Resolving Conflict...

I have never been one to shy away from conflict.. likely due to the fact that while unpleasant, thanks to my parents, I learned that when dealt with, things are always resolved and better afterwards. However, just because I do not shy away from conflict, does not actually mean I like conflict, just that it has to be resolved in order to move forward... and move forward in a healthy way.

Lately, I feel like I have been surrounded by conflict, some of it I am fairly certain I have caused, others it has taken everything in me not to merely just drop everything and run from the person and situation, and still other bits of conflict have evoked an immediate reaction to the situation.

Let me just pause again and say that, conflict resolution is exhausting, especially when there seems to be lots of it from different places in a very short amount of time.

I know that, probably like most, I do a terrible job at resolution when I am tired; and I have spent the better part of the last month exhausted. Honestly, I was completely worn out until last weekend when I was finally able to sleep, and sleep for more than a couple hours at a time... And then, I was able to wake up with no where to immediately be, which is a nice change of pace as well.

Anyway, I digress...

Resolving conflict is tiring, it is unpleasant, it is frustrating, and it often brings out the worst in you before it will bring out the best, but every time on the other side I am thankful for the experience, the situation, and the person who stuck it out with me instead of hiding or running from me. Because, like most everything that is good in this world, it takes two people to make things work, especially if it is the relationship itself. Not everyone I have had conflict with lately has been willing to stand and fight with me to resolve our disagreement, which is frustrating beyond words, but I have come to realize lately that, I have a much larger pool of friends and loved ones than most who will stand and fight with me til resolution. Even if our conflict puts us on opposing sides, they will continue to work it out until we have figured out what is wrong and how to move forward.

Let me be the first to say, I have handled a lot of the situations poorly or at the very least, not as well as I would have liked. But, I think what has made it so exhausting lately is the sheer amount of it I have dealt with in such a short amount of time... Mostly small things that just evoke emotional reactions, things that have been thrown in my face, some that only brought about immediate anger, and other situations that forced me to choose what was more important to me; being right or showing love and respect to the person in front of me...

Can I just say, choosing love and respect is really difficult when you are angry at the person for something they have done and/or said...

But, I would also like to say, the difficulty or frustration felt when restraining the impulse to say or do something in retaliation is always worth it in the end. Otherwise, you are only left you feeling worse, unresolved, and now needing to also apologize on top of the initial hurt and emotion. So, while I have yet to entirely master this restraint-in-the-heat-of-the-moment thing, the few times I was able to keep it together, I always felt better in the end. Not because I felt like I had "done less wrong" and definitely not because I felt more right, but because hurting those you love never makes you feel better in the end... you just end up feeling like a scum of a person.

So, I guess the bottom line that I am feeling is that, despite the struggles relationally lately, I am learning a lot, I am somewhat begrudgingly growing, but I am growing and working for friendships that are totally worth fighting for. Talk about un-fun but entirely needed life lessons to learn. Sheesh.

Love,
Joy,
Peace,
Patience,
Kindness,
Goodness,
Gentleness,
Faithfulness,
and Self-Control. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Sometimes I hate the fruits of the spirit, and other times I am overwhelmed by receiving them from others.

Kindness...

What does kindness look like to you?

Not long ago I decided that I would slowly try working my way through the fruits of the spirit Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.

So, Kind: Of a friendly, generous, or warm-hearted nature. Showing sympathy or understanding.


It seems to me that everyone's understanding of kindness is totally and completely different. Especially the more you get to know someone and the deeper you find yourself in their life. For example, things that were seen as kind in the beginning of a relationship begin to lose their appeal as time goes on or they begin to be seen as expected, which then transitions into something totally different...


How do you cultivate a warm-hearted nature?... I can see working on being generous.. learning to give without expecting anything in return. Learning to be friendly is fairly easy... Deciding to be sympathetic and understanding towards someone is a choice you must make every single time, it does not come naturally, especially if you find yourself in the right mood...


I would like to think I am naturally a kind person... But, if I am being totally honest, it depends on my mood, and who the person is that I should be kind towards... What I do know though, is that I try very hard every single day to be kind, to show kindness to those around me even when they do not deserve it or when they perpetually make being kind to them difficult. 


All of the women I respect the most just exude kindness out everywhere.. Not to say that they aren't strong, disciplined, capable or anything of the sort, you just get this feeling that to them you are the most important thing in their life in the moments you interact with them. You get this sense of understanding that for whatever reason you are loved and cared for, they have gone out of their way for you and done things they never had to do.


Kindness... Maybe.. possibly.. just might be the easiest of all the spiritual gifts... if you choose your attitude towards people and life right...

Patience...

So, yesterday was not a good day for me. I started out the day feeling emotional, and I quickly realized I had no real reason to feel that way, but also realized I could easily find a thought to back up any emotional reaction I wanted to have... Not a good way to start your day. Thank you Jesus for the hour drive to work to gather my thoughts and talk to Jesus a bit.

The day did not really improve, in fact, it got worse. I chose the emotional state of nothingness to get me through the day. I needed to not have an emotional reaction to things or I would naturally fall into over reaction. I did a great job, except I was informed by a co-worker that I acted and sounded fine, but my eyes portrayed a different story... ahh well, can't control everything I guess... 

After work I went for a couple mile run in my neighborhood.. I love how I feel after I run, but I hate running. But, running is more bearable when you run with someone, so thankfully a friend came with me. Besides, everyone knows running and working out gives you endorphins... I am still uncertain of the reality of the affect they have on you.. but sometimes you just need all the help you can get!

Once the run was over and I got some stuff done, a friend called and I was able to just talk out what was rolling around in my head.. not really in any coherent order, but it for the most part all came out. The problem is when I am frustrated it does not make much sense, and I tend towards being a huge pessimist about whatever is going on. I know life could be worse.. but I have a way of concocting all the worst scenarios and then convincing myself they are true.. or will come true. I know I sound like a crazy person, and most of what I say in this state I do not mean, it tends to be passing frustrations.. Which is why it is crucial that I talk to the right people when I am feeling this way! My friend was fantastic, gave me logic and straight facts, nothing got the sugary "aww you poor thing" type attitude, it was just straight forward. Caring, and compassionate, they listened, and did not jump on me for my frustrations, but reminded me in a straight forward way that it boils down to patience and leaning on the knowledge that Jesus has a plan. I know this, they know this, but being patient and waiting for God to move is what we are required to do. 

As frustrating as it is to be told patience again... for anything.. patience.. for everything.. patience.. It is very frustrating, but also completely and totally accurate. I know this, but I forget it way too often. 

So, here begins what I am sure will be a mix of sporadic postings of the fruits of the spirit and how I am journeying along learning these things.... Patience... I must and will learn this if it kills me.. Lord Jesus help me cause I am really bad at this patience thing!

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-control.