and keep me silent before I prove myself a fool. I am desperate for your restoring waters, fill my weary bones, restore my aching body, make new my heart.

"Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight." - Ps. 119:35